from Phoenix, AZ

  • Activity

    • He Can Heal!

      9 years ago


      OK look, I just had a thought... seriously.

      Lets say your at work, or your at home like doing what ever.
      Then you "accidentally" Cut yourself.

      Its like this Chain Saw Cut, Just a River of blood coming from this damn thing.

      OK now, This is where my thought comes in.

      So your lying there just bleeding, you know, like screaming, wanting to just die already. Really Moaning your ass off.

      Then all of a sudden Wolverine Jumps down from outta no-where and just starts Jerking off right in front of you.
      I mean just Spanking his fucking monkey, Hard, Smooth, Fast, Vicious.
      And your like still lying there, bleeding, fucking screaming.
      Wolverine is still at it though, Hes just Burping that worm... with skill i might add.

      Like i said, your just lying there, but now your like What the Fuck?
      And wolverine is like "Hey, Fucking Shut up Bub, your Ruining my concentration."
      So you like shut up now, because, you know, hes wolverine, and he will fuck your shit up. Fast, Hard, Smooth, Vicious.

      Now, Suddenly wolverine gets that look on his face.
      And hes all "Say my name!"
      So you like scream "Logan!"
      And BAAAAAMMMM i mean POOOWWW. Just the mother of all Money shots! Ka-Blam!
      And wolverine is just like "AHHHHH YEAAHHH BITCHHHH!!! UUUUHHHH" its all intense and emotional.
      Even nature just shuts up to watch this glory!

      Your just being covered in it.
      Like someone just dumped a big bowl of rice pudding on you.
      A lot of it gets in and around your gaping wound.
      You start to freak!

      "Why the fuck are you jerkin off?"
      "Help me! Dont cum on me!"

      But before you can say anything more.
      You look down..

      Your fucking wound is HEALED!!!
      "Oh my god" you scream, its like WHOA!
      you cant believe it.

      So now you just stand up and want to thank wolverine for his help.
      But hes like, dont fucking touch me, and rolls over and goes to sleep.
      Yeah... Right there... On the ground.
      He doesnt care...
      You know why?
      Hes fucking wolverine THATS why.

      So thats my thought,
      I really think that Wolverine could heal you by just Cumming on you, Hard, smooth, Fast, Vicious.
      Its his DNA, its special.
      You know why?
      Because hes fucking wolverine, Fucking THATS why!

      Hmmmm, just had another thought.

      If you had like an upset stomach, or like your Pancreas and liver just fucking hurt.

      Blow Wolverine, and swallow the kids.
      You'll feel GREAT!

      He Can heal!

      Thank you
      And sorry.

      ~Chuck Norris Approved~

    • Continuous Climax!

      9 years ago


      What if... ???

      Have you ever asked yourself...



      Fuck man, i gotta say. If everything we thought came true, We would be one Very interesting society.
      Just think.

      What if...

      what if ... i had a billion dollars... POOF and your rich as fuck.
      What if ... I could fly, Bam, your flying.
      What if . . I was CAPTAIN DYNAMIC. POW, You touch your awesome button.

      What if..

      Damn, could you imagine the posibilities?

      You know,

      Me, personally. I think there is only one thing, that comes to mind that would make me never leave the house.

      a Forever ORGASM!!


      Now your probably saying, "yeah, but wouldnt it get old and boring?" "And, like, you would get nothing done."

      What would you rather being doing?
      Are you sick of having orgasms!!!??? NO!
      If you are, Just die or something already, why are you even here?

      Realistically, there is more too life, but is there anything more enjoyable?

      For that 30 seconds... Your free. You are more alive then ever.


      What if . . . I had a forever Orgasm. FOREVER! Think of it,,,, Yeah... Just sit there for a second and think.


      You wouldnt care about the mess you would be making.

      In your pants, in your house... At the store... At School, Where ever, When ever.

      It doesnt matter!

      You wouldnt care about that contorted look on your face. Or the noises you would be making.

      Your Free! Who cares!

      That! . . . My friends, would be Heaven on Earth.


      Thank you.
      And Sorry.

    • Monocles and Smokers

      10 years ago


      The Monocle.
      People with one Bad eye, Apparently.
      I can hear the inventor now.
      "I got it!, I will invent something that only helps one eye see better!"

      Ah Ha genius!

      I like it, Its a good look.
      The fancy lad look,
      "Oh look at me im a Dandy! Im so Flamboyant, look at my slender body, isnt it graceful."

      Good lord.

      I truly Beleive that the Smokers in Left 4 Dead were Created by Females, For females.
      imagine what was going through her mind. (A long Wild Tongue!?!?! uh hu.
      She is one horny chick.
      I mean a Tongue that can actually Wrap around your whole body and drag you away.

      Oh ya, thats female mentality right there. You know what she wants from that zombie, "A mindless drone that will continuously lick, and lick, till he eats you alive." My goodness. :D

      Thats like guys creating; For Example: A "Flesh light!" Have you seen those things??? Look it up.
      The creator of this damn thing was like... Super horny!

      Its dark, you cant see anything, so you bust out your flashlight, you turn it on, then suddenly a thought occurs to you. "I wonder if i could put my penis in the flashlight?" A light bulb goes off. (Super Pun)
      The guy Takes his flash light, Crams a Soft fleshy meterial in the middle; where the batteries go; and starts to sell it over the internet. (He made a killing, Bet ya!)
      What a clever way to get out of being caught "Burpin the worm"
      No No, i wasnt jerkin it, i was just,,,,just .... looking for something...

      So the next time you see someone with a flashlight in their hands, dont be surprised to find that he is not only seeing what he needs to find, but he is also close to climax!

      Thank you.

    • Fondling Old people.

      10 years ago


      Walking through a grocery store is bad enough.
      But when it comes to Senior Citizens... The grocery store can be a Galactic Mission.
      Imagine Being 80 years old...

      I cant do it, Can you?

      Theres a time in our lives when our bodies just go to hell.

      Now, i havent done research or anything.
      But, im sure we can all say that when a person reaches a ripe old age of 80.
      This "Temple" we are given - Just falls apart, all over.

      Not in one general area either.
      All over.

      Your brain, Your Joints, Your muscles, Your Sanity, Your skin, Your back, Your eyes, Your mouth.
      WTF! The Random Hair Growth in weird Places. dammit. Your nose and Ears Keep Growing!!! GOD it never ends!

      You would think, that by being put here, on this rock in space.
      That we were here to acheive the highest perfection of mortal being.
      It would make better sence At least.

      You heard the saying right?... That we were made in the image of the lord?,,, Whether you beleive it or not, you've heard this... Have you ever stopped to think, I wonder if God looks like Death right now??? Probably not.
      Hes the agless wonder, Sending us all to hell!

      I think we're there already, this is hell. We were sent here for the amusment of others.
      Im mean i gotta say, Our bodies just turn to Shit. And you know it!

      I guess your argument would be.
      Well if we never aged and we all lived forever, We would quickly overpopulate this planet.
      Oh yeah?
      Well that gives us another reason to get off this rock, doesnt it?
      Why else would the universe be so God Damn Big???? Can you tell me that?

      I say we get off this Damn rock anyways, and leave her alone, i mean look what we're doing to her.
      Poor mother earth, She hates us, you know that right?
      Look what she does, Hurricans, Earth quakes, Tornados...
      Hell she must really hate those people in trailers...

      Anyways, back to being old.
      I mean you just fall apart -
      You move 60% slower maybe even 80% slower.
      You cant think, Your brain just doesnt work, Ever.
      You cant keep a single tooth in you head.
      We are a mess!

      Image having to go to the grocery store.
      For Gods Sake! Just give up right there.
      What would take a normal person 5 minutes to get a loaf of bread.
      Takes all day for these poor decrepit people.

      Have you seen them?
      They have to sit down halfway through this journey, at a bench, or just stand in the middle of the Aisle. Starring.
      Its a lunch break...
      They take out their banana, and just GUM the crap out of it.
      Its a struggle to survive...every bit of the way...

      Let me tell you something though.
      Some of these old people...
      They're Horny as Hell.
      Not just a little, Alot.
      I can say from experience.
      I have been Fondled by an old lady on several occasions.
      They pinch your ass, They wink at you...
      Hell, they'll invite you to their house!... After you help them with their groceries of course.

      I tell you, we are all fucked.
      Theres no stopping the Aging shit.

      People, I am here to tell you, We are being punished!

    • Toe Thought or Not Toe Thought

      10 years ago


      Today i asked myself ; When was the last time i stubbed one of my toes?

      This was a very random thought, indeed, very random.
      But i started thinking... Did that thought come to me because in some weird way, I am about to Stub my toe???
      I pondered this...
      I didn't get very far however...
      I started to choke on the Doughnut i was eating.
      I followed the choking with a slamming of 2% milk.
      Very good.

      As i wiped the milk from my chin, i came across a memory.
      This thought had nothing to do with my Feet.
      Therefore i ran to my room, quickly... Ninja Like.
      i threw open my door to a very bachelor-ish Room.
      I opened the closet and i found it...

      Dammit, it was hanging there..
      on a String, as if to tell me something...
      The look on that Face...
      David carradine's Face..
      On the Cover of that DVD collection.
      Right then i knew...
      I had to Watch Kung-Fu!

      So i grabbed it, and untied it from the closet post.
      Its been i while, I told myself.
      i exited my room.
      Very happy.
      I Walked into the Living room.
      I stuck disc one into the DVD player.

      I then Proceeded to do Kung-Fu!
      Like batman, I was Awesome!
      Take that couch Cushion!
      Take That Bagel with no Butter!
      That hurt!

      It was then that another one of those thoughts came to me.
      Not a random thought...
      But a realization.
      Coffee Tables were Not Meant for Kicking!

      So it is then that i wrote down this exact date.
      To remind myself, the last time i stubbed my toe.

      The End
      Thank you
      And Sorry If you were offended.

    • Oodles of ManStrudel

      10 years ago


      I turned down going camping last week with my five buddies. Its not that i didnt want to go... It might have been the fact that there were no "Tacos" to support the "meat" portion of this meal...
      Hey, Maybe the next time they go camping, they'll just set up a "Passion Party" out in the middle of the woods, drink Fuzy Navels and take Ecstacy.... Sounds Swell!

    • 2019 years ago

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    • Cheese FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Poofs

      10 years ago

      Welcome to RT.

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