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from Coleraine, Northern Ireland

  • Activity

    • I FINALLY started treatment today..

      4 years ago


      ...after months of fucking around and mistakes by the hospital I started my treatment today, which was a sigh of relief, till this evening.

      Read all the info about possible side effects from the treatment which include depression, mania, sleeplessness, among other things. But I thought nothing of it.. cause those things are usually precautionary.

      Several hours after taking my first dose (8 tablets and one to stop me being ill from taking the 8 pills) I started to feel a bit energetic, which has continued for the past 6 hours or so, to the point where I feel I may as well have taken a tonne of speed. So at midnight, sleep seems like it is never going to happen, which covers the mania and sleeplessness side effects. I can deal with not being able to sleep, but I know the depression (come down) will kick my ass in the morning.

      This treatment will last a month at minimum.. then the withdrawals after, as the medication is apparently addictive.

      This is going to oh so very fun... ha.

      PS. If any of that seemed like random mumblings, blame the mania ha.

    • Ever have one of those hangovers..

      4 years ago


      ..that make you feel like you are actually dying?

      That's me today, though dominoes has saved it slightly.

    • So I havev't been on here in a while..

      4 years ago


      Just over a month a go I found out I don't have cancer, after the hospital spending two months telling me I did. Obviously it's awesome I don't have cancer! But.. this is when I sound like a bit of a dick.

      They told me I had cancer, did a biopsy, found out I don't have cancer and passed me onto another "specialist" clinic telling them it's urgent. In that month I've had one blood test and several doctors throwing around different ideas as to what may be wrong with me.

      This would be fine if a simple walk to the shop (10 minutes) didn't leave me so exhausted that I have to spend the entire day in bed.

      Part of whatever illness/disease/infection causes lumps to grow in my arms, legs, jaw, lungs, fucking everything. Any time I tell the doctors about them, they dismiss it and say "oh it's fine". Considering the lumps in my hands have gotten so big I can't use a knife or fork, I don't think they should be dismissed.

      The hospital I'm being seen at is notoriously bad for diagnosing illnesses, yet there is nothing I can do to be seen somewhere else at the minute.

      I have been super positive thorough this whole medical malarkey, according to everyone I've talked to. I didn't see it as being positive, just trying to find the bright side in it all. But the way things have been going recently, it's pretty hard..

    • Worst decision ever...

      4 years ago


      I randomly decided that I wanted to 100% Cs:Go. 167 achievements on an online only game, why? X_X

      I do play it anyway, so I did have a lot of the achievements and a good amount of progress to others already, but getting the weapon achievements... fuck.. I never want to play CS deathmatch ever again..

      A few more easy ones then onto the stupid shit like "kill a player with duelies who is also wielding duelies"... NOBODY EVERY BUYS THEM! D:


    • I don't have cancer, wooo!

      4 years ago


      Found out today after all the tests over the last two months that I don't have lymphoma after all, even though the doctors were 99% sure I did. Turns out it's Granulomtous caused by sarcoidosis, whatever that is.. But it's not cancer so wooo!!

    • I don't even know...

      4 years ago


      ...I had my surgery yesterday, obviously.

      I got bored and went to the pub for a friends birthday (had 2 pints) and some guy told me "you have cancer, you may as well kill yourself"


      Yeah, I may have a shitty condition, but if anything it has made me want to enjoy live more.

      I... ugh I don't even know.. that frame of mind is just so silly...

    • Had my surgery today.

      4 years ago


      It all seemed to go pretty well, but it is super painful now and it just looks like I really suck at shaving haha.
      Apparently I'll have a pretty awesome scar though ha.


    • Well today sucked..

      4 years ago


      ..had the "needle biopsy" on the lymph nodes in my neck. Which involved getting an ultra sound on my neck to find the easiest gland to put the needle into, which was fine. I thought I was going to get anesthetic for the needle, but nope! Needle right in my throat without any pain medication, could feel it go in, into the gland, pulling on the gland then coming out. It was so insanely gross.. but not thaaaat bad really, but still pretty gross.

      Terrible photo to show where they put the needle into my neck.


    • I know nobody reads this shit..

      4 years ago


      ..but oh well, it gives me a place to rant.

      It would seem it has taken me 4 weeks to think "Ah shit, I have cancer.." even though it's the only thing people talk to me about now.

      It's weird... I'll be starting chemo in the coming weeks..I.. I don't even know..

      I would say I'm fine, but if I was I wouldn't be awake at 4.30am wondering how long I'll live...

    • I can't tell if I'm being optimistic or ignoring things now..

      4 years ago


      After being told I have Lymphoma I've been trying to do more with my days, rather than sitting at home browsing the internet and I've had a fun week and a half or so, even though I haven't really done much other than going to the pub, going to a gig etc.

      Yet whenever I run into somebody that knows that I have lymphoma they always say "awww I'm SOOOO sorry to hear about that.. hopefully you'll make it through" as if there is a possibility I won't.. Obviously there is a chance I will die from it. Shit happens, we all die some way or another. But I've yet to have somebody say "Ah, lymphoma, it'll be a shit journey, but you'll be fine!" Not one single fucker has given me a positive response to my shitty blood cancer.

      I seem to be the only person thinking "Ah It'll be fine!" and I don't know if it's me being silly or denying how apparently ill I actually am.

      Obviously it has been a very confusing week and a half since I got the news, but already I can see how much it has changed my outlook on life. I used to spend many nights awake wondering how I would die and being scared of it.. the thought of my conscious being suddenly being non-existent seems scary to me. But after finding out about the lymphoma I've slightly accepted death.. not like Gavin on the back of a donkey though.. haha.

      I guess it is just one of those shitty things that reminds you how short and precious your life actually is.. we could live till 100, or we could live for a day. Be grateful for what you have, no matter how small it may be..

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