So I am leaving Correctional work after 2.5 years. I am sick and tired of living with these fucking arrogant, dumb, ignorant fucktard miscreants. That is all.
13 years agoKaiavatar
So there I am heading to work through a little boulevard village shopping area type idea. There is a Starbucks on the right mid block and I know this since I have lived in teh area for 26 some odd years. So I am doing about 45 km/hr... and this moron I see start between the cars steps out and starts to cross the street. This is the middle of the street you yuppy scumbag... this is the domain of cars and larger harder faster moving objects than you willever be you fucking twat! So with out slowing down I cruise right on down the road... and this hairless monkey at the last second realizes what may happen so he jerks to an abrupt halt with a confused "I am gonna be an indignant asshole and gonna blame everyone but my dumbass self" look on his face and I just coast on past the Starbucks throwing out there for all the early morning coffee bastards there... " Outta the way fucktard!"
Moral of the story: Coffee may highten your alertness but it can't help you if you are terminally stupid and a yuppy prick piece of selfrighteous shit. So use the crosswalk and avoid being labeled "A Fucktard!"
13 years agoKaiavatar
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris had his own version of Punk'd. Only in his version, he would walk around and roundhouse kick people in the throats.
At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an effin' Indian.
All women love Chuck Norris because the mere thought of his beard creates an explosion of desire and passion in their vaginas.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris disguised himself as a snake and fed Eve the apple in the garden of Eden so there would be evil in the world that he could fight.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
13 years agoKaiavatar
Holy shit cock and a half.
I love movies... I like coming into the middle of tv shows and catching myself up sometimes... But this fucking movie had me so fucking confuzzled from the get go that there was no hope of understanding it...
Me and the wife basically understood this much... Alexander grows up from baby to young man... all but disowns his father... daddy gets killed... Alexander goes on a rampage from Macedonia to China stopping off along the way in Egypt (way outta the way) and making his new home Babylon... anywho.. He goes on a rampage chasing his fathers killer and conquering the known world all the while bringing his gay love affair and man loving along for a jaunt then taking some dancer slut with a nie set of funbags for a wife. Then it starts to get all Quinetin Tarantino'ish and jumps time periods then gets back to the story. Ahhh the story.. what the fuck did the voice over say... no one knows because you can't hear the voice over for the musical score. I love the sound of Anthony Hopkins voice ( so distinguished and commanding) but for the love of christ if you are gonna shell out the money for his narrative at least let us fucking hear it. Grissly battle scene's and warped family and interpersonal relationships are the par for this flick.. All in all get really fucking drunk or stoned or whacked on the gack before viewing this because then you may have another excuse for getting bored and lost and finally falling asleep during this fucking yawn athon.
I firmly shout into the night..." Gimme back the last 3 hours of my life."
13 years agoKaiavatar
Ok So I get up this morning and head to Walmart for a new car battery. I purchase the new car battery and install it... I hook up the leads PROPERLY (jsut to head off you half wits nitwits and shitheads who are gonna ask me or tell me i shoulda hooked up the leads properly) and i get around 1 corner and about 75 feet when the car dies and I witness the emergence of the blue smoke of death... Now as everyone knows that when you see the blue smoke of death that is it... anyhting electrical is usually remanded the usefullness of oversized paperweight. Now I try the starter again and she turns over nicely again but now my clutch is fucked. GODDAMIT... at least there is no more new smoke.
Just when I figure I am able to get ahead a little before my big move... godammit once again ... I swear to christ when I meet Murphy I am gonna kick his ass so hard that he will doubt his ability to sit for month.
14 years agoKaiavatar
So we just got the word from Head Orifice that they say that we are suspending operations of our satelite production facility for at least a week and that they will be flying from Chicago to assess the business and let us know what is going on.
FUCKERS each and everyone of them... on top of this I am trying to find some place for my family to live in Coquitlam or Port Coquitlam in BC Canada. But alas there are no fucking 3 bed room places available for under like 1200 bucks... This world today can lick my fucking scrotum.
I hate life and corporate america who buys everywhere and then fucks shit up because they are fucking douche's.
14 years agoKaiavatar
that is the question.
It has been
requested, nay demanded, that I post a new journal (because my last one was old and gay)... here it goes.
I got nothing.. the reason I got nothing is because I am a shitty writer.
My July 4th weekend starting on Friday since I am Canadian July 1st was a nice day I over Halo'd myself on XBL and then got called into work an hour away for 3.5 hours. Fucking great it probably covered my gas there and back.
The bonus of going to work that day was that the wife and kids went to Kelowna for the weekend and I had the house to myself so after work I stopped by a buddies bar and ate and drank for free. hehehe.
Saturday. Cleaned the fucking house top to bottom and then drank my face off...
Sunday. Played airsoft all day and then at a fabulous dinner at my parents place and welcomed the family back from the weekend away as soon as they got back ater the Tranny blew a seal.( now if only i could find a picture of this)
(and google fails again)
Monday I fucking worked for 10.5 hours making sure that those convicts kept breathing... oh well someone has to do it..
Random pics. ALL SFW
A Good Insurgent
What the wifes chest is gonna look like after she gets done with it Lucky me.
Bambie wants a bastard son
14 years agoKaiavatar
Why the fuck is it that when ever you see a cat fight video on the internet or anywhere for that matter... all you see is one fucking bitch with an underactive thyroid (aka fat ass) trying to beat the shit outta a skinny broad who you wouldn't mind throwing a shot into.
Why do the fatty's always gotta get their rolls up in a huff and try to take out their depression on someone who is ablt to keep their body in a desirable shape.
Does anyone out there know the answer?
14 years agoKaiavatar
So the other day I am sitting there on the drive to work... I hear in the news that for the first time in pretty much forever that a Bank has not posted a profit... and then I hear that the CEO of said Bank got bonuses of 3-4 million dollars... WTF who the fuck gives this guy a bonus for not leading the business successfully... hmmm probably himself that is fucking who.
If everyone were to fucking think about it there is exactly how much money is out there huh... Bajillion (not a real amount I know but still you know what I mean.) With there being in a humble estimate of say about 6 billion people on the planet right now lets do some math with a conservative amount of say the 25 richest people in the world...
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ranking the world's richest people
The ranking of the world's richest people as estimated by Forbes magazine. Listings include rank, name, home country, age where known, wealth in billions of dollars and source of the money.
1. Gates, William H. III, United States, 46, $52.8, Microsoft
2. Buffett, Warren E., United States, 71, $35.0, Berkshire Hathaway
3. Albrecht, Karl and Theo, Germany, $26.8, retail
4. Allen, Paul G., United States, 49, $25.2, Microsoft
5. Ellison, Lawrence J., United States, 57, $23.5, Oracle
6. Walton, Jim C., United States, 54, $20.8, Wal-Mart
7. Walton, John T., United States, 56, $20.7, Wal-Mart
8. Walton, Alice L., United States, 53, $20.5, Wal-Mart
8. Walton, S. Robson, United States, 58, $20.5, Wal-Mart
10. Walton, Helen R., United States, 82, $20.4, Wal-Mart
11. Alsaud, Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal, Saudi Arabia, 45, $20.0, investments
12. Quandt, Johanna and family, Germany, 74, $18.4, BMW
13. Bettencourt, Liliane, France, 79, $14.9, L'Oreal
13. Thomson, Kenneth and family, Canada, 78, $14.9, publishing
15. Ballmer, Steven A., United States, 45, $14.8, Microsoft
16. Kamprad, Ingvar, Sweden, 75, $13.4, Ikea
17. Slim Helu, Carlos, Mexico, 62, $11.5, telecom
18. Dell, Michael S., United States, 37, $11.1, Dell
19. Rausing, Kirsten and family, Sweden, 49, $10.7, packaging
20. Kluge, John W., United States, 87, $10.5, media
21. Anthony, Barbara Cox, United States, 78, $10.1, media
21. Chambers, Anne Cox, United States, 82, $10.1, media
23. Li Ka-shing, Hong Kong, 73, $10.0, diversified
24. Kwok, Walter, Thomas and Raymond, Hong Kong, $9.2, real estate
25. Ortega, Amancio, Spain, 66, $9.1, apparelÃ¢â‚¬Â
GRAND TOTAL =
440,000,000,000 Billion $
Now for some simple DivisionÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ 440,000,000,000/ 6,000,000,000 =
For every man woman and child from just 25 of these individuals if the money were to be spread around evenly onceÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ Everyone would receive or be left with 73 dollars. Now it seems paltry and maybe it is but when that is just from the 25 top people yeah but when the rest of the 5,999,999,975 people in the world kick in their sums and we level the playing field for even just one day imagine the possibilities of what can be accomplished. Now if this were to happen there would also have to be an elimination immediately of all debtÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ I know what you are all thinkingÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ a little too much Fight Club perhapsÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ maybe I got some really messed up drugs folks.. negative to the drugs part but the Fight Club had a good premiseÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ If only the playing field would be levelled... If only...
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