Kaptenen

Male
from Canada

  • Activity

    • Jag kan.... FUCK IT.

      9 years ago

      Kaptenen

      I has been studying in secret as a surprise to Sekai because I want to one day switch my oral skills on and shock the living shit out of her but after her journal, I told her what I was up to.

      This is one conversation:

      ME: Ursäkta. Var är toaletten? Tack.
      Excuse me. Where is the toilet?
      SEKAI: mår du illa?
      Why, are you ill?
      ME: Nej men jag behöver kissa.
      No but I need to urinate.
      I thought about working out the translation for: "If I don't go for a piss now then I'll wet myself!"

    • One Big Holiday.

      9 years ago

      Kaptenen

      Last week, Sekai, TDO (Our daughter) and myself departed Sweden with Britain in our sights.

      Monday:

      Needless to say this was our busy day. We arrived 2 minutes early at Prestwick and sorted the car rental out. Gave Jalnorena Ballerina a ring to tell him to meet us at the hotel.

      TDO ate adequate pizza whilst harassing Jalnor then we headed back to the hotel bar for a beer. T'was fun.

      Tuesday:

      Long drive is long to Nottingham then meeting my family for the first time since September and even saw my girl! She was the first to say hello and gave me a quick lick. We then had a decent curry at the local where my father "knew" this guy. Needless to say, I think my mother was trying it on for show and ended up pissing my evening right off by blatantly shrugging the black week as nothing at all.

      Rule: All Hilton hotels are shit.

      Wednesday:

      Met up with my brothers and waiting around for TDO to get her act together with food. She refused to eat anything which was starting to get on my and Sekai's nerves. Took them both to Nottingham castle and TDO got to meet the folk hero, Robin Hood. Ate at a greasy cafe and saw some old work colleagues.

      Thursday:

      Decided to get a present for my family, webcam, microphone and speakers for all under £60. So now I can keep an eye on my girl. smile.png

      Friday:

      Stayed at the Premier Inn which was better than the Hilton.

      Overall, fun but next time we have to make sure TDO actually eats what is in front of her rather than wasting insane amount of money.


      Oh, and I got to try Guinness which was AWESOME!

      Even better was we were Vader free all week!



      All in all, Jalnor is shorter than I thought he was.


      Oh and when I was walking with him, this wind swooped out of nowhere and I announced that my aura has caught up with me.

    • One very good reason...

      9 years ago

      Kaptenen

      ... why I hate horny teenage girls who are brainless.

      Untitled-1.jpg?t=1269451873

    • 9 years ago

      Kaptenen
    • Are U o K?

      9 years ago

      Kaptenen

      So it looks like me, Sekai and my adopted daughter are off to see my parent in Nottingham for a few days... in reality all I want to see is my cat, Panther and hopefully bring her back with us. smile.png We will be visiting a certain Scottish man and having a drink or two, pictures to come.


      April 5th here we go!

    • Dreading.

      9 years ago

      Kaptenen

      I love my family but I dread them. My mother cried down the phone at the thought of me coming home for a day but what amazed me was that Panther (MY CAT) forced the phone out of her hand and miaow'd down it to say that she is pleased.

      smiley0.gif

      My sexy red-headed partner smiley9.gif me. smile.png

    • My Rifle. Your head.

      9 years ago

      Kaptenen

      So me and Rico went to play some Spec Ops on Modern Warfare 2 on Veteran. Fun stuff! I like it! Whilst sipping my gin and tonic with lime and eating Pringles at the same time, we decided to go to the next mission which happened to be Evasion.

      Now it took us a few tries to work out what we should do and I thought that if an opportunity presented itself to me, I should use it. Snipe the bastards.


      Rico noticed that blocking our path was two guys on our right. I saw an Alsatian and immediately spotted the Soviet scumbag handler and his accomplice, Boris the Spade. We sat there for a good minute or two wondering if we could shoot them with me hovering over each dirtbag whispering “BANG!†to work it if it is even possible.

      3…2…1…BOOM!... BOOM!... BOOM!...

      All five dropped instantaneous, me and Rico made our way to the end of the level. Rico was gob smacked by my dexterity. Needless to say, if you want a sharpshooter, I am the best. bigsmile.png

    • ;(

      9 years ago

      Kaptenen

      I want to curl up into a small ball and die.

    • What is a Swede?

      9 years ago

      Kaptenen

      A Swede is tall, blonde, blue-eyed, and wears a woolly hat in the winter. By nature he is shy, reserved, serious, industrious, and finds it hard to laugh at himself. He is also a creature of habit and every morning gets up at 5.30 to give himself enough time to read the morning newspaper before going to work. Since work does not usually start until 8 o’clock, this can only imply that a Swede is also a slow reader.

      Apart from himself, his chief interests are money, his job, his home, ice-hockey, and his family (in that order). He also loves animals â€" especially dogs â€" and spends hours cycling through the town dragging a huge and ferocious German Shepherd behind him on a leash.

      A Swede is usually punctual, honest, reliable, clean, has his own teeth, and is law-abiding. Evidence of the latter is particularly noticeable at pedestrian crossings. No matter what the weather is like, a Swede would rather get soaked to the skin than cross an empty street when a red light is showing. Similarly, he always wears a seat belt, never drinks and drives, always has a television licence, usually hands in his tax-return on time, invariably has a plastic bag in his pocket when he walks his dog, and never has a bath after 10 o’clock.

      A Swede is also very cautious and rarely does anything on impulse (except perhaps sneeze). To him, all decisions are a matter of life and death. Take a simple matter like buying cheese, for example. A Swede may try at least ten different sorts of cheeses before finally deciding to buy twenty grammes of Brie It is the same sense of caution that prevents him from plunging into marriage straight away. Instead, he lives with a woman first, has one or two children, then â€" if all seems well â€" asks her to marry him.

      With reference to marriage, a Swede is quite unlike most European men. Anything a housewife can do, he can do better â€" from cooking to sewing on buttons. In fact, everything in the home (apart from breast-feeding) is shared.

      A Swede also likes to think he is well informed and spends hours finding out all he can about such things as nuclear power, the Third World, pollution, South Africa, the sexual habits of the centipede, etc. while at the same time paying little attention to unimportant matters - such as the name of his neighbour or whether certain types of beer should be banned or not.

      Most Swedes as fanatics when it comes to keeping fit and regularly spend their weekends running through the nearest forest or cycling for hours in the cellar on a bicycle fixed to the floor. With his health in mind, he has also given up smoking, sugar, drinking coffee in the evenings, going to bed after 10 o’clock, and mixing with strangers.

      But perhaps the greatest thing about a Swede is his sense of equality â€" of everyone being the same as everyone else. To help this, most Swedes have the same surnames â€" Svensson, Nilsson, or Persson â€" earn the same amount of money after tax, have the same taste in furniture, dress alike, think alike, drive a Volvo, and go to Majorca or Kreta in the summer.

      A Swede also refuses to admit that he is prejudiced in any way. To him, all foreigners are just the same as Swedes and, although he doesn’t actually have any Jugoslavian, Greek, Turkish, Polish, Italian, Finnish or Czechoslovakian friends, he is certain there is very little difference between them and Swedes â€" apart from their names, their customs, the way they grow vegetables in the kitchen, the fact that they carry knives, rob banks, live on social security, pinch their jobs, breed like rabbits, beat their wives, and speak Swedish like someone with a gobstopper in his mouth.

      Finally, a Swede loves the sun, hates queuing, gets a kick out of being first on the bus, detests winter, enjoys sex, can’t stand gypsies, believes what the National Social Board of Health and Welfare tells him, doesn’t believe in God, worships Ingemar Stenmark, only gets drunk when he drinks, is patriotic (wears Swedish flag underwear), visits the off-licence twice a week, visits his parents at Christmas, goes to English classes, and, inevitably, is deeply offended by an article such as this.


      Valentine's day was awesome but I am still not well. It wasn't a tumour causing the headaches instead it is a fucked up spine in several places. In other news, MW2 will soon be here on Wednesday. bigsmile.png

    • How sick is the captain?

      9 years ago

      Kaptenen

      tiuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu *head on keyboard.*


      Depression here we come!

      Oh and I got a life Bleep Bloop!

      Captach1.jpg

  • Comments (227)

    • Jalnor

      10 years ago

      Rodney's in the chair. Zelenka's the one talking.
      So you changed your travel plans? I'll be on Gchat in about 2 hours. For half an hour.

    • Jalnor

      10 years ago

      I'll send you it tonight. Aren't you supposed to be half way to Manchester?

    • Sekai08

      10 years ago

      Well, I'm holding the image in my mind that everything will go easily and smoothly. Let's see how well I can affect reality. smiley8.gif And see you tomorrow. At the airport, I'll be holding a picture you'll recognise.

    • Sekai08

      10 years ago

      Waht time are you leaving home?

    • Sekai08

      10 years ago

      Sorry I missed you today. Long tiring day - outdoor theatre in blazing sun, and when you came online I was cuddling with Em.

    • Sekai08

      10 years ago

      One pound....... -.-

    • Sekai08

      10 years ago

      Holy crap! How did that happen?

    • Megan327

      10 years ago

      She doesn't vomit after every feeding, but it's about 3x/day at least.

    • Jalnor

      10 years ago

      Looks like my turn to lose Gmail...

    • Jalnor

      10 years ago

      Second-hand laptop?! Are you nuts? It'd take hours to reinstall Bindows and all the software (and I've done it dozens of times) and even then, it'd be old and low-spec. You can't compare that to the gaming laptop I just linked you... its spec rivals the big computer I'm using right now.

    • Jalnor

      10 years ago

      Your nearest Poundland:
      34 Unit 3, Lister Gate, Nottinghamshire, Midlands, NG1 7DD

      Or other places probably do them.

    • Jalnor

      10 years ago

      For power, all you need is a travel adaptor from Poundland. You know the little plastic cubes you get that take several plugs and put them into one socket? It's like those, except it's to put one plug into any type of socket in Europe or Yankland.

    • Jalnor

      10 years ago

      Well, I know Elusive quite well (hey, I've been in his house and he contributed cables for the computer I'm using right now LOL) so he's a good guy for all that.
      But seriously, get your Mum to fork out on one of these.
      She won't have to pay it all right away and you can pay it up to her. As for power supply, that's a quick trip to the manufacturer's site to get one for that model and the Swedish power grid. Then you can hop back and forward at will. Or just go to Poundland for an adaptor, as all the EU voltages are the same.
      PAL is video, nothing to do with computers...

    • Jalnor

      10 years ago

      I could give it a try, but I'd be asking Elusive for tips at every stage, so you're probably as well to ask him... lol.png

      Or you could get one of the QVC laptops I just bought, using their "buy now, pay in 2010" option wink.png

    • Sekai08

      10 years ago

      She's asleep now. And she is demanding sometimes, but wonderful other times.

    • johnnyricoMC

      10 years ago

      translate.google.com/translate_t?hl=EN&ie=UTF-8&text=Tack+s%C3%A5+mycket.+&sl=sv&tl=en#
      Long live Google Translate, allowing people to practice a language while still being understandable to others lol.png

    • johnnyricoMC

      10 years ago

      On second thought, maybe it would be more symbolical(/meaningful?) if you do it.
      You're admin of the group now, so that shouldn't be a problem

    • johnnyricoMC

      10 years ago

      Mind if I remove the ole one from the list? to prevent confusion.

    • johnnyricoMC

      10 years ago

      Admin'd to USSRVB.

    • urself

      10 years ago

      u crazy crack snorting crazy man

    • TheRecreator

      10 years ago

      Change makes me uncomfortable… I'm probably going to stick with your old name for FotF, cool?

    • johnnyricoMC

      10 years ago

      lol, why he new acc?confused.png

    • phoenixlord

      10 years ago

      Welcome aboard to RT! Again! lol.png Sometimes its good to have a fresh start.

    • f3licks

      10 years ago

      Cool.

    • f3licks

      10 years ago

      Makes sense.
      Are you going to delete Zodiac?

    • f3licks

      10 years ago

      What happened to the Zodiac profile?

    • Jalnor

      10 years ago

      Wait, what? shock.png

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