Kevlar

Male
from North Providence, RI

  • Activity

    • Thousand Mile Wish

      14 years ago

      Kevlar

      You know, it becomes more and more difficult to work a snazzy new intro into each of these journal posts.

      With that in mind, allow me to be blunt if I wasn't going to be already. Welcome back to those scared off by the last post, it's been a while since I haven't tongue-in-cheek and checklist-in-hand yelled about something for the purpose of testing your eardrums. Welcome back to those that would consistently mod me down for doing so because they think I'm seriously that aggro all the time. Oh, wait, you weren't missed. Finally, welcome to the friends, the sponsors (heretoafter refered to as The Sponz - heeeeeeyyyy!) and the random profile surfers in our great little community.

      ...I have nothing of import to give to you this day.

      When I jokingly yell as much in person as I sometimes do on here about the occasional perceived slight, I have a tendency to slow down at times as I vent myself into contentment. This is one of those times. School, work, and a trip that I'm going on tomorrow that will hopefully end in lots of cool pictures for me to share with you lovely people have also kept me away to some extent.

      In the meantime, all I can offer is that if you've never checked my journal before, you can always go there or my picture archive. I just sent up a new shot (don't mind the nasty watermark, I may eventually use that for a print) in capitulation for the poltiical and musical humor/rants that always manage to piss people off.

      And I'll also direct you here for shots that will certainly outdo anything I'll come up with tomorrow.

      Wish me luck. Talk to you soon. Guess the post title for mods, you Googling bastards. All that good stuff.

      -Kev

      credence in my word
      written in dust, tainted by memories

    • Mr. Mojo Rising

      14 years ago

      Kevlar

      So, I'm in the car today and I'm noticing an umbrage of various annoying songs creeping their way onto my radio. You know, I normally can flip on one of my favorite stations (WBRU up here) and be fairly satisfied while driving in to work. However, being the self-appointed Minister of Drinking and Whoring does come with its responsibilities, even if I don't know exactly what they are. And after not jumping on the nu metal bashing bandwagon (Hey, I don't mind Sevendust), how can I avoid calling out emo or whatever the hell's being played at the moment?

      Warning: I fully expect to insult many of you in one way or another within this post. This is not meant to be 100% serious.

      This is a singles hit list. That was a poor double-entendre.

      Franz Ferdinand
      Fucker, I defy you to prove to the English-speaking world that you know more than 50 words of the language.

      I present to the court Exhibit A (Take Me Out), wherein the entire chorus uses 00.05% of most people's vocabularies. No, I didn't make up that percentage.

      I say don't you know
      You say you don't know
      I say... take me out
      I stay, you don't show
      Don't move, time is slow
      I say... take me out


      Now don't picture the actual backing lines with those lyrics (or something Jack Torrace would type up in The Shining). Just read the words and let the dumb seep in. What's worse? Somewhere in my brain this droning chant has replaced part of a Hamlet soliloquoy, I just know it. And that tiny part of my brain will be screaming in terror until I can finish killing it off with beer.

      Franz, after writing such a predictable and simple song I don't think you need to worry about anyone wanting to take you out. At least in the good, non-I'll-fucking-kill-you kind of way. For that, I give you 2/5 stabs to the jugular with a fork.

      Audioslave
      If ever there was a lead that could make me feel better about saying goodbye to the glory days of Soundgarden, that would be Chris Cornell. If ever there was a band that could make me associate the memory of Soundgarden with painted whores, that would be Audioslave.

      Somehow in the mess of the space-time continuum I think they've found a formula to releasing more singles than the band has songs, albums, or shreds of dignity - though the last part wouldn't be hard. Let's take I Am The Highway, one of the last bastions of songs that wasn't an overplayed single on an album I originally liked.

      Ok, I fucking get you're the highway. Yesterday? You were the highway. Two weeks ago? That's right, buddy. You were definitely some form of pavement. I don't know if it was, you know, breakdown lane at that point but you were in the ballpark.

      I guess I can't complain that much. At least the song doesn't go "I am not your rolling wheels / I am the merging-lane into the rotary". For this, you get 3/5 studio executive money shots.

      Bonus: Thanks to the aggressive Audioslave psychological war campaign, I now turn into the guy at the end of this movie when I hear them.

      Coheed & Cambria
      Holy fuck! It's like you took Rush, rubbed off their progressive edge and further inserted their testicles down their throats! I can go for a high-pitched singer on occasion, but if your band makes me want to approach one of our height-challenged students on campus and ask them to sing me a song about sweet, crispy Leprechauns, ask yourself what you're doing to the remaining American populace whose heads haven't exploded from that ultrasonic wave emitting from the gaping hole of your lead singer.

      I mean, fuck. 4/5 odds of your lead being a eunuch.

      So, does anyone have any songs or bands they just want to like (or keep liking) and can't? Music that drives you nuts? Let me know, and mods to the first poster that gets the correct source of this post's title.

    • On to new topics.

      14 years ago

      Kevlar

      Enough of the politicking and ranting for the moment. I feel like Jon Stewart post-Crossfire. So... How was everyone's weekend? Things are ok for me besides being incredibly overwhelmed with work.

      I'm off to NYC in a week with my girl. Any RvBers have any good restaurants in Midtown to recommend while I'm out there? It's my third trip in as many years and I love getting lost in the city, but I'm trying to come up with a special one for her - it's going to be her first real time walking through Manhattan.

      Yes... I'll try to take lots of pictures.

      -Kev

      still i plot to have her back

    • Back Into The Fray

      14 years ago

      Kevlar

      Ok, I can't goddamn stand it. You've probably heard by now that I try to be an indepent (disaffiliate, vote either party depending on the situation, all that good stuff) and I keep trying to get through the election situation and get back to normal topics, and

      I

      get

      dragged

      back

      in.

      What the hell. After this weekend I'm not posting in my own journal anymore about it.

      -Kev

      disgustipated

    • Your Randomness Party Nominee in 2008

      14 years ago

      Kevlar

      So I had a large rant written up for you about taking some positive steps for this country after you all vote me in for 2008. It mainly involved changing our calendar around because, you know, it's old. And Gregorian.

      I was on a roll coming up with two Jobdays to start the week, where you do what you normally would for work - if what you normally do is work for the state in growing crops, staffing breweries or manufacturing condoms. We'd have Drinkday next to keep the wild beer population down (and to keep that shit from getting warm), followed succinctly by Hoohaday (use your imagination) and Regretday, respectively.

      Luckily for you, I was about to round into changes for the weekend when I saw this link.

      Excerpt: “Jesus will save you!†shouted the 46-year-old man at two African lions lounging under a tree a few meters away."

      This changes the nature of this journal post. I humbly ask you to take a moment with me in wishing that all religious extremists would do things like this. Soon.

      God, I hate people.

      (Remember to check the archives as I roll over previous posts on a regular basis)

      -Kev

      why are all the pretty ones crazy?

    • I'm lazy and upset.

      14 years ago

      Kevlar

      I have been moping around in other people's journals for the past day so I thought I'd make a large post on why I am ashamed at the country for the way we have all behaved in the months leading up to this election. In summation, the division and the dissection of our ideas and our statements into a "are you for freedom or defeat?" contest where people try to stifle others from speaking their minds is destroying the very nature of democracy in this country. Being scared into silence or not being able to speak out is a horrific potentiality, and one that is already becoming truer with passing days.

      Proving that "our morals" equates to "openly prejudicing against gays and lesbians by denying them the basic partner benefits of marriage".

      For becoming a country of fear and anger.

      The fucking list goes on.

      Anyway, I didn't post here originally because it would seriously be too long for the journal. So I'm going to link you to some of my thoughts and EnolaFay's journal for someone who has taken the time and showed the courage this country still needs in speaking out.

      I accept the decision of this country in Bush being re-elected and, as an independent, do not staunchly favor either party as I like ideas from both sides. But that doesn't mean I have to like a man with a record such as his and for so openly denigrating the office of President with such religious overtones. Oh, which also just gives terrorists more fuel for recruitment and anti-American sentiment, by the way.

      Anyway, that is the end of my participation on the subject. Don't forget to hit up the archives for more light-hearted posts, if you can even call them that.

      -Kev

      so i quit

    • Man Vs. Nature, Part 2

      14 years ago

      Kevlar

      This is a continuation of the previous Journal entry. Please read the Archives for the beginning of the story.

      Owing less to my near-poop experience and more to do with the hysterics my mother displayed that night while we chased the bat from the house (Gee, couldn't use the vaccum on that one, could you?), there appeared to be a change in my dad the next morning. I'd say an extreme change, and one even he himself was not prepared for. Realizing that you're bringing property damage on yourself by allowing this kind of hoo-ha to continue should do that to someone.

      A few days later I spot my dad sneaking out of the house in the morning with a dark sweatsuit on and carrying a 2x4 and white bucket.

      "Uh, what's that for?" I ask.
      He hissed: "It's for the squirrels."

      Okay, I damn well can't let that one go. Following along behind him I'm trying to come up with an explanation for his tools. I know the squirrels have been getting into our vinyl siding, but is he really going to try to chase them down, beat them to death with the 2x4 and store their tiny bodies in the bucket? More importantly, where's my camera?

      "So, uh, what are you using that for?"
      "Well... I put the bucket on the ground."
      "You typically do that with buckets. What the hell's with the board?"
      (Whispering) "That? That's a plank."
      (Suddenly I'm whispering too and I don't know why)
      "You're making them walk the plank? Squirrels?"
      "Yes! I put dirt and water in the bucket, and nuts on the plank."
      (My eyebrow raises)
      "And they drown when they jump in the bucket for more nuts. They think it's dirt."
      ...
      "Ok, Napoleon. Let me know how the war goes."

      To the animal lovers out there: If you think this plan would actually result in tortured, dead animals, don't worry. For every morning after the infiltration, the nuts would get rubbed out but not the squirrels. Maybe they overheard the grand plan, hell, I don't know.

      All I know is for the next two weeks, I was awarded some wonderful sights at random out of my front window:

      The Battle of Hornet's Nest: I arrive home to find my dad standing on a ladder holding wasp spray about three inches from the mouth of the nest. God, I still remember him screaming like a girl when they all flew out at once to counterattack. Or maybe it was because he fell off the ladder, I forget. Score: Nature 2, Man 0.

      The Battle of Bat Hill: I hear a scream. "IT'S COMING BACK!" Before I can even look out my front window, water forcefully sprays across it.

      I step outside to see a bat dive-bombing my dad who is using a hose to try and blast it out of the air. After the fight, I find out the hose was for "clearing 'em out of their holes."

      Dear God. Nature 3, Man 0.

      Afterword: After such a humiliating defeat, the forces of Man were called into retreat. The vacuum, now, is living out its life in its old role. Pests have now learned to keep their distance for everyone's sanity. And, for two weeks, I at least got to laugh a little bit at the attempt.

      Wait, hold on.

      Whirrrrrrrr --- FOOMP.

    • Man Vs. Nature, Part 1

      14 years ago

      Kevlar

      You know, I find that the funniest things in life - at least in my life - do not come intentionally or through fabrication. Elaborated on, sure, but the presence of ridiculousness in daily life is gold for an average Joe like me. Gold.

      With financial backing things would be different - starting with me buying some hyper-futuristic armor and filming myself chasing old women around while bellowing "DO NOT RUN - I DISPENSE FLU SHOTS FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY." Man, that would be a good stress-reliever.

      In the meantime, I'm broke, so that idea's out - and if only to make Anna laugh, I must present you with the horror of my daily occurences.
      Today's target: Sundry parts of the animal kingdom.

      See, my dad had this odd habit of hating every person on the planet, but being a goddamn pacifist when it came to insects and pests. He went so far as having a little vaccum - an insect vacuum, if you will - that he used for this singular purpose: to suck up the invading critters and reinsert them into the wild without harm. As if the 5 trillion bugs on this planet need the help with repopulation.

      Sure, I was getting used to the whirrrrrrrr --- FOOMP and seeing the black plume of locusts rising shortly after from behind the house as he emptied the container and sent the little bastards off to attack at a later date. I even moved out of my room for a week when a mouse died in the wall and made it smell like I had stuffed a corpse with Cheeze Wiz and then popped it in the microwave. But the final straw came one night after some drinking: I was lying in bed in my pitch black room when I started to hear a small sound - fwopfwopfwopfwop. Then I heard my TV antenna fall. "Hmm", I thought, "I'm not shober enough to do that theleptathically." Silence. fwoopfwopfwopfwoop. Sickening silence.

      FWOPFWOPFWOPFWOOPFWOPFWO--
      "AhjesuschristIwasn'tdrinkingIsweartogod!" I yell as I roll out of bed and hit the floor, scampering away from the sound that had so violently appeared out of the dark and in such close proximity to me. Flicking on the light, my normal room was revealed to me. The antenna was down as I expected.. My typical dreamtime nemesis, that witch with the chainsaw, wasn't there. I spent another minute huddled in the corner and glancing around. What was out of place?

      Oh, right, it was the large bat hanging from the ceiling directly over my pillow. My hands flash out into a defensive posture as I approach it. "Ok, let's not do anything we'll regret you fu--" plop.

      The guano barely missed my pillow and landed on the floor; the opening salvo in a growing war. I spent a second contemplating just what it would have been like to lie powerless, being shat on for eight hours, had it not been foolish enough to try and land on my face and, you know, give itself away. Kind of reminded me of work. Anyway, the hammer had been thrown down.

      ...Go to Part 2.

    • It's late and I can't find my dignity.

      14 years ago

      Kevlar

      So people seem to like the rants. That's cool since I'd be yelling whether you were here or not - you just are now getting the public broadcast.

      But after an evening of nothing but RvB community, this is what I end up turning into:

      wtf.jpg

      What are you people doing to me? You and your neverending list of sweet, sweet community features. Look at me. I'm a goddamn husk of a man.

      PS. Yes, this is also what I look like when responding to some of the choicer posts. Keep that in mind if you ever post about avocados at 3 in the morning or whatever it is you do after even I've given up hope for humanity, because then I think my eyebrow will just fucking leap off my face and the time spent trying to staple it back on and flatten it down will net me even less sleep.

      -Kev

      your final swansong

    • Vote Someone In 2004

      14 years ago

      Kevlar

      I don't care who you vote for (even if it's one of the many Socialist candidates we have in many states this year), I don't care how you vote, I don't care when you vote or where --

      Just vote in this year's election, please. It's important for people to stand up and speak out for what they want in a leader - otherwise, four years from now around Halloween time we may not be frightened by ghosts or ghouls - rather, the choices (or lack of) presented to us in the policies and potentials of this country. People need to make their voices heard to be represented as they see fit.

      Sorry for bumping my journal entries out so quick at times and not giving you a chance to read them. Remember to check the archives if you're interested.

      <3

      -Kev

      digital love

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