Two years ago, after an unfortunate wheel spin during Extra Life, Team Big O was formed.
Last year, I was all, "Hey. Writing erotic fan fiction about my coworkers is awful. Please never make me do it again."
This year, Trevor asked if I was willing for it to go back on the wheel, and having forgotten how awful it is to write erotic fan fiction about my coworkers, I was all "Absolutely! It's for the kids."
So here's the transcript for you to read whenever you want. Perverts.
AH Jizz Fest - The Great Achievement Hunter Orgy
A Fan Fiction by Larry Matovina
Oh hot fuck! It was that day again. Extra Life. Two years ago, Jack and Jeremy fulfilled their dreams of becoming Team Big O, getting their sticky cum cums all over each other - for charity, of course. Also, Trevor died! Thank goodness we had that witch doctor on the sidelines to bring him back to life.
Last year, Achievement Hunter tamed it down a bit. Shifty kisses. Some mild bondage. But no big boner blow-out like two years back.
But Jack Pattillo was determined to make some serious mother fucking charity money. All for the kids, obviously.
7:59. It was almost time to start the stream. Jack was filled with steaming, hot loads...of anticipation.
“Welcome to Extra Life 2018. It’s me, your Charity King, Jack Pattillo. You guys ready to make 1.25 million dollars for charity?”
“You betcha!” said Caiti, Australianly.
“Absolutely I am!” chimed in Chad, the newest host of Extra Life. “How about we get some ideas up on the ol’ Wheel of Vengeance and get to spinning?”
Various punishments were added to the wheel. Ball slaps from Chad’s birth control machine. 100 paintball shots at Jeremy. Trevor gets run over with the steam roller, or “Make that ho re-dead,” as it was also known. Hot nuts in yo’ mouth. And, of course, Nut 2.
With one space left, Jack walk cock-first over to the wheel. “Guys. Audience. Everyone. Extra Life needs to be bigger than ever. And there’s only one way that’s happening.” Jack took the marker from Trevor’s zombie fingers and wrote the last punishment in. Achievement. Hunter. Orgy.
Jack looked right at camera two to address the audience. “I don’t know how much of a punishment this will really be, but this is definitely what you all want. And maybe a little bit of what I want. Donate your $1337 donations, and there’s a good chance this stream will become a full-out, balls-out, fuckstravaganza.”
Jeremy came up behind Jack and lovingly wrapped his arms around that beautiful bearded bastard man. “Honestly, stream. I’m looking so forward to having this guy’s cock back in my mouth that I wrote a little rap about it.”
“If there’s anything great
About extra Life
It’s that I take my dick out
And cheat on my wife
By fuckin, suckin, nuttin
With Jack Shannon Pattillo
Strokin’ cummy cocks
Is a real damn thrill-o
So fork over donations
Right to Caiti before she
Has to watch and witness
This hot-ass orgy.”
The rap was done and the donations rolled on in. It was $1337 donation after $1337 donation after $1337 donation.
“Oh my God!” Chad cried out. There’s like 97 wheel-spin donations in here. “You sick fucks are either really generous or really want to see this orgy.”
“Oh, it’s 100% both.” Jack replied as he took off his pants and underwear, revealing his throbbing member. “Caiti. Throw me my conch.”
Caiti tossed Jack’s trusty conch shell to him. You know the one I’m referring to, of course, if you’re a real fan. Jack’s special orgy conch that he talked about on that one Off Topic.
“Achievement Hunter...ASS-EMBLE!” Jack blew the orgy conch. Achievement Hunter stood at attention - and also grouped up together in the middle of the Extra Life set.
Geoff Ramsey. Jack Pattillo. Ryan Haywood. Jeremy Dooley. Gavin Free. Michael Jones. Lindsay Jones. Matt Bragg. Undead Trevor Collins. Alfredo Diaz. Andy Blanchard. Steffie Hardy. Larry Matovina. Kent Cook. Sarah Weems. Jacob McDuffee. Alec Agabon. And even the sweet new boy, intern-turned-contractor Jarren Marinez. All of Achievement Hunter except for Ashley Dillard, who was too busy getting married that day to get busy.
Trevor looked upon the team he was trusted to lead. The team he was about to have experience his seed. “Man. It’s a real shame Neal left the department,” he quipped. “I would have really loved ramming his sweet little ass today.”
Geoff shed a single tear. “I can’t believe I did it. Over a decade ago - when I started Achievement Hunter - I knew the ultimate goal was not just having our own monopoly board. Not just starting a ghost hunting show. It was to get fuckin’ laaaaaid by all my employees.”
“Alright. We really need to get this orgy going,” Caiti said. “On the count of three, it’s orgy time.”
“I can’t wait to see all the fan art for this one!” Chad excitedly exclaimed
The orgy was on! Clothes started flying every which way. Shirts and jeans and bras and jorts and underoos - all thrown aside so Achievement Hunter could be flesh to flesh.
“Big O?” Asked Jack.
“Big O,” Jeremy replied, sensually.
Jeremy and Jack started their seminal move, the fan-favorite Big O.
Lindsay started fucking Fredo with a Pusheen strap-on. She really wanted the sauce.
Meanwhile, Gavin held Michel in a loving embrace.
“Boi. I’ve been waiting for this shite for years.” Gavin whispered, sensually. “I’m going to treat you so gentle, little Mikey-poo.”
“...what the FUCK?” Michael replied, annoyed. “I’m going to go to fucking pound town with that uncircumcised dick of yours. After today, you’re not calling me boi anymore. I better be a goddamn man when we’re through.”
And Team Nice Dynamite started fucking and sucking every hole they had. Deep and hard and real fuckin nasty like.
Tired of sucking Jack, Jeremy slumped over to Ryan for a little Rimmy Tim Rim job. This was the day the Battle Buddies became the Battle Butt-ies, if you know what I mean.
Anal sex. It was hardcore, hard-dicked anal dickings.
But this orgy wasn’t just about fulfilling fan-requested ships. Fucking bodies against bodies were just slapping all up against each other in this charity-driven bitch.
Jacob made sure Kent’s beef was plenty much jerkied. Larry licked a little Lindsay labia. Matt Bragg made sure to get Trevor’s taint tickled. Steffie and Sarah were clit on clit. And Alec was filming everything for an AHWU segment, the filthy little pervert. At least until Ryan pulled him in for a little “knife fight.”
“I’m going to treat you like a cold, hard wall,” Andy told Matt as he rubbed his cummy cock all up and down Matt’s body.
Geoff gurkled all up on Jack’s gherkin. Miss Jones, formerly Tuggey, gave Gavin her tried and true tug job. Kent went buck wild on Larry’s dear ol’ throbcock. And you know Alfredo went fast and ate ass - just a hard tongue full of Trevor’s special hole. Then Fredo fuuuucked him hard. Jarren jerked Geoff off then jumped over to Jacob’s giant johnson for a little gentle jerking. Sarah Weems got her hands on a lot of weens.
It was 37 minutes of the hottest Achievement Hunter on Achievement Hunter action the world had ever witnessed. And let me tell you - anyone who witnessed those glorious sex havings got super fucking horny.
Rooster Teeth’s favorite traitor Andy Cortez started jerking off in the corner of the Kinda Funny office. He was known as the Hispanic Heartthrob, but his south-of-the-border barbacoa was the only thing throbbing today.
Chef Mike was working up a hearty dose of secret sauce, that’s for sure.
Somewhere deep in Garbo Land, the Garbo Family did their own rendition of The Aristocrats.
And you know the fucking freak who runs the Waboba twitter account was fondling his Moon Balls, alright.
And the audience, too. Everyone watching the Extra Life stream couldn’t help but furiously masturbate at the sight of this AH fuckfest. That’s right. All you sick fucks at home were also a part of the biggest cum in Extra Life history. #AHJizzFest went trending globally on Twitter, which got all the celebrities to notice what was going on with Rooster Teeth’s Extra Life stream, and helped raise awareness for the cause. “I was a part of the AH Jizz Fest” became a beacon of pride for anyone watching that day.
It was only nearing 9am, and already, the cum-soaked Rooster Teeth crew had already raised 11 million dollars for charity. Fuck. Yeah.
Emphasis on fuck.
Also, when all the excitement died down, Jack rigged the Wheel of Vengeance to make sure “Trevor Gets Run Over By the Steam Roller,” got chosen, because the best way to come down from an on-stream orgasm is a little bit of Trevor murder. And John Mace was happy to oblige.
Later that day, the still-cummy Achievement Hunter crew made their way to Ashley’s wedding.
The dude that makes the people married was almost done with the ceremony. “Is there any reason these two should not be married?”
“Absolutely!” shouted Steffie. “At least not yet. In a moment of solidarity, she needs to join this orgy before she becomes a married woman. We want these last moments that she’s known as Ashley Dillard to be more of an...Ass-ley Dil-hole situation.”
“Fuck yeah!” Ashley exclaimed, ripping off her wedding dress. “Let’s do it.”
The gang got all up on her nipples and started sucking. She got a thorough performance review right there, in front of everyone attending. It was pretty fuckin weird. And when it was over, she popped her dress back on and got married. That was pretty cool. What a good fucking day for Achievement Hunter.
The end. And please never make me write one of these fuckers ever again.