I've been doing a lot of inner reflection lately.
First off all, I broke up with my girlfriend last Thursday. It wasn't working out. I was making excuses just to get off the phone, and I only said I love you back just to keep her happy. Clearly, that's a bad sign in any book. It ended alright, we still talk, even though its a little strained.
I've had the house to myself for the past 6 days since my family left for Florida. This has left me lots of quiet time to sit and think, which allows me to meditate, something I haven't really done in a few months. Really, almost a year ><.
Meditation is a very deep and spiritual process. Its like sitting down at a table with yourself in a tranquil forest or peaceful place, drinking a cup of tea, and discussing recent events with your double. Not in anger or joy, just in a light casual tone. Its very comforting, and yet at the same time, weakening.
A good friend of mine told me a few days ago that,
"Its one thing to acknowledge you have problems. Accepting them as part of yourself, on the other hand, is a lot harder."
She's quite right.
I know that I have problems with self-sacrifice, and taking what I want. I know I have issues with confidence and self esteem. I know I put myself in situations that I really shouldn't be in. I know these things. However, it will be some time before I can truly accept them and move on from them. I know that I will never stop being self-sacrificing in my actions, because I have so much to give. I've been so lucky compared to some, that it is only fair that I give all that I can. Because if I don't who will?
Sorry, I've been really deep this past week. ><