Edit: Holy smokes, if I had known I was going to be Featured User I would have made sure I had a better journal go up! Sorry to accidentally be Debbie Downer! I promise if you scroll through my other stuff it's not so bad <3
To be fair, I knew this was an inevitability. While it’s still poopy, I’ve at least had the last 2 years to mentally prepare myself for it. I try to be open about it and keep you guys updated, so here's the current scoop.
As a small recap: 2 years ago I was diagnosed with a reproductive cancer that, as far as cancers go, tends to be relatively treatable. We caught it nice and early, so I went in for a surgery to remove the offending chunk of tissue. When they biopsied that chunk, though, they found a second type of cancer cell. It was still early stage, but finding it is bad-news-bears. The standard treatment for it is a fully hysterectomy (before you have to go Google it, that is a full removal of all your lady reproductive parts) because it carries such a high risk of recurring undetected and spreading to other organs. My oncologist didn’t want to do it right away because I was still mid 20’s, but it’s been on the radar since. Part of the reason they go full hysterectomy is because the average age of patients with this type of cancer is 40 (39.6 to be precise), well in “I probably don’t need this anymore” territory. You can see a bit more in-depth discussion of what they found here.
The plan has been to do testing every 6 months to make sure no new growth centers popped up. The test is…not pleasant. It’s also awkward as shit, especially because I’m nice and I let the cancer center use me as a training opportunity since my situation was so weird (we found the cancer completely on accident; all the normal things they’re supposed to look for didn’t apply to me) so routinely there’s like 4 people in the room going all up in my hoo-hah. We just did test #4, the 2 year mark, and it came back clean. Yay!
Sort of yay. Not fully yay.
We had a serious conversation about the hysterectomy, because the longer I go without doing it, the higher my risk of the cancer returning. Because it is so hard to detect, my lady bits are essentially a Schrodinger’s box. Negative results don’t necessarily mean I’m negative. It’s this constant juggle of assessing what gamble we want to take, while knowing the odds are increasingly not in my favor. And that’s a scary thought. But it’s also scary to be like “hey we’re going to cut you open and remove some of your organs”. They could go in and take everything out, test it and figure out that I didn’t have any pre-cancerous or cancerous tissues and that the surgery was for naught. They could go in and take everything out and find out that yes holy shit I was a ticking time bomb of about to be royally screwed. And there is literally no way to know until they do it. So, like, what do you do?
We have a consultation with the oncologist set up next week to talk about the procedure. We want to make sure we have all of the information we could possibly have and see what are options are and what the odds are for different types of the procedure (since I keep coming back negative it’s possible we could do a partial hysterectomy rather than a full), and figure out if we want to keep taking the gamble or just cash out while we’re ahead. We’re starting to set aside funds for it, just in case. I mean we’ll have to do it eventually anyways, might as well start saving for it now. Even with insurance, depending on which procedure I end up with, we’re still looking at a couple grand. Because ‘Murica. Ugh.
Should know more in the coming weeks. For now, it’s just staying the course and trying to not go too far down the rabbit hole of “what ifs”. All in all, I feel surprisingly okay about it. I think. For now anyways. It’s very similar to how I felt when this all started. It sucks, but also it is what it is and there’s no use lamenting how unfair it is or anything like that. I can’t control it, and I couldn’t have done anything different to prevent it, so all I can control is how I react to it. And right now my reaction is “fuck you I’m stronger than you” while waving my middle finger in the air.
On the plus side, you guys will probably get a couple streams where I’m all drugged up! Maybe that’ll be a good time to finally try out the Hatoful Boyfriend DLC…