08:40 AM - Wednesday, December 10, 2008 - by Tim
"I know this is going to seem perfectly ordinary to some of you out there. Some of you live this every day, and it's no big deal. But to me, this is a revelation. It's like the clouds have parted and gifted this to me. Like I've been sleeping all these years, and now I'm finally awake.
I'm talking about Fluff.
It started last week, when for some reason or another I said to Britanny "You know what I haven't had in, like, a million years? Fluff." I think that, at twenty-seven years old, it was the name that amused me the most.
I was never a huge fan of Fluff when I was a kid... my sister was all about the peanut butter and Fluff. Me? I was a straight peanut butter and jelly man. Peanut butter and Fluff shared too many qualities. They were both heavy, thick, gooey, room-temperature right out of the cupboard... it may as well have been a peanut butter and peanut butter sandwich. It threatened to clog up your throat and suffocate you.
Now peanut butter and jelly... that was like two entirely different universes colliding into an explosive orgasm which is then held in check by two slices of bread. You had the warm and the cold... the gooey and the... whatever the fuck adjective you use to describe jelly. Sticky. I don't know.
Anyway, where was I going? Right, the Fluff. So I mention Fluff, and then a couple of days later I happen to find myself at the grocery story, and Fluff once again pops into my head. I figure 'Hey, what the hell. I wonder what it tastes like' (because I'd forgotten in my old age, apparently).
I swing by the sandwich aisle, and all they have are large tubs of Fluff. Apparently if I wanted Fluff, I was going to have to commit. And commit I did.
So now I've got Fluff, I've got peanut butter and I've got bread. And as I'm engineering this sandwich later on that evening, I glance up and in the fruit bowl in front of me is a banana. I'm a fan of peanut butter and banana sandwiches, so I go for broke. I slice up the banana and lay it out between the PB and Fluff.
Sweet monkey-fucking shit.
I know, like I said, this is common knowledge for some of you. For me, this is like existing on a higher plane. I can't get enough of this sandwich now. The banana acts as the perfect buffer between the Fluff and the peanut butter. Like when the Fluff and the peanut butter gang up in your esophagus and try to choke you, the banana steps in all like "Hey guys... chill."
I'm known to enjoy a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich from time to time, but I haven't worked up the courage to fry a peanut butter banana and fluff sandwich. I think it would just outright kill me.
But man, what a way to go."
Way to go tim. Way to go.
10 years agoLopezRox
08:40 AM - Wednesday, December 10, 2008 - by Tim
11 years agoLopezRox
Well, the game "Spore: Creature Creator" actually turns out to be an interesting little program, even for the trial version. You can create tons of different creatures (now back to my previous sentence), even with the trial version. Its amazing to see the things you can come up with, and sadly enough, the things you WISH you didnt see OTHERS come up with. Apparently people are creating, well, "Sporn". Spore Pron. Is that sad or what? Personally i couldnt care less that they do that, but kids play this game, and thats not a good thing for them. Anyways, im planning on buying the full version of Spore: CC. Also, they seem to be making 2 new versions, "Spore Adventure" and "Spore: DS". we can only imagine that "Spore: DS" means that they're making "Spore", for the DS. anyways, check it out at www.spore.com/ or if you jsut want to skip to downloading the trial, heres the link:
11 years agoLopezRox
90 Thou shalt not bribe the Inquisitor to bring down the Exterminatus upon your ex-wife
91 Genestealers ARE NOT trying to rob you of your denim trousers.
92 Thou shalt not chase thy Gretchin with a fork.
93 Thou shalt not call the firearms of the Imperial Guard "Sega Lock-ons"
94 Thou shalt not call the Adeptus Arbites "Pigs" or "The filth"
95 Thou shalt not place buckets of water above thy Inquisitor's Door.
96 Inquisitors are not "Nigel No-friends."
97 Thou shalt not use thou's laser sight to blind Imperial Guardsmen
98 Do not remove Imperial Guard's Power packs from their lasguns when they are asleep.
99 Thou shalt not play Frisbee with a Tau Shield Drone.
100 Thou shalt not eat toast in your power armor. (Im not going to hoover he crumbs out of your toes again)
101 Thou shalt not put fridge magnets upon thy power armor.
012 Thou shalt not tune into FM rock whilst thou is on the Intercom.
103 Thou shalt not put bananas into thy Rhino's exhaust pipes.
104 Thou shalt not hanger "Pine Fresh" on Moriar (Even if he is a bit ripe by now)
105 Scented Pine Trees hanging off rear-view mirrors in favour of the dice is now prohibited.
106 Thou shalt not use power weapons or chain-weapons to cut thy food.
107 Thou shalt remove thy batteries from thy weapons to power your RC Toys.
108 Thou shalt not swap the Salt and Pepper.
109 Thou shalt not play "I see, I see what you don't see" over the Inter-coms during battle!
110 Thou shalt not "Go out for cigarettes" during prayers.
111 Thou shalt not swap your battle-brother's gun for a water pistol.
112 Thou shalt not refer to the Ork Dreadnoughts as "Garbage Bins"
113 Thou shalt not make funny noises during a speech/Prayer.
114 Thou shalt not play "Shooting range" with Gretchins.
115 Thou shalt not brag about how many you've killed with a dark eldar.
116 Thou shalt not write or put "Tags" On Vehicles/Armour.
117 Thou shalt not use servitors to catch your papers.
118 Thou shalt not play "Fetch" with Tyranids using Grenades.
119 Thou shalt not shout "Catfight!" when the Sisters argue.
120 Thou shalt not "Press the buttons" on a demolisher tank.
121 Thou shalt not him cartoon theme songs when around the Tau.
122 Always Carry Thine Universal Remote when facing Necrons.
123 Thou shalt not offer to sell your soul to the Dark Eldar for 'Bee-Gees" Tickets.
124 Thou shalt not ask a Daemonetter for some "Handiwork", else thou will have to join the Sisters.
125 Thou shalt not remind they commander about how many times he has been slain by a badly coloured Tyranid.
126 Thou shalt leave the plasma gun well and truely alone.
127 Thou shalt not play russian Roulette with automatic weapons.
128 Thou shalt not shave the Space Wolves whilst they are asleep.
129 Thou shalt not Load the Dice.
130 Thou shalt not move that extra little inch in your movements phase.
131 Thou shalt not fire thy bolters at enemies you cant really see.
132 Thou Shalt Follow thy Rulebook
133 Thou shalt not make up rules.
134 Thou are not fearless.... Thou art fearless... goddamnit, anyone got a codex?
135 Thou shalt not laugh at the cultist. Thou shalt beware of bird poo when Greater Daemon Tzeentch is around.
136 Thou shalt not throw soap at Nurglings.
137 Thou shalt not load penicillin into thy bolters when fighting nurglings.
138 Thou shalt beware thine possessed 2 liter coke bottles.
139 Thou shalt not stare at feet during the battle march.
140 Thou shalt not aim at thy commander's back.
141 Thou shalt watch thy footsteps.
142 Beware of Drunken Leman Russ.
143 Thou shalt not Binge Drink with the Imperial Guard.
144 Thou shalt not challenge a Daemon Prince to a fist fight.
145 Thou art not Unexpendable.
146 Thou shalt look before thou leaps.
147 Thou Shalt not bring thy sack lunch to battles.
148 Thou shalt not use bikes as batting rams.
149 Thou shalt beware of Pot Holes and Speed Bumps
150 Lord Login is not "Wolfie"
151 Seraphims do not want to join the "Mile High Club"
152 Spikey Bits are not meant for hanging laundry on.
153 Ultra Scout is not "Little Boy Blue"
154 Never refer to a Cannoness as "Big Momma"
155 Thou shalt not put "Kick me" Signs on thy brother's backs.
156 Thou shalt not nail nurglings to the back of a rhino as fuzzy decorations. Thou shalt not put itching powder in a dreadnought.
157 Thou shalt not use Can Openers to open Ork Dreadnoughts. Thou shalt not replace thy Commisar's comm-link with a plasma grade for laughs.
158 Thou shalt not refer to Armoured COmpanies as "Agorophobes.
159 Thou shalt not ask techmarines to put mag wheels on your bike.
160 Thou shalt not use a looted Terrorfex for Halloween.
161 Thou shalt not sneak into the rock while Dark anges ar asleep and discover that their secret is that all high ranking Dark Angels wear dresses.... err.. shit..
11 years agoLopezRox
1 Thou shalt not comment on the odd shape of the inquisitors head.
2 Thou shalt not do "Wheelies" or "Doughnuts" on you bike.
3 Thou shalt not refer to the emperor as "The Righteous Dead Dude
4 Orks are not "Cute"
5 Thou shalt not make joke about the imperial flashli- weapons.
6 Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino Transports as "Pimp Wagons," Nor shalt thou use the phrase "If the Rhino be rockin Don't come a knockin"
7 The Chapter master is not a "Drag."
8 Thou shalt not check to see if your bolt pistol is loaded by looking down the barrel.
9 Thou shalt not bend to the will of the nerds while playing war games, and act upon your own free will!
10 Thou shalt not tap the glass on a dreadnought.
11 Thou shalt not feed the Orks.
12 Thou shalt not use the land raider to pick up chicks.
13 Thou should beware the strange noise in the back of they land raider.
14 Thou shalt guard thy bolter when camping with Imperial Guard
15 Thou shalt not e-mail the emperor.
16 Thou shalt not e-mail the emperor spam.
17 Thou should beware of thy Lictor behind cardboard bushes.
18 Terminators and glue do not mix.
19 Thou shalt not spray paint armour to make it look cool.
20 Thou shalt not have water gun fighters with lasguns (The guard needs them)
21 Thou shalt not juggle power weapons.
22 Grenades are not water baloons.
23 Thou shalt not use insect repellent against Tyranids
24 Thou shalt not use water guns against Necrons.
25 Thou shalt not piss on the Iron Halo
26 Daemons are not your friends.
27 Barney the Dinosaur is not your friend.
28 Barney Merchandise is strictly prohibited.
29 Barney is not a Tyranid.
30 Digimon aren't in the 40K universe. Really.
31 Digimon aren't affiliated with the Necrons.
32 Pokemon are not Digimon.
33 Pokemon are not fun to play with.
34 Thou shalt not steal candy from babies/Orks/gretchin/Commissars.
35 Thou shalt not play "Truth or dare with the Sisters.
36 Thou shalt not play "Spin the bottle" with the Sisters.
37 Thou shalt not play Strip poker with the Sisters.
38 Thou shalt not play "Hangman" With the Inquisitor or Berserker.
39 Thou shalt ignore strange voices is your head.
40 Thou shalt not put a cork in the inquisitor's pistol.
41 Thou shalt not use the lasgun as a flashlight.
42 Thou shalt not hide the Land Raider in a lake.
43 Shotguns are nor practice guns.
44 Lasguns dont make cool disco lights for your party.
45 Pikie winks are not jump packs.
46 Thou shalt not replace the Librarians staff with a "Magic Wand"
47 Thou shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle.
48 Thou shalt not refer to lasguns as "Torches"
49 The Gaurd will not be referred to as "Spot lighters"
50 Thou shalt not give 'fairy wings to Eldar'
51 Thou shalt not make liposuction jokes around Eldar.
52 Thou shalt not return thy books late.
53 Thou shalt not trade thine bike for a skateboard
54 Thou shalt not ignore thy Chaplain as he recites the tales of Spot the Dog.
55 Putting corks into the engines of a Land speeder is not funny.
56 C-3P0 is not a Necron Ambassador
57 Darth Vader is not the son of Abbadon
58 Thou shalt not stay away after "Lights out" Unless expressly ordered.
59 Thou shalt not waterfight with civilians.
60 "It makes a funny noise" is not an excuse for punching imperial guardsmen.
61 "He started it" is not an excuse for punching imerial guardsmen
62 Thou shalt not play "Monster" with Orks
63 Thou shalt not taunt a dreadnought within reach of his foot by calling him "The Tin Man" or "The Wizard of Oz"
64 Thou shalt not smoke/inhale/inject illegal pharmaceuticals into thy holy body even though your advanced physiological structure could probably withstand the effects.
65 Thou shalt not comment on being a better shot than the Inquisitor
66 The Chaplain is not "Too Preachy"
67 Thou shalt not take thy Emperor's Titan "For a spin"
68 Thou shalt not use a flamer to cook a whole cow and leave nothing for the others.
69 Thou shalt not set fly strips outside your tent in a Tyranid War Zone
71 Thou shalt not wear thy Lord Commander Dante's Death Mask (Or any other death masks for that amtter) on Haloween, any other masquerade parties, or for fun, when not in battle!
72 Thou shalt not see how much a Death Company Marine can take (Physically and/or psychically).
73 Thou shalt not put "Tags" on the Holy Shrounds and/or banners or write on it in any way at all.
74 Rico's Roughnecks are not real.
75 Thou shalt not over-charge thy bike!
76 Thou shalt not use the over-charged bikes for "Drag-races"!
77 Thou shalt not have a blood-party (as in tea-party) with Mephiston during battle!
78 Thou shalt not play "No Blinking" with Mephiston!
79 Thou shalt not give Tycho an Ork for his Birthday (Or any other day for that matter... or speak to him about Orks.)
80 Thou shalt not make "Bunny-ears" with thy fingers behind the Chaplain whilst he is giving battle-orders. Thou shalt not indulge in squig-eating contests.
81 Thou shalt not fake death in order to get blood from the Sanguinary Priets.
82 Thou shalt keep thou armor on, although thou may think you are invincible, thou DO need thou armor.
83 Thou shalt not fall asleep whilst the Chaplain is in Prayer.
84 Thou shalt not use thy weapons upon thyself, Thou can still get hurt.
85 Thou shalt not jump out in front of the Rhino to get into the fight whilst in motion... Wait for orders to disembark!
86 Thou shalt not use thy Multi-Meltas to light campfighters.
87 In similar manner, thou shalt not use the Terminator Captain's Chainfist to open tin cans of baked beans!
88 Thou shalt not make jokes about the Tyranid's Mighty One-Eyed Monster
89 Thou shalt not light cigarettes near the Hellhounds.
11 years agoLopezRox
Sorry to make a new, pointless, journal about life and the crap that's in it, but somone (cough)flashdinobot(cough) wanted me to post a new once, scince the last one i posted was in september. Sorry that the title had nothing to do with this post, i jsut couldnt think of anything creative. anyways, Starcraft 2 is coming out in a long time, and i have to say it looks kick ass. Its being made by the same company, blizzard (who'da thought?). Peace out, people!
11 years agoLopezRox
I got around to watching Death Proof, Part of the movie Grindhouse, a movie by Quenton Tarentino. I have to say it was probobly one of the best movies involving high speed car chases ever made. Though twisted, this movie had me on the edge of my seat.... He said his car was death proof.... that is, untill he got his ass kicked by 3 girls.
Also, Halo 3 comes out tomorrow.. i cannot fricking wait.
12 years agoLopezRox
While i was gone on a camping trip i was driving down the highway and i noticed that there was an exit saying "Battle Cr. Rd".
Battle Creek Road, huh.... wow... whoda thought that halo would inspire our government to name its roads after games... or vise versa...
No questions have been answered yet