It's been over a bloody year since I've posted. Shit...... Well, let's recap.
I graduated college. Finally. Took me 15 years longer than most to do that. Took a long, winding painful road to accomplish it. Doesn't feel like an accomplishment in hindsight.
Had a falling out with my dad. He's the shitburger I was referencing in my request for advice. I'm strangely detached from the situation. It's only tangentially related to my point in that:
I'm a dad. I have been since August of last year. I'm still pretending like I have a solid grip on the fact. I've gotten more comfortable with the fact that I'm responsible for this guy. But it still trips me out.
The little booger is a damned handful at times. Hates sleeping, is a picky eater, easily bored, and sometimes pees on the person changing the diaper..... But still, the smiles and laughter make it all worth it. Especially when he sees me first thing in the morning.
The biggest mindfuck that hits me is this: When I look at him and feel an immense joy in him simply being. The people who live with me continuously comment on how I light up when I see him and how wide my smile gets. And I never remember anything like that from my pops.
I hate to apply a term such as dad, or my old man to the guy. Hell, I hate using the term 'guy' because he never really was much of one. I've come to view him as a failure and fuck up, but not much of a father. And I'm okay with this, mainly due to the fact that I (thankfully) had positive male figures in life that directly influenced me and shaped me in a positive fashion. I named my kid after them. One day I'd like them to meet him, and him them. With regards to my dad, I dunno.
He has never met the kid. I don't I'll introduce my kid to him for the foreseeable future. But it's something I will mull on as Ro gets older.