Haven't wrote a journal on here for a while. At first I didn't know why I didn't update. I guess the only reason I can now is because the air feels calm.
A lot has happened since RTX some stuff that I post frequently on twitter as it is happening. That is not everything though. My body feels weak, my spirit was drained, and I probably would of fell apart if it was not for all the amazing friends I have that care about me.
My great uncle or as I call him Uncle Terry (my grandmother's brother) was diagnosed with melanoma when I was just a kid and thankfully it was caught in the early stages. I'll be honest I don't know much about melanoma except for the basics. If there even is a basics to cancer. A couple of years ago he had tumors growing on his lungs and they had to surgically remove them. He recovered well and though it took time and a lot of resting he was back to his old self. There were more tumors in his lungs but they were too small to surgically remove so the doctors left them there. Fast forward to now (10 years later) the growths have grown large enough to be removed. I don't know how it went because I am not close to family. I only find stuff out if I call them or they call me. Sometimes a family member will have surgery and I won't get told until afterwards. Like they forgot I'm here. I know that's not how it is, my family loves me very much and support my pursuit in animation. I wouldn't be in my junior year of college without them. But it still hurts. I hope I can talk to them a bit more about that when I go home for christmas.
One thing I am not looking forward to is christmas day. Not because of anything my family did, but because I will be spending my second christmas without my baby brother there. Well, I say baby brother but he really is only two years younger than me. I have only told a couple of people about my brothers situation because it is an ongoing situation that I can not release information about it in it's entirety. But I also didn't tell people because I was scared, scared of what my friends would think if they found out. That they would judge me and my family. But it's my business and I shouldn't be afraid to speak it out loud. My brother is in prison. People might think I am being over dramatic about the situation and they are free to think that but it's my brother. My brother is not....I don't know how to say it without sounding like an ass. He doesn't do well in adult situations. Being diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar at age three was the first hurdle my brother had to face. I also found out more recently that his brain doesn't respond the way his age should. So he is 19 but his brain works and thinks with the mind of a 16 year old. It's not a big gap but one that is definitely present in places like school and around his peers. So many people used my brother and ridiculed him when he just needed support. Teachers, students, family, it was always his fault. It also didn't help that my brother and I would fight every single waking moment that we could. I wish I could take it all back and have a better relationship with him because I love him so much. I'll get to visit him on certain days but...it's not the same as when we would eat or hang out as a family.
Sorry I ranted a lot. I just really needed to get that out. I'm alright. This year was a heavy year for me. There were a lot of dark moments but, the good is more prominent. I know there will be hardships in the new year, but I just have to keep moving forward. Because I believe the overall outcome will be worth it in the end.