Maanda

Female

  • Activity

    • Advice

      11 years ago

      Maanda

      I've been thinking ( way to much for my own good & it hurts my head hah )
      For me to be able to probely provide for this child. I will have to take the father to court to get child support. I am 25 weeks pregnant as n monday the 23rd. I have been working full time & more at boston pizza in the kitchen and I am simply not getting enough . Yes they are paying me a fair amount but I havent been there long enough to get the maternity leave and I know now that if i can it will be bearly makeing it all through this finacialy. I don't want to take him to court but it seems as though i will have to. But I don't know how to go about this
      t

    • babbleing

      11 years ago

      Maanda

      Today I got a bassinet , baby bath/ shower , car seat , swinging / rocking chair and baby monitor. I am getting so excited tomorrow I will be 23 weeks exactly . I am gettin huge it seems.
      I've been thinking about the dad ALOT lately and it.. well it just plain sucks. I've been trying so hard to be so strong and say it's all good. But I wonder , does he even think about the baby or me. Does he even feel bad. Like I wish I could just talk to him . I think i've been pretty dam nice about it . I am workng this all out on my own . Money is an issue but I am finding ways to work with it and James is just in calgary living his life like he's not a father to be . Like he never knew me . He's changed his number , so even if i wanted to ask for money I wouldn't be able to do so myself, But I wanna know who agrees. It would make matters alot more stressful tryingt o make him be there and help pay if he doesn't want to . And right now isn't a good time for stress .
      but i should be goings tomorrow is day 8 or 21 @ work

    • I AM BAACK

      11 years ago

      Maanda

      & i'm not back to complain like the rest of my journals seem to be ..
      Sorry about that everyone haha I can't say everything has gotten better , but it has in it's own ways .
      I am currently back in the mac living with my mom.. : ) Good and maybe bad.
      I am back because I am 5 months prego , it's a boy . HOW EXCITING !! soo happy/
      I am back because the father isn't man enough to deal with what him and I made so I am here being strong enough for the two of us and I honestly don't think I could even feel this good in my life.
      It helps when you've got amazing friend who support you no matter what . I am soo lucky
      So lucky that I even get a boy for my first child .
      I am due in October , within the first week . It's so exciting I am more happy then anything in the world .
      He moves around alot I love the feeling he's going to be some handome boy , if he gets my looks that is .. Hah Kidding but really I hope everyones still doing good ,
      Misses you

    • july 15

      12 years ago

      Maanda

      Some things in life ; are so difficult to say. There is that fear of hurting them , or makeing them feel as if you are disrespecting them. Making it that much harder for you to go through the day thinking about what you wish you could just say.Making you have to hold it in. There is just so much an individual can take.

      I am that individual at this very moment, and I am very unsure of what the right thing is to do. I want to make things better. So I can feel happy again. So I can know I am not driving my mother completly mad. Every day in my mind, I'm mental driving myself crazy. Atleast it feels that way. When I am here. She makes me feel as if I am completly usless. Just because I try to spend time alone. Or maybe she is just to busy with Matt. I don't mind that. Matt makes her happy. That is the best thing to see. I just don't want to stress her out anymore. The only issue with that is that , I am not the type who likes to just sit at home and do nothing. I like to get out see friends. It is the summer. It's something I'd love to be able to do . But I simply can't it is such a lock down when I am home. Okay I know coming home at 3 30 in the morning is not the best thing. Just for a moment think about all the kids who just dont come home because there doing so much worse. At least I am at a friends house. Trying to make sense of myself I have been so stressed out. It's not good. I haven't felt this unhappy in a long time, and it scares me almost. I just want mom to know she can trust me to go out for a night . and I will not drink , I will not do anything she would not approve off , other then staying out longer then she likes me too . It isn't like I am out roaming the street. I am in a house. I was with jamie , up until three thirty talking about this exact issue. There is only so much I can take. I've never thought so much about really moving out in my life , it used to be the scarest thought i'd think of , and now it is the only thought I can think about every day all day. It also just seems to keep growing on me every day. Maybe things could be differnt if I just talked to her. It is just that mom isn't the type that you can just disscus issues with. She always has somthing to say before you are even finished explaining yourself. Then I just get fustrated and can't do it anymore because I so badly just want to have a huge break down.

      Any time dad calls , I feel as if i just want to cry and be with him. I miss him . I feel as if Barb stole my dad. I'll never admit it to anyone but me. But I miss him , alot more then I ever thought I would. Although he is just across the town. I don't see him . Offent at all . Because it is not the same to be with him when Barb is there. Just writing about this is making me cry. I just want to see him spend time with him . Just him and I . But it's impossible, and I hate it. He told me if i really wanted to I could go live with him. I just don't think I could deal with that either though. No matter where I go , there is always people and I am sick of all these people I want to go places I want to be . Not be stuck here. I am yes, only 17 , but i am also still older then 12 and can't keep being in this lock down . I just don't understand. To move out with someone I can handle being around , or want to be with seems to be my only solution at the moment , I am jsut waiting for the right time I guess. I also don't know how to tell dad I can't live with him again.
      This has nothing to do with anyone but me . I just need the break I need to get out of this.

    • hm relationship stuff it's interesting

      12 years ago

      Maanda

      Amanda.. - says:
      but hey
      I really do not understand why you do not have a girlfriend..
      carbert - says:
      Umm, i don't know. I really don't.
      Amanda.. - says:
      Never mind I doo , It's because girls for some reason keep the nicest guys as friends because there always there for everything and there afriad anything more .. could make there a possiblitiy of loseing the best guy there is there for them
      Thats what I think
      carbert - says:
      Wow, what a awesome/smart way to look at it.
      Amanda.. - says:
      its true
      carbert - says:
      Yeah
      Like I don't know for sure, cause i havent been in any real relations but, to me i just dont see how guys/girls can cheat on their gf/bf, or how couples get in so many arguments.
      Amanda.. - says:
      arguments becase nothing perfect & theres jealousy & cheaters there just insuce & need to know there wated still by others too (or afraid of comminet)
      insucure comitment
      thats my guess
      carbert - says:
      That's true i guess.
      Amanda.. - says:
      there are many different opinions and reasons though

    • the whole story

      12 years ago

      Maanda

      This is my boy situation .
      I've known richie , since grade5 or 6 . A few days ago . He asked me to go to grad with him as a last min date . Although we had talked about it for suhc a long time he'd never really asked me until 3 days before.For the past 1 1/2 We'd get close maybe almost become dateing .. Then he'd just ditch off & not talk to me for a while. Well this time i thought it could be different for some reason . Just out of no where I kissed him on his grad night like I said I would.. & I didn't know what to think about that.. i just did it. I dind't even expect it.. So I don't know what he's thinking.
      Then there is Trevor , who I seen tonight , canada day at the fire works , and we were talking and I was cuddleing into him , our hands met and then I kissed him , but i've had the ugre to do that since the night Kyle and I broke up because Trevor came to my house and sat on my steps in the rain at two o'clock in the morning till 6 to make sure I was going to be okay... Then I pulled away . Told trevor " I'm sorry . It just happened.. " He never said a word then just kissed me back , It's so ..... Amazing how everythign is with him . Like it's always been that way with him and I there was always thee attractio.. But now I don't know what to think . Because him and I had a huge conversation about our past and I rember him mentioning ,. he hoped for another chance , and hopes it will be worked out. I won't lie . Trevor is the best guy I have been with . He's never treated me wrong. . . I miss him
      But another thing that got me tonight , was on mine and Kyles one month , I spent it with Macs , and it was two days before he had left to go to Qubece to see his g/f .. To break up with her , and as soon as Macs and I met it was like instant best friend . and i still am surprised to how much I miss him . Made me realize I really might like him

      So at this moment . I am driving myself crazy & trying to avoid relationships I also do not was to lead anyone on . I feel horrible already. I want to give Trevor another Chance I really miss him .. I feel like I always will when I am not with him . Even if it was an hour ago.. Like right now.

      Trevor is the keeper though , with out even knowing it he's helped me through so much . I am so myself & i feel when he's happy . & I make him happy , not only can i tell he has told me .. & I really wish i was with him .. just to be in his arms just the thought makes me feel warmer and safer,, Never realized I missed him this much ...

      The part that truely drives me crazy , Is that I am only 17 , and these boys are makeing such an effect on my life.. There is so much more to life , then finding someone who makes you happy. Like yes I understand it's an amazing feeling to have someone you love close to you and all that . But I still have school work . family , friends


      As for Kyle , I've got to stop worrying about him . Like I know he will be fine , I just know he's better then that . I hate how he's getting back into Coke. I wish better things for him , Makes me feel bad that I couldn't help him pass it .. But , It's his life I guess. I still think about him and miss all the little things we'dd always doo .. ..
      hmm = [

    • ha

      12 years ago

      Maanda

      scratch that whole boy friend..
      Broke up last night , because he had a nother girl...

    • Whats New?

      12 years ago

      Maanda

      well here is a list I am going to make of what is new in my life.


      -Kyle, My boyfriend I have been with for just over a month now.
      - I am actually really happy with myself.
      -I've got a new really great friend who's out of town and i really miss him . Maybe more then i really should.. But I do.
      - I got a Tattoo - Im memory of the biggest part of my life .
      - School is done! Finished it today !
      - I have been thold I should move out
      - Kyles mom and dad want me to move in with them .
      - I am working two jobs.
      - i really enjoy one of them ( the spca ) LOVE IT .
      - My hair is back to dark brown . no more fake blonde shit
      -my computer is fixed.
      _if i am still with kyle by next summer i am going to N.S with him and his family.


      && I simply feel as if everythings finaly paying off..

    • yuuup

      12 years ago

      Maanda

      Yuup Here Is Another
      I've always got things to say. If I didn't I don't think it be me.
      Well yesterday was my birthday = ) you'd think it was exciting and all but it really wasn't at all . A few things went completly wrong and I felt horrible. But nothing I can do about it now right.
      So i've realized the older you get . The fast life passes by, and you can't slow time down.
      The past year ; was the roughest year of my life.
      So many things no one will ever understand. But I feel much better knowing the type of person I am now because of it all. I've changed as much as I like to deny it . I have . So there's been talk of me going back to Newbrunswick.
      It's not going to happen I know it won't even if it did. I don't know if I would be mently ready to go back to all the memories of which are what changed me so dramaticly. Made me so much stronger but, Not too much.
      Basketball is over and it's like I have a broken heart every time I hear it.
      I Miss It .
      & by me saying I miss it. I mean I miss so many things. From Basketball to a special boy to having my parents together.
      Just everything seems so different although it's not . Time is just something that can really screw people
      over.In many ways time can be the enemy but mostly it will make you realize it's better to live in the moment then regret the past.
      On my birthday I just sat here and remeberd everything from the past , it was nut.
      This blog thing really has no point to it ; but heres something i really miss.
      & if he reads it . Maybe it's a good thing & maybe in the end it will just screw me over..
      whoo knows.
      I miss having him around; just to ask how his day was
      the way he smiled when we were together
      the long nights of talkin about almost nothing
      How he was always the one to make my day better
      I miss having someone to:
      lay with ; laugh with ; be a fool with; smile with;
      The one who makes me feel like I fall for all over again every time I see him.
      I miss how my face would hurt cause he'd make me smile and laugh so hard my face would hurt!
      I Miss that feeling knowin i waasn't alone
      i miss knowin i wasn't being judge
      I hate haveing to put on a fake smile everyday ; Fake is not mee
      I like being real
      & real is what I am with him
      I miss that no one makes me get as giddy and dumb as i am with him
      I miss everything about him
      & because he knows that ; he's gone.
      Don't know what I did
      but I know he knows I will always be there for him
      cause i told him that i would be and I don't lie.
      i'd rather be just friends with him then nothing at all
      I just want him to know . all these things
      All the memories I will never forget . Ever ;
      WHY'S THERE A MOUSE ON MY TV.. no one would ever get that but him
      & he's amazing there's no one who will compare to him Never have found a guy like him ::
      Even mom likes him . see no one like him hah ; )
      I miss knowing i had his arms to fall asleep in .
      all of it is worth it . Isn't it
      So i've been told ; by the way I talk about him
      people can tell how much i care about him
      supposively my face lights up.
      It's just ... I miss what I will never have again
      Nothin i can change so the memories ; i'll never let go.
      I owe you a ton.. ( i know you know it's true. so don't deny it . )
      You've been the most amazing don't ever forget me please..
      I mean everything i said . specialy the last night you were here with me .
      I'm letting go .
      I hope you know..
      you're still the first person i think of & hope the best for.
      you know i love you
      never told you but .. it's my secret that i can't hold anymore

    • my plan

      12 years ago

      Maanda

      My plan
      This summer to move to New Brunswick with my grand mother work two jobs help her thoughout the summer quite on job
      Go to school ; it'd be grade 11 so i'd have times to make friends to graduate with the following year
      By then I can have moved out . have a car ( maybe)
      And the college I want to go to is in Fredricton
      So it just seems like thats the way to gooo.

      I left out alot but thats just the main part
      I've finally got a plan for what i want in life
      It feels good..

  • About Me

  • Comments (80)

    • the_original

      12 years ago

      sweet. i want a RDS board but nowhere here sells them

    • inusnoozer

      12 years ago

      hi

    • darthimack

      12 years ago

      justt a little bored

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    • darthimack

      12 years ago


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      **********(¨`•.•´¨)************
      ******(¨`•.•´¨).¸..(¨`•.•´¨)*******
      *(¨`•.•´*•. ¸.•´ ** `•.¸.•´ `•.•´¨)*
      * `•.¸.•HEY BEAUTIFUL WHATS UP.
      *******(¨`•.•´¨) (¨`•.•´¨)*********
      ********`•.¸(¨`•.•´¨)..•´**********
      ***********`•.¸.•´************

    • Hazorcon

      12 years ago

      Wish you were around girl.

    • realdeal_55

      12 years ago

      ooooo smiley0.gif
      oooo smiley10.gifsmiley10.gif
      ooo smiley10.gifsmiley10.gifsmiley10.gif
      oo smiley10.gifsmiley10.gifsmiley10.gifsmiley10.gif
      o smiley10.gifsmiley10.gifsmiley10.gifsmiley10.gifsmiley10.gif
      smiley10.gifsmiley10.gifsmiley10.gifsmiley10.gifsmiley10.gifsmiley10.gif
      oooo smiley5.gifsmiley5.gif
      oooo smiley5.gifsmiley5.gif


      Merry Christmas to you and yours this holiday season smiley11.gif

      With smiley12.gif ,
      Brennan.
      (realdeal_55)

    • Hazorcon

      12 years ago

      It'll all work out. I was being for real about you. I'm doing pretty good. Hope you are too. See you later.

    • Hazorcon

      12 years ago

      Not as amazing as you. :)

    • pimpman07

      12 years ago

      hey there
      it's been 4 months since i talked to you
      so hello

    • MajorGray3 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      12 years ago

      Four ferrets? Where are the pictures?

    • realdeal_55

      12 years ago

      Go right ahead, it's all yours.

    • realdeal_55

      12 years ago

      A= Life , as it goes and comes.


      And I was going with Jessika's repsonse of "Midnight" until I read yours.
      smiley0.gif

    • realdeal_55

      12 years ago

      smiley1.gifsmiley0.gifsmiley6.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley11.gif

    • Drew_09

      13 years ago

      Hey there!

    • Baller32

      13 years ago

      Ya!!

    • craft_one

      13 years ago

      *waves* hello.

    • demonchild11

      13 years ago

      just stop to ask how u doing today ?

    • pimpman07

      13 years ago

      jeeze, you ain't been on in awhile
      wassup?

    • demonchild11

      13 years ago

      can u please do what his journal says rvb.roosterteeth.com/members/profile.php?uid=251284

      thankx

    • Tropz

      13 years ago

      I smiley12.gif you

    • Jay8ball

      13 years ago

      Hi i just join so did u use a webcam to make that avatar if so can u tell me i want get my mug on the net

    • human_rights

      13 years ago

      cud u vote for me please 5 times

      rvb.roosterteeth.com/members/journal/entry.php?id=976675

    • Hazorcon

      13 years ago

      [quote[im outgoing .fun . athletic . i like to hit things
      What do you hit? hahaha...jk...being funny dirty :D

    • horndog88

      13 years ago

      drunk one is a personal fave too

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      thank you soo much


      Hey, anytime,
      You have my MSN/email address, I'm always ready to listen.

    • sparchief117 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      hey hope you feel better about your ex, i had a girl ask me to do the same thing, but i felt like i would get in to some deep shit with my parents. It was just this feeling of regret i guess. Later

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      Just wanna be the first to wish you a happy birthday!

    • horndog88

      13 years ago

      u seem fun mind if i send ya a request?

    • Nightmar3

      13 years ago

      sup.

      :]

    • horndog88

      13 years ago

      lol good times good times

    • horndog88

      13 years ago

      Niiiiicce lol u no whats funny i fell right after the pic was taken

    • horndog88

      13 years ago

      ehh i dotn no it happens ya no

    • horndog88

      13 years ago

      thats what i was thinkin but no one said nothing

    • horndog88

      13 years ago

      wow ur the first person to call it lol

    • Shadow_Recon

      13 years ago

      hey do u have AIM?

    • Tropz

      13 years ago

      Maybe you should hear my side of the story, and talk to Ken before you think you have the right to tell me I'm wrong.

      I'm OKAY Mandy.
      Ken and I talked.

      I'm sorry that you would think of me like this... of a person who would do this.

      I didn't leave Ken for Agar, by the way, that information was also wrong... and
      Josh knows why I'm hurt... and Ken does to.

      You just don't get it. You said you wouldn't choose.. but apparently you did. You chose her.
      I didn't care... now I do.
      Thanks alot mandy.

      I love you fucking too.

    • Luigi_Flore

      13 years ago

      here u go amanda smiley1.gifsmiley12.gif
      Maanda.png

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      MinerUserbar.jpg

      Yay! I made something half-decent in Photoshop!

    • Gochin

      13 years ago

      happy valentines day!

    • Kumiho

      13 years ago

      Happy new year!

    • Luigi_Flore

      13 years ago

      HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!! smiley0.gif

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      Hipaward.jpg
      CONGRATS!

    • Grif_57

      13 years ago

      hey there hows it going over there in not Facon, CO?

    • shawn666

      13 years ago

      hey....can ask you to do a biiiiiiig favor? Can you please vote for me? Just go to my friend aZn_SaVy's homepage and vote for me on his journal. I need your vote......can you help me out? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

    • g_fresh

      13 years ago

      hockey and basketball are awesome sports yo

    • wolfspirit

      13 years ago

      hey...long time no see lol how ya been?

    • MurryBob

      13 years ago

      Thank you for youe comment on my image. I'm pleased to see that there are atleast a few people can see that I drew it for the artistic factor and not a religious one.

    • FlawedLegacy

      13 years ago

      Hey... if you get a chance please Vote For Me... Rewards may be necessary smiley8.gifsmiley8.gif

    • StupidIdiots

      13 years ago

      Hello! You're very pretty!

    • Spartan_052

      13 years ago

      Don't take this the wrong way, but here's a random chicken, just for laughs:

      05864.jpg

  • Questions

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