29 years old
Not Specified
from Rhode Island

  • Activity

    • New year, new me!

      6 months ago


      So, it's been a long time. I think it's been like, two years since I've been here. I don't even know if I'll be on here for long, but I figured it would be wrong for me to not make a little journal about the biggest change in my life.

      I'm transgender!

      Yup. I've known almost all my life but I've been afraid of it. Finally, after PAX South this year, it was time. I couldn't keep living as Rob. So I opened up, and decided to let my spirit fly. I go by Estelle now, and I've been on hormones for three months. It's been amazing and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    • The Best Laid Plans

      2 years ago


      Two months ago I wrote a little entry about the community site and not being on it for a long time. How I thought that the community website was basically broken and needed to be reworked to a usable state. Things still don't look too great. But in that post I wrote that I needed to be a better community member myself as these things don't just happen but take a collective effort to make into reality.

      There's a long story I could tell. I'll sum it up quick. Two months ago my father's health deteriorated quite severely. His health had been poor for the last two years, really. Multiple heart attacks, lung problems, kidney problems, the whole gamut of issues. But this was built upon twelve years of having these things. Long years of abuse to his body and well-being made it difficult for him to do things but he never really let it bother him.

      Last month, he passed away. 59 years old.

      It's been a rough couple of months. It's been a rough couple of years. And now everything is changing drastically.

      I am now the oldest male in my family, in direct lineage. No grandparents, no parents, no older siblings. Just me. I have cousins who are older, but I'm not counting that.

      The house I've lived in for 25 out of my 27 years is no longer going to be my home. My father's finances were so poor that we have no ability to save the house, my brother and I.

      What I want to get at is that things get bad. Things get really bad, sometimes,

      But there's always a silver lining. Upon the ground in which our loved ones are buried is the path to move forward. The seeds that they've sown have the potential to become something marvelous.

      I'm moving in two days. I'm looking forward to moving in with my best friend. It'll be a new experience, hopefully one that enriches and uplifts my life.

      And looking back, it was hard, taking care of my father. I spent a long portion of my life making sure things were alright for him. While it was trying at times and nearly drove me insane at one junction, I do not regret it. The time we have is precious. I know this is something everyone says, but how often do we realize it? All the time spent was worth it.

      I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things soon, maybe even holding up to that last journal I wrote.

    • Coming Back to the Site

      3 years ago


      So, I haven't been on the site in about a month at least. It would probably be safer to say two months. Real life gets in the way of things but that's not what this journal is about.

      Four months ago I stopped really checking the site. The main reason? I couldn't figure out what the hell I was doing. Notifications seemed to come and go. Topics seemed to disappear. I was locked out of the general forum (some error saying that forum didn't even exist, couldn't find a way to fix it). Just today I decided to check back in and see what was going on.

      Everything still seems backwards. Daunting. Unmanageable.

      I can't say that I'm an OG member of the site, or someone important, or anything like that. I'm just an average user. I post in forums sometimes. I check in groups. I read status updates from people I follow or have befriended on the site. I watch a video or two. But four months ago I got so fed up with the site and how it worked I just left it behind. Even before that point in time I wasn't too active. The litany of problems presented in the way the site worked caught up quite quickly.

      Five months ago someone sent me a friend request. I searched quite a few places for where it could have gone. Back on the old site it was easy to find. On this new site...not so much. Just today, coming back and dusting off my account and checking through all of my settings did I find it. It's hidden in the "My Settings" part of the drop down list, last tab. I have no clue why it's there. I can't fathom how it got there because it is in one of the most unusable spots I could have imagined.

      It still seems...bad.

      I can't say that I'm some model community member, like I've said earlier. But that's how I was. On the old site, I could reply to the few threads I posted it, give feedback to people, and do cool group things with relative ease. I can't do that now. In all honesty, I'm just hoping this journal posts and it might have some visibility.

      Coming back and looking over the things that my dashboard shows me, going back in time shows me quite a few promotions for new Rooster Teeth stuff, like the MDB card game, Amazing Race journals, Lazer Team final crowdfunding reports, all from the staff I follow. But the most constant thing I'm seeing in the last week is the state of the community site from community members. Journals by a number of people, mainly aggregated by @Newbs. Journals stating the same things that drove me from the site in a fit of disappointment. Journals showing me that these problems are widespread. I can't help but see the two distinct tones in the journals from my five month absence. There's a very complex yet very warranted discussion going on in these journals.

      This site is different. It isn't the one I joined two years ago. I joined and sponsored the site because I liked the content. I found myself increasingly watching more but also wanting to participate more. I stopped lurking after some time. I started posting in threads. I tried to make some decent contributions, avoiding posting garbage if I could. I found some cool people. I found some cool groups. I found the community aspect of the community.

      I'm shy by nature and highly judgmental of myself and I've done a horrible job of trying to ingrain myself in this community. But I wanted to. This community, prior to the site change, even when I was just a new guy, was so warm and inviting. I didn't feel too bad about it. The groups of people all coming together and doing their separate things and doing their Rooster Teeth things was exactly what I heard about. I knew I wanted to be part of that and this place felt a little bit like home.

      I did what I felt like my limits were. Fast forward to the new site. I've gotten over my shyness and some other problems. I've got it moderately under control. I started being active with other groups and communities that weren't Rooster Teeth. I've made some friends in other places. But not here.

      I came back here on a whim. I didn't even plan it. I saw the Rooster Teeth spot in my homepage and bookmarks and decided to maybe see what was up. I'm seeing the problem and I know I'm part of it. But it's hard to fix it when the tools to fix it and the blueprints aren't in our hands. I'll be trying to get back into the site and my old hangouts. Maybe see if I can't attempt to reforge some friendships. But I fully know what has happened. It's a shame. The whole thing being made this place seem abandoned. I don't have stats but after the new site settled in, it felt like a ghost town. I didn't see as many notifications, I saw fewer posts, I watched as everything seemed to fall by the wayside.

      It hurts to know that this is what it's become. We need some serious action to make this place the place it should be again.

    • Until Dawn - When Dawn Actually Comes

      3 years ago


      My brother and I have been playing Until Dawn; he's a horror game guy / youtuber so I let him take charge and lead. While we did end up collaborating on what choices each character was going to do and how each person was going to act, the controller was in his hands.

      He's a PC only gamer now, though he has extensively used an Xbox 360 controller, Gamecube controller, and a PS2 controller in his lifetime.

      What does that mean? That means he should be good with any controller.

      The first time we played, he did decently well. He screwed up a few QTEs but that wasn't bad. He messed up one of them by hitting Square instead of Circle. He said he forgot where they were.

      Okay, that's okay. Can't blame him for that, he hasn't used a PS controller in a while.

      Next time we play, he goes through the same thing. Two QTEs are botched this time. Says he keeps forgetting where Square and Circle are.

      And today, the final time we play, not 30 minutes from the point where I'm writing this journal, it happens.

      I warn him before we start playing, 'we're near the end, a ton of stuff goes down in the end, you gotta be on point bro.' The first QTE involving a square or a circle, thankfully non-essential, he screws up. I tell him 'no worries, but watch your fingers man, people are gonna die like that'. It continues. He messes up again. And one more time. Then...

      10 minutes before the game ends he hits Circle instead of Square and two people die.

      I can do nothing but laugh. He did a great job at the QTEs and challenges in game but it's hilarious that he continues to screw up Circle and Square no matter what. I love it.

      Also Until Dawn is fantastic. Go get it if you can, watch an LP if you can't.

    • Quiet on my dashboard?

      3 years ago


      So uh, while the new site is super awesome, I'm sure there's tons of bugs and stuff to be cleaned up as with any new piece of technology. I just noticed that none of the groups I'm in have any posts whatsoever in my feed. There seems to be no setting for this anywhere I can find on site. I'm curious as to whether this is normal or just a bug for now. Can anybody explain it to me?

    • New Site

      3 years ago


      Seems cool. This'll definitely take some getting used to. But, if what what Adam said is true, the old site was paper clips, duct tape, and rubber bands all held together precariously by some unknown force. It's for the best. Major kudos to Adam and the team for rolling out this new version of the site. Thumbs up for you guys.

    • 4 years ago


      Currently downloading Wolfenstein: The Old Blood and Smite on my X1. I'll...check back on that tomorrow morning.

    • Let's Play - Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Tournament

      4 years ago


      Great video, it was really fun to watch. I loved how the crew were getting into it and getting hype. And then I realized that not a single one of them, despite all of their years of gaming, remembered that Quarter Circle Forward and Backward, staples of fighting games throughout all time, was actually a thing.
      The cheese was incredible. I'm surprised no one in that room played dirty after that Wolverine claw attack came to fruition.

    • PAX East Day 3

      4 years ago


      And with that PAX comes to a close. It was an awesome time and I can't believe just how much stuff happened in the short amount of time that it occurred. Sadly I didn't get to meet Gilby, Jordan, or Jack (both times I had a chance and wandered into their line it was capped!) but the con was an incredible time. Especially due to it being my first con too! Many games were played and demoed, events went to, and fun had with my friends. I'm already planning on going next year but that's quite a distance into the future. Only regret is that I didn't have a chance to meet anybody new but I had my hands quite full with the crew I went with and trying to figure out what the hell we were doing the entire time. Next year for sure.
      Also, that shuttle system, while more convenient than walking, is a huge mess. Holy crap.

    • PAX East Day Two

      4 years ago


      Day Two was brutal. Arrived at 10:30 to the con, left at 10. We spent most of the day trying out indie games though we did get to play some overwatch and it was sick. We also bought a ton of new games like Superfight and Sentinels of the Multiverse. Also met Jesse Cox and WowCrendor after attending the sickest panel ever. Day three, I don't know what is in store but I'm ready.

  • Comments (5)

    • YooniqueKwon FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold I'm a lot of things, but

      4 years ago

      Yo Dude!!!!! Thanks for accepting my request! You're studying Korean?! That's awesome! I'm Korean AND I speak the language!!! If you need any help, I'm an open book smiley0.gif

      Post edited 9/14/14 3:54PM

      • MagicalEstelle

        4 years ago

        Haha, no problem dude! It's really cool that you know 3 languages and if I need any help, I'll be sure to ask you, thanks! And shoutout to the Kamen Rider title you've got, I haven't seen any of it yet but it's on my "to watch" list and I'm excited :D

    • Joel_K FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      5 years ago

      Welcome to our Spectacular Community!! I hope you enjoy it here and feel free to add me as a Friend!

      • Joel_K FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        5 years ago

        We try our best to be as friendly as possible!

      • MagicalEstelle

        5 years ago

        Thank you so much! Glad to have joined, I feel like it'll be a pretty awesome experience. The community seems ultra friendly and I can't wait to to start participating properly.

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