Mandalore117

Male
from WoodsCross, UT

  • Activity

    • Top Ten Lists

      13 years ago

      Mandalore117

      TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER...

      10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.

      9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.

      8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.

      7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."

      6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.

      5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.

      4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.

      3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."

      2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.

      1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.

      TOP 10 REASONS WHY SOME MEN FAVOR HANDGUNS OVER WOMEN

      10 - YOU CAN TRADE IN AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

      9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE
      ON THE ROAD.

      8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.

      7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.

      6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.

      5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.

      4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.

      3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?"

      2 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT.

      1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN.

      Top 10 Signs Your Car Should Be Recalled

      10. "Leaks brake fluid, transmission fluid and blood"

      9. "It can only make left turns"

      8. "Ambulances follow you around"

      7. "It was rated a "Best Buy" by "Faulty Wiring Magazine""

      6. "It has the same battery as your watch"

      5. "Heater control is marked "Low," "High" and "Sars""

      4. "Page 74 of the owners' manual advises: "Car is for display purposes only""

      3. "Blue book value: $38.75"

      2. "Seatbelts are made of delicious Taffy"

      1. "Dealer promised engine would last as long as your marriage to Britney Spears"

      Top Ten Signs You Migh be a redneck...

      1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.

      2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.

      3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.

      4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.

      5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.

      6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.

      7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.

      8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.

      9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.

      10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.

      Top Ten Things I Have Learned Interning At the LATE SHOW
      (As presented by the LATE SHOW interns)

      10. "Television is a magical dreamland of paying delivery guys and replacing toner cartridges"

      9. "Late Show T-shirts are made in a sweatshop under the Ed Sullivan Theater"

      8. " hours of work go into writing Dave's so-called 'fan mail'"

      7. " differences allow you to distinguish Dave's twin poodles, Chablis and Chardonnay"

      6. "Any idiot can become famous if they own a suit and can read a cue card"

      5. "New York is a wonderful place to meet hookers"

      4. " I'm asked, 'Have you ever wasted four months of your life?' I'll be ready with an answer"

      3. "'t go to Dave's barber"

      2. " make Dave's coffee, add two scoops of French roast for every cup of Dewar's"

      1. "My parents lie and say I intern for Leno"

    • A drunk walks into a bar

      13 years ago

      Mandalore117

      A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says:

      "Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!"

      "No, no," says the bartender. "You've had too much already."

      The drunk spies a dart board behind the bar.

      "Tell you what," he says. "If I can throw three bull's eyes with that dart set would you let me have the drink?"

      "Sure," says the bartender, thinking the guy would leave after the little game. He hands the drunk three darts. "Look out, everybody!"

      Zot, zot, zot. The drunk throws three quick bull's eyes.

      Well, the bartender had never seen anything like that before, but he has to make good on the wager, so he makes a martini and sets it before the drunk. He then puts a napkin next to the drink and sets a turtle on it.

      "What's this," says the drunk.

      "That's a prize for such fine dart throwing," says the bartender.

      The drunk drinks his martini, picks up the turtle, puts it in his coat pocket, and leaves.

      Well, the next night, the same drunk goes into the same bar. Again, he is hopelessly inebriated; totally faced.

      "Bartender," he says. "Gimme a martini!"

      "No, no," says the bartender. "You're too drunk already. Go home."

      Again the drunk notices the darts.

      "If I can throw three bull's eyes would you gimme the martini?" he asks.

      The bartender thinks, "This guy can't be that lucky again. I'll get rid of him."

      "Sure, sure," he says, handing the darts over.

      Bip, bip, bip. Three bull's eyes.

      "Holy cow," says the bartender, and he gives the drunk guy a martini. Again, he sets a turtle next to it.

      "What's this?" asks the drunk.

      "That's a prize for being such a good shot."

      "Oh," says the drunk, and he quaffs his martini, puts the turtle in his coat pocket, and leaves.

      Believe it or not, the very next night the same drunk enters the same bar.

      "Gimme a martini!" he demands.

      "No, no," says the bartender. "You've been overserved already. Get on home."

      Spying the dart board once more, the drunk guy says:"Would tossing three bull's eyes prove that I'm not overserved?"

      The bartender can't believe that anybody this drunk could possibly hit the dart board, let alone get three bull's eyes.

      "OK," he says, forking over the three darts.

      The drunk deftly grabs all three darts and tosses them simultaneously.

      Thwock! All three darts land solidly in the bull's eye!

      "Unbelievable!" says the incredulous bartender. True to his word, he prepares a martini and sets it before the drunk guy. He then lays a beautiful long-stem rose on the bar next to the cocktail.

      "What's this?" asks the drunk.

      "That's a special prize for being so good at darts," says the bartender.

      "Oh," says the drunk. "All out of roast beef on a hard roll, huh?"

    • Quiz (Girls only)

      13 years ago

      Mandalore117

      WOULD YOU....
      [_] go out with me?
      [_] give me your number?
      [_] kiss me?
      [_] let me kiss you?
      [_] watch a movie with me?
      [_] let me take you out to dinner?
      [_] let me drive you somewhere
      [_] take a shower with me?
      [_] be my gf?
      [_] give me a piggy back ride?
      [_] take long rides to nowhere with me?
      [_] have a fling with me?
      [_] let me buy you a drink?
      [_] take me home for the night?
      [_] Would you let me sleep in your bed?
      [_] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
      [_] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
      [_] Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere
      [_] Lock me in your room and take advantage of me?
      [_] lick my cheek?
      [_] dance with me?
      [_] Have spontaneous sex with me wherever I wanted?
      [_] let me make you breakfast?
      [_] tickle me to death?
      [_] let me tickle you?
      [_] stick up for me if i was being put down?
      [_] let me dress up and take cool pics of me?
      [_] play strip poker with me?
      [_] say yes if i asked you out?
      [_] get wasted with me?
      [_] instant message me?
      [_] greet me in public?
      [_] hang out with me?
      [_] bring me around your friends?

      D0 Y0U...
      [_] think im cute?
      [_] think im hot?
      [_] want to kiss me?
      [_] want to cuddle wit me?
      [_] want to hook up with me?
      [_] want to have sex with me?

      ARE WE...
      [_] aquintences?
      [_] friends?
      [_] in a relationship?
      [_] gonna have kids?
      [_] gonna have secret rendevous and have wild sex

      AM i...
      [_] smart?
      [_] cute?
      [_] funny?
      [_] cool?
      [_] loveable?
      [_] adorable?
      [_] compassionate?
      [_] annoying?
      [_] great to be with?
      [_] attractive?
      [_] mean?
      [_] odd?
      [_] sweet?


      HAVE Y0U EVER...
      [_] thought about me?
      [_] thought there might be an "us"?
      [_] thought about hookin up with me?
      [_] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
      [_] wished i were there?
      [_] grabbed me?
      [_] had a crush on me?
      [_] idolized me?
      [_] wanted my number?
      [_] had a dream about me?
      [_] been distracted by me?
      [_] wanted to have sex with me?

      ARE Y0U...
      [_] happy you know me?
      [_] mad at me?
      [_] thinkin bout me?
      [_] done with this survey?
      [_] taking this survey cuz you are completley bored?
      [_] going to repost this so that i will return the favor?

    • Michael Jackson jokes

      13 years ago

      Mandalore117

      Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
      A. They both live off dead Beatles.
      Q. What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
      A. She screamed her hands off.
      Q. What does McDonald's and Michael Jackson have in common?
      A. They both stick their meat in 13 year old buns.
      Q. What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?
      A. The Spice Girls!
      Q. Why does Michael Jackson scream?
      A. Because it hurts.
      Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?
      A: "Feel the World."

      Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest song?
      A: "Don't let your son go down on me."

      Q: What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?
      A: Little Boy Blew.

      Q: What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?
      A: "The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"

      Q: What did Michael Jackson say when a boy in a car mooned him going down the road?
      A: "I'll be there!"

      Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite gospel song?
      A: "And then he touched me"

      Q: What did Michael Jackson say to Lorena Bobbit?
      A: "SILLY Bobbit! Dicks are for KIDS!"

      Q: What do Michael Jackson and Miss Bobbit have in common?
      A: They both played with little wieners.

      Q: Why did Michael Jackson get food poisoning?
      A: He ate a nine year old wiener!

      Q: Why did Michael Jackson get kicked out of the school cafeteria?
      A: Because he ate all the kids' wieners.

      Q: What does Michael Jackson call a circumcision?
      A: Foreplay.

      Q: What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
      A: Both get turned on by kids!!!

      Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
      A: They both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks.

      Q: What do Michael Jackson and Dr. Spock have in common?
      A: They both know how to rear a child.

      Q: What do Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan have in common?
      A: They both play ball in the Minor League.

      Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan?
      A: One is in the Minors, the other is into Minors.

      Q: Why's Michael trying out for the NBA?
      A: He's a crack shooter.

      Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
      A: One was the first man to walk on the moon, and the other f***s little boys.

      Q: What does Michael have in common with NASA?
      A: It's been 25 years since his first moon landing.

      Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite holiday?
      A: Christmas because he gives the well behaved kids a special gift...

      Q: Where's Michael going on holiday?
      A: He's off to Tampa with the kids.

      Q: What do Michael Jackson and Wal-mart have in common?
      A: They both have small boys pants at half off!

      Q: What do Michael Jackson and Wal-mart have in common?
      A: They both wait 3 months after the child is born to give piercings.

      Q: Why did Michael Jackson go to K Mart?
      A: He heard they had small boys pants half off.

      Q: What does Michael Jackson think of when he sees a boy in a McDonald's suit?
      A: A happy meal.

      McDonald's is bringing out a new "Michael Jackson Burger"...
      It has 35 year old meat inside 5 year old buns.

      The new burger at McDonald's is called the McJackson.
      It consists of matured beef between two fresh white buns.

      Q: What do Michael's rear and an LA jail have in common?
      A: Both hold the juice.

      Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
      A: Because they aren't his!

      Q: Why does Michael Jackson want to move to Ohio?
      A: He heard there's a Youngstown there.

      Q: What's Micheal Jackson's Chinese name?
      A: Melikeemyoung.

      Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson was taken to the Emergency Room?
      A: He was choking on a small bone!

      Q: Did you hear about the new McDonalds McJackson sandwich?
      A: It's a 35 year old slab of meat between two 12 year old buns.

      Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
      A: They're both 30 year old meat between 10 year old buns!

      Q: How many times does 12 go into 35?
      A: Ask Michael Jackson.

      Q: What's 6 + 46 + 5?
      A: A threesome with Michael Jackson.

      Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year old boyfriends?
      A: Because there are twenty of them!

      Q: How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
      A: None. Michael Jackson only screws little boys!

      Q: Why isn't all the controversy bothering Michael?
      A: He doesn't mind reaching bottom.

      Q: What's soft and brown and sometimes found in little boy's diapers?
      A: Michael Jackson's hand!

      Q: What's the worst stain to try and remove from little boy's underpants?
      A: Michael Jackson's makeup.

      Q: What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?
      A: His other hand.

      Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's toaster?
      A: The bread goes in brown, and comes out white.

      Q: Who's Michael Jackson's favorite poet?
      A: Emily Dick in son.

      Q: Why did Michael invite Macaulay Culkin to the house?
      A: He's like the little boy he never had.

      Q: How did Michael actually proposition the little boy?
      A: It was just a slip of the tongue.

      Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
      A: Get out of my sun!

      Q: What did Michael Jackson yell when he fell off the boat?
      A: Throw me the bouy!!

      Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
      A: Throw him a buoy!

      Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
      A: There's a Big Wheel parked outside his house!

      Q: How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party?
      A: By all the Big Wheels in his driveway.

      Q: How does Michael like to party?
      A: He sips a couple of Tall Boys.

      Q: What's Michael's favorite snack?
      A: Slim Jims.

      Q: What's Michael's favorite fast food?
      A: Big Boys.

      Q: What's Michael's favorite dish?
      A: Creamed shrimp.

      Q. Did you hear Michael Jackson is moving to PA... Guess which town? A. Dubois.

      Q: Why is Michael so tough?
      A: He can lick any kid on the block.

      Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
      A: Two 5 year olds.

      Q: Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of the Boy Scouts?
      A: He was up to two packs a day.

      Q: What do Michael Jackson and Rum have in comm

    • a houston we have a problem

      13 years ago

      Mandalore117

      can people give me some mod points plz i kinda was a idiot and spent them all

    • Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies

      13 years ago

      Mandalore117

      Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies

      -It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
      -A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
      -If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
      -Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
      -It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
      -When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
      -No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
      -Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
      -When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
      -You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
      -Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
      -An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
      -Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
      - It always rains at least once in a day
      - You always run out of ammo at the worse possible time
      - Your enemies always know where you are
      - The girl starts hating the guy, but by the end she loves him
      - You can never find the exit

    • A novice drill instructor

      13 years ago

      Mandalore117

      A novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"

    • This is an actual radio conversation

      13 years ago

      Mandalore117

      This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

      CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

      AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

      CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

      AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

      CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

      AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

      CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

    • 2019 years ago

      Mandalore117
    • 2019 years ago

      Mandalore117
  • About Me

  • Comments (14)

    • 180

      13 years ago

      for Mandalor smiley11.gifsmiley11.gifsmiley11.gifsmiley11.gifsmiley11.gifsmiley11.gif

    • iccablob

      13 years ago

      DUDE KOTOR rules mandalore is the MANNN

    • Glaxton

      13 years ago

      Congratulations on being here at RvB for six months!

      I created a banner for you Here, you can download it and post it if you like.,
      OR, just delete this message and go on with your life! smiley0.gif

    • 1CalledSteve

      13 years ago

      Happy New Year chief!

    • E_T

      13 years ago

      JointheTribe.jpg

    • Commando443

      13 years ago

      vote for me Here please

    • sergeant4

      13 years ago

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    • SuperFreak_7

      13 years ago

      check out my journal real quick please

    • kitcat

      13 years ago

      thanks.jpgfor the vote

    • kitcat

      13 years ago

      please vote for me here rvb.roosterteeth.com/members/journal/?uid=294209

    • kitcat

      13 years ago

      turkey.gif

    • moyes FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      Vote for MaiShadowX because...well...i told you to smiley0.gif ...JUST VOTE FOR HER!!! NOW!!! Or she'll hurt me

    • benclover

      13 years ago

      you need to be a sponsor. If your not you get a scrolling record of the episodes.

    • saber95

      13 years ago

      Hey man welcome to the site if you have any questions just ask me I’ll be happy to help

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