Hello all =)
It has been so long since I have wrote a journal. I remembered I had an account and decided to log on and read all past entries that I put up. LoL I have to say. WOW was I young!! and WOW was I stupid LOL! I haven't been on in so long that I think nobody is following me but that's ok. I decided to come back and write a journal just because its been years, I have lots on my mind that I don't mind sharing and since I'm a stay at home mom right now my conversations are all baby talk. This journal specifically is for my youngest.
If you know me well then you definitely know that I am a mother of two beautiful girls. They are my everything and being a mother to them is really the best gift ever. Both are just amazing and are two complete opposites. My oldest daughter matured very fast. She grew her first teeth at 4 months old, learned to sit at 6 months, walked at 12 months, talked very well and was very bright (still is!). She didn't have any complications at birth or in the womb or growing up. If anyone met her they would say she's very outgoing. My youngest daughter was born with complications, she is very shy and anxious, grew her first tooth at 11 months old, and is still learning to sit now at 16 months old.
Let's talk about that a little more. When she was born the cord was wrapped really tight around her neck. She came out blue and purple and didn't take her first breath. All I remember was the doctor immediately taking her away and I hear a beep.. code pink. What does that even mean? Then within seconds it felt like there was 20 people i could be wrong, barge into the room and hover around my little 6 pound baby trying to get her to breath. I can't recall how long it took them to get to her take a breath but when they did they brought her to me and her fingertips were still blue. All night I spent watching her breathe while she slept worried that something wasn't right. The following day we got home and two hours later I saw my baby turn red, then blue, then white. We brought her back to the hospital and found out she was having seizures. We stayed in the hospital for quite some. I felt like I was going crazy. The four walls of the room we stayed in and that nasty mural on the wall made me want to pull my hair out. The nurses and doctors kept yanking at my baby poking her more than 2 dozen times (seriously.) and shoving catheters in her, hurt me. I wish it was me and not her. Anyways... we left the hospital and a week later found ourselves back in the emergency, back in the same room with that ugly ass fucking mural on the wall. My oldest daughter can draw better. Long days went by and we went home with anti convulsant medication for her.
She's better now =) She took the meds for 1 year. She wasn't diagnosed with anything. She suffered seizure disorder but that's just a term not a diagnosis. Right now she has global developmental delay. That is also not a diagnosis it's just a term that explains she is delayed in all areas of development. I noticed she had trouble learning to sit and grab items so we started seeing a physiotherapist, an occupational therapist and an early interventionist. All of those professionals still tell us that she will get there but on her own time and the seizures greatly affected her muscles. When people see her they look at her like she's a puzzle they need to solve. When people find out she's 16 months and she's not sitting yet they look at her and wonder if I'm hiding something. They wonder If I'm a parent in denial and won't tell anyone that she's diagnosed with something like cerebral palsy or autism. I've gotten a lot of
"The doctors didn't diagnose her with anything? but she's not even moving"
"whats wrong with her?"
"why is she so awkward?"
"Are you sure you got all the right testing done for her?"
"tsk.. doctors, they don't know what they are talking about"
Some people don't show optimism towards her but look at her from head to toe trying to find an answer. I've had extended family nit pick at her and ask questions that don't even make sense to me. Don't get me wrong there are amazing people who are supportive and optimistic. They don't ask for more answers they simply accept. It's not fair that this little baby is being judged all the time but what can I do? The world is full of ignorant people. I can't change anything about them, I can only change myself. So..... to those who are
What's really sad is that if she really did have a diagnosis these people would finally treat her with the respect they should have been giving her from the start. I'm not hiding anything and if she did why would you have the right to know anything about me or my family?
I have learned to be patient. Not to compare children. I learned to ignore those who judge my parenting. I learned not to feel hurt when I hear people talking shit about my kids and talking highly of theirs.
Thank you to those who are amazing, supportive and understanding. If people just focus on positivity they will see that she's so smart, she's got an amazing personality and everyday she always making amazing progress. I'm proud of her and I'm proud to be her mother. I never knew what parents went through when their children were developing Atypically but now I know and now I understand. I understand that people are cruel. I'm actually grateful that of all the things that could have happened to her, it wasn't anything life threatening. So what if she's Delayed? Delay doesn't mean it will never come it just means it will take time.
5 years agoMarGarRita
Hello all =)
7 years agoMarGarRita
Just dropping by to say hello!
7 years agoMarGarRita
Another journal after not coming on here for many years. I'm surprised I even remember the password my account! Anyways...
The other night I was watching a show called '!Q' Viva' and it's about starting a show in vegas that highlights the talent of the different latin american countries. It's a very interesting show and anything about different cultures always gets my attention. I was very impressed by the argentine groups called impacto malambo and remolino malambo. If you have any time, look them up on youtube. They will impress you.
Today is Monday and I am off work for the week to relax. I started off my Monday looking up songs I can play on my Ukulele and then got into looking up more about these two dance groups from '!Q'Viva'
I started to wonder what folk dance from El Salvador was like because I don't know much about El Salvador. Josh is Salvadorian and I have no knowledge on traditional Salvadorian dances or customs. I started looking up traditional clothing, foods, music etc..
So.... As I started learning.. I realized..... I don't know much about the Philippines!! I'm filipino and I know nothing. I don't know much of the language, foods, traditional clothes, folk dances etc.. Here comes wikipedia and surfing the web about all of what I don't know.
It actually makes me sad. I have 1 child and another on the way and I can't teach them about any of our cultures. I feel bad that I don't know enough to teach my kids about the philippines. I wish I can teach them how to speak the language and show them where my parents came from. I have to rely on Josh to teach them spanish and salvadorian traditions.
I now feel determined to learn and I'm hopeful that my parents can help teach my kids what I never learned when I was younger.
12 years agoMarGarRita
ahh.. soo.. im driving home from nielson and finch (kimberly's casa) on a very snowy day... i must admit.. i was going a bit too fast for that weather..
"i cant the see lanes!! am i between the lanes guys?!?"...
"who cares just follow the car in front u.. actually go in the left lane.. it the fast lane mar"..
alright thats coool... [switches lanes...]
"um.. u guys.. it hink im too far left..."
"yeah.. go back..."
[tries but fails to do soo.]
so yess... as i keep trying.. the car keeps gliding to the left.. AHH!! COME FRIGGIN ON!!! im thinkin.."well hey at least im slowing down..like everyone else on the highway...i can guide the car no worries mar"
---/> soo slowing trying to ease into the right lane (let me tell u i was steering the wheel RIGHT!! right I TELL U!!) the car kept gliding.. it had a mind of its own! AHHH!!...
"guys.. imgoing to hit a wall"
[they didnt hear me..they were too busy laughing and talking]
ron: "yeah mar?"
"is mar okay?!.. josh! is mar okay?!!?"
josh: "mar.. u okay?.. mar?!"
"yeah... my moms going to kill me guys... !!!"
"are u okay tho..."
"my moms going to kill me!!!!"
anyways... got off the nearest exit, parked at a nofrills and josh's parents came to pick us up.. MANN!!! never again =P
im broke now... but heyy!! everyones okay!! (no other cars involved..) thank god!
next day.. paintballing..for my birthday.. MANN was i in pain!..
so long folks! =P
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