Musicman842

Male
from Ellicott City, MD

  • Activity

    • Right, so I've Returned. Hai!

      4 years ago

      Musicman842

      Hi guys, sorry about my absence. Just got out of an abusive relationship, which I feel absolutely bitter/crushed over. Missed you. Hope to do some catch up with you all!

    • Sad Day

      5 years ago

      Musicman842

      My mother lost her nearly decade long battle with cancer early this morning and nearly lost my girlfriend today. Luckily she's still around.

      Mainly I want to go kill abusers today.

    • A Change of Plans Regarding RTX

      5 years ago

      Musicman842

      As you all my know by now, I have been hesitant to attend this year's RTX for reasons that those that watch me and have read my journals may easily surmise. Mostly, I am afraid of what may happen if I attend and I hear sexist remarks and shit or if someone recognizes me as the write of said journals (and some comments regarding a recent sexist issue that came up recently). Anyway, much of that anxiety is taken care of. Sort of. It is highly unlikely that I will be attending RTX though I have paid for everything and can most likely obtain refunds on the airfare and hotel. Why you may ask am I not attending if I have already given a reason, even if it sounds wishy washy? Well, I was put on the waitlist for the nursing (RN) program from the Fall to the Spring (starting in January). As I am not working and have completed the prereqs, I have decided to get a job in the field. Instead of sitting on my ass, I am taking a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) certification course to start doing something related to nursing for awhile, and hopefully get a job and make some monies before my RN class starts in January.

      The CNA course runs from the beginning of July to the end of August, so hopefully I can find a job by then and work for awhile before my RN courses come in. Again, sorry to those that were expecting me to show up at this year's RTX. Who knows? I might come next year, but I am not so sure. Anyway, I hope to see you peoples another time!

    • I Did A Good

      6 years ago

      Musicman842

      I helped an extremely high risk individual see that people love her and care about her. She is still alive after all the shit that has happened to her.

    • Well fuck

      6 years ago

      Musicman842

      My final ex hits nearly every bullet point on this list.

      www.theredflagcampaign.org/index.php/dating-violence/red...

    • Identity Crisis Mode

      6 years ago

      Musicman842

      I'm pretty sure I've posted this kind of thing before. But here's a recap. I have discovered that I lie in the grey area of both asexuality and romanticism. Meaning that I don't actively seek it out or are interested in it. But, if I were to "fall into one" as I so elegantly put it, I wouldn't mind.

      So here's where it gets tricky. It is possible that I am polyamorous. This is difficult for me. I am already on the outskirts of society by being all of the above (and a self-identified intersectional radical feminist), but now I have the stigma of possibly being polyamorous as well?

      FUUUUUUUUUUUU


      Umm, help.

    • General Vent About Misogyny On the Net

      6 years ago

      Musicman842

      Right, so by now, I'm sure my public journals have made it very clear how harmful attempting to make light of sexual violence is. But, back to the larger issue at hand. Misogyny. The ingrained hate against women on the net and in video games (and elsewhere). One hears it all the time, the "nice guy syndrome", the "friendzoner gal" et cetera. This is an example of male entitlement towards women. It's wrong and needs to end. Ditto for all this hostile environments for women. (See earlier journals)

      I mean, what made these men (and some women have internalized misogyny too) this way? I mean, why am I not a misogynist with my oh-so-colorful history with women. I've been abused by two ex-girlfriends and a couple women with whom I did not even pursue a relationship with. Hell, my last ex-girlfriend was a retired escort, for crying out loud. I didn't view her as her past career. I viewed her as a person (something a lot of people can't do when talking about someone involved with sex work). Someone with whom I did love, but she was abusive. I blame the men in her life for making her this way, because she told me horror stories of what some johns would do to her. Hell, it even started with her dad. We shouldn't view escorts or prostitutes as sub humans or people with whom we don't have any respect for. We need to view them as people. The news often reports deaths of prostitutes not as deaths of women, but as prostitutes, because according to our society, they don't matter. We don't need to rescue them per se from their jobs, but we do need to respect them and have laws in place to at least prosecute johns and not people involved in that line of work.

      I just don't understand the misogyny that men (and some women have). Sure, I can understand it a little if they were abused. I am not excusing misogyny in any circumstance. But, seriously? Some misogynists are in relationships at the moment, and I am fearful for the women that are in relationships with people that seem to be misogynists. What made these men feel so entitled towards women?

      I just don't know. Because I have been abused, been treated badly, never had sex (and don't want it), never had a healthy relationship, and yet I identify as an intersectional feminist that hold women with respect and love. What's a misogynist's excuse for hating women? Didn't get what you want? Not good enough.

    • Think I may be ending my sponsorship soon

      6 years ago

      Musicman842

      I just can't do this anymore. I poured my heart out on my previous series of journals and nothing's changed. It still is unsafe and I feel like I'm shouting at a brick wall. I don't feel comfortable around a lot of people here. There are a few that I love. But for now, I just can't watch anything in fear of being triggered. Especially with the new podcast.

      I still plan on going to RTX, however. I just think I need a hiatus.

    • Concrete Things That Can Be Done To Help Survivors

      6 years ago

      Musicman842

      Because I ran out of room:
      There are a few other things that need to be said about the survivor population as a whole. What suggestions may work for me may not work for other survivors, so here are a few things to do and not to do:
      Do NOT: Say that they are being "oversensitive", it is minimizing and silencing behavior
      Do NOT: Judge them for the actions that they have taken or didn't take
      Do NOT: Blame them for the abuse
      Do NOT: say "it's just a joke"

      These are all minimizing, disrespectful, and silencing behaviors.

      However,
      DO: Listen
      DO: Be respectful
      DO: Be supportive
      DO: Believe them
      DO: Post trigger warnings if you cannot control yourself making light of rape

      There are still many things that can be done to help. Making light of it when they are not ready is not one of them. It is also easier for a perpetrator (of one of these things) to change THEIR behavior, because frankly, survivors have enough on their plate without feeling like they have to take responsibility to avoid triggering things.
      *hides under blankets*

  • Comments (14)

    • goosechecka

      5 years ago

      Not sure if you listen to the RT podcasts anymore, but if you do, you might want avoid this episode of "The Patch." Pretty big trigger warning.

    • Dame

      7 years ago

      Hey there! got your "Hai" message.
      I was on this site for years too before i started trying to make friends and interact more with the community.
      so glad I did - there are a lot of amazing people here. smiley13.gif

      Since youre looking to make friends on the site, you may be interested in the RT-XBLC group, there are some community playdates coming up here real soon. in fact.. i think theres a BattleField playdate tomorrow / this weekend.

      Also, just a helpful tip you may not be aware of. I see you are replying to comments people leave you, but you are replying on your own page. This means the other person will NOT see or be notified of your reply. It is better to go to their page and leave comment directly on their page with a reply.

      at least that is the case with the soon to be "old" profile layout. If youre using the new layout and hit "reply" it should notify the person.

      Hopefully that will help you out some. Sorry if you already knew that stuff.

      Take care! smiley7.gif


      click HERE for the RT-XBLC group

      • Musicman842

        7 years ago

        I've been mistaken for one due to what my ex described as metrosexual good looks...Seriously :P But my voice is too deep to pull off drag.

        Should be getting XBL gold back when either when I cash my first paycheck, which I should be getting soon or after my bio exam on the 15th. Whichever comes first. Also, should get a headset at some point. Gamertag is Musicman842.

      • Dame

        7 years ago

        ..too bad youre not a lady hehheh
        im kidding.

        i am in the midst of planning 2 Ladies Nights playdates for this month is why I said that.

        But yeah we can play Halo sometime smiley1.gif

        when do you think youre getting your XBL gold back?

      • Musicman842

        7 years ago

        Thank you for the help, Elegant! I am already in the RT-XBLC group that you mentioned but haven't really been able to play because a(don't have BF3 and other games or b(don't have Gold membership anymore. I'm working on getting one back when I get some time and money together.

        Any chance of catching you later playing perhaps the Halo series? That would be fun! :D

    • Musicman842

      8 years ago

      Yup, I <3 birds!! I wanna African Grey so badly! Oh jeez I haven't watched Invader Zim in so long! lol

    • kitn42

      8 years ago

      Didn't know you liked birds too! My mom has an african grey. Thanks to it I don't have to answer my mom calling my name anymore because it usually says "WHAT!?!" For me now. Very convenient smiley0.gif

      And its funny to see there is a Gir fanclub here on RT. I have a few pieces of Gir merchandise for myself.

    • Musicman842

      8 years ago

      :)

    • Barbara FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      I guess I'm generally concerned with the upkeep of my shoes. The avatar is accurate.

    • Musicman842

      8 years ago

      Yeah we do hehe XD. And grats on a great boyfriend! Yah deserves it, Kelly!

    • Kellyrenea

      8 years ago

      Ha! yeah that's funny.. birds just want to be your friend..

      I bet you and big bird party hard!

    • Musicman842

      8 years ago

      No prob, Ish. Just lookin for some friends on this site. But I don't like randomly adding people so I just thought I'd comment on a few people's pics and/or journals. :)

    • isharanger

      8 years ago

      thanks for the comments

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