Nicolai

Male
from Walachia

  • Activity

    • meds plus drinks

      4 years ago

      Nicolai

      Medication and alcohol apparently makes me black out.....

      Apparently I went out after work, saw my ex, spoke to her, and next thing I know I'm waking up in the back seat of her car..... with her..... note to self: do not drink alone ever again.....

    • been a while, nobody's reading these

      4 years ago

      Nicolai

      Alone in a group of family, having vivid dreams of killing my brother, back to pretending to be happy so my mother won't cry any more, not sure what to do, have become a productive member of society, medication FINALLY stopped the voices, don't know how to be normal, can't muster the energy to be upset or happy or sad or angry or excited just feel flat, better than I've been in a long while but don't feel myself, math is hard now due to said meds, not sure what I'm meant to do with free time after work, lonely.....

      Pst scrpt ~ ya know how everybody looks back and realuzes nothing was really as bad as it seemed at the time? Looking back at my life and looking at where I ended up, everything was and is exactly as bad as I thought, but it seems to matter less or at least bother me less than it did.


      So how have you been?

    • 4 years ago

      Nicolai

      Ever get the feeling that you're on the precipice of the downslope?
      Every good moment it's now gone and all that's left is shite and terribleness~ ness. Life has been ge or so years ago. We should kill me, but we're not allowed.....



      Wow phone broke down there...Shit since seven years ago we should kill me etc......
      Should stop stealing Shitty phones apparently.

    • free

      4 years ago

      Nicolai

      Got out and the bug out bag was there so I'm all good unless they catch me. Then we have an issue.
      Love that my shoulders can do that, the trick is not letting them know how useless their restraints are.

    • incarcerated

      4 years ago

      Nicolai

      So being suck in confinement is even less fun than I remember......
      Talked an orderly into loaning me his phone for an hour til his rounds are done because of the date.
      I have limited contact and useless contact with the world.
      Happy.
      Fucking.
      Birthday.
      Enjoy the padded cell. Didn't think they even had those anymore, but apparently once you're a threat to yourself and others, they give you a special place to talk to the voices and go proper crazy......

      Currently planning an escape, and to give this phones a hard reset in about 4 days and 20 minutes respectively.

      Merry Christmas in case I don't get out or the bug out bag is compromised.

      And fuck the us justice system, gonna go on a killing spree just cause you put me in this place again.

    • ya know who i hate? that conor kid, we should kill him.

      4 years ago

      Nicolai

      Told that to my therapist, she didn't laugh at all. I laughed alot.
      I don't think that she really gets the joke yet, but she will soon enough.....
      She seems to think that I am worth saving and that is a joke innandnof itself.

    • so that went well

      4 years ago

      Nicolai

      Sean got me text of where my will is, punched me in the face, bandaged my arm, kicked me in the gut and took me home.
      Regret not being fast enough, apparently every attempt to die fails.
      Now I'm stuck on the couch with Sean looking over my shoulder, I'm supposed to be making apalogies now.
      Fuck you Sean by the way.
      Ow, stop hitting me, I'm injured! Dick.

      I'm allowed damn it!
      And again, fuck you.

    • fare thee well

      4 years ago

      Nicolai

      Gonna go to the park slit my left wrist with my kabar then cut my right jugular and then disembowl myself as much as is possible right hand only.

      Was nice meeting/talking to you guys. Thanks for the words.

    • talented or alcoholic?

      4 years ago

      Nicolai

      Drank 2 bottles of wine, still able to shave with the bootknife!

    • something wrong with me...

      4 years ago

      Nicolai

      Breakfast today: a bagel, onion and chive cream cheese, and potato!!
      Not sure why that sounded great today.

      Also, didn't even strike me as odd until my friend over, but apparently normal people don't eat using the dagger from their boot.

      Apparently I need human interaction more often.

  • Comments (2758)

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      the one u just showed me

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      -_- i love that song now...

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      they also did this song i like

      www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqXmaFPn604

    • greyflame

      7 years ago

      im saying its shit...

    • JonMtn FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold It's Late

      7 years ago

      I do indeed hate when rappers do that. I also hate when rappers make lyrics that say "moves like Jagger" when the majority of people who listen to their "song" have no idea who in the hell Mick Jagger is.

    • JonMtn FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold It's Late

      7 years ago

      Trust me I wish I was genius enough to have made it, and as for why he has a guitar, but can't play it, I have no idea, I guess he wanted to seem like he has an actual talent.

    • JonMtn FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold It's Late

      7 years ago

      I am, and I noted that error too, but I didn't make it and as such am not at fault for the glaring typo.

    • greyflame

      7 years ago

      yeah but my mum read that and i aint into the kinda "shit"

    • greyflame

      7 years ago

      what?

    • greyflame

      7 years ago

      what ?

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      well im here now :P

    • greyflame

      7 years ago

      recently ive just given up on the world, if people dont join, eh, fuck em i dont care but thnx 4 advice

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      whats that supposed to mean !?! >:D

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      hehehehe im difficult :D

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      waitst of time

    • greyflame

      7 years ago

      no your not blocked... :-S

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      XD i hate sleep...

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      Lucky i like sarcasm XD

      i'm here now?

      you still here ?

    • greyflame

      7 years ago

      Good Job I'm Hooked Up With Contacts Then...

    • Ragorik

      7 years ago

      In reply to Nicolai, #29:

      i'm concerned that this choice means that many people involved haven't seen the show

      That is a high possibility... they probably read the script and just started picking people....

    • greyflame

      7 years ago

      why dont u join and giveme some help then ?

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      ... wha-

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      XD

    • Ragorik

      7 years ago

      In reply to Nicolai, #25:

      feelings on the cowboy bebop live action movie and keanu reaves as spike?


      Movie idea is general.... could be cool as hell..... Keanu reaves playing a witty ladies man who is in no way stiff in movements.... horrible idea

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      like i said its probably going to be quite awhile before i can get to you

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      like i said maybe you'd be happier with someone closer to home

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      Really ? ah, that sucks, rent a comedy movie and cheer urself up :D

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      hi dude, (poppie here) y u sad?
      lauren is in shower, im stealing time on the comp while shes away >_<
      Mwahaha

      well i can talk now...

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      sorry i wasnt online....


      ...skyrims been on my mind xD

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      its okay ^ ^

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      im not all about superhero comics, maybe simpsons, but i prefer graphic novels like halo boot camp , or halo uprising

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      use photobucket.com


      its great

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      that songs not bad, i prefer things with a Ibiza beat tho

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      it was to cheer you up ^_~

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      okay, ive watched a movie called Attack The Block.....

      its halarious

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      uhhh no what is it ?

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      haha i know the hygene is summopsed to be bad, so what do u wanna talk about ?

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      McDonalds, well to tell you the truth thats pretty bad, but on good news i like their burgers XD

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      1# where do you work !?!

      2# QUIT!

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      ah!, whats wrong ?

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      how you been baby?

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      hahaha that sounds like him xD

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      i always felt like blocking is like someone walking away from an argument because they can be bothered so they'll be the bigger person

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      i do believe he has stopped blocking you, i had a talk with him...

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      from what i see from the comments you were both making about eachother.... niether of you were being nice...

    • Lauren_J

      7 years ago

      nah i just forgot about it

    • LykenZealot FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      7 years ago

      Aww I'm sorry D:
      I'll still try to be on here whenever I can :)

    • HaloLauren

      7 years ago

      well i waited online for you but you didnt come on.... oh well i'll see ya soon xx

    • Ragorik

      7 years ago

      Nope, sorry bro

  • Questions

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