6 years agoNitrostreak
Don't say I didn't warn you.
I need to vent somewhere that nobody will look who genuinely cares about me.
I miss the "good ol days," so to speak. I miss when missing an assignment meant a few points taken off, rather than the threat of a failing grade.
I miss when friends were friends no matter what happened.
I miss when I could tell someone how much they meant to me without pushing them away.
I miss when I could love and care unconditionally and people didn't throw me aside.
I miss when I was too simple to understand the problems of the world and the human condition. When I thought the worst thing ever was having to miss a birthday party, or not getting to go to the barn that day.
I miss the bliss of ignorance. When the Human Condition was something know-it-alls thought and talked about.
I miss when boys and girls were all the same and I could be friends with both.
I miss it all.
Age has brought me sharp, blistering understanding of the world, and it hurts.
Age has brought me distance between me and old friends.
Age has made it impossible to invite a friend of the opposite sex to hang out without my invitation being inevitably perceived as an attempt at an advance of some kind.
Age has brought me some level of freedom, sure.
I can drink alcohol. That's nice, I guess. I do it every once in a while, though sometimes I think I must be broken, because I'll never do it as much as most people my age.
I own my own horses. Nobody can ever sell them out from under me. It's a wonderful feeling, not having to fear for them constantly. I don't have to worry about a parent threatening to sell them if I don't "straighten up."
But age has brought me a mountain of self-doubt, and rested it squarely upon my shoulders.
Age has brought me the fear of not finding a part time job with which to pay my horses' board.
Age has brought me the fear of failure. The fear that I will not succeed in college, and that I will never escape my parents.
Age has brought me awareness of the invisible prison I'm in.
I don't know what to do.
6 years agoNitrostreak
Copy/Pasted from Skype becuse I'm a lazyface and don't want to type it out again. I'm Flamewar.
[8:47:55 PM] Flamewar: My horse is trying to indirectly kill me
[8:49:12 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: 8u
[8:50:38 PM] Flamewar: I tied her up so she could work on her patience (she paws at the tree where we tie them CONSTANTLY), which is a safe, normal practice.
[8:51:21 PM] Flamewar: Friend and I stepped inside for a few minutes to get some coffee, and I was checking on her through the window most of the time. For about ten minutes while I drank my coffee, though, I wasn't looking.
[8:51:32 PM] Flamewar: So when I went outside to untie her, and she WASN'T THERE
[8:51:41 PM] Flamewar: I nearly had a heart attack.
[8:51:52 PM] Flamewar: Her rope was gone too, so she had untied herself.
[8:52:20 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: smart girl
[8:52:28 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: better watch out
[8:52:32 PM] Flamewar: This was a problem, though, because it meant she was out in the pasture with her rope dragging along the ground, which she could step on and freak herself out
[8:52:34 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: she might poison your tea
[8:52:36 PM] Flamewar: lol
[8:52:40 PM] Flamewar: SO
[8:53:03 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: What if when you went out there she tied YOU up to a tree
[8:53:14 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: and then did a weird horse laugh and galloped away
[8:53:27 PM] Flamewar: I'm walking around this MASSIVE pasture with a HUGE bit of woods in the middle, uphill half the way, and she's NOT WITH THE OTHER HORSES. Second near-heart-attack.
[8:53:34 PM] Flamewar: Pffffffffffffff
[8:53:50 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: It could happen
[8:54:11 PM] Flamewar: So I go INTO the woods, thinking she might have gotten her rope caught on something- and note that it was dark out at this poiint, so I couldn't see the ground in front of me.
[8:54:34 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: omg does she run up to you like
"OMG HI I MISSED YOU"
[8:54:44 PM] Flamewar: And I nearly got lost out there, because it was so damn dark and I'd gone down what LOOKED like a game trail. Fortunately, the cat came to my rescue and led me back to the clearing.
[8:54:50 PM] Flamewar: OH NO
[8:54:50 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: ....
[8:54:53 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: cat
[8:54:54 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: <3
[8:55:02 PM] Flamewar: yes, Fred The Cat is my hero
[8:55:04 PM] Flamewar: ANYWHO
[8:55:59 PM] Flamewar: So my friend's husband gets the truck out to the field and we go driving around because it's too damn dark to see without the headlights, and THAT BITCH WAS WITH THE OTHER HORSES THE WHOLE TIME but she had HIDDEN where I couldn't see her because she was mad at me for riding a different horse, and then making her tie.
[8:56:04 PM] Flamewar: @_@
[8:56:32 PM] Flamewar: So I got out of the truck, walked her into the headlights so I could check she was okay, took her halter off, and back to the house we went.
[8:56:58 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: HAHAHA
[8:57:10 PM | Edited 8:57:12 PM] Flamewar: -_-
[8:57:47 PM] Gabriel "The Butt" Saksik: :'d
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