from England

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    • Once upon a time in England...

      7 years ago


      I and two friends (Nick and Conor) had decided to go out on the town one evening...

      We started this night off at Nick’s house, playing a game called Roxanne. This game involves you listening to the live track by the Police, and drinking every time Roxanne is mention.
      So once we decided that we had wet our whistles to a satisfactory level, we left Nicks house and proceeded to town.
      We were the local bar for an hour or so getting merry when one of Conor's friends started talking to us. He claimed that he could get us into a club free of charge as he Dj'd there. True to his word we managed to get in for free.

      This is where the night takes a turn for the worse.

      Upon arrival Conor and me walk up to the bar and demand two pint glasses. We then each order as shot of vodka, tequila, rum and gin, reasoning that it was basically a long island iced tea missing the coke. We both put these shots in our glasses and downed. Conor was fine. I on the other hand was hit hard by large amount of alcohol now in my system.

      Later on, I'm staggering around this club, when a woman knocks a pint out of my hand. Instead of saying sorry, she laughs in my face. In response I say that she is a lonely bitter woman with the face of a horse.

      This is the wrong thing to say.

      She punches me square in the jaw. I am stunned by this and friends decide it is best for us to leave the club, so we do.

      We then make our way to the local gay bar and have a few more drinks. Here is where the night gets worse.

      I'm standing in the corner with Conor, and I am now thoroughly pissed. I turn to him and, in my mind; whisper that the woman on the other side of the room is quite large.

      In reality I point and shout. “That fat lesbian over there is really fat!"
      Needless to say, she is pretty angry with me. I try and convince here that I wasn't talking about her, instead claiming that i referring to the woman on the sofa.

      She is the fat lesbian’s sister.

      At this point I have lost total sense of reality and basically run to the other side of the bar, leaving Conor to deal with the angry ladies. Nick, sympathetic to my troubles, buys me a shot of absinth at the bar. Where I promptly pass out.

      The next part of the story I am told from my friends and father as I don't remember any of it.

      The bouncers throw me out on my arse, and my friends find me sleeping in front of an estate agents. They call a cab and put me in it and tell him to take me home.

      My father comes home from a night at the pub from his friends to find me standing outside of my house, arguing with the taxi driver. I am telling him that this is not my house and I'm refusing to pay him. My Dad grabs me and pays the man his money.
      To finish the night off, I throw up on my father’s shoes. He puts me to bed and I wake up with the worst hangover I have ever had.

    • 7 years ago

    • 2019 years ago

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  • Comments (2)

    • Boomer FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RTX London Head Guardian

      7 years ago

      yeah dude...check this out

      invite anyone you think would be interested

    • Charlie8282 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      7 years ago


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