Optik

Not Specified
from Frankfort, KY

  • Activity

    • OCD - Overly Personal

      6 years ago

      Optik

      I feel like I need to write this out before I lose my nerve, so here goes.

      OCD is generally characterized in movies and tv as people having funny little rituals and quarks that they must perform repeatedly so as to ward off anxiety

      OCD is only partially this, it's only one form of the disorder.

      I know this because I have the other form, the one that is rarely ever discussed because those who have it, get anxiety just by talking about it.

      Easiest way to explain it is, imagine your mind is an open window with a screen on it, occasionally air and what not is gonna come through, these are the regular everyday thoughts, OCCASIONALLY you will have a weird disturbing thought that will get caught in the window screen and be filtered out, like a nasty fly.

      Now imagine your mind without that window screen, where everything comes in.

      Now imagine hundreds of flies are getting in to the point that there is no more room even for the simple things like air to get in.

      That was my mind about a year and a half ago, and I realized much later, a form of OCD

      If you asked me what set me off I can only give you a couple guesses, even then I think it just simply was my mind had been overtaxed with stupid shit and worries for so long that it just couldn't function properly any more.

      The disturbing thoughts started and they grew each day, with no rhyme or reason

      I avoided certain people as I thought they triggered the thoughts more, I walked differently to work to avoid certain buildings, I avoided large public places, etc, etc.

      Eventually everything got so bad I couldn't even leave my bed.

      An then it just was constantly bad no matter what I did.

      I couldn't tell anybody about it, I knew the thoughts were insane/disturbing/violent/etc. and felt such shame and guilt about having them that I feared what friends or family might think of me.

      Isolated, guilty, I fell into a deep depression

      It got to the point though to where I just got so angry about all of it, it snapped me out of it for a brief moment and I found a therapist.

      First session I was anxious and skeptical, and I just let loose with what I was worried about, the kinds of thoughts, how I couldn't tell anybody about it, etc. Amazingly just after ONE talk, I felt better, like nowhere near "ok" but better.

      Each session I felt a little more "normal" I guess, I finally accepted some medication, and aside from getting use to those for a month or two, after it was all said and done, I could breath again.

      I am better now, I still have the occasional disturbing thought but I know how to deal with it all better, and that thoughts are just that, thoughts, the meds helping me to just let the thoughts go through without getting all torn up inside.

      (that's the crappy thing about OCD, the more you fight thoughts or behaviors, the worse they get, basically it's like telling your mind not to think of a pink elephant, your gonna think about itmore)

      I tell this whole story so others who think they are this particular type of crazy/insane/despicable/etc, get some help. Seeing a therapist doesn't make you crazy anymore then taking anti-anxiety meds do. Not getting help and living in constant misery and fear of yourself, THAT is crazy.

      Therapists help you figure things out, and teach you how to deal with the disturbing thoughts, and meds correct something biologically off in your brain. Heck there has even been some evidence to show that those who take anti-anxiety meds, have better working brains as they get older, as the brain is sorta re-aligned to what it should be.

      The OCD is never gonna go away completely, I don't wanna give false hope here, but meds and therapy can make an unlivable or difficult life, easier again.

      Ok, overly personal journal is done.

      No more of these, honest, I like to be chipper when I can

      If AFTER reading all of this you think I am crazy/insane, just imagine I have a middle finger for you.

    • Mogo's Birthday Party

      6 years ago

      Optik

      Randomly I was looking at screenshots for DC Scribblenauts Unmasked.

      I don't even.....I found a picture of Ted Kord (Blue Beetle) Atroctius, Beast Boy all wearing birthday hats...celebrating Mogo's birthday.

      www.blogcdn.com/www.comicsalliance.com/media/...

      ALL THE FEELS!!!!

    • E3 Impressions and the Sound of Blood

      6 years ago

      Optik

      Had to get some blood taken this morning.

      Was looking away when they took it but I heard the sickening sound of it filling the vials.

      Came back to work ala CHAOS.

      I show up to work an hour later then usual and all this bad stuff has happened *grabs forehead*

      As far as E3...

      -Mirror's Edge 2! - WOOOOO
      -Star Wars Battlefront - hmmm
      -Destiny (new Bungie game) - AWESOME!

      After all the press conferences I am honestly thinking of getting a PS4 instead of a XBOX One...it's cheaper and without as many restrictions.

      ....and I just got blood results back...doctor decided to put me back on cholesterol meds...ignoring why I told him I had to go off them in the first place. They never lowered my levels AND my body was "flushing" as a side effect.

      Now when they say "minor flushing" as a side effect...what is really meant is "WHY IS MY BODY RED. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I AM ON FIRE. AHHHHHH!"

      Just FYI there if you ever see "minor flushing" on a side effects list

      Ok ramble done!

    • XBOX ONE & Alan Wake

      6 years ago

      Optik

      I could not be less enthused about the next XBOX.

      Your talking to a XBOX fanboy too, I WANTED this new console to be awesome but thus far all I've seen out of it is amazing hardware used to act as an extra cable box that monitors you.

      No backwards compatibility I can deal with but the fact that NONE of your XBLA game content will get transferred to the new system is infuriating. Oh sure ACHIEVEMENTS, music, and videos will get transferred over but GAME content won't *shakes head*

      The final nail in this new console is the fact that they don't require you to be always ONLINE but, still want to check your XBOX once a day....can somebody tell me why they need to do this? Does Microsoft not trust us enough to use our consoles responsibly? This whole feeling of unease is further increased by the back and forth about used games on the new console. Apparently I can't lend a friend a game for their own console anymore....I mean I can but when they get home, they have to pay a fee to install/play the game. Also....auto-game install to the HD on the XBOX 1....here's the thing, 10 GB per game install on the HD...assume only 250GB will be reserved on the console for game installs.....that 500GB is gonna fill up quick if you play a lot of games.


      TLDR: Revealing XBOX One as an "entertainment system" and not as a gaming system is Microsoft playing it safe but ultimately this decision is gonna hurt them...a LOT.

      OK, so for some more positive news. Alan Wake is DIRT cheap on XBOX Live right now...an when I say CHEAP...I mean the game is only 5 bucks on Games on Demand....if you want cheaper...or on a PC...fine :P.

      Humble Bundle is selling a huge Alan Wake package this week.

      Even if you already have the game, I'd consider buying the bundle as it has stuff even for the most hardcore of fans:

      www.humblebundle.com/weekly

      As for the future of Alan Wake 2....it's not looking good....though Remedy says they love the franchise, they can't seem to get anybody to fund or back the concept of Alan Wake 2....which is a shame.

      The video below explains more, and also illustrates why I love Remedy,

      youtu.be/qm8PP-Ic240

      Sam Lake generally seems a bit tore up having to say that AW2 is shelved for the time being and there is a sense of sincerity & honesty in this video that I just don't see that often in the gaming industry...maybe I am reading too much into the video though.

    • Bastion

      6 years ago

      Optik

      Been doing livestreams of Bastion.

      www.twitch.tv/outpost31/b/402462329

      Have come to the conclusion that while that game is great, the game mechanics sorta get in the way of the storytelling.

      It's just exhausting....that's the easiest way I know how to put it. I keep hack/slashing my way through countless bad guys ...all while trying to get into the story being told via the narrator. I sometimes just want a breather.

      Honestly...playing Transistor before Bastion is what spoiled me probably....Transistor is Supergiant's next game and it looks like it fixes all the problems I am seeing in Bastion.

      TLDR: Bastion is exhausting at times but fun, play the game if you get a chance.

    • *sigh*

      6 years ago

      Optik

      LucasArts I shall miss you.

      You gave me Maniac Mansion, Rebel Assault 1 & 2, Tie Fighter, Dark Forces, and worked with Bioware on the great Knights of the Old Republic.

      I shall miss you old friend, you were a staple of my adolescence and college years, and gave me some of the best gaming memories.

      On a non-nostalgic note....feel really bad for those that got laid off and hope they will find work soon.

      www.gametrailers.com/videos/m9bm96/gametrailers-co...

    • PAX East - Day 1 / Day 2- Recap

      6 years ago

      Optik

      Short short SHORT recaps

      Day 1

      -Checked out everything I wanted to see at the Expo Hall, cept for Transistor which I am gonna try to check out on Sunday before the Gearbox Panel.

      -Ran into a cadre of awesome people throughout the day. Strip Search peeps came up while I was Enforcing, to ask me a couple of questions, they were DELIGHTFUL.

      -Protomen rocked it, though I was only able to hear them downstairs.

      -E shift was rough, we were understaffed for concerts, still I loved the work, and got a kick outta brightening attendees day' with a helpful word, directions, etc.

      Day 2

      -Was horribly sick this morning, orange juice/tea/coffee...these are not things you drink on a barren stomach. Slept in till 2pm, missed a panel but got to take in the Mass Effect Retrospective so all an all a good day.

      Got another conert shift tonight and I should be done Enforcing for the weekend....though let's be honest I'll be enforcing after that.

    • PAX East....eh no long entry

      6 years ago

      Optik

      FIRST of all before I say anything....I gotta say.

      www.youtube.com/watch?v=6N0PzqF9gWY

      WOOOOOOOO DUCKTALES! WOOOOOOO

      Finally Ducktales the video game is coming BACK....*hopes for Chip N' Dales Rescue Rangers remastered*

      Ok...now that I got that outta my system.

      Watchdogs = EH

      Saint's Row IV = YES!!!! DUBSTEP GUN. SUPER POWERS! YOUR PRESIDENT OF THE US!

      Remember Me = Maybe? Assassins Creed + Mirror's Edge....music is good, you hear sounds when you time the punches right

      Outlast = Scared the crap out of me....coming to Steam in July. Amnesia meets Fatal Frame. You have no weapons but a camera. Monsters look a bit hoakey but the audio in that game and the tension built at times...scary.

      Metro Last Light = Ehh....not sure...looks very CoD-ish

      Haven't started [E] shift yet, will probably take a nap beforehand, since it'll be 8pm-3am possibly.

  • Comments (140)

    • Johannah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tetherball Mafia Queen

      5 years ago

      Thanks so much for hangin' out at Podog last night! It was a pleasure to spend some time with you. Maybe we'll see you around! smiley0.gif @Maddy

      Post edited 3/29/14 9:44AM

      • Optik

        5 years ago

        Likewise you both were delightful :)

    • otaku1412 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Amazonian

      6 years ago

      happy fu. hope to see you in your [e] attire at prime sometime soon

      • otaku1412 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Amazonian

        6 years ago

        ah i can't afford for east yet. someday though...

      • Optik

        6 years ago

        Alas I can't go to Prime this year, I WILL be at PAX East tho

    • Giries PA Guardian

      6 years ago

      Congrats on the FU

    • Nic_Pietron FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Arch-guy

      6 years ago

      Happy FU Day, Cheers!!!

    • BlakeMullins07

      6 years ago

      Nice to see someone from KY get the FU lol

    • AJ_Cool FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      6 years ago

      Happy FU Day!

    • MrVash

      6 years ago

      Congrats on being the Featured User!

    • TiberiusVIII FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Pizza 4 Life

      6 years ago

      HAPPY FU DAY!

    • OboeCrazy FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Freelancer

      6 years ago

      You are awesome and deserve a job as awesome as you are.

    • MoltenSlowa

      6 years ago

      EXPLOSIONS?!?

    • karlibean

      7 years ago

      WTH? How did you get unfriended?

      Weird!

      • Optik

        7 years ago

        I blame RT's new UI :)

    • OboeCrazy FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Freelancer

      7 years ago

      Thanks again for donating to my Kickstarter! You're request for a Mass Effect character was seen but now I can't find the reply to my journal! smiley4.gif

      Can you resend me the info? I'll have it done and upload a pic tonight!

      THANK YOU!!!

      • Optik

        7 years ago

        NIFTY!

      • OboeCrazy FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Freelancer

        7 years ago

        Done!

        Optik1.jpg

        Optik2.jpg

        I'll get to leveling him up right away!

      • Optik

        7 years ago

        Optik, Engineer, Black and Blue

    • ABYSS_GK

      7 years ago

      I was checking to see if you knew the dinner was technically in Bellevue this year and not downtown Seattle... I just realized that myself, and you hadn't said anything about it.

    • karlibean

      8 years ago

      Lamb tastes like...uh...lamb. I would call it beef's more sophisticated cousin I guess.

      Nathan says, "It's kind of a delicate meat, with a fattier and gamier taste."

    • Leo

      8 years ago

      In reply to Optik, #1:

      Really?! Where?

    • karlibean

      8 years ago

      Auxillary jack and USB port, woot woot!

    • otaku1412 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Amazonian

      8 years ago

      being from kentucky, what do you think of that show justified?

    • ChipperHalf

      8 years ago

      Mustbethursday is my skype

    • Kschenke

      8 years ago

      Edited my journal to answer your question.

    • kylsie

      8 years ago

      Mass Effect was pretty cool. I'm waiting for Mass Effect 2 to come out for PS3.

    • FushigiHime FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Enter Witty Comment Here

      9 years ago

      The one where I show how long my hair is.

    • ragingterror FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      Hands-on consumer play testing/feedback sessions for upcoming titles/products. I signed up to be a tester at PAX in 2006, and I've only gotten to do this one other time in the past.

    • Andymatron

      9 years ago

      About $460.
      not to bad

    • Optik

      9 years ago

      phpmyadmin will be VERY useful to you then, GUI interface you can bring up from the cmd line that'll help you manage MySQL Databases.

    • ragingterror FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      Yeah... hositng on my own hardware, have been running Apache 2.2 since the beginning.

      Thanks for the suggestions. :)

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Gimme Buffy and Angel boxes plzkthx? smiley0.gif

    • Optik

      9 years ago

      www.hulu.com/angel
      www.thewb.com/shows/angel

      ...but those are just the first season

      Other then that I got no clue, brad might know though, he's on twitter, @podculture, good money he'll have a bit torrent link

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I'm having trouble trying to find a good Angel download... do you know where I could find one?

    • karlibean

      9 years ago

      Pig valve a.k.a. tissue valve. The procedure really went smoothly. It was just they had something very unexpected come up: a small piece of equipment got left in the patient--so they had to open him up again.

    • Optik

      9 years ago

      Welcome, be careful of the fallout 3 box though, there are pins in there too that might prick ya.

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I got em, thank you smiley12.gif

    • Ninjen13

      9 years ago

      well....it was geared towards girls in school....so maybe that's their mum?

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Hey, did you already ship off the box? Do you remember if my Penny Arcade books were in it?

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      same address....

      and I'm not pissed at you... if just you decided to push my buttons at the most inopportune moment...

    • Kschenke

      9 years ago

      FU today!

    • Tetrameth

      9 years ago

      Grats on your FU Day. smile.png

    • Optik

      9 years ago

      Whatever you do, don't go to their GeekSquad for repairs or anything though.

    • kylsie

      9 years ago

      I heard good things about Asus from the Best Buy dude I chatted with yesterday. I think I might go that way myself.

    • StarBurstMel

      9 years ago

      Book..... CD........ Book........ CD......... Book...... CD............ Book...... CD..... Book..... CD... lol

    • BluValkyrie FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      the alumni of the Concord-Carlisle school system do in the mind set of 'most people are home at Thanksgiving'

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      oh, so you're not going to respond to my IM, huh?

    • ABYSS_GK

      10 years ago

      oi

    • ChipperHalf

      10 years ago

      Yeah I've used a walkthrough for the most impossible puzzle pieces. Now i'm totally stuck. Yuck.

    • karlibean

      10 years ago

      Nope, not on drugs. Our internal body clocks are off just enough to wake us up at odd hours...that's what happens when you work night shift and move your sleep schedule around a lot.

    • ChipperHalf

      10 years ago

      I know, terribly logical right?

    • Optik

      10 years ago

      Sweet was wondering.

      I am still working with my paltry Rebel XT, 5 megapixel, even stitching shots together, like you did, the quality would be nowhere near as good.

    • ragingterror FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      10 years ago

      Sorry for the late reply.

      I don't know off the top of my head how many megapixels these images really are, but what I can tell you is that each was made as a composite of roughly 26 separate images taken from an 8 MP digital camera. What I'm showing on the net is at 25% of the source files size, meaning that the full scale image is roughly 9,000 pixels by 3,600 pixels.

    • ChipperHalf

      10 years ago

      I slept just fine. I just went kind of fast. I would take 25-30 credit semesters.

    • Kschenke

      10 years ago

      I thought the production's Boo Radley was good. He didn't go over the top.

      I was actually impressed with the kids' performances. Scout was a little annoying (but Scott is annoying, you know?), but the boys were spot on.

      The courtroom scene was nearly perfect.

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