from Mabelvale, AR

  • Activity

    • I am THE Bitch.

      10 years ago


      so, somehow, I have managed to be deemed The Bitch. - not in so many words, but more how people talk abt me, or to me...

      I havent done anything to these people.

      Good thing I dont need a kidney from these people: "Ehh, she can tough it out."

      Whatever. I've had a decent day: I've only had my head bitten off once and it's almost noon! Must be a fucking record. I can tell you this much, Im not apologizing for shit anymore, I piss them off bc I have my own way of doing things, or worse yet bc I wasnt privaleged to all the information- they can kiss my fucking ass.

      I'm tired of being the one that people think they can push around. Im so glad I am lucky to have the husband that I do, the friends that I do, and the family that I do. Because left with this freaking bunch - i would be miserable.

      People ask me (not ppl FROM my office, obviously) how my day is going, and I always say "I'm ready to go home." Not because i hate my job. i love what i do. but bc im so ready to able to be myself without having to feel like i am walking on egg shells.

      oh well.

      i'll deal!!

      <3 PennyCo!

    • Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell the storm how big your God is.

      10 years ago


      "Today, July 26th, 2009, my faith has been renewed.

      Tom and I had a hard time in 2008. Two miscarriages that shook us harder than I think either of us really knew at the time. Coming to service became so hard, and “not worth it†in our eyes. It was like we felt God had not tried for us, so why should we try for him?

      It didn’t take us very long to decide we didn’t want to try again for children in 2008; obviously 2008 was not the “Year of the Baby†for us. We slipped into what I truly believe was mild depression. We hid from a lot of our feelings. We still spent time with our friends and family that we love dearly, we still had a great relationship, but, to me, it always seemed like we were skating on a thin layer of ice, and we were always fearful of falling through. We skirted around certain topics because it was hard. God and babies became some of those topics.

      Around Christmas time in 2008, we decided we needed to begin bettering ourselves. Not so much for anyone else, but for ourselves. We began eating better and exercising January 2, 2009. We have been going strong for almost 8 months. We have lost 75 pounds each, 150 total! We are hoping to celebrate 100 pounds lost, each, around Thanksgiving. It’s been a process; one, in which, we have learned will power, self-control, self-discipline, and something we thought we had already learned: open-ness.

      Throughout the months, we have pushed each other, we have celebrated milestones for each other, and we have cried with each other. We have always had an extremely close relationship, always talking, always sharing our feelings, I didn’t feel like we hid anything from each other â€" but mile after mile that we walked, pound after pound that we shed, we talked. We have opened up more in the past eight months than I thought possible.

      The more open I felt with Tom, the more open I felt with God. Surely, He knew what He was doing when he put Tom and me in the same dorm. Surely, He knew what He was doing, when we grew to be friends, and then began a relationship. Surely, He knew what He was doing, when he gave Tom the inspiration to propose. Surely, He knew what He was doing, as he gave us the strength and courage to speak our vows, to promise ourselves to each other. Then surely, He knew that Tom and I together could handle the trials he gave us.

      And we have.

      In the past month, Tom and I have been discussing religion, God, and church, but probably most frightening: the possibility of trying to get pregnant again. We plan on waiting until after we hit our 100 pound goal, because of health reasons. We want to be healthy, to make it, hopefully, an easier pregnancy.

      We have been so scared. The closer the goal becomes, the more nervous, the more burdened we, both, have felt. We are scared, not just about the prospect of having a child, but with our medical history, and the worry that it will be hard for us, financially, to support a child. My sister has always told me “If you wait until you can afford to have a child, you’ll never have kids.†We know this is true, but it still a fear.

      Today’s sermon at Peace Lutheran Church in Conway, hit me like a Mack Truck. "Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell the storm how big your God is." That was the message that rang out, loud and clear, in my mind. No matter what your fears are, God can handle them. No matter your worries, give them to God. It reminded me of something I'd heard in the past: "If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it." Needless to say, I was in tears through the entire sermon.

      It was exactly what I needed to hear.

      Poor Tom, when he noticed I was crying, he thought I was upset. But, it wasn’t that. It really hit home. It is hard to put into words how it made me feel. Lighter? Less burdened? Less troubled? Yes and no. I still have fears, I still have worries, but I know if I bring it to Him, He will guide me.

      His message has renewed my faith."

      [This was taken almost word for word from an email I sent to our Pastor today. The Gospel reading and his sermon rocked me to my core. We are still scared about the possibility of becoming pregnant in the future. But, this message will stay with me for quite some time.]
      <3 Jessica

    • dilemma...

      10 years ago


      So, I have a chance at having a mother-in-law free weekend, NEXT weekend. But to achieve this, I must endure church with her on Sunday, and God only knows what else...

      I think I'll do it though, it'll make for a nice weekend next weekend.

      I like church, don't get me wrong. I prefer the early service at Sylo's church over the later, since the later tends to be more, how do you say... "contemporary"? "hipper" songs, powerpoint, the who shi-bang. I don't really like it, considering I grew up Catholic. Anyway, Sylo's Lutheran, btw. Anyway, well this is the church that we wanted to have our kids baptized in. This is especially hard, because we lost two pregnancies last year...

      Big secret reveled: Sylo and I are talking about trying again around Thanksgiving/Christmas time!! Until then, LOTS of practicing.

      It's been a rough week. Had a blow out with a co-worker, because a different co-worker turned my words around... ass hole. Today was one of our supervisors' birthday. She's a whopping 29. haha. I'm still the baby at 26. I'm so glad this week is over, I have a HUGE headache, i'm tired. Definitely don't feel like myself. Hopefully this weekend will shake my head clear. We are getting massages tomorrow night! That should be cool!!

      Talk to you guys later! I have my watch list to check and I have digiscrapbooking stuff calling my name!

      <3 PennyCo

    • "Come back in 5 to 7 days!!"

      10 years ago


      Yeah, anyone who gets the title will be seriously grossed out lol!

      Oh well! Welcome to MY WORLD!!

      Anyway, so we found out tonight that the "fajita meat" that I took out (where I thought I had actually taken out two packages of fajita meat, the second one was ACTUALLY really thing pork chops lol! Oh well, I give up! lol!

      We made dinner, watched some SpongeBob on netflix, did laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, put away groceries, put away laundry and are FINALLY settling down lol

      Anyway, Off to my FarmTown!

      <3 you all!!

    • Blah

      10 years ago


      Ok, so it's DEFINITELY been a monday.

      Example: I realized that rather than taking out Pork Chops for tonight and Fajita meat for tomorrow night, I accidently pulled out two packages of fajita meat... so tonight was fajitas, tomorrow shall be Fajita Salads lol!

      The good thing about this monday? It's almost over.

      We were expecting rain tonight, so Sylo and I didn't walk. That sucks... since there's been absolutely no rain... oh well, maybe we'll walk tomorrow night?

      Sylo and I have been playing our favorite facebook app (FarmTown). It's extremely addictive... I love my facebook. I really do. I know a lot of people don't, but I do. lol. It has given me the chance to get back in touch with people I havne't seen or heard from in YEARS. I have had to ignore some friend requests though lol, I'm sorry. If you hated me in high school, and the feelings were EXTREMELY mutual, why the fuck would I want to be your "friend" on facebook?? lol.

      OR, this one's even better... If we dated in high school, and had a horrible break up because your a two-timing ass hole... why even click "add friend"???? You cheated... you lied... oh wait, I'll forget all that and we can be bestest buddies now... lol!!

      Now, I do have to admit, I have one of my cooler ex-boyfriends as a friend on there, but we didn't really have a big blow out when we broke up... it was more of a "I'm 4 years older than you." and "You're really a little old for me, since you're out of high school and have bills and stuff, and I'm like 15 and in love with the backstreet boys." lol He's a nice guy though... Hate his wife, she's a heinous bitch lol. oh well!!

      I have my hubby as a friend lol. (He is currently singing along with the computer while he finds friends he hasn't seen in years on facebook.) He's so awesome. lol.

      Anyway, I'm gunna go dig around for digi-scrapbooking freebies...

      I hope y'all are having a great evening - I know I am!!

      <3 Penny

    • Never again...

      10 years ago


      I will never, ever, ever again go to a freakin' Midnight showing/opening night of a movie EVER again.

      This was a first and last time for the midnight showing... too many fucked up little teenagers acting like they are fucking stupid.

      And I'm fucking sorry, but when did bra straps become a fucking accessory??

      Oh well, at least I enjoyed the movie. It was a little out of left field at times. But still quite well done seeing how much information they had to work with... I am kind of confused on how they are going to bring Bill and Fleur Delacour back into the picture since they didn't even MENTION them getting married in this movie. lol.

      Oh well, I enjoyed it. I hope everyone else does too!

      smiley12.gif PennyCo

    • Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!!

      10 years ago



      Super excited!!

      watching Order of the Phoenix right now... just finished Tales of Beedle the Bard.

      So freakin' excited!!


      smiley12.gif Penny

    • absolutley gorgeous

      10 years ago


      so Sylo and I are camping. It's been awesome!! right off of the water, fantastic breeze, and it is absolutely gorgeous out here. It's a new camping spot for me, but an old stomping round for Sylo.

      We did shishka-Jess's for dinner last night, then we had Tom's "sausage and dirty eggs" for breakfast, now we are waiting on brats to finish for lunch!! Yummy!! Have taken some pics, more this afternoon.

      will post sunday night. we have to check out by noon on sunday, then we may swim one more time before heading out, not sure.

      We are going swimming this afternoon, hopefully gunna stop by the marina shop and pick me up a souvenier (sp???).

      Having a blast, I hope y'all are too?

      <3 Penny

    • 21 minutes until my birthday

      10 years ago


      how nerdy am I?

      It's 20 minutes now before my birthday.

      I have officially just finished the entire Harry Potter series for the fourth time.

      I am SERIOUSLY ready for the movie!! I can't wait!! yay me!!

      I have tickets to the midnight showing.

      Anyway, I think I'm going to go to bed now...

      love you all!

      smiley12.gif Penny

    • haha 99%

      10 years ago


      So, it's July 9th, 2009.

      I'm 99% of the way to Karma Level 36.

      I'm also 99% of the way to age 26.

      That's amusing to me.


      Today marks the beginning of my weekend. I'm off on the 10th (my birthday) and we are going camping.

      Super excited.

      <3 Penny

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