RC13 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

from Canada

  • Activity

    • 5 years ago

      RC13
    • Thank God for GhostRobo

      7 years ago

      RC13

      Taking my mind off things yet again.

    • New Years

      7 years ago

      RC13

      To the only place I can release my thoughts without people getting too mad at me;

      To another year of being alone
      To another year of crying in bathrooms with no one noticing
      To another year of surviving, without living
      To another year without people I can rely on
      To another year of depression
      To another year of wanting nothing more than to end it all

      This is my new years. This is my life. This is all I am.

      To another year of finding excuses not to end it all.

      Tonight my only excuse is I don't have the courage to end it.

      Tonight I pray to whatever deity might be out there to give me the courage to do so.

      Tonight I say good bye. Because I can't handle another year alone.

    • *sigh*

      7 years ago

      RC13

      I managed to make it through tonight without omegle!

      So how did I pass the time?

      Porn!

      I'm so alone.

    • Omegle

      7 years ago

      RC13

      So you know your incredibly bored when you go on omegle. I'm currently trying out the new Spy feature where one person asks a questions and two strangers discuss it. I'm asking "Hey, do you ever wonder why we're here?"

      I really hope at least one person gets this reference.

    • Alone Again

      7 years ago

      RC13

      I moved here for him. I fucking packed up my life and moved away from everything that I knew and everyone that I loved to be with him. Two days here and I'm alone again. I found this status on his wall today.

      a fighter, someone who can kick my ass.
      a joker, someone who understands my crude humor.
      a lover, someone as devoted as me.
      a dancer, someone who doesn't care if she looks weird.
      a bro, to all my bros.
      a leader, someone who has a very strong will of her own.
      a nerd, to understand what she looks like on a character sheet.
      this is the woman i need.

      I was never good enough for him, he told me I was, that no one would ever as close to his perfect girl as me. I really don't want to be alone right I keep looking over at my razor blade.... And knowing the internet I'm just going to get slammed for this yet again. There was a time when I can post on here and get legitiment help. Now even my own place of refuge is turning again me. Doesn't matter. I don't deserve to be cared for. You can say whatever you want I don't care anymore. Anyone who cares realizes I'm too much of a handful and leaves. I'm done with people. I'm done with this shit. I'm just done.

    • I'm wondering what the interne thinks

      7 years ago

      RC13

      Is it strange that I went to the strippers with my boyfriend?

      I tried to make this into a poll but my computer doesn't seem to want to let me so yeah.

      Everyone at camp seemed to think that it was really awkward, is that an all around feeling or just because I was at a Bible Camp?

    • My Sister

      8 years ago

      RC13

      I have two older sisters. One is my oldest half-sister, who is 32 and I get along with really well, and my other full sister who is 2 and a half years older than me. This journal is about the latter sister.

      I'm going to share with you three memories of my sister. In chronological order.

      1) I was 6, my sister was 8. We were traveling home from camping (about a 3 hour trip) and it was late. Me and my sister were in the back seat together and she was laying down with her blanket over her and her legs on the seat kinda touching mine. I was getting tired so I decided I would lay down too, I put my legs up trying to be very careful not to bump my sister, but I accidently did. I got scared and thought she'd be really mad but then she smiled and me and put her blanket over my feet and went back to sleep.

      2) I was in junior high, my sister in high school and she had just picked me up from school. We were pulling out of the parking lot when she pointed to a taxi driver that had white hair and a white beard and was wearing red and said "that taxi driver looks like Santa Claus!" We both laughed.

      3) Last your my oldest sister was throwing a Mary Kay party (it's a makeup company for those who are unaware) I went with my mom and the sister I've been talking about. We had all finished doing our makeup and I looked in the mirror and asked to no one in particular "Does my makeup alright?" My sister looked at me and said "yeah, it looks good."

      I wanted to share these three memories because these are the fondest memories I have of my sister. The first memory is the nicest my sister has ever been to me, it is my favourite. The second is the only time my sister has ever joked with me, and one of the few times I've seen her smile while talking to me. The third is the only nice thing my sister has ever said to me.

      I assume you've figured out by now that I don't get along very well with my sister. When I was six I already knew she hated me. Every chance she gets she finds a way to insult me or get under my skin or tell me how stupid I am for saying something or believing something or being who I am.

      On multiple occasions I have been suicidal because of something she has said. No other person on the planet makes me feel shittier about myself then my sister. I struggled with anorexia for a while because she told me I was out of shape and she was always so pretty and skinny.

      You know how I view my sister? I think she is incredible. She is a beautiful dancer, she's intelligent she always had such good grades in school and she has so many friends and she found the right guy as her first boyfriend, she's getting a degree in science and going into speech pathology and is going to be really successful. I respect my sister a great deal.

      I remember going over to my friend’s house; she also has an older sister. I was probably about 10 at the time. They had a conversation, a real one where they didn't raise voices and they talked civil to each other. It completely shocked me. I didn't know sisters got along, it seemed completely foreign to me, it was like seeing a dog speak English. I was honestly taken aback by it. I was 10.

      This past week I've been camping with my family, including my sister. I'm moving out in two weeks, got a new job cleaning rooms for oil field workers. My mom doesn't want me to go, and my sister is making sure I feel like extra shit for it,

      I'm not sure why I needed to tell the world this, but it's something most people don't understand about me. I think I'm going to do more journals like this. Because something most people don't realize is that this is, for the most part, the relationship I have with all my family. And I need people to know that. I need someone to understand my story. Someone to know what I've been through.

      I'm going to see the doctor in a month. I might be committed to the hospital. I've been experiencing suicidal thoughts more and more lately. It' gotten to the point where anything will go wrong from a small disagreement with a friend to not being able to watch the new Red vs Blue episode right when it comes out and I'll want to kill myself. Sometimes when I'm at my happiest I'll think about killing people, and it leaves me feeling physically turned on. I talked to my best friend about it, she's been noticing my mood swings too. This has been getting increasingly worse since junior high. I think I might be bipolar and it's getting to the point where I think I'm going to need to be hospitalized. This new job is out in the oilfield, so I'll spend three weeks in camp and one week off. My first week off I'm going to see my doctor. Tell her how I've been feeling. I don't know if they will just put me on meds or if they will actually hospitalize me. If I go into the hospital I don’t know if they’ll ever let me out.

      I need someone to know my story. To know how I got here. And where I went. For those of you who took the time to read all this, thank you. I’ve always been able to spill my guts easier to random strangers than to my closest friends. Again, thank you, ner vode (my brother/sister)

    • The Conversation I Just Had

      8 years ago

      RC13

      So the rings, I check the caller ID and it was a BC number (the province next to mine for those who are geographically impaired) and I thought "Ok, this might be one of my Aunt's or something" As I have a couple who live there. This is how that conversation went;

      Me: Hello?
      *Silence*
      Pause.
      Me: Hello?
      Telemarketer: Oh, hello ma'am, how are you doing today?
      Me: ...Pretty good I guess.
      Telemarketer: Ok, well ma'am I'm calling on behalf of the city of {insert my city here}, *continues with spiel about $23 000 in coupons or something or other* And ma'am, do you own a car?
      Me: Um, no, and my parents aren't home right now so...
      Telemarketer: Oh, uh, well, when should I call back? Six or seven work?
      Me: Yeah, around then, bye.
      Telemarketer: Bye ma'am.

      I think I'm going to use this trick for the rest of my life. Very useful.

    • Happy Canada Day

      8 years ago

      RC13

      In respone to the Short that came out today;

      www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhTZ_tgMUdo

      I'd actually like to quiz an American on Canadian history, it's not all that extensive we're a young country but it seems that they know nothing about us.

      American education system needs work.

  • Comments (411)

    • johnmchall

      6 years ago

      Hey RC, I know it's been a while, and a lot's happened since we last talked... how have things been? if you wanna talk, we've got a lot to catch up on... I hope we can still be friends.

    • LostNirvana

      7 years ago

      Hey, hey! I made a song and it's really terrible and you should listen to it so you can giggle and shit.

      It's called The Wrong Ship.

      <3

    • LostNirvana

      7 years ago

      sup RC?

    • LostNirvana

      7 years ago

      It's national poke a canadian day!

      *pokes*

      • LostNirvana

        7 years ago

        No, it's an American holiday, there's one in Mexico too and it's today! *pokes*

        okay, maybe I'm just coming up with excuses to poke people...

      • RC13 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

        7 years ago

        Just national? Shouldn't it be international?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      what's your skype name?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      that's good. you don't have a skype, do you?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      *hugs*

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      no! don't give up on him. i hate seeing that.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      that makes me so angry. i know there's nothing i can do to help him, but no one deserves to have that happen. i swear, the day i can go up to canada, i'm going straight you your house so we can get him the hell out of there. it almost depresses me to hear that kind of abuse.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      *hugs* i'll do anything i can to help, ok? just let me know. i wanna help as much as possible.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      that's terrible! you should call me some time if you're feeling that stressed.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      yup. also, sorry i wasn't on for a while. my sister changed my password. what's up with you?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      sounds messy.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      my my my, that sounds messed up. best of luck.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      well, they're ok, but moodswings are really starting to suck. not to mention a good friend of mine is in a shitload of problems right now, so she really gets all depressed all the time. you?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      ohi

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      Yeah, anyways how are you feeling? Starting to get better yet? If you want to seriously talk about what's wrong I'm all ears. I'm not totally callous and immature. I can put on my srs friend face.

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      One step forward and 10 steps back. I've been a bit off lately, blaming the sobriety.

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      Happy 18th! Wanna send me some pix of you in your birthday suit? ;)

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      Hey RC, wuddup?

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      I have a sexy cowboy voice.

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      I'm alright, started smoking cigarettes and quit the weed.

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      Oh, your journal said your belief system was shaken. Figured you saw the light. Nevermind...


      So how are you?

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      Hey RC!

      So you're Atheist now?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      well, you need to get skype. i need to tell you stuff that is kinda private.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      god damn, right as i get in serious trouble. you got a skype? mine is johnmchall.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      awesome. when you have more time, i've got to catch up with you on some stuff.

    • Slaktare

      8 years ago

      Hey!!!!!

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      are you dead or something?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      well, i guess i can wait three years here.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      hey rc. i managed to sneak on again.

      Post edited 12/09/10 8:25PM

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      RC! I learned how to spell Marijuana in characters.

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      You don't tell me because you're (allegidly) a virgin so that doesn't count.

      Actually she's really hardcore religious but I corrupted her because I'm a horrible person.

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      I'm getting a bj this weekend so I'd say fairly well.

    • LostNirvana

      8 years ago

      Hey Jasmyn, how's it hanging?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      well, it was very boring.

    • Slaktare

      8 years ago

      I know what they look like, goober.

    • Slaktare

      8 years ago

      Is that code for sexy blonde?

    • Slaktare

      8 years ago

      I did just call you a goose. you got a problem with that?

    • Slaktare

      8 years ago

      not really, i was raised correctly. even if it was a play on words i wouldn't tell you silly goose.

    • Slaktare

      8 years ago

      School= stress
      woman =awesome

    • Slaktare

      8 years ago

      Stressful as hell and awesome as fuck at the same time...
      School woman

    • Slaktare

      8 years ago

      How's life?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      well, i'm only going to be on for a bit now. weird thing is... my dad is taking me to church. me. going to church.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      well?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      wait, you're talking to him right now?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      ah, ok. happens all the time. so,what were you up to? shenanigans no doubt.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      you spacing out or something?

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      well, consider this self control training.

    • johnmchall

      8 years ago

      oh, good. it sorta felt like worry, but excitement is good. (don't you dare make any jokes)

  • Questions

    No questions have been answered yet