Have you ever had one of those times where life has a definitive end to one chapter in your life?
For me that was when I returned home from Rochester, back in March. Most of my friends didn't show. Most of them moved on. But it was that moment that I realized that being a part of that group was officially over. The next generation was going to handle it, if they were going to. I haven't heard anything on the ordeal. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. But what stood out was that I didn't really belong there anymore. It's like going back to your old high school. I'd imagine its what it would feel like to go back to your high school reunion. You think you'd know people there. You'd expect to find old friends whom you haven't talked to in a while. You'd expect that maybe they've thought about you as you thought about them from time to time.
When you do arrive, none of your friends as you remember them are there. They've changed as you have. Just not in the same way. Sure, you've gone off and found a job or you've done these things that changed you. And yet for some reason, you always had this thing that tied you back to them, to the memories. Suddenly, you realize not everyone remembers those memories. They're indifferent about them. It's not that you didn't move on. Those where good times and you relied on those memories. You relied on them to make it through some of your bad days. And you looked forward to this reunion. And you realize that, even though you were expecting it, nothing is the same.
Even with those expectations, you're still awestruck about how indifferent they are about it. Again, its not that you didn't move on. Those memories are a part of you and sometimes it takes a moment/event like this to realize that those memories are no longer a part of you. You've moved on from those memories. Those good times. And you realize that's all they were: good times. You can go back to them in your head, but to go back to that person, to those people. They're not what you remember, not what you expected. And thats pretty damn disappointing.
People will say that that's just life. To some extent, yes. Sure, but why does it have to be pretty damn depressing. You move on from place to place and that's all you do. Maybe what I am more afraid of is not being able to stay in one place to live a life. You realize that perhaps you can't be in one spot because you're used to living from place to place, time to time. You don't really settle. While that may not be true because no one knows the future, but you can't help but think it. You think that you would be happy in one spot. The truth may be that you're not because you realize that that one spot is not the entire world. Not your entire world.
That one spot used to be with all your friends and all your adventures. But those friends, while they haven't moved from that spot, they've moved. And thats when it hit me with all the fond memories and feelings of nostalgic. Life seems to be one big case of nostalgic. To wrap all of this up, I realized that the final sentence had been written in the previous chapter. There was no going back through that door, at least not like it used to be. Sure that door isn't locked, but its closed. You can go back and forth, but it's not the same. That chapter, that last sentence in that chapter, has been written. And you can't help but try to read it and try to feel the nostalgia of it all. And you realize that you don't feel anything anymore because you know there won't be any new chapters involving them. New characters are going to be introduced. Sure that could be an adventure.