SaltyFishSaint FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

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from CO

  • Activity

    • 4 years ago

      SaltyFishSaint

      WOOOT GOING TO RTX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY FIRST TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • 4 years ago

      SaltyFishSaint

      Does anyone know when the LT loot crate is getting sent out

    • 5 years ago

      SaltyFishSaint

      I am BORD at school. Help ME PEOPLE

    • How To Know If You Are Ready For Kids

      10 years ago

      SaltyFishSaint

      MESS TEST

      Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind
      the couch and leave it there all summer.

      TOY TEST

      Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks).
      Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to
      walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a
      child at night.

      GROCERY STORE TEST

      Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as
      you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or
      damage.

      DRESSING TEST

      Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making
      sure that all the arms stay inside.

      FEEDING TEST

      Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the
      ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of
      soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an
      airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

      NIGHT TEST

      Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of
      sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m., begin to waltz and hum
      with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for
      10:00p.m.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever
      heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set
      alarm for 5:00a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years.
      Look cheerful.

      INGENUITY TEST

      Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it
      into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an
      attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil.
      Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa
      Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

      AUTOMOBILE TEST

      Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and
      put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into
      the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies.
      Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the
      car. There, perfect.

      PHYSICAL TEST (Women)

      Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes.
      Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to
      notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while.

      PHYSICAL TEST (Men)

      Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the
      clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the
      head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the
      store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last
      time.

      FINAL ASSIGNMENT

      Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can
      improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's
      table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that
      they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience.
      It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

    • FUNNY DEFINITIONS

      10 years ago

      SaltyFishSaint

      ADULT
      A person who has stopped growing at both
      ends and is now growing in the middle

      BEAUTY PARLOR
      A place where women curl up and dye

      CANNIBAL
      Someone who is fed up with people

      CHICKENS
      The only creatures you eat before they
      are born and after they are dead

      COMMITTEE
      A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours

      DUST
      Mud with the juice squeezed out

      EGOTIST
      Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation

      GOSSIP
      A person who will never tell a lie if the
      truth will do more damage

      HANDKERCHIEF
      Cold Storage

      INFLATION
      Cutting money in half without damaging the paper

      MOSQUITO
      An insect that makes you like flies better

      RAISIN
      Grape with a sunburn

      SECRET
      Something you tell to one person at a time

      TOOTHACHE
      The pain that drives you to extraction

      TOMORROW
      One of the greatest labor saving devices of today

      YAWN
      An honest opinion openly expressed

      WRINKLES
      Something other people have
      You have character lines

    • SENTENCES ON PATIENTS HOSPITAL CHARTS

      10 years ago

      SaltyFishSaint

      1. She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she
      was very hot in bed last night.

      2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

      3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

      4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

      5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

      6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

      7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

      8. The patient refused autopsy.

      9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

      10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

      11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound
      weight gain in the past three days.

      12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

      13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

      14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to
      work her up.

      15. She is numb from her toes down.

      16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

      17. The skin was moist and dry.

      18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

      19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

      20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

      21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got
      a divorce.

      22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

      23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

      24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

      25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

      26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock
      broker instead.

      27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

      28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

      29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the
      abdomen and I agree.

      30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

      31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

    • TO EXCERCISE OR NOT TO EXCERCISE

      10 years ago

      SaltyFishSaint

      1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog,
      you add one minuteto your life. This enables you, at
      age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
      home at $5,000 per month.

      2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she
      was 60. She is now 70 and we don't know where she is.

      3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I
      could hear heavy breathing again.

      4. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400.
      Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

      5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain
      figures out what I am doing.

      6. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our
      toes, he would have put them further up our body.

      7. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by
      people who annoy me.

      8. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers
      them.

      9. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die
      healthier.

      10. If you are going to try cross country skiing, start with
      a small country.

      11. And last, but not least, I don't jog - it makes the ice
      jump right out of my glass.

    • FEATURED USER

      10 years ago

      SaltyFishSaint

      I dont get how some one that has only 11 karma did not give out any mod and has not been online for a 1/2 hour an has only two friends and has not posted a journal gets featured user twice in not even a year. smiley7.gif

    • LIFE I LEARNED FROM BAD 80' MOVIES

      10 years ago

      SaltyFishSaint

      Smart people wear thick glasses, button-down shirts, and slacks.
      Dumb people wear football uniforms.

      Everyone in high school was having sex except you and the class
      valedictorian.

      Your dog is way smarter than you.

      France is populated entirely by attractive young women and Gerard Depardieu.

      Every Southern town has a fat redneck sheriff named "Smokey."

      Mexico is populated entirely by vacationing frat boys.

      Parents always come back from vacation a day early.

      There are no ugly prostitutes.

      It's only possible to win any sporting event in the last three seconds of
      the game.

      Cheerleaders hate having their shirts on.

      The best way to escape your enemies is to drive on the wrong side of the
      road.

      A student who's failing every class can still rig up an elaborate device to
      to answer his phone when he calls in sick.

    • Jokes To Play on Fellow Astronauts

      10 years ago

      SaltyFishSaint

      Break the radio and say that while everyone was sleeping there was nuclear
      battle and everyone is now dead.

      Look out the window any scream "We're being boarded!!"

      Uncouple the Japanese section, and as they float away helplessly yell
      "That's for Pearl Harbour!!..."

      Use the Canada arm to start punching the Russian space shuttle and then
      exclaim that "they were asking for it with all their freakin' late-night
      cooking smells"

      Flush a crew member out the air lock and tell everyone he was an alien
      planning to kill everyone and that you saved them from being cocooned!

      Lock someone outside and tell him you won't let them in until he guesses
      the right number between 1-million. Then tell him you were only kidding
      and testing his resilience under pressure, and let him in just before his
      air runs out.

      Dump a bottle of Vodka in the Russian's space suit, smash him over the
      head with his space hat, and as he reels about, point at him and exclaim
      to everyone: "Hey, look at Euvonnamokinov, he's drunk in space! Lock him
      in the ejection pod till we return!"

      Instead of bringing your experiments on board, smuggle in a hooker!

      When docking the shuttle, start beating the Viking war drum you hid by the
      controls and yell "RAMMING SPEED"

  • Comments (27)

    • runelady

      9 years ago

      In reply to hank8888:

      I'm on my way there now... It's almost 1 p.m., so I should be there around 3. I was thinking IHOP or Waffle House. There's an RTer from Ohio visiting CO Springs.

    • runelady

      9 years ago

      Let me know if you're available tomorrow afternoon for a brief get-together in CO Springs.

    • justbrit37

      10 years ago

      it was a banquet..

    • runelady

      10 years ago

      Right now I live in Westminster, but I may be moving back to Fort Collins. I'm not very fond of the Denver area.

    • ulovekelly

      10 years ago

      yes it was!

    • nyuu_no

      10 years ago

      yes very much u should read my new journal

    • nyuu_no

      10 years ago

      yeah i'm just really tired

    • nyuu_no

      10 years ago

      good

    • nyuu_no

      10 years ago

      hey

    • runelady

      10 years ago

      Pueblo-ish?

    • runelady

      10 years ago

      What part of Colorado are you in?

    • deathspoison

      10 years ago

      thats not bad i only make 8 and hour

    • deathspoison

      10 years ago

      well that kinda sucks. at least its money right

    • deathspoison

      10 years ago

      well thats good wats up?

    • deathspoison

      10 years ago

      im doing good you?

    • oh_la_la

      10 years ago

      the picture was taken over my the jeffco fairgrounds.....
      fort WEsternaire..... if youve heard of it, which im sure you have..
      Westernaires... im in it so.. ya :] haha

    • deathspoison

      10 years ago

      thanks for liking me lol ^.^ aka joining the group

    • soupcan58

      10 years ago

      Thanks! I honestly have to say I was surprised when I saw it.

    • deathspoison

      10 years ago

      we got about three inches

    • deathspoison

      10 years ago

      thanks for the comment

    • deathspoison

      10 years ago

      anytime

    • Thoric FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Yikes

      10 years ago

      Thank you! smiley0.gif

    • Trevor FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Froink

      10 years ago

      Thanks a lot man, you too.

    • justbrit37

      10 years ago

      thanks!

    • Gforce81

      10 years ago

      Hey dude. What's up?

    • kansaspickup

      10 years ago

      thank you for the comment on FU

    • crazylilviet

      10 years ago

      Thank you.

  • Questions

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