Wow, I just realized that I have belonged to Rvb for 4 years.
Holy shit does time fly, so many things have been done and undone, I have seen and expereienced a lot.
Lets see what happens in the next four years, maybe a sponsership? who knows.
but its just a ride, its just a ride, there is nothing to fear, life is just another ride at an amuesment park.
4 years, to think that I have aged a little is very discerning, I hate thinking about the future, but sometimes the math adds up correctly and I have a good future, and sometimes it goes very poorly. I also realize that it is easter, so have a happy easter everybody.
And to think I will have my Associates in Nursing next year sometime. How great. Then its off to UMich to hire in to their hospital and get my Bacherlors, and then off to Med school! (or Anasthesia school to become a CRNA....) who knows?
Everything I Have in this life can be expelled, or it can be burned. There is really nothing permanent that a human can own. Everything fades away or dies after awhile. Its interesting. thats life though.
but its just a ride.
10 years agoSanghelli
Wow, I just realized that I have belonged to Rvb for 4 years.
10 years agoSanghelli
You look around. You stare in the mirror, finding that you are not who you were the night before. In fact, you have changed to be a completly different charecter. As this charecter you realize a few things, the first being that your human, the second that you are male, the third you have no place in the world. You walk around your room, pacing back and forth, thinking about how this could have happened. You get the idea that this might be a dream. But its not. The room is exactly as it seems, warm, a bed, good lighting, and books. All of the books on the shelves are various titles, a lot of them you have never seen, or laid a hand on before. Too many you realize for that one bookshelf. THere is also a desk. At this desk is a journal. The Journal is titled Andrew, and the cover is ornate, with a Purple lotus in the center, and gold around the title, a Fancy A is written in front of the rest of the letters that are also in italicized cursive. The background is a sanguine red eye with black roses, blue rings, and green leaves. Everything in the book, is about a boy. Its almost as if its a journal you realize. You like anyother person, read the first few pages, and get enveloped in the story. Finding things to relate this boy. Hours pass by, but they feel like minutes. You are unaware of how much time you spend reading this book. This novel of such gore, and comedy. You finish chapters, hungry for more, and the book supplies it. Every line of the novel is as enticing as the first. You keep staring at it. The lighting perfect for the kind of reading. Eventually you decide to stop, and close the book. You walk down the hall. The hallway, just stretches on and on. you feel light headed and dizzy, and eventually pause for a breather. Your body aches with unknown pain, and your hands are burning. Examiming your hands you realize that they are quite red with a little trickle of blood going down. Thinking that you must have a paper cut of some sort, you thinkg nothing of it and continue down the path. Walking forever it seems, you just keep on going, some unknown motive drives you. Something deep inside your humanity, telling you not to stop. You just keep on going, like the boy in the book. You pick up your pace, you just keep on running, forgetting about the blood spattering the hallway. Is it fear? no, you are too excited for that. Adrenaline? Maybe, but not in this case, not where you are running this fast. You run faster and faster, soon your hands start to bleed more, and eventually a red line goes down them. Pai, hot and red races down your arms, as they begin to tear. The tearing goes through your body, you can see your own bones, which keep running. Emense pain flows throughout you. Suprised that you are still living, you try to stop, but your foot breaks in the process, making you scream. Your ribs cut open your stomach and intestines, spewing their contents on the ground. Maggots start pouring from your eyes. This is all too horrible for you, and after this you finally collapse on the ground. Before your eyes finally shut, a man stands over you, and utters the words, test failed. You close your eyes.
Then you wake up. You look around. You stare in the mirror, finding that you are not who you were the night before. The room shockingly familiar, you walk to the desk, and pick up the book on there. Its a black cover, no designs. You breathe out a sigh of relief. Then you see your arm bleeding. Panicking, and flipping over the book onto its front side you read the word Andrew.
And then you scream.
10 years agoSanghelli
Maybe I'll just wait till her eyes can't see me,
Maybe I'll just wait till her ears can't hear me.
Maybe I'll just wait till her tears can't reach me.
I'll just wait for a sign
dreams that plauge my mind,
Thoghts that connect and entwine.
Maybe I'll just wait for her fears to posses me,
Maybe I'll just wait for her Lips to Trespass me,
Maybe I'll just wait for her arms to entrap me.
I'll just wait for the fear
of something that is dear.
A token of my home to,
chill her dead to the bone
Maybe I'll just wait till her wrists stop bleeding,
Maybe I'll just wait for her eyes to leaking,
Maybe I'll just wait for her to stop bleeding.
I'll just wait for her,
To lie in that room, her final
11 years agoSanghelli
This is the Last Story before the Book is Published. Hope you like it;
A Boy's Fall
A young boy eyes full of hope, listening to his parents in the Bathroom. They were arguing as usual. Money,Taxes, work, government, laws, debt. The little child hated to hear them argue, he wished he could make them stop. Being out of his hands, the just sat in the corner and listened.
The Child lived in a suburban area, a sheltered life until his parents began to show a tear in their relationship. It started with his sister, being seven months pregnant running off, with her boyfriend. She came back, but it wasn't the same. They had been nice to the boy, but now it was different. The fights between his parents, and sister generally ended up with both sides taking their anger out on him. His parents yelling at him, his sister beating him. The mental and physical weight too much to be carried by a mind so young, he shook it off bit by bit. The conflicts between the family worsened as his mom started smoking, and dad started drinking heavily. Both of his parents were havving affairs, Dad was on his "business trips,", or "out to the office". Mom was always "with good guy friends", or "out at the mall". The boys parents left his insaciable need for attention to fester. The little one wanted to know why.
In school, the story of the boys sister was thrown around, twisted and warped. Everytime he tried to defend his sister, his old friends, now his new foes spread even more ridiculous rumors. Now it got to the point where they were telling personal information, directly relating to the boy himself. No one was on his side. He found a friend, they became really close only for the boy to realize that she was starting rumors too. Eventually the young child was ostrasized too weird for any group. He ate alone, sat alone, was alone. Trying to be cool, the boy started to drink. He was careful at first, not getting too drunk, but then began moving to more and more. The boy was now an insaciable alchoholic. Unfortunatley this drinking led the boy to think of ways to ovrecome these problems. His parents however still payed no attention to him.
Earlier this day, the boy got up, and slipped an object into his lunch sack. He sat through the first three classes of the day, and his blood boiled with excitement in each one. At lunch, he asked each one of his friends, one by one to follow him into classroom 1134.Locking the door, and makeing sure no one was around in the hallway, he took out his lunch sack, and drew his Fathers Glock, and twisted on the silencer. He pulled the trigger, and with new sound of corpses hitting the ground, was overjoyed to see his friends' blood combining with each other. To his concern it meant that they were all meeting eachother in hell.
He dragged the corpses into the bathroom inside the classrom, and left them there to rot. For the rest of the day, he sat through the remainder of his classes, and got on the bus. When he got home, he spent the rest of the evening like normal, getting yelled at, beaten same old same old. This night was different. He went to his room, and reloaded his weapon. The boy proceeded to his sisters room, where she was sleeping, and screwed on the silencer. He shot two bullets into her head, the blood started to soak down her pillow. Another bullet went into her stomach, and the final one into her Ueterus, her baby now dead. He was laughing now, another problem out of his way.
The bathroom now, a perfect place to load three more bullets into his glock. he sat in the corner, and waited for his parents to come back. When they did, they started to argue about the boy, and who should take him in their new divorce. It didn't matter to the boy, since they would soon be worrying about a new problem. He waited until they started arguing about where the family was going to end up in the next month, and walked into the room, his weapon behind his back. THe boy loved the irony of the situation at hand. He took out the pistol, and watched his mom hit the floor with an oversatsifying slam. He then pointed the gun at his dad who soon joined the floor. Laughing maniacally, and joyus, the boy fired the third shot. Suddenly his worries became nonexistant, and his pain went away. His peace became a corpse on the floor, left to rot with the rest.
11 years agoSanghelli
Yup, I skipped 11th grade (well technically I'm still a junior)
I have taken all my graduation requirements, and could graduate right now.
Still, it is more fun to screw off in all your classes, than to sit at home and have nothing to do, or work full time.
Class list for next year;
6.AP Micro/Macro Economics
8.AP Writing/Literature Criticism.
11 years agoSanghelli
Sorry this journal is a bit long, but please comment...
The Secret Goldfish
There was the little boy, guarding his precious fish, sitting there with the little bowl in his hands unknowing to the people around him. All he wanted was to see that no one saw what he had bought. At his age, what you bought was yours, no one elseÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s. All rights, including looking at his fish belonged solely to him, and he desperately tried to keep it that way. He bought the fish on a weekend, all the boy had to do was just keep it in his room, in a little bowl that hid in his closet. Paranoid of the discovery the boy sat in his room, and watched the fish for hours. Almost missing his meals, the boyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s focus remained on that fish. His mom forced him down from his room to play outside, but he disobeyed saying that he bought the fish, his responsibility was to watch it.
Later on that day, the boyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s friends came over to play, his mom ushered them upstairs in a desperate attempt to remove the boy from his room. As they rushed up the stairs, the little boy hid the fish under his clothes in the closet. His friends opened his door, and the little boy just sat there looking at them, and they looked at him. For a few minutes they conversed, and his friends finally persuaded him to play. So they all went outside, ran around, explored, they did all the things that little boys do together. It became dark, and the little boyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s friends had to leave. As they left the little boy to himself, all he could think of was his fish, his very own fish that he bought, not to long ago at the store.
The boy entered his house, walked up the stairs, and started down the hallway. As he was walking he slowed down his pace upon hearing the sound of the toilet flushing. The all to familiar noise that would suck his fish down into the sewers. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, he bolted to his room. As the boy franticly searched around for the fish bowl, tearing apart piles of clothes, comic books, and sheets off his bed, all he heard was the horrid flushing sound of the toilet. The poor boy was scared; he panicked, searching faster and more vigorously throughout the shelves and closet of his room. His searching bared no success, and the boy sat on his bed and cried. Thinking about how he wanted to keep everyone away from it, knowing that this could happen.
For an hour, he lied upon his bed with tears coming out of the corners of his eyes. His parents heard the sobbing, and came in his room to ask what was wrong. Seeing as how they could not possibly understand his loss, he pushed them away, and closed the door. He cried himself to sleep that night. The boy dreamt about his fish, how much happier they both would have been had he kept it for a little while longer. The dream then turned into a nightmare as the fish along with his money went down in that spiral pattern to the sewers. He swam after his fish, but sadly could not catch up to it, defeated the boy climbed the ladder back to the rest of the world of dreams.
He awoke the next morning, still with the salt remains of the tears from the night before in the dripping pattern on his face. He felt sad, and went up to his parents and told them that he killed his fish. His parents replied saying that everything has a time to go, and his fishÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s was then. The boy then began to sob a little more, when his Dad offered to go back to the store and buy him another fish. The boy steadfastly declined saying that it wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t be the same, the fish could never be as good as the old one. So the boy climbed back up the stairs slowly, burdened by the weight of sorrow, and retired to his room. He changed out of his nightwear, brushed his teeth, and then went back to read his favorite comic books.
He sat there reading for a good amount of time, and eventually forgot about the fish, his thoughts concentrated on his books. The boy loved reading about the Batman, and Superman. He would close his eyes after reading, and pretend that he was like them, being super heroes, flying around with super strength. A quick splash interrupted his thoughts. Now snapped back to reality he was paying attention, and then another splash. He saw a small, fresh wet spot on a clothes pile that he moved the day before. Curious he went over to pick them up when more water spilled out from underneath them. The boy picked up the clothes, and there was his fish in its bowl, covered by his impulsive search the day before. He held the bowl close to his chest, tightly crossed between his arms, as the fish swam around.
The little boy put his face up to the bowl as if to say hello, and smiled.
11 years agoSanghelli
Nuclear fusion is the concept of taking two lesser mass atoms, and combining them into one higher mass atom. The advantages of this are; if used in a bomb, such as the H-bomb massive destruction, way more than the Atomic bomb. Or If used in a power plant, immense realse of power, much more than anything we have now.
So far the easiest method, and also the most thought of method is fusing two hydrogen isotopes together to get a denser helium neucleus. However the equation to get one of the fusionable materials Tritium, is , plus Tritium is radioactive (although it has a very short half life of 12.32 years). Still this reaction is very feasible with needing only lithium (while there is less lithium than Deutrium (another reactant) there is still enough in order to power the world for thousands of years....)
To get Tritium, N+6li>T+4He
Where D=Deutrium, T=Tritium, N=Neutron
There is another way to induce neuclear fusion, and that is by a reaction with Deutrium by itself.. In this case the equation
However it takes hotter temperatures in order to run this reaction, and high pressures (+Gravity) To contain it. This reation is not nearly as efficent because there is still tritium produced, and it takes more power inorder to start it.
Bringing me up to my next point, the problems with neuclear fusion-
Containing it- It is extremly hard to contain the reaction because there is no known substance or material that can hold in the reactants/ion since the temperatures are as hot as the sun. To solve this problem scientists are experimenting with Magnetic fields in order to hold in the super-hot plasma, and make it almost plyable when you inject electromagnetic radiation. It is a very interesting concept to see, because the magnetic field looks like a giant donut!
Temperature- Getting the temperature hot enough to initiate the actual reaction is a very tough thing also. Short from an atomic fission bomb/reactor there is nothing in the Human arsenal of technology that can produce the heat required.
Gravitational Mass- The mass what you have to attain is equal to stelar mass. More than the planet jupiter, and about as much of the sun. Since we have nothing on the earth to create this mass fusion ignition is pretty much impossible.
Although we have made many fusion reactors, economicly Fusion is extremley inefficent mainly because all of those reactors have taken more energy to start, then the total energy they produced. This is probably the biggest hurtle, converting the heat back into electrical energy. Scientists are experimenting with Metallic hydrogen(hydrogen kept at a pressure of 25000000Atm) Which is found in the core of jupiter. The pressures are so high that it undergoes a phase change, and it is theorized in this change hydrogen gains a superconducting ability. This is due to the strong coupling(vibrating/ion) with each of the conduction electrons. However once again, obtaining this metallic hydrogen is extremly difficult, and only in theroy can it be done.
11 years agoSanghelli
Honors American Literature
April 18, 2008
Serj Tankian is a poet, singer, and underground writer. He is mostly known for his poetry and music. Serj is a political poet heavily focusing on the problems with society today, and the decisions that many people in the government have made. His poems are extremely influential to a large section of people, and also to political leaders, as they have the power to bring out the , hope, and opposing views in society.
Serj Tankian was born on August 21 1967 in Lebanon. He graduated high school with a 4.0 for the whole time, and studied marketing and programming. He then later became the CEO of the computer software company eGames. (http://www.monstersandcritics.com) He later then helped in the forming of the band System of a Down 1993, which later released five albums, and recently disbanded (www.serjicalstrike.com). However during that time with the band Serj developed a liking to poetry, and wrote multiple poems, soon to be published in 2002 in a book called Cool Gardens. (www.serjicalstrike.com) The poems in the book ranging from the topics of 9/11, ism, too the other topics of things that happen at home, love, depression, , , and . (www.serjicalstrike.com) In 2003 Serj Tankian, and Tom Morello both formed the Axis of Justice, and led a march in protest to try and motivate youth political interest in Santa Monica California. The march consisted of the two of them giving bagged lunches to homeless people, which broke a few laws about restaurant codes. (http://artists.letssingit.com/serj-tankian-m5h79/biography)
A phenomenal musician, as well as an outspoken one, Serj is anti as proven in his essays, and poems. He writes them as a view into the corruption of the government, and according to Saul Williams Ã¢â‚¬Å“Serj is an amazing artist full of passion with a beautiful heart that pumps the essence of his vision and talent.Ã¢â‚¬Â (Williams Saul; www.serjtankian.com) In his book Cool Gardens, Serj is primarily focused on the feelings that he wants to impress on his reader, all the while writing for himself. The morals of the poems, and even some of his songs are about non , and some aspects of philosophy. Serj has an ability not only too get his point across and make people think, but to keep it all simple. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Still, this cannot be called "good poetry" just as comic books cannot be called "good literature." Tankian is dirty. However, his points are gaseous, like the stench that you can actually see rising up from sewers in New York during December.Ã¢â‚¬Â(Schumaier Lisa Arizona Daily Wildcat). As seen here, there are man different views to his poetry. While these two completely agree with that SerjÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s poetry is heavy in descriptions, feelings, and heart, they also are coming from two different backgrounds for their support. Lisa SchumaierÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s background is from the fact that young leaders today are almost non-existent, and SerjÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s poetry can bring them out of the couch, out of the T.VÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s and into the free thinking that is required for them to lead. While on the other hand Saul WilliamsÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ point of view is from the emotions that are put into his poems, the feelings, revelations, and effects that you get from reading them. In SaulÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s mind according to his review on www.serjicalstrike.com, it is almost euphoric to absorb the material from his poems.
The style of poetry that Serj writes with is a combination of American transcendentalism, and the dark gothic style of Edgar Allan Poe. In many ways it seems as though he is trying to influence what we know today as what is called . However that is not the case, while in fact the point that Serj Tankian is trying to get across is that it is better to free think than to be trapped under the label of stereotypical society. In his eyes ignorance may be bliss, but knowledge is the key to defeating corruption in todayÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s government. This free thinking and knowledge is current with transcendentalism of Henry David Thoreau, and many others of the late 1800Ã¢â‚¬â„¢s movement of transcendentalists such as Walt Waldo Emerson, and Emily Dickinson. On the otherside of his poems however, a darker fantasy grows in the presence of them. Constantly looking a , , and asscioting them with shame, guilt, and dishonor. An example of both of these come from the poem Circus Tiger lines 7-8 Ã¢â‚¬Å“Would you break away, think of escape and if desperate, kill and avow your humiliation and guaranteed ? Do you do it now as a human?Ã¢â‚¬Â (Serj Tankian Cool Gardens). Serj no matter how lightly you take him, is always looking for a way to get into your head, and help you find a way to change your thinking, not to his way but in your own direction with a decision made from your own free will.
11 years agoSanghelli
To have people who don't know you at all, complete strangers talk about you.
It makes it even better when you find out their opinion on you from a distance, and you learn
truth of your reputation. In my area, I am still the only Ã‚Â¿True? vampire somehow.
It is interesting to expereiment when you hear them talk about you, but even better when now that you realize that from here on you can make up your truths about yourself, and they would never know anyhting better. to a more interesting point is the concept that now I can mess with my self and build up or destroy from here.
In other news;
Still can't sleep, but now I have BAGS under my eyes (YESS!!!) They look so cool. I don't knwo why older people don't appreciate them, I think that they are great. I look like I am 24 while I am only 16. And when I get my Hair died grey, or lighter colored, I'll look even older. I am not however am doing this for a look, It is because I would rather have grey than black hair, and bags rather than anyother. I
I am in an intersting pickle, deciding what to do about my airsoft gun. Do I keep it as it is?
Or should I further increase the rate of fire into the high 40rps(rounds per second) John HELP ME!! I plan on using 16v 2200uf capacitors, as they can increase your rate of fire anywhere from 3% which is a big increase if your gun is already shoot 1400rpm(rounds per minute) to 50% which is HUGE!!!
Another factor to my life is a few months back, maybe a year back I was contemplating a huge bunch of issues. And Oddly enough those very issues from back then just came back to me in a rush of emotions, along with the knowledge of those same issues in another life,. I do believe I am seeing things, but these events are to big to encompass inside of but one disorder, they are full flashbacks, some lasting few seconds, some lasting for hours and hours. A lot of them are just petty events that have happened in a past liefe, like walking down a cobblestone path and entering a building. While others are of more significance, a battle in which if the side that I was on had no chance in winning it was an absolutley one sided massacre, and I was the first to die while I believe that the rest of the soldiers had fufilled their purpose.
What is one to do when he is in the rock bottom of society? Is he to go and try all of the iliccit substances that others lay out in front of him? No. Is he to go and with out ever thinking about the rest of the people around him? NO!!!
All in all the effect of this is that I am not who I want to be yet, I still have to shoot for my Phd in Pyschology, and my J.D. No matter what, no matter how many people think that I will fail I WILL NOT I WILL SUCCED!!.
I am very much in a prediciment with my realationships, as I am sure everyone is in at one time, they mainly consist between my two girfriends, GASOLINE at more than $3.50 a gallon where I live, she is quite expensive. My second friend is also quite a bit expensive, but more on a daily basis, FOOD is her name. Not that I eat at fancy 4-5 star restaurants all the time, but I am a very hungry person, who has no weight, (5' 8" 110lbs!) I NEED SOME FRICKIN FOOD!!!!!! HUNGER IS AWEFULL!!!!
Music is my pastime, and finally I am a commsiend wedding player, with a jazz quartet (saxophones and a small drum section)
On to my real problems with real relationships, I have no Idea which of my friends like me, and which ones me behind my back. (Also can anyone tell me how to tell if a /woman likes you? that would be much help! THANKS!!!)
Uhh, almost out of things to say, except for the fact that I finally got Cool Gardens A book of poetry by noneother than SERJ TANKIAN IT IS SO FRICKIN AWESOME I LOVE his work... Man that was a terrible explanation.
Well it appears that I have to go and umm... do something, that involves mass quatities of... umm.. Halo playing, Daft punk, Metal, wee...(umm it ends with umm...) PC(PVC?)
Ummm, have fun kids? stay in school? umm...
I PLEAD THE FIFTH AMMENDMENT!!!!!!!!!!!1!!1111111!!!!
To all of you, Have a great day,
11 years agoSanghelli
Yeah my second day straight with no sleep woot...
(I can't get no sleep...)
Hmm... In other news,
I found out that I can't fix problems, but I can help solve them.
A lot of people at my school are very ignorant as too who I am, but I do have rumors spread about me. (I like most of them, the ones I don't I make up myself)
I guess I am the only Vampire in my school (well of course thats whats everyone calls me)
I guess I am the only one in my school that has a mind of their own.
I cannot judge people if I have not met them, no matter how much my friends want me too.
I cannot wait to go to sleep... Being up all day makes me sleepy.
Hmm... As the year goes by I still have yet to put together an orchestra....
I have an interesting opinion for everyone tomorrow...
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