Sangjester DarkRelic

Not Specified
from Florissant, MO

  • Activity

    • Damn meds....

      1 year ago


      So after suffering from crippling panic attacks in october I went to the doctor. She put me on more medications, and now a month later though yes I still have episodes, they're WAY more manageable she frickin upped my meds. So not happy about it. I wish I coul jsut fucking fire the newhires and then I'm pretty sure the attacks would go away. Sick of their bullshit and inability to stay busy. It's bad when all the tradesmen request me alone, and demands the newhires do NOT help them. that should show how bad they are.

      on an upside, this week I will be burning off the last 3 days of vacation I have for the year so from wed-fri I'll be sitting at home relaxing. then, after that, i only work the next monday and tuesday on grounds/utilities before taking over dock duties covering for that worker to use up his vacation which will take me through the rest of the month! HUZZAH!

    • Nothing like hitting bottom after riding high

      1 year ago


      No, not that kind of high though my doctor has put me on more meds than I care to be on to deal with my panic attacks that keep coming. but I have small progress on that front kind of. Anyways, RTEXTRALIFE was awesome as always, the community, the people behind the scenes, the people on our screens, that was great to watch and be a part of (donation wise obviously). And wow, over a million dollars...fuckin wow....that's damned awesome of the community. I gave what I could, that's all i'm going to say.  And wow fuckin brownman over donating notch? WOW! But yeah Extralife was awesome and congrats to RT and the Dell Childrens Hospital.

      Now for the fuckin low.....*sigh* I'm a big music guy. I love music, I thrive on it. Old, new, known, unknown, I love music. One band I've been a fan of is American Head Charge. Now, if I remember correct, one of their original guitarists died of an overdose and well the band kind of fell apart after that for a long long while. then, they came back with the SHOOT ep and toured on that for a while. Then, they released TANGO UMBRELLA, their "comeback" album kind of. I mean it was crowd funded, they wanted to well, fuck it I'm not going to say what they wanted cause honestly I don't know I'm not a band member or part of their management lol. But anyways, they crowdfunded their album, put it out, toured with that.....started going back to work apparently putting themselves back out there and.......*sigh* Founding member and Bassist as well as basically main composer of AHC Chad Hanks has passed away after fighting a terminal illness. I just saw that article.  Well, first i saw one saying he was FIGHTING an illness. then, I saw under it the update that he had passed away. :( I got to see them a few times live, and they were great! But damn, I'm just tired of losing my musicians. Like, they just reconciled, they just got everything going again.....and this happened.... My thoughts and condolences to the Hanks family and AHC. Riff in peace Chad....

    • I tire of my own head.

      1 year ago


      I don't know what is wrong with me seriously. I have been having panic attacks for nearly 2 weeks straight. This week, I am off work, I am at home resting. That doesn't stop them from coming. I was put on xanax years ago to fight them, low dose and hey it worked for YEARS but now, nope. It's not jsut a quick 15 minutes of "oh fuck" no it's an hour and a half of "am i dying?". I've seen my doctor about it and she put me on a new medication. I started it yesterday and well, i was loopy for a good while. Today, I don't seem to have the loopy nature. I still had panic attacks yesterday and today. yesterday is one thing because A it's day one and B because of the fact that I went to see lords of Acid, Combichrist, Christian death and En Esch perform. Thankfully I did not go alone. Had to have my friend pull over a couple times so I could get out and breathe. She knows and understands what's going on with the attacks but, I still feel bad for being a burden on her though i know I'm not. And hey, even if I wasn't having the attacks I'd still feel that way. I hate being a burden on people. 

      So she picked me up after she got off work. I took one of my Xanax because I could feel something starting already. Hey, it's what my doctor instructed me to do folks. We rode for about 10 minutes before I had to ask her to pull over because I was going in full swing panic attack, I had to get out and walk or just not be constricted.....damn seatbelts.... Get back in the car, take another pill, keep going. We hang out at her place for a little and bs, then go  to the show. I take another half just as a precaution. Note, I am on a low dosage and I already cleared all this through my doctor. So go through En Esch, no problem. Christian Death hits the stage, no problem. Combichrist, I'm able to hang for one track before I have to go outside for air. One of the guys doing security was out there and saw me, asked what was up and I just told him Panic Attack. He tries to calm me while trying to keep an eye on the door to keep epopel from bringing their drinks outside. kinda don't want fines ya know? 

      So I calm down after 10 minutes out there, go back inside get some water, sit down, and just focus on breathing for about anoter 10 minutes. End up taking the other half and more water, more sitting, more breathing. Fucker lasted almost the whole set for combichrist which was I think 35 or 40 minutes. I start to feel a little more "stable" and stop feeling dizzy and like I was blacking out, make my way to the merch booth by the stage. Get to talk to valor from Christinan Death and get an autograph and keep seeing En ESCH walking around. Lords of acid hits the stage and I just space out for a while watching and listening. their new vocallist Mia A-very cute B-great set of.....lungs. *coughs* no really she sounded great honestly. Lords plays their "closing track" and my fiends head to the merch booth to wait for them to walk off stage. While we wait, YUP.... get photographs with EN ESCH and his autograph as well. We hang out for a while then have to leave, We wait outside for a bit until I'm completely "down" or "normal" and she takes me home. 

      It honestly bothers the hell out of me that I can't snap myself out of these things myself for one. And, that I ended up having to take that many pills. I kept a log of everything that I took and when and when things started and faded. here's how things NORMALLY would go. I go to new places with new faces, that's a definite panic attack recipe. Normally I would only need to take ONE pill.... ONE..... and that's when the attack starts and I'd be fine the rest of the evening. NOPE not lastnight. Not for the past 2 weeks either. Now, since the attacks were rare, honestly 30 pills would last me almost a year or more. I just had to refill friday and I think I have had 10 already. that's way too damn many for my liking. 

      This is one of the major reasons I detest my single life. I don't have someone that can help me and watch over me. because according to my doctor, i was ready to black out from what I was describing to her. Like I didn't already know that >_> *sigh*. But yeah, that's what i've been dealing with. panic attacks, mainly without a known trigger. hell jsut sitting at home i have them now. FML. Hopefully the new med will start working and things will go back to status quo 

    • Physics don't exist....

      1 year ago


      At least not in minecraft. yes I know i'm REALLY late to the party. So, thus far I made a little hut, one good size castle, and now I'm actually terraforming a mountain into yet another castle. So yeah i know what I'm going to be doing for the next week that I have vacation lol. That and i'm still trying to figure out where I want to put the village of ASTERIX. If you don't know what that is, look up ASTERIX and OBELIX. That right there, that's my childhood lol. 

      now, why do i say physics don't exist? Simple. in minecraft, they kind of don't. For instance, I built a bridge going from castle 1 to castle prime (mountain). i used cobblestone, granite, diorite, and oh yeah it's a good enough fall that you WILL die. hell even jumping into the water I hit the bottom of it! And that's the deep end! And, there are NO supports on this bridge/rail system. By all laws of physics, that should work at all lol. I mean with no supports it would collapse under its own weight. 

      Side note...

      So, i recorded a couple 10 minute videos about the process and what I've been doing. I should mention I've been recording using the XBOXONE dvr. yeah, kinda see why legit streamers and achievement hunter spend so much money on computers to do this through. First off, annoying as fuck I have to record the voice over in post. Secondly, it just looks like crap to me. 

      But this is going to be nice long process. I almost have the TOP of the mountain half done leveling it out and building the castle top. I already have a rail system of mine carts so i can go between the three places either from up above or underground. It's jsut a matter of getting everything else done that I want to the mountain. 

      Also with video, kinda sucks that it ebing on the XBO that yeah i can upload it there, but can't post it elsewhere. lol. Sometime i'll take screen shots and post them somewhere. 

    • Politics

      1 year ago


      Okay, I don't like talking politics a whole lot because well it's like religion and like a fat hard cock. Just because you have one, doesn't mean you should be waving it around in everyones face.  Now, I'm not going to sit here and say this party sucks that party sucks this persons an ass etc etc. If you want that, there's plenty of news sites on both ends of the spectrum to point fingers but I'm going to point a finger in a different direction than all of them. See, here's something that NOODY takes into consideration. Look at how old all of these assholes are. Realize, they have been in the "game" for decades. THAT is the problem. Personally I think US politics should be handled as thus, you get elected to an office say the house. You get a term limit. once your term is over you can either run for the NEXT office, the senate, and if you get it cool if not then you are back to square one, a regular common every day tax paying citizen and you have to find employment. Same with Senate. You get a term limit. After that, you can "apply" for another position, in other words run for a higher office. Don't get that office? Then get the fuck out of DC, get a refgular job, pay your taxes and be a normlal citizen.  Now is that how things work? HELL NO. once they serve, they get pensions the rest of their lives. i'm sorry, but I've been working the same job for a decade and if I just lost my job, unless I had put in 401K I'm not seeing a fucking penny from the company. that's reality folks and that's one of the biggest fuck ups in american politics. Serve once and you get paid the rest of your life, and you have government finances, housing and so on? Fuck that. Also guards? FUCK NO. Once you are out of office, ANY office including Presidential, you are a NOBODY. You are John Q Public. No guards, no government handouts, nothing. 

      And Like i said, another problem is the AGE of these people. Listen, Everyone wants to rally behind someone who has been "serving the country" since the 80's or 90's/ How much of the fucking world has changed since then? Seriously we are moving forward at break neck speed technologically (not so much socially) and you think that these old fucks know what's going on? HELL NO! See with TERM LIMITS, you can't have someone singing the same old song and dance for 20 years. You get constant new blood in office. New people, new ideas, new more up to date understandings of how the world is working now. Everyone who is in any office now like house and senate, they know fuck all about what' going on other than what their corporate sponsors are telling them. Sure during election time they'll "mingle wiht the masses" they'll "visit job sites" but you have to realize A-that is a PR move, and B-it's under severe control. Case in point. one building on my campus is not owned by the main company, they're now owned by a Japanese company. they're still on the campus because they signed a lease to stick around for X amount of years, and the CEO comes through twice to "tour" the facility. By "tour" basically he is herded like cattle through select parts of the building. We make sure those certain parts of the building are immaculate. He doesn't see what's really going on because for the most part, he stays in one room during his visit where select people are allowed to come in and go over things. What do you think happens when politicians tour facilities through the country? They are herded through spots that are completely immaculate and are talking to very select people in front of the camera. Then, pushed into the limo and away they go. 

      So here's my bottom line. TERM LIMITS need to be imposed, and when your time is up you need to go back to being a regular citizen. This keeps us from having old farts who are completely out of touch with the world from having power.  Also, folks, one last little note.....

      Love the president, hate the president, it is your president. But, remember, no matter what the president says or does, that's not the point nor the bottom line. Congress can overthrow presidential orders and pull vetos. Remember your social studies classes, you were taught this basic principle. Checks and balances. No single person has all the power. Things have to be approved by all. If a president signs an order say banning coca cola, congress can veto. Same with if congress said know what. fuck pepsi and wanted to ban pepsi....the president can tell them to fuck themselves and veto it. That is how the system is set up folks. Also, the president though they may be the mouth of the nation, and the figurehead, they are NOT the one steering the ship, that's congress. 


      1 year ago


      No I am not advertising in this journal, wait, I don't think i ever advertise cause yeah why would I? And nobody paid me to. ANYWAYS, just one thing I was wondering. okay, i get that during a live stream that is SPONSORED by someone, okay i get it you're going to plug your sponsors, people that paid to have their name put on air. but, on the later downloads of it...... what....the the point. no i am being completley fucking serious. this isn't a pointless 'ugh commercials blarg" post, but these sponsors always have some kind of LIMITED time offer for listeners. Like HEY for the next 2 weeks if you enter code blah you get an extra 10% off. okay that's all well and good, but this is on an episode i'm listening to finally..... A YEAR LATER. i mean seriously, fuck the shit at that point man. Like, oh fuck let me think for a second..... Okay what if, i had a company. fuck it lets say I made something another site called JESTERVISION and I sold specialty glasses, or frames rather. Not typical black frame, or bullshit designer ones, these are just like steam punk, or gothic in their appearance. And I had the money to have Gus, or burnie read an ad on the podcast, but then for whatever reason (like the idea is shit) the company folds. So, why are you reading the ad for a defunct property/ OR.... okay like i said I'm listening to shit a year back from now, so yeah I'm still listening to 2016 stuff. Hey, I started on episode one like a year and a half ago, fucking deal with it. but anyways, i'm listening to these old podcasts, and I groan whenever there is an adread because those offers, no longer fucking work. It's a year ago, why is that audio still there....why is it actually literally read live on the podcast? what the fuck....

    • So, about TWD, and other podcast banter

      1 year ago


      okay so, Burnie and Ashley were talking about how on TWD in the first season or two, the people had to really work at stabbing a zombie in the head for it to die and how in the later season, it's like OH YEAH slice done. Well, here is a theory for ya. No not "well they decayed thus easier" nah bone doesn't work like that, at least not that fast. But think about it, before the outbreak and apocalypse, how often would you had to do that exact action? how often would these characters have to stab something in the head? I'm thinking really fucking rarely.  So yea it would be hard at first. but over time  wouldn't you develop better muscle for that task?  That's just my thought on the matter. Like I doubt that pitchers could instantly through 98 mph fastballs, it's something they had to work at and practice. i'm just waiting for someone on the show to go "fucking tennis elbow is going to be the death of me" lol. I mean taking swings at zombies "hey jordan your backhand is looking weak!" lol.

      Speaking of dead stuff, I keep hearing the podcasters talking about what they plan on having done when they're dead. Well, except Gus. his standpoint, i don't give a fuck. Some have talked about beciming a tree, some just regular burial, some cremation. Personally, well DEPENDING on how i die (you'll see why) I plan on my body being plasticized. If you don't know what that is, look up BODYWORLDS. Basically it's a way to preserve the body forever so it can be studied and used over and over for anatomy class and/or be used as art basically. It's really amazing stuff and I signed up to be a donor. The problem is, it has to be a natural death and I understand why. i mean if I die in a tragic accident, shit gets fucked up, kind of pointless to plasticize the body. Plus i'm sure that it would make it much much harder to do. So yeah, I'd be studied for eternity in theory. 

      Also, Chris...again.... I should specify this is sparked from RT PODCAST 402. Listen, love Chris, think he's a funny guy, but holy fuck he is almost the definition of awkward in talking. I mean in the shorts he is just reading lines right? Smooth, got the timing, it's great. but when he is on the spot or trying to explain something on the podcast, it's just pure awkward man. I think he almost needs to take a few shots beforehand because to me, my opinion alone here, he seems like he is a bit uptight as in he is second guessing himself and his verb-age. breathe in, breathe out, relax, take a shit...just chill man.

    • She rubbed her monkey.... on my face....

      1 year ago


      Holy shit, first off RT seems glitchy as fuck. First it wouldn't let me log in, THEN I just type the title to a journal, and it auto posted the fucker. What the ehll. 

      Okay so, I really need to stop going to mid week concerts, it fucking sucks the next day at work. but my fucking gods, so god damned worth it! Got to see GENITORTURERS celebrating 20 years of Depravity, their tour started here in ST FUCKIN LOUIS. Which honestly, that's a shock because they rarely if ever come through here. Let me put it this way, the last time they got close and I got to see them was in 2011 and i had the drummer and Gen the front woman sign my leg that I already had inked their logo on. Back then, they were shocked as shit that someone would tattoo their bang logo on themselves. considering i would think their main audience is in the BDSM community and also steam punks, not sure how/why a tattoo would be shocking to them. not shocking like WTF ACK but more like, whoa seriously? wow, kinda shocked. So anyways, that was backk in 2011, that was in KC, and that was fun then too. 

      So here we are, 6 years later now in St Louis to kick off their North American tour. I, was fucking hyped. Unlike SOME people i love seeing artists perform and LOVE loud music. Those who don't, are jsut fucking wrong. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! Plus Gen always puts on a damn good show. She may be older, but damnit she is still smokin and yeah I was up against the stage the whole time. She still has an AMAZING ass.... Hello g string.... For those that don't know (which i'm betting is several)Genitorturers are a rock/industrial group formed from florida that is heavily doused with sexual expression, sex imagry on stage and in lyrics, sexual freedom, fucking fuckery, and DOMINATION and submission. yup, BDSM is a big part of them.....and that's why we adore them.... So yeah I was up front and enjoying every damn second of the show as usual. Oh and btw, did I mention that Gen rubbed her monkey on my face? YUP!. I .....uh.... kind of feel that i need to clarify that especially after all the bdsm talk. Okay, one stage prop Gen has is one of those old kind of wind up monkey toys, you know the circus monkey that smacks the two cymbals together? yeah she was messing around with that on stage then leaned over the stage and started rubbing that on my head and face. I was like "YUP totally fuckin digging this!". Hey I know it's goofy but damnit, I was touched by THE performer, THE person I came to see. That is fucking epic. It's better than just standing on the stage play a couple songs saying see ya then walkin off. So yeah fucking awesome.  

      Despite it being really fucking late and knowing I would regret the choice at work the following day, I stayed a little later to talk to Gen and the drummer. First off, Gen, is such a sweetheart. seriously, when you get to sit and just talk to her, she is really awesome and sweet.  But, Gen being Gen, she had quite a few people waiting to talk to her so, I was a good boy. I was patient and then, I caught sight of the drummer hanging at the bar. not a whole lot of people by him. So, I walked over , said hello, thanked him for an amazing night then asked "hey you remember about 6 years ago in Kansas someone had you sign their leg?" He had a slightly confused look but said "yeah I think so". Well, I pulled up the leg of my pants to show him that yup, that was a legit tattoo because it's still there, and oh yeah, when I got home from KC I tattooed his signature in place as well as Gens.  Now, I'm used to going to concerts and everyone pulls out their camera to take a photo of the band, or hey this is me with the singer like they're best buds and all..... but the drummer actually asked me if he could take a poicture. That, kind of caught ME offguard. Of course i said yes, because shit why not? lol. I guess he just really dug the fact someone enjoyed their work enough to do that.  And thankfully not enough to be like "I LOVE YOU let me waer your face...." lol 

      So, i go back to patiently waiting for Gen. Then, she is finally freed up a bit and I do the same. I shake her hand and thank her for an amazing show and pose the same question. She has a similar look on her face like she is a little confused or trying to remember and then bam.... same reaction when I showed the tattoo. She even grabbed the merch gu  over and wanted him to see, who i had talked to earlier in the night buying a shirt, sticker, dogtag and joking with. He was a fan of theirs back in the 90's and got to work with them, and even he seemed impressed with it lol.  So yeah, it was an epic show, lots of fun, great tunes and great times. If you like industrial, or rock, give them a listen, if you like what you find from them on youtube, go see them live. it is completely worth it! Note like i said, it's very sexual in nature BUT.... there is NO full on nudity, there is NO penetration of any kind, it is NOT a sex show.

    • A note to ROCKSTAR.....

      1 year ago


      So, yeah.... rockstar..... GTA v..... why the fuck do I have to have 4 people for a mission/heist? seriously it's annoying. Apparently nobody has any attention span because if they join in, they leave right after 30 seconds because it "takes too long". I fucking hate the 4 person thing. And if for some reason one of the players (not the leader) leaves in the middle of the mission, again whole heist is fucked. Like, one of the early heist setups is stealing a plane. That shouldn't take 4 people to start off with. But, basically after you kill gang members, you have to fly the plane to the airfield. I lost count of how many times i've gone through everything else, I'm in the plane, flying away no problems. and.......... HEIST FAILED.... someone couldn't wait for me to land and they fucking bailed. WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK! If someone bails in the middle of a heist, know what, keep the heist going, and just don't give that player any of the money, or RP. fuckem. 

    • Talked so much shit...

      1 year ago


      Okay, when MINECRAFT started catching I talked so much shit in teh real world about it. And.... I was so fucking wrong. I hadn't played it, had zero interest in playing it. My basic thought on it was "oh it's legos on a computer or console, I'd rather playw ith my legos" and well, yes it kind of does still have that lego feel to it but fuck...... I'm playing it on survival mode. It was kind of annoying that they updated and changed some shit on it, but I'm still playing. Started off feeling good about jsut making a cabin to hide in. Well, now I have a fucking castle I'm building. I'm almost thinking that before I'm done, the castle will take over the whole island....Every time i go mining, I add more to the castle so it is getting taller, and wider.I've been playing for a bit and there is still a lot that I haven't done in the game yet, but eventually it will happen i presume. 

      and no, I didn't fucking pour lava on my fucking house....damnit Gavin lol

  • Comments (2)

    • Aqua113

      4 years ago

      "It's a good thing there was never a bad guy who wasn't a mute,"

      You forgot about the Meta.

      • Sangjester DarkRelic

        4 years ago

        meta wasn't exactly mute. Even with his voice messed up, he and Wash were able to talk to one another remember? Maybe not in depth conversations but Wash could still understand him. Plus, his A.I. would talk for him as well :)

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