Skywalker2D

Male
from Riegelsville, PA

  • Activity

    • Star Trek

      12 years ago

      Skywalker2D

      OMG, I haven't been on in 4 months. I don't even know if anyone will read this. But anyway here is the joke:

      The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.

      They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America".

      President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."

      The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Chinese, but no Arabs. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."

      President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, "It's because it takes place in the future."

    • Another Blonde Joke

      13 years ago

      Skywalker2D

      I don't usually put blond jokes up consecutively like this, but this one hit me in the right place:

      A blonde and a redhead were watching the 6:00 news when a story came up about a man who was threatening to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead that the man wouldn't jump off the bridge and the readhead accepted. Well, sure enough, the man jumped and so the blonde gave the redhead the 50 bucks. "I can't take this, you're my best friend." The blonde looked at her, "Just take it." she said. "Well, I saw this on the 5;00 news, so I knew he was gonna jump off." The blonde laughed, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again!"

    • Blonde Jokes

      13 years ago

      Skywalker2D

      THE SPECIAL BATHROOM MIRROR

      Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie,
      *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

      A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in theworld."
      *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

      Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I’m the sexiest woman alive!
      *POOF* the mirror swallows her.

      Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think.........."
      *POOF* . . . GONE!
      ------------------------------
      A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She’d seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

      After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,†THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

      Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

      "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

      The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

      The voice came once more, "THERE ARENO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

      She stopped, looked skyward, and said,†IS THAT YOU LORD?"

      The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THEMANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."
      ----------------------------

      Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3children?
      She heard that one out of every four children born in the world is Chinese.
      ----------------------------

      Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
      There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.
      ----------------------------
      A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eyewas which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.†Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses." "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames.

      ----------------------------
      A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said," That's a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold" "Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked. "Why, that’s a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied. Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it? " The blond replied, "Two Popsicles and some coffee".
      ----------------------------
      A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

      So the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to ge tall the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."
      ----------------------------

    • Gifts to Mom

      13 years ago

      Skywalker2D

      Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

      The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

      Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks. "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

      "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

      "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

    • Sunbathing, a true story

      13 years ago

      Skywalker2D

      A rather well-proportioned secretary, Joan, spent almost all of her
      vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the
      first day but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up
      there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun
      when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her
      stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said
      the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from
      running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof
      but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did
      yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No
      one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not
      exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining
      room skylight."

    • Things To Do In An Elevator

      13 years ago

      Skywalker2D

      1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them
      on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

      2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
      and go back for more.

      3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
      wrong ones.

      4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
      know what floor your on.

      5) Hold the doors open and say your saiting for a friend. After
      a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day
      been?"

      6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
      scream, "That's mine!"

      7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

      8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
      ask if they have an apointment.

      9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
      play.

      10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
      them if they can hear ticking.

      11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
      procedures and exits with the passengers.

      12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

      13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

      14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay,
      don't panic, they open again!"

      15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

      16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

      17) Call out, "Group Hig!"and then enforce it.

      18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
      muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

      19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
      inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

      20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
      wall, without getting off.

      21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
      horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

      22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
      passengers.

      23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

      24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

      25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
      announce, "I have new socks on".

      26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
      the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

    • Lawyer and Blonde

      13 years ago

      Skywalker2D

      A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long
      flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if
      she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take
      a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to
      catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the
      game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a
      question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and
      visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some
      sleep.

      The lawyer, now some what agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't
      know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I
      will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he
      will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention
      and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless
      she plays, agrees to the game.

      The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from
      the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches
      in to her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
      Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up
      a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer
      looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop
      computer and searches all his references. He taps into the
      Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of
      Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his coworkers and
      friends. All to no avail.

      After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The
      blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to
      sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the
      blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word,
      the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes
      back to sleep.

    • The Phone Call

      13 years ago

      Skywalker2D

      There are several men in the locker room of a private club after
      exercising. Suddenly, a cell phone that was on one of the
      benches, rings. A man picks it up and here is the conversation:

      "Hello?"
      "Honey, it's me."
      "Sugar!"
      "Are you at the club?"
      "Yes,"
      "Great! I'm at the mall and I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is
      absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"
      "What's the price?"
      "Only $1,500."
      "Well, go ahead and get it if you like it that much."
      "And I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001
      models. There's one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman
      and he gave me a great price and since we need to exchange the
      BMW that we bought last year..."
      "What price did he quote you for?"
      "Only $60,000."
      "OK, but for that price I want all the options."
      "Oh, honey, that's wonderful! Before we hang up, there's one
      more thing."
      "What is it?"
      "I went to see the real estate agent this morning and saw the
      house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!. Remember? The
      one with a pool, English garden, acre of parking area,
      beachfront property..."
      "How much are they asking?"
      "Just $450,000. It's a magnificent price and I see that we have
      just enough money in the bank to buy it."
      "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
      "OK, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later! I love you!!"
      "Bye. I love you, too."

      The man hangs up the phone and holds it up asking, "Does anyone
      know who this phone belongs to?"

    • Vaseline

      13 years ago

      Skywalker2D

      A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his
      grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in
      bed." The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and
      went out to play.

      Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's
      Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed." Again
      the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went
      out to play.

      Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked
      his grandma "where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied
      "they're still up in bed." The little boy started to laugh
      and his grandmother asked, "what gives? Every time I tell you
      they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on
      here?"

      The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my
      bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."

    • US Naval Communications

      13 years ago

      Skywalker2D

      This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US
      naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of
      Newfoundland in October, 1995.

      Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to
      avoid a collision.

      Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the
      South to avoid a collision.

      Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
      divert YOUR course.

      Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

      Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
      LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
      ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
      SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
      NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL
      BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

      Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

  • About Me

  • Comments (20)

    • Neoma

      11 years ago

      Summarizing you.

    • Donutrox

      12 years ago

      I just wanted to let you know I am only deleting you because it says you have not been on in over half a year. If you come back to the forums, feel free to add me back as a friend.

    • Nabster909

      13 years ago

      yo whats up

    • wolfprophet

      13 years ago

      this site is rated 9 on my list of one to ten but is ten being the worst or the best?
      anywho hi person sitting next to me . talking thorugh the internet and not directly does have it's advatnages

    • wolfprophet

      13 years ago

      all the possible things to write back i'm just not sure of what to say... anything... (feedle position) anything..... All the possiblilties...
      i like cupcakes.

    • apokalyse

      13 years ago

      MERRY NEW YEAR

    • MSG223

      13 years ago

      Body: PLEASE READ THIS WHOLE POST. IT'S SO DANG TRUE* 1. At least 2 people
      in this world love you so much they would die for you. 2. At least 15 people
      in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever
      hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can
      bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night,
      SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to
      someone. 7. If not for you, someone may not be living. 8. You are special
      and unique. 9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. 10. When
      you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 11. When
      you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely
      turned your back on the world. 12. When you think you have no chance of
      getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in
      yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it. 13. Always remember
      the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. 14. Always tell
      someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
      15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are
      great. Add this as a comment to ten of your friends tonight and at midnight
      your true love will find you. Something good will happen to you at 2:25
      tomorrow. Get ready for the biggest shock of your life. Whoever breaks this
      chain letter will be cursed with 10 relationship problems for the next ten
      years tag ur it!! this is so scary!!! send this to 15 ppl in the next 143
      min. and then press F6 and your crushes name will appear in big letters!! it
      is so scary because it works.... but if you break the chain.. you will be
      cursed w/ relationship problems. NO SEND BACKS

    • punkergirl

      13 years ago

      award1.jpg

      You have been awarded the "WTF? But you're awesome anyway" award, given out by the one and only punkergirl!!!

      Treasure this award greatly.... it's very speacial!

    • Skywalker2D

      13 years ago

      YESSSSSS!

      A State Alchemist!

    • kahnefan001

      13 years ago

      alchemistawardcopy.jpg

    • Skywalker2D

      13 years ago

      This Kid Sucks!

      Wait......crap!

    • Taperingtech

      14 years ago

      TRIGUN KICKS ASS

    • FullMetal27

      14 years ago

      You are truly a great man.
      Oh yeah and I love your Trigun Picture so much im saving it to my folder and might make it into a poster.
      (Best one I've seen)

    • Nomedtac

      14 years ago

      Awesome man, Awesome.

    • ajpkd

      14 years ago

      You like the cool shows, much like me

    • Mr_Niimura

      14 years ago

      Dude, Fullmetal owns.

    • DrunkAsianGamer

      14 years ago

      That's preaty funny stuff man

    • Alleonh

      14 years ago

      Now that is one funky list on "The Goods" section of your profile...at least it's eclectic!

    • Vash7

      14 years ago

      I like your list of fav shows....Looks like mine lol

    • hybridfire

      14 years ago

      hello this dude is cool

  • Questions

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