SolidusNinja

Male
from Snakes On A Plane

  • Activity

    • Cheezus Christ

      8 years ago

      SolidusNinja

      Ahh, RvB. I just barely spent an hour reading all of my old journals. It is evident to me that I poured my heart and soul out into this electronic society, time and time again.

      Last night I learned something, took a deep and honest look at myself, for several hours. I feel like I have gotten to know a part of me that was seemingly 'lost in translation', meaning literally: The me before I really knew myself. Reflected upon my childhood, there was so many memories that flowed through my mind, and I know now, that it was so because I had never faced the pains that became me. Very sensitive points in time were making themselves clear, I had earnestly thought that I was unaffected by my upbringing, ignorantly claiming a distanced view from every childhood year. All I was doing... Was dodging a past that made me feel pain, allowing it to control me even now, 20 years later. The truth is, I was ashamed of the person I was, as far back as even 6-7 years old. There were vital pieces of myself I left behind, that I am only becoming aware of now. My parents, my brothers and sisters and friends I had, in all actuality, did not understand me. They still do not, but a new source has been brought to my attention since then, that I am of a different sort, and I was never meant to feel 'at home' during this lifetime. But at any rate, with deep ties into religion, everyone I knew fostered an almost savage belief in certain 'things you should not do.' My parents raised me with very clear expectations, only what they could not realize is that I was incapable of meeting them, and I was made aware immediately that I could not tell my parents the truth. I did not want to believe that my entire family had been mistaken, they are still today devout in their religious structure. So I hid away the parts of myself that religion "didn't like", suppressed my sexuality as well as other aspects of expression. This is a move, that can only have violent results. Religious belief succeeded in suppressing my very essence, and ruling my entire family through fear and ignorance. I retaliated, the two main points in my life that were once good, then became subject to my hatred and complete rebellion. The rest is history for me, dark, even evil times. The paradigm shifted first to a negative direction, then back to a positive direction years later. What I failed to discover, is the fact that as a child, you learn your most core values and establish the structure for the rest of your life. You might fail to notice certain things, simply because you have never known anything different. I had ignored my childhood, but the past makes you who you are. There is nothing of you today that did not have it's rise in the past. And in the case of an upbringing, it is the absolute basis for everything after. So it is vital to life experience to know what you're basing everything on. After my personal experience, I have no doubts that you may heal any anxiety or fear you have by finding it's source within your childhood. Until then, the pain you feel will act as a blinder, blurring and clouding every childhood memory because of a subconscious desire to avoid the pain, clouding also an important part of yourself. No fear dwells within us, that is not restricting our inner aspects. - Heal your past, and you may remember it in vivid detail.

      Crazy stuff... I am constantly humbled by what I don't know. I am grateful for the opportunity to progress and clear old blockages. I feel lighter, and more capable, even physically. Like a significant part of me is back in action. Fuck yeah...

      In other news, there is no words for how great life is going. Everything is falling into place, and I am finding a consistent connection to the energy you might call god. I have the most amazing, gorgeous girl. Even on a spirit level we feel connected. I don't know what I did to deserve her :) - I could only hope you get to experience the way life flows for me lately. The only thought in my head I can use for explaining it, is that I love all of you. I am honored to know you. Namaste.

    • Emanation.

      8 years ago

      SolidusNinja

      Presenting another session of... Thoughts from Scotty's head.

      Just recently I have been brought to a realization, creation.

      From birth we are packaged neatly into a box, and tought that we are nothing but what fills it, some tape it shut, many market themself by decorating and elaborating on this label, instead of just walking away from the peice of shit and standing for everything they really are. I am here to kindly say, the box no longer suits you, I know of the crystal essence that anyone who genuinely looks, can see within your eyes.

      Inevitably everything you do not know has the keys to everything outside of your own frequency of perception. Just THINK, THINK of what you want, know that it is there, you may not have seen it or even heard it... Realize that this present moment is your chance to reach out and harvest that which you have sowed. This can mean, clearly intending on accomplishing or acquiring something through one creative solution or another, to helping another with a heart in service, to accomplish their desire. Indirectly saturating all seeds in your own soil by increasing your vibration through a cooperation of the soul, which I believe is the grand stage that our positive earth is preparing us for. The heart of the universe knows all intentions, and it reflects as well as amplifies the efforts on our behalf to connect with or ignore it's profound purpose. There are times that this consistency shows itself clearly, other times subtly. Sometimes, it is not shown to us, when we are incapable of seeing that which simply is. Life operates through love, it is as food and oxygen, provided by our guardian earth. You are free to speak hateful words on the same breath that shows you unconditional love. I concisely recommend that a consciousness be as aware it can be, generally yet also particularly on the forefront of intentions. It is an expression of light, which promotes the ability to expand, and in all literality, to do what you do, better.

      A mind that flows like water (Emotion and Connection), is a mind receptive to creation; and a mind of stirring fire (Logic and Consciousness) is a mind that knows it's own role in creating it. Yin and Yang, for if it were not so, the world would be an infernal wildfire, or a massive heap of ice.

      Yay for another episode of scotty's thoughts.

      Now for the 'journal-esque' part:

      Life is just fuckin great. It all writes like a novel, and not much different than my ideas above. I do not believe that my personal life is seperate. I am very happy with where I am. I have overcome the majority of my anxieties, and now I've found a girl that shares my passions and is tons like me, I made her mine on new years. It has been the craziest thing...

    • My Twinkie and Me.

      9 years ago

      SolidusNinja

      I see now, what I have missed before. As if the eye of a truthful soul and mind is my primary vision, and no longer the decieving senses of limiting distortion. - On a seperate note, I write again because I find RvB as a priceless excuse to gather my thoughts. I do not actually intend on professing that which is in my mind, because in all reality, your guess is as good as mine. I simply enjoy writing as if I were talking to and at times teaching another. So if you wish to continue, enjoy this glimpse into my personal thought patterns.

      Sometimes I've had quite enough, and this world seems anything but a home. I identify with this, it is something that drives me. In a recent dream, I was shown a grave, reading on it "The Psychic Circle", and not so long after I was looking an older blonde woman in the eyes not more than 2 feet away from me. She had the most peculiar, captivating gaze... She told me, "You are one of us." I was inspired to take this straight to heart, and very quickly I awoke with intense breathing and heartbeat. I feel even today that I was given a message from a very familiar and loving presence that I can now always feel within me. My enterpretation of this message is that the feelings of isolation and deviance concerning the world at large are absolutely by design and my purpose became even clearer. The symbol of the grave I am convinced means the death of ignorance and a mind full of blockages, to give birth to an inspired flow of life with its roots in the subconscious mind. In times earlier, the imagery of myself sitting beside a flowing ring of light energy has come to me concerning the subconscious... {The Psychic 'Circle'}

      "Those who are unable to inspire themselves, must first become content with mediocrity. No matter how talented they are otherwise." A quote given to me by my brother, it took me a very long time to realize this valuable point. While I was busy, being 'content' with life, many possibilities passed me by, and today I'm in a particular situation because of the laziness that resulted. Simply because I fought all my negativities off instead of letting them inspire me. I take this point and step back even more to identify a general consistency. I have lived the extremes of a negative mindset only, and then of a positive mindset only. They are both the same in that, they can not lead you to truth by themselves. Not until they are both integrated to a balance, and a sense of neutral-ness remains within your mind, can you quiet your mind enough to 'make room' for the truth... Or whatever it is that you seek.

      I will most likely write more later, I feel very clear right now, I can see the benefit of getting my thoughts out like this.

    • Kickin ass today, kickin back tomorrow.

      9 years ago

      SolidusNinja

      Simply for closure, this will be my last journal on RvB, just isn't as bangin as it used to be :D

      The pursuit of truth, is never complete, life is a journey and if you look in the right places the right questions are as plentiful as they are powerful. - I believe that wisdom is realizing how little you know, but not letting it hold you back. - Life consists of the dualities of polar opposites and quite literally infinite perspectives, all I might suggest is to stick to YOUR guns, even if it requires that you first find out what they are. - Do not underestimate the power of numbers, be they people, dollars or hours in the day. - It is my personal belief that anyone can benefit mentally from great health physically. - Everything outside ourselves has its origin within, a reflection of what our mind accepts as normal... to paint the best picture for yourself the key is maintaining the inspiration to push through all the necessary pain and fear that trademarks changes for the better {No pain, no gain}. The harder it is to change, the more likely it is that the change will benefit you, and if benefit is the path that you are choosing, it must be hard before it is easy, that is atleast if you share the same disposition as much of humanity. Smaller successes along the way ultimately pave the way to the bigger success. - No matter of intellectual quotes and theories can ever paint the entire picture, no one thing alone can. It is the synergy provided by the moderation of all things, that will balance us, that will harmonize the peices obtained through diversity. If life is a puzzle, surely each peice is unique, moderation is the glue. - Finally, the rule of thumb, you do not see what you do not think is possible, if there was any advice to give, it would be to know yourself and know the rules you play by.

      Rest assured that I will become all that I strive to be, life is not wasted on me, and surely it is not wasted on you either, you are all welcome in my thoughts, I love you all, and I look forward to seeing you grow.
      -Scotty

    • 9 years ago

      SolidusNinja
    • Peanut Butta Jelly Time

      9 years ago

      SolidusNinja

      I'm excited, I know I have something good going. I have taken quite a brunt of negativity in the last while, it does have a purpose but by all means its not easy, atleast for the moment. I'm learning to flow with life even if it contradicts my logic. As of late things have been peculiar, I've been doing quite horrible, but in a good sense. Kind of an interesting thing to explain. I also think I've found myself a good lady, I haven't felt this way in ages :)

      It seems to me that one cannot simply walk away from a problem without first making ends meet. Knowing better is half the battle, feeling better is the main goal. I have known better than to sink into the lonely world I create for myself. I do not crave to be the victim, to lay in front of myself things that do not belong. Yet still I find myself sane in an insane world. The one truth that I find in this world is love, that is the only thing that I wish to share with others. There is no 'conversion' to love... in its purest form there are no conditions. I value myself and I value others, yet somehow it has not been enough. I've become addicted to the supernatural, and the reason I am alive now is defiance, to never give up no matter how hard life may be, and to watch over earth in the face of our greatest challenge. However... I feel that I am being dragged down into the lake of souls, despite all I know I still do not feel like I belong. I know I will never come across a situation that I cannot free myself of, but every hour that runs by seems like enslavement. So it is, that I will free myself. I will live in my world, and not yours. The fine line has been drawn, I will align with all that shares my purpose, and sever all that would stand against me in a loving respect.

    • Supercow!

      9 years ago

      SolidusNinja

      I think I've grown tired of words once more in my life.

    • It's easy mmmmmmmkay!

      9 years ago

      SolidusNinja

      So, I can't help but laugh. People always complain about our dying economy and not being able to find a job... Yet, I send in one application, for a place that pays 9.25 an hour + incentive and commission for sitting on my ass all day, and I'm hired on a few days later. (IN-bound call center agent) It's super easy, and the environment is extremely positive. Not to mention the skills you are forced to learn that are just as useful outside of work. Lol, these positive strokes of luck never cease to amaze me.

      In other news, broke it off with my lady... I gave it a chance, and in the end I learned just what is important for me in relationships, and equally what I don't want to deal with. Found out just how important it is, to find someone that matches your sense of humor... Atleast when you're a silly bitch like me. Confidence is another biggie... Eh, fuck it... Gotta do what you gotta do B) It's all for the better.

      Final note... I'm beginning to step it up, in music specifically, but most definately in life as well. It's amazing what we can find, if we ask. I'm working on my arpeggios/sweeps/scales for guitar, it's challenging but I'm beginning to make some very satisfying progress. General music flow has definately been my favorite subject so far.

      How are you? Anything big comin up? What are you doing for christmas times :) Spill.Everything.

    • iiiiiiiii dont wanna change the world!

      9 years ago

      SolidusNinja

      So, shit is neat... I just got done writing a big ol' beastly journal type thing, but I don't see much point in posting it on rvb. Put in hella short, vague and impersonal terms... this strain of knowledge will never end, which is no surprise, but It IS a personal study, and even if one can learn from the words, it's not my job to educate anyone else... and why should I ruin the fun process of you acquiring your own knowledge in your own unique way. Have fun, nuff said... sit back and watch the show.

      In other news, a few days ago I was chilling with an old friend of mine, and I made her my lady. It didn't happen the way I had expected it to, but honestly it's been a rather stable relationship so far... we can talk with eachother openly. I'm still getting used to it, trying to break all of my old selfish habits, lol.

    • The Power Of The Moment

      9 years ago

      SolidusNinja

      I am suspended in the moment, searching for something positive to say, but I find that this is a lesson learned through fire. I find myself yearning for more, listening through the silence for a voice I long to hear. I do not lack the strength and willpower, not anymore. I will do whatever I know to be necessary. The answers are no mystery... Now is the time to remain silent, what I have to say is in no means deconstructive, but some words are before their time, and it is not for us to seperate from eachother... If I must remain silent, it is what I will do. In order to say that this was not fair and understood, I would first have to ignore the voice of wisdom.

      Most people are golden, their intentions are worthy of the world, they simply feel powerless as for what to do about those very intentions. To know only the effects of fear - From the day of birth to be cultivated by a shallow unnerving belief system of a covert enemy, and confronted by only deafening silence in the face of lifes greatest mysteries... Good people are subdued into a life of ignorance, ONLY because they do not know what there is to be known. It is understood, we are all there by default, and by no accident. This does not change just because another man tells you otherwise, save for the ones open enough, which in all frankness is against overwhelming odds.

      Despite the odds, this is in no way a lost cause, the tools to achieve this goal are not of the arena laid before you at birth... in fact, the 'spiritual toolbox' in which you can renovate the world is of quite a seperate arena. (The one of which was used to confine humans to where they are now.) You are not taught the true effect your state of being has on the rest of the world, without knowing it, you will effect the world, quite dramatically. Every step you take towards sovereignty and remembering our epic past, makes it easier for others to do the same. It is another consistent law of the universe: Once something is done, a path is paved for others. This happens on the psychic level, of which I have recently researched quite extensively.

      The psychic levels are a very influential force in your life without you even knowing it, it is quite simply put, the communicative energies between anything and anything else. Our blood cells are mass transmitters and recievers of psychic energy and this makes many things we take for granted possible. On a subconscious, psychic level, your blood records information it recieves, in fact, our DNA is much like a hard drive, only a lot more kick ass. This psychic level is in essence what will make all the difference in the world, the joint intention of a population has the resounding power to create... (lol, the joint intention.) I can feel the intentions of others just like me, in a world of which at least 80% [Much likely more] of people are in a fearful hypnotic slump, imagine if it were a majority, the world would not be as it is today. We will change existence simply by jointly intending a world in which love replaces fear, where ignorance is replaced by creativity. There is much power in numbers, and if you take a look at this dilemma, the FEW are controlling the MANY. There are about 6 billion people in the world, it is foolish to think we can't take control at any time we wish.

      I have heard, and I believe, there will be a complete switch of the Earth's magnetic field within a few years. In my words, the world will end a cycle, and begin anew. The world will be recycled, a blank slate will be made, and we will be confronted with the task of creating a new world, and as we create a brighter future, humanity will as a species unlock the potential happenings that are something of a 'godly' nature. I will not go into great detail of these happenings, because it is not for me to shape your intentions. Dream big, dream deep, and do not be afraid to achieve just that. Your power ends where your fear begins.

      -Scotty

  • Comments (269)

    • chickentikka

      9 years ago

      WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      Well, the expansion won't be out for about a year - so you have time to wait! In a year, if things are good and you have some spare time - you should at least check it out and come say hi to us - 'cause we'll probably be playing more then - I really wanna see Azeroth turned upside down.

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      That dream sounds badass!

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      I need to invest in a speedo

      Oh, that's hot. Pictures! >=P

    • trukerrocks1

      10 years ago

      well thats sounds good anythin prving to be worth while?

    • trukerrocks1

      10 years ago

      im awesome cept for a few things but they are getting better anything new with my favorite person from Utah

    • trukerrocks1

      10 years ago

      Good luck with the mission how you been and i do plan on continue reading

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      That's so sweet... and awesome! Gotta love good friends, huh?

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      Well, I usually just sign onto Ben's gamertag, to watch Netflix - but I signed on mine today and added you. =D

    • GamerChick09

      10 years ago

      definitely! I love being able to spend time with him :D

    • GamerChick09

      10 years ago

      Lol mudkipz? And thank you! How are you doing?

    • Forks913

      10 years ago

      hola. remember me? IM BACK YALL

    • BowDownToMe

      10 years ago

      I really am not sure. I guess just trying to balance myself out, if that could describe how I am. I already know how you're doing, and that's fantastic you're feeling so good.

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      Seriously. If we hadn't already bought from Moe, I would totally buy from you. It's nice to know where the money we spend is going... well, at least a percentage, no matter how small. ^_~

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      nice dude, I wish you the best!

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      hehe Moe sells Cutco, too. We love our knives. It was a 1200 dollar set, but we're glad we made the purchase. Good luck sellin' 'em. They're great, though.. so I hope people buy them from you!

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      i took some screens of my main guy. lemme see if i can find em around

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      trust me. this is so much better than WoW

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      There should be a +1 Awesome, 'cause I would have given you it. Makin' out with two chicks at once, huh? Very awesome. Techno.. also awesome.

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      hells yeah. also, speaking of herbalism, the drug trading in GTA: Chinatown Wars is a blast

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      I prefer megadeth

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      Yeah, that cookie was Ben's gem. He did a great job. That cookie in particular was the last one to be eaten. In fact... they all got eaten within a week of making them - that one got eaten months later. :x

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      I've never been campin'... well, not real camping. I really want to go, though. I don't mind peein' outside, long as I can take my pants off to do it - otherwise I totally pee on them..

      S'mores 'n brew! Mmm.

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      You males are so lucky... I try to perfect my aim in the shower, but I'm hopeless, really. =P

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      That is true... very very true.

      While typing this I saw CALLmeCRAZY's comment:

      try some new and exciting methods of peeing, then

      Very interesting.

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      /gasp

      You no take candle.. I mean, Ben. Hands off! Eep!

    • ResaStar

      10 years ago

      I don't change much in my life anymore. My username, hair color, furniture layout and WoW armor are basically all I get to change. lol Oh, and my clothes IRL.. sometimes.

    • BowDownToMe

      10 years ago

      I am trying really hard to get over this want to punch you straight in the jaw. I can't help myself, I'm angry/frustrated, and it feels like all the wrong things keep happening. What do I do? I feel like I have been impregnated with the Hulk. Scotty. . .

      It all just sucks, maybe. And then some.

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      sounds uncomfortable

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      Actually, I think he threw the dirt because I was making fun of him.

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      no, i mean i watched it off my antenna

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      o.O i doesn't have cable and i watched it

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      oh god... i don't want to know

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      dude... I was actually going to tell you to do that, but I think it'd backfire and you'd just end up peeing all over yourself

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      try some new and exciting methods of peeing, then

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      COUNTER ATTACK!

      I have to pee...

      also, castle crashers is the best game ever

    • love_bullets

      10 years ago

      Our Christmas was completely badass. hehe :)
      We understand about gift giving being addicting. We are totally in debt 'cause we bought EVERYONE something. Some more than others... but, meh.

      Hope you continue to have good days. <3 you Scotty. :)

    • BowDownToMe

      10 years ago

      so does this mean you read my message? because there has not been reply or text.

      FAIL.

      hah xD

    • BowDownToMe

      10 years ago

      you make me sad.

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      you are a silly shit. it is awesome...

      oh my goat. lol you tard ass

    • BowDownToMe

      10 years ago

      YOU BETTER NOT BE DOWNING ANY ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES ON T-DAY.

      SERIOUSLY.

      I WILL HURT YOU.

    • love_bullets

      10 years ago

      lol Yeah, Dalaran can be confusing. I like it! :D

    • love_bullets

      10 years ago

      It's in the sewers in Dalaran. The Underbelly. It's pretty spiffy.

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      10 years ago

      you are a comment beast and I love you.

      <--level 66 by the way XD

    • BowDownToMe

      10 years ago

      I write it randomly. Should've specified that.

      It's partial depressing - part anger - part hopeful in a twisted way. Maybe...

      In reference to nothing: If nothing else, we'll always have the thoughts inside our heads to keep us comfort.

      G'Night.

    • love_bullets

      10 years ago

      lol I showed your comment on my page to Ben:

      [12:58:22 PM] Theresa Brock says: (message from Scotty)
      [12:59:13 PM] Ben Brock says: lol.. that guy is awesome.
      [12:59:18 PM] Ben Brock says: I'm sad that he's gunna be going though.
      [12:59:22 PM] Theresa Brock says: Me too. :\
      [12:59:23 PM] Ben Brock says: I'll miss him.
      [12:59:42 PM] Theresa Brock says: *sigh* Me too.
      [12:59:44 PM] Ben Brock says: Kinda in a gay way.


      lol.. So yeah, you will be missed. ^_~

    • CALLmeCRAZY

      11 years ago

      GANK HIM! GANK HIMMS!

      also, bookfork job sounds awesome. delishus even. good luck with it :D

    • love_bullets

      11 years ago

      lol Hey, when I was ravin' I dyed my hair pink, blonde, black.. pink again, black again.. and then normal. Now I'm just bored. hehe So far: copper, auburn, red, blonde and now blue! :D Next will probably be purple or magenta. I wish I could dye my hair depending on my mood... but it'll die and fall out if I do that - I have so many moods. :P

      As for how I'm doin'... just great! Really, though... Ben and I are tryin' to make a baby... so that's fun. lol

      Where have you been on WoW? We misses you.

    • love_bullets

      11 years ago

      The color is actually from a streaking kit. A friend told me that she just buys multiple hair streaking packs, and does her whole head with that - since the colors are more extreme. Plus, it's permanent! smiley0.gif

    • HaloHunni09

      11 years ago

      i'm very happy about that. fiasco is on of the coolest words ever

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