At least not legally.
As blink-182 once eloquently put it: Work sucks, I know.
Oh, and my friends are getting married and shit. Guess I'm old now. Anyway, I'll be on f-book. Be back to check for comments on this thing sometime in 2014. Peace out, bitches.
8 years agoSportmik
This is the last batch. This took up more journals than I thought it would. Brings back some good times. I don't remember how many of these I actually made myself but its still good stuff. Anyway, here ya go
-Halo53 was the original cast for Anakin in Star Wars: Epidsode I, but was fired after he was found outside Natalie Portman's trailer with a bottle of KY Jelly.
-Seraph refuses to eat pickles because he swears he can hear them screaming.
-The Bar never dies, it just slows down as Bole's sister's porn site is updated
-The bunny with the pancake on his head originally only had one pancake but after getting frustrated while playing WOW, Jericho's asian instincts took over and she split the pancake in half with a simple karate chop
-Taking up weed smoking has allowed Bole to lose weight because it's the only couple of minutes during the day where something other than food is in his mouth
-Killgreys invented photoshop when he needed more material to masturbate to
-Tyguy was once a thin man who would exercise regularly, but then he made fun of a n00b in the bar. Out to get revenge, the n00b invented ebay and the Philadelphia Eagles, and tyguy has not moved from his computer since
-Proculo left the forums to make preparations for the second coming of Hitler and has been organizing a youth program in Germany for years. He lures kids in with promises of buying them a new game he invented called Hitlermon. It's a cheap rip off of pokemon that has the main character, Hitler, go around to all of the towns in Europe to catch all of the Jews in pokeballs and bring them to various concentration camps
-Trillia left Armacham because he was the 5th member of the Beatles
-RTDRB was never cool, our standards were just lower
-When Blawndee contracted leprosy, she actually became more attractive
-The Jews invented Kosher in order to slow down tyguy's rate of food consumption
-The only thing smaller than Robfusion's penis is his vocabulary
-Halo has been dead for 37 years, but God hasn't told him yet because he doesn't want anybody to see them talking for fear that association with Halo would ruin his reputation.
-BigBen caused the tsunami last year by doing a cannonball off the back of a boat in the Pacific Ocean. He then threatened to send one England's way, so to prevent this they named a clock tower after him
-Canada has only 2 things to be proud of: Bacon, and Screwball. They took Micheal J. Fox off the list after he got Parkinsons.
-Darksage embeds videos everytime he feels insecure over his penis size
-Jarf didn't join the army, he left on a voyage for kenya to participate in one of the many OMG LIONS tours
-When receiving oral sex from show, your IQ actually increases by 4 points. It's a common colloquial term in urban settings to refer to oral sex as "Getting brain"
-God created Hurricane Katrina in an attempt to get back at Neo Ellis for beating him in a game of poker
-Knite23 and Robfusion played the longest Scrabble game in history. They got to a stand still when they ran out of the letters to create the words "tomato" and "stealth bar"
-FutureGod really was a girl, but he had to have a sex change since the user name Future Goddess was too long
-The lyrics to the song "Hit me baby one more time" were inspired by Quazz when Britney Spears overheard him talking about a baby, saying he'd hit it one more time.
- Moses never parted the Red Sea, Bole just did a cannon ball.
-Cheat was originally scheduled to have the main part in home alone, but they fired him during the scene when he had to put his hands on his cheeks and open his mouth. With all the practice cheat had giving out blow jobs, his mouth could open 3 times as wide as a normal man. The resulting vacuum ensnared the entire cast, crew, and set.
-Halo53 was originally going to be a famous celebrity but it was determined he was too gay for the job. His less gay replacement was Aaron Carter
-NSYNC was created so that there was something on this planet gayer than Trefu
-When star posts in italics, it is not her text that is slightly tilted but the rest of the screen that slightly tilts.
-The reason the iPod was created was so that something would be smaller than Darksage's penis. They have failed again and again and again, hence why they keep getting smaller
-Pierce puts the anal in root canal
-When erect, Show's penis becomes an 11 on the mohs scale of hardness
8 years agoSportmik
-Dark was in law school when he was making his original account, and he got as far as Dark and was stumped as to what to call himself. During a session of court, Dark became bored and pulled out his laptop and began to create his account. The judge was so infuriated by his immaturity that he walked over to the laptop and hit the keyboard with his gavel. Dark looked at his screen and saw that the judge had slammed on numerous buttons, including the submit button.
Thus Dark54555 was born
-Show once cut off a tiny piece of his afro just to see what would happen. That same day Hell froze over, pigs flew, and Hiei went on a date with a woman.
-Seraph has attempted to sue Neato Burrito multiple times for his mistreatment of pickles
- Show almost saved the life of a man by giving him cpr after a building exploded. Sadly, the man did not survive, due to a chair falling on Show's head, triggering a deep set need to give a man a pile driver.
He sent the man's family tulips.
- DML actually found ANTHOR. He was hiding in the closest.
- Hiei attended the University of Arkansas to major in Animal Husbandry, but transferred out when he discovered it wasn't what it suggested.
- After two extended surgeries, months of physical therapy, and almost three years of counseling, Joel still can't take a joke.
- Show has never been banned, he just forgets his password.
- Blawndee is actually Gavino with his hair down.
- Halo53's effort to stop masturbating is actually so strong that it created a time warp. When he finally ejaculated, it went back in time and got all over his keyboard. Not knowing how his keyboard got so sticky, he attempted to wash it off, but to no avail.
- Women don't post on the internet, this is all fake marketing.
- Grimson was once hit head on by a car. He received minimal damage but the car was totaled. The family of four inside were doomed to explode as the gas tank began to leak. Grim ripped the parts and engine in twain to safely rescue the family. The mangled wreckage that remained of the motor served as the prototype for the George Foreman Grill.
- show doesn't have a big fro, he just has a gigantic skull.
- Contrary to the popular belief, Luda discovered Antarctica first, but abandoned it because the ice wasn't thin enough.
- Show once quoted Jerry Mcquire's "You complete me" speech to a bucket of chicken.
-Hiei cannot be killed by man of woman born.
- Nesnora is not so much an alcoholic as a PADI-Certified Scuba Diver for any liquid over 40 proof.
- Nesnora once came up with a rhyme for orange in a drunken stupor, but forgot to write it down, and lost the breakthrough to the ages.
- Knite23 actually owns a controlling share in Heinz.
- God created man in Show's image.
Then God hit the Invert tool.
- God used the lasso tool poorly.
And he still gets Jpeg compression.
- The reason that Kami collects pictures of people's penises is that he gains the legal rights to keep their penises.
- The BAR is allergic to stupid.
- Vendor always sleeps with his right eye open in case someone attempts to steal his left eye.
- DE kept his fork, but didn't get any pie.
- In a bizarre breach of continuity Hotsoup was forced to meet his future incarnation Jayne. To prevent further causality issues they proposed a duel through fisticuffs. It has yet to take place as Jayne refuses to leave his bunk.
- The BAR did not land on RvB.
RvB landed on The BAR.
- Seraph once entered a competition for World's 1337est Geek. He would have won but his dirty past came back to haunt him in the form of a social life and girlfriend. He denied that either ever took place, but the residing geek committee would hear nothing of it. Seraph retired to his shameful beginnnings of sex and parties.
And every time he wears a shirt with an inside joke, he cries a little.
- Vendor once tried to be mean and ended up just average.
lol math joke
- Everytime Bole eats someone smart, he shits out a stupid person that comes straight to the BAR. The number grows exponentially as he gets fatter.
- Everytime a BAR dies, a fairy gets it's wings.
- Unbeknownst to Taketoshi, the gif in his profile really was working, but the women were showing up in droves at the doorstep of this man.
- Hiei created classical music so that he could appear intelligent in conversations.
- The BAR is a riddle wrapped in an enigma, hidden behind the refrigerator.
- Jericho originally wanted the name "DesertEagle50AE" however, the NRA stepped in and suggested a weapon of smaller calibur for a woman of her stature. She has since taken revenge and murdered the people responsible as well as burned their villages.
-Hiei once dated a woman just to prove he could.
-Show regularly gets botox injections for his afro.
-Taketoshi thought Dublyner was from the capital of England.
-Vendor was given his nickname by his close friends because they liked to tease him by telling him that one day he'd get to be the pitcher.
-Italics were invented when StarTear took her whip to the alphabet.
-Trefu was once arrested in a nudist colony for indecent exposure. The incident was later named Independance Day.
- Sir Muffin Man secretly met DoubleB in person after the whole drama on the old boards.
They have a little boy named Ron and are anticipating the arrival of a baby girl, which they will name Tiffany.
- Joeact actually can't act.
- w3a2 isn't really leet for Weaz. It's actually as high as he thinks he can count.
-The ancient Jews worshipped the golden calf until Bole had a sudden urge to eat steak
-Halo plans to start masturbating again after 53 successful days and nights of will power. The event will appear live on pay-per-view programs and will include a musical performance by the members of NSync.
-DoubleB stores bananas for the winter.
8 years agoSportmik
-Bole's conception was more complicated than it appears to most. One day, dunkin donuts ran out of cream while their last boston cream donut. In an attempt to fill the donut completely as to be able to sell it, the manager jerked off into the donut. Boles mother then purchased the donut and ate it while she was in the shower, as was customary to do in the household since she was teaching her then young daughter how to be attractive, so eating fatty food in front of her was unacceptable. Some of the cream dripped out of the back and the mixture of semen and cream landed on Mrs.Bole's cooch.
9 months later, bole was born
-Gavino was the fourth Hanson brother but was kicked out for actually being too gay looking.
-SMM isn't even an Australian. He is actually a she who lives in Norway and has 46 DD breasts.
-The reason Metal Monkey is so in love with Metal Gear Solid is because the first wet dream he ever had contained an orgy with snake and otacon
-Nico is such a pansy that his reflection once stole his wallet.
-WoW was created by someone that RedSun ran out of the BAR in an effort to get back at him.
-Blawndee doesn't get her own random fact.
-Vendor once opened his own plastic surgery clinic specializing in butt crack reductions but soon after was sued by a patient for widening the patient's hole by accident. This patient now has websites dedicated to showing the scar Vendor left him.
-For every account Show has made, Mojomasta has 3 websites.
-Becca was created in an attempt to make it look like gus could get a girlfriend
-In addition to his television, Show stole Michael Jackson's black
-Show has built a reputation as being entertaining, but has only managed to cover his dry posts with thousands upon thousands of animated gifs, thus fooling you all.
-When William Hung of American Idol doesn't want to be noticed for his fame, he puts on a wig and is known by only his online identity- Max Walrus
-Show has discovered the Meaning of Life. It is stated that al-MySQL Connection not found
-Seraph Six started the pickle trend in an attempt to draw attention from his having a green penis
-Upon being kicked out of the gay club by Trefu, Icarus put on his special shoes and flew to the sun to form his own club with Richard Simmons and Socrates.
-Hiei was once a feminist until he finally discovered his penis one day when he became dehydrated and hence punched it with shame.
-The dog that Hobbie cut up was actually Hiei's mom. Every time he somebody says "YOUR MOM" at him, he cries a little on the inside.
-George died of a 5 day long erection after the man at the grocery store asked him "Paper or Plastic"
-The internet was created so that Show and Kyoo would be destined to meet and have the blackest children of all time.
-Halo is such a master of homosexuality that he actually knows the chemical make up of gay.
-Tyguy says his primary use of the internet is exercise
-Trefu is not really Bisexual but a strange combination of Monosexual and Trisexual.
-Vendor once wrote a 5 page essay on the attractive forces of black holes when asked to write an apology to Halo's mother explaining why he raped her son.
-Russia was created in an attempt to get Vosh to take his obsession away from guns. The attempt failed.
-String theory was created as a way to explain why the universe hasn't collapsed into a gigantic quantum singularity under the immense pull of Bole's mass.
-Bolbol actually is a terrorist and has figured out that all the jokes about him being one are a better way to cover it than actually denying it. The term "pharmacy school" is actually code for "Al Qaeda training camp".
-After the downfall of RvB, Nico was resigned to returning to the street corner and strumming showtunes on a guitar made from a cigar box and rubber bands . On his first day he cleared 43 cents, 2 buttons, a stick of gum, and had his hat urinated on by a wino.
-Unit Daisy had a gland in her vagina that constantly produced sand
-Black Friday is actually in remembrance of the day that Show went on an all out rampage after he failed to get Fried Chicken switched to the official meal of thanksgiving.
-Burnie comissioned Bungie to make Halo 2 in order to attract countless fanboys to punish the BAR for pissing him off so god damned much.
-MM once hit Harry Potter for talking during potions class.
-The real reason Sandman left the forums was due to his loss to Lord Striker in Kings of Chaos. Sandman has since been working with Halo Kingpin on finding a way to destroy Lord Striker and all of his minions. Halo Kingpin's method of "kicking ass and taking names" would have worked, had not all of Lord Striker's minions been an auto generating click list.
-The game Grand Theft Auto was based on Show's days at recess in elementary school
-Halo53's secret mission in life is to locate and destroy Halos one through fifty-two so that he can drop the number fifty-three, altogether.
-Kami's obsession with the word butts comes from the fact that he was yokozuna'd for six hours during a frat party one time.
-The story Godzilla is based off of a true story, but slight modifications have been made for various reasons. Godzilla was actually just a 6 foot tall asian who appeared to be so large due to the lack of height amongst the Japanese population. When the original movie was coming out Godzilla was upset with the way he was portrayed so to appease him, they changed his name to Godzilla from his original name "Redsun." They then created their flag in his honor
8 years agoSportmik
The other day I randomly found a word document I had saved with all the Chuck Norris-esque Bar facts we made back in the day, a bunch were pretty funny so I decided to make a journal. Enjoy!
-In the year 2010, Bole will get up from his computer chair. The resulting shockwave will bring forth the Apocalypse.
-Bole became Christian when he dreamed he met Jesus.
In this dream, Jesus gave him a slice of cake and a playboy, and Bole pledged himself to the Lord from here on in.
-Originally, the Vietnam memorial was made out of Pearl. When Show was born, the US government contemplated changing it to the Daron Jackson memorial. Show, in his infinite wisdom, proposed a compromise, which is why it is made out of granite today.
-Swanson hides the fact that he really is a part of the filthy rich Swanson Soup family.
-Vendor has anally raped 87% of all Asian-Americans.
-Trefu is actually the only straight person on the forum.
-Razzy's birth name was Eve, but she switched it to Razzy in order to get the serpent to leave her alone.
-When Tiny was a just becoming a teenager, he was very confused about himself and the changes his body was making. He knew about virginity, but knew nothing about sex. It was for this reason that, one summer day, he kissed the TV while a Cindy Crawford make up commercial was on, got startled by the sound of bushes rustling outside, fell backwards, hit his head on the corner of a table, passed out, woke up with his hand in his pants, then got up screaming around the neighborhood that he just lost his virginity.
-Razzy once gave Moses a hickey.
-Sakurelf actually leaked her nude picture, not NEZeni. She was so embarrassed by the initial reaction, however, that she blamed it on NEZ and now pledges to murder him in his sleep.
-DML has successfully crashed his plane into RedSun's house 3 times to date.
-When working a late night at the hospital, Quazz delivered a baby. He then instantly had sex with the new born child. It was the 5th youngest person Quazz had ever slept with.
-Bolbol was once arrested for having an erection while boarding an airplane, since his enormous penis was mistaken for an AK47
-The genre "Heavy Metal" was created in dedication to Cloud. Upon finding out about this, Metal Monkey changed his number one hobbie to masturbation, as he would not allow himself to devoutly follow another man.
-Halo has never had good luck with keyboards. In his beginner PC days, he opened a blank web page and typed the word Pizza in the address bar. He then spent 15 minutes hitting the Del key thinking it was short for Deliver.
-There was once a time when Hostess was considering discontinuing the Twinkie. Upon learning about this, Bole confronted Twinkie the kid and threatened to rape him and put his own "cream filling" inside if he did this. Twinkie the Kid agreed to continue making the delightful treat, but being the horny bastard he is, Bole raped him anyways. This is why Twinkie the Kid does not show up on TV anymore.
-SMM lives in upside-down land.
Not to be confused with Australia, rather it's a sub-terranian kingdom where he is hailed as the most beautiful king in their 10,000 year history.
-SMM has been having a sexual affair with Kyoo for the last few years.
When Show has ever confronted Kyoo about her strange absenses, and scent of kangaroos, she simply tells him that she was using import paint brushes.
-Icks is so in tune with mud that he once constructed a 28 piece stainless steel dinette set.
-Trefu is so gay, that the United States was created to be the only place to be able to contain and accept his homosexuality. It did, however, take a couple hundred years to get the ball rolling.
-Darth Niven and Double B got married after leaving the forums because Darth Niven finally found a fat chick willing to take a crap on herself for attention.
-Perfect Dark was created to give the otherwise boring Darkstitch a hobbie of some kind.
-Vendor's inner style is so powerful that he once sneezed, and upon witnessing the movement of his hair, 13 women were instantly engaged to him.
-The real reason Luda is no longer a bisexual is not because he made out with a guy and didn't enjoy it, but because no homosexual, not even trefu, could ever find him attractive.
-If he truly wishes it to be done, Show can flex his afro.
-There once was a live parrot society, but it ceased to exist when bole had a sudden craving for bird and the local supermarket was out of chicken.
-Halo would have named himself Halo66, but it's his deep dark secret that 53 is as high as he can count.
-Darkstitch moonlights as a stunt double for The Rock.
-Fox's cancer was caused by her inability to tell the truth about her appearance.
-Show moved to New York not because he is going to college there, but because California was so hot with his afro, that he had to move up to a place to compensate for how much insulation he had.
-Tinu is actually God in carnate on our mortal plane, not Alanis Morisette.
-TInu has been ready for WoW since the day she was conceived.
-Peccaui was just a dupe account of UD's in an attempt to lead us all to believe she could find a man. All she had to do was post pictures of herself for all to learn of her deceiving ways
-After the predictions Nostradamus came to pass, Trefu found himself responsible for repopulating the earth. The human race died out within that decade while Trefu was still trying to decide what his sexual orientation was.
2019 years agoSportmik
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