Steffasaurus

Female
from Portland, ME

  • Activity

    • Fact Is Better

      7 years ago

      Steffasaurus

      The Seafood Department

      As I was preparing to celebrate National Crabmeat Day, I called around to ask if any local stores carried a vegan version of the dish.

      Whole Foods Employee: "Good evening, this is [Enter Traditional Caucasian Name Here] in Frozen Foods, how can I help you?"
      Me: "Hi, I'm a food blogger and I'm calling to see if you guys carry vegan crabcakes."
      Whole Foods Employee: ". . . what?"
      Me: "Vegan crabcakes. They're like crabcakes, but . . . they're vegan."
      Whole Foods Employee: "We don't carry anything like that here."
      Me: "You sure do. You have vegan breaded shrimp and vegan calamari in the frozen foods aisle in a green box on the bottom shelf."
      Whole Foods Employee: "Listen, all Whole Foods are different. Maybe you saw it somewhere else. I can transfer you to the seafood department, though they'll probably be able to answer your question."
      Me: "Well, no, they wouldn't. Because I'm looking for vegan crabca . . ."
      Whole Foods Employee: "Right, you're looking for crabcakes. And they're the SEAFOOD department."
      Me: "I'm looking for VEGAN crabcakes. As in: no-animals-were-slaughtered-in-the-making-of-this-product crabcakes. And the SEAFOOD department, I'm pretty sure, wouldn't be able to help me. Because they're selling the dead bodies of fish."
      Whole Foods Employee: "Are you sure you don't want to talk to the Seafood Department?"
      Me: *agitated at this point* "You said you were in frozen foods, right? Can you just do me a favor? Can you go look in the frozen foods section for me?"
      Whole Foods Employee: *sighs* "Yup, gimme a second." *returns, sounding triumphant* "Well, whadda ya know! We DO carry the vegan calamari! It's in a green box on . . ."
      Me: "On the bottom shelf. Yes, I know. And that's NOT what I wanted. I asked you multiple times if you carried vegan crabcakes. CRABCAKES."
      Whole Foods Employee: "Oh, I didn't notice. You should probably call back tomorrow and ask for the Frozen Foods Buyer."


      I wish he would've told me that at the beginning of our delightful merry-go-round conversation.

      The Seafood Department? Really, man? C'MON! You work at freakin' WHOLE FOODS!

      Anyways, true story.

      Further proof that fact is better than fiction.

    • Maybe It's Me

      7 years ago

      Steffasaurus

      The Stagnation of 9 to 5, or, Change is the Only Constant


      Stagnation is a dangerous thing in the natural world.

      For example, stagnant water is a major environmental hazard because it becomes a breeding ground for diseases like malaria and insects like mosquitoes that can transmit the disease. It also becomes undrinkable as it provides the perfect incubating setting for both bacteria and parasites. And drinkable water is something our planet is unsettlingly short on, which is why there's so much effort to ensure clean water.

      When air becomes stagnant, pollutants aren't cleared away and are thus inhaled. When animals become stagnant - when birds don't travels south, when elephants don't travel to find food sources - they perish. When soil becomes stagnant, organisms within it produce toxic chemicals that can have a severely negative impact on the health of plants.

      So, what's the key element here?

      Movement.

      In this universe of ours, stagnation equals death.

      It may seem extreme, but it's mind-boggling to me that while we strive so hard to prevent stagnation in our ecological environment, we don't do the same in our personal environments.

      Maybe it's me, but when did monotony become mainstream for mankind?

      "Change is the only constant." But is it anymore? Or is it just a paradox? It certainly doesn't seem to me that we're a people of change, especially the older we get and the less receptive we are to new ideas, new opportunities. For some, it's living somewhere that we don't particularly like calling "home" (whether that's geographically or the physical building in which we reside). For others, it's being stuck in an uninspired relationship that no longer fuels our soul. For most, I believe it's wasting away our most precious commodity - our time - during the peak years of our lives at a dead-end desk job we aren't invested in that does absolutely nothing to us in any way: not personally, not emotionally, not physically, not psychically.

      I don't know many people who love their jobs. Who wake up feeling excited about their day ahead regardless if it's a Wednesday or a Saturday; or who go to bed feeling satisfied at the end of every day that they know was a well spent one. Most of the people I know are unfulfilled by their nine to five existences and live for the weekend. I don't know about you, but I want to live to live. I don't want the only time I feel alive to be a few waking hours a week. I don't want that to be the only thing that helps me get through the motions of every day.

      That's a sad waste of a beautiful thing like life isn't it?

      We weren't meant to be enslaved in jobs that make us feel like we're going nowhere fast. We weren't meant to feel dread when we force ourselves into work each morning, and then spend the rest of the day ambling around like zombies because our hearts, minds, hopes and dreams are all just dead. We weren't meant to watch our life tumble past us unenthusiastically from the sidelines, each day bleeding into the next until our past becomes an entirely unrecognizable blur of sameness.

      The most important thing in life isn't quantitative data in a spreadsheet analyses, meetings in the conference room where only the most valued voices are recognized anyway, EBITDA's, or time sheets. The most important things in life - spending time with one's we love, doing what we're passionate about and were individually created to do (because I believe that we're all different: what motivates you, doesn't necessarily motivate me; as such, we shouldn't all be doing some variation of the same task - there is a unique job out there for you that you were born to do and love, as there is for me), and giving back to the world - are being missed while these things become our sole focus and reason for existence day in and day out until retirement.

      If there is such a thing as "retirement" when I'm - we're - older . . . which I don't expect there to be. There's nothing left for our government to help us with at this point, so I've fully embraced the idea that, if nothing in my world changes, I will probably work until the day I die.

      And so will you.

      At the end of a work day, when people utter phrases like "Another day down!" I often wonder if they realize the full implication of what they're saying. Because they're basically insinuating that another day, like every other undistinguishable day before it, has finished bringing us closer to some kind of end. An end of what? The week? And then what? Death?

      Once we have a place to live, a partner, and a job why are we then expected to stay with those choices forever? These aren't life sentences -they were the best decisions we could make for ourselves at a very specific time in our life. I'm by no means fickle or flighty, but I do recognize that we're constantly evolving as individuals. Who I was in my early twenties is not who I am in my later twenties - and I expected that, just as I realize bits and pieces of me will be different still in a few years from now. The core of who I am will remain the same, but certain aspects of me will be forever altered by moments in time and life experiences that have yet to happen, and those people who will undoubtedly come into and out of my life.

      Which means I may very well outgrow where I live, who I'm with, or (especially) the job I have. Why do we try to convince ourselves that this absolutely will never happen? Why is our answer to movement, progress, or any other kind of change monotony?

      Remaining stagnant while the rest of the world - both fauna and flora - remains active and responsive to those things that fluctuate around and within them is not a solution - that's a death sentence.

      continued in comments . . .

    • Late Night Jengajam

      7 years ago

      Steffasaurus

      You can now listen to my interview on Late Night JengaJam.

      I suggest you do. Historically, despite my best efforts, there are some topics that always seem to come up. Like my underwear and lesbianism.

      Oh, and I talk about food, too.

    • Late Night Jengajam

      7 years ago

      Steffasaurus

      Tonight at 10pm EST, I'll be talking about my new project Almanac of Eats on Late Night Jengajam (and lemme tell you: I'm THRILLED to be invited back once again!)

      Check it out!: http://www.jengajam.net/

    • Master Chief vs. Leonidas

      7 years ago

      Steffasaurus

      When I'm on the toilet I watch shit like this.
      (No pun intended.)

    • Ski Bunny, Level 100

      7 years ago

      Steffasaurus

      skibunny.jpg

      (That's right . . . that disgruntled looking little bundle of joy in the last picture is my very own Boone).
      ((We even put this shit on 9Gag.))

    • Fact is Better

      7 years ago

      Steffasaurus

      Pay More if You Weigh More

      Recently, The Photographer and I had a heated argument about weight . . .

      Me: "Have you heard about that place 'The Heart Attack Grill'?"
      The Photographer: "Ugh, yes."
      Me: "It's like . . . a strip club, a burger joint, and a doctor's office all rolled into one!"
      The Photographer: "I know."
      Me: "And people over like 350lbs eat for free!"
      The Photographer: "That's so disgusting. You know what, we should make a place where the opposite happens. Like . . . you pay more if you weigh more. You know what I'm saying?"
      Me: "Like at the apple orchard. If you pick 0 to 5lbs it's $1.50 per pound; if you pick 5 to 10lbs it's $1; and, if you pick more than 10lbs it's .50 cents."
      The Photographer: ". . . Right, only . . . you know, not with apples. With obesity. And they would have to pay, like, a lot more per pound."
      Me: "Wait: per pound of food they eat or how much they already weigh?"
      The Photographer: "Oh, I don't know. Maybe we should just use their BMI."
      Me: "How're you gonna calculate that?"
      The Photographer: "Isn't it just measuring their height vs. their weight?"
      Me: "So you're gonna ask every person who walks into this restaurant to step on a scale while they also get their height measured? And then we're gonna calcuate their BMI based off that?"
      The Phorogapher: "Sure."
      Me: "That's ridiculous and inaccurate. What we need to do is get one of those machines you hold. You know those small handheld machines?"
      The Photographer: "No?"
      Me: "Well it's this small . . . machine thing . . . that you hold . . . with both hands. And you like . . . squeeze it really hard. And it tells you what your BMI is."
      The Photographer: "Well, isn't that gonna get expenseive if we have to buy a bunch of those?"
      Me: "Oh, but taking the time to weigh and measure the height of every person that walks through the door makes more sense, right?"
      The Photographer: "WOW, IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS INVESTED IN THIS IDEA. I WAS JUST THINKING OUT LOUD. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO TAKE THINGS SO FAR LIKE THIS?!"


      I think his sudden rage-filled outburst was really fueled by pent-up hatred towards The Heart Attack Grill, because the sexy strippers dressed up like nurses wouldn't pay a lick of attention to that string-bean vegetarian photographer anyway.

      True story!

      And further proof that fact is better than fiction.

    • Sunday Evening "Art"

      7 years ago

      Steffasaurus

      I present to you . . . Jersey Shore: Lego Edition (brought to you by Remick Photography).

      IMG_2799_2_web.jpg

    • My Mom

      7 years ago

      Steffasaurus

      As a lot of you know, my mom is one of my best friends in the entire world. She's where I get all my sass and sentiment from; she's always challenged me to be the most authentic me I can be (lucky you!); and, she's been the biggest champion of my cause throughout the years.

      Despite the fact that I blog multiple times every day, I think I do an excellent job at keeping my personal life exactly that - MY personal life. Most people don't know that my mom was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis a couple years back. The disease has changed not just her life, but ours too. It's a very strange thing when your hero shows any sign of weakness - for me, I would do anything for that woman to see her not be in pain for one day.

      There's a local company giving away a spa day to a woman in the community who demonstrates "Inspiration and Beauty." For those of you who've met my mom you know she's one helluva cool lady. You would NEVER know she's sick OR that she's as old as she actually is (that woman truly practices the idea that age is a state of mind!). She's selfless, compassionate, funny . .. and my total inspiration.

      Do you think maybe you could vote for her in this contest? You can vote once a day every day until February 10th. She has no access to a computer for the next ten days, and it would be so awesome for her to come back and see that she won.

      Please click here.

      MommaBear.jpg

      Thank you for everything you continue to do for me, RvB Community.

      Love,
      Steff(asaurus)

  • Comments (1244)

    • jclfjanet FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      So, as I posted this on Raz0rblade's page, I thought I should pass it onto you as well.


      I just finished reading your book (which is slightly embarrassing because I bought it forever ago but got caught in SO much school stuff I had no free time to read anything that wasn't a public policy textbook! smiley4.gif ). At any rate, I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely ADORE your book! It really reminds me of the writings of other "based on real-life" writers like Jancee Dunn, Chuck Klosterman and even (as of recently) Justin Halpern (Shit my dad says smiley6.gif )

      I love the style of blending funny personal stories that aren't too personal as to alienate people, but they have a universally applicable meaning or message behind them.

      I have lent it to a few friends and they love it, too! I really wish you the best of success in your book. You deserve the sun and the stars and even more!

      Just thought you should know.



      Post edited 4/03/11 2:52AM

    • SpitFireJay

      8 years ago

      did you catch the messages i sent you this morning? thoughts?

    • SteveDPirate

      8 years ago

      Peter Bjorn and John reminds me of you. smiley12.gif

    • SuburbanFire FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold 3D Modeling

      8 years ago

      I really hope everything works out with getting to TO this summer, I know it's a hassle :(

    • Suto_Griff

      8 years ago

      You may come to regret those words... smiley0.gif

    • reaper86

      8 years ago

      So, I just purchased your book on the Kindle and now that I've finished reading God Hates Us All I'm off to dive into The Ice Cream Theory with a particular glee from all the positive reviews I've read.

      Basically, I'm lookin' forward to it. smiley0.gif

    • Suto_Griff

      8 years ago

      No prob. Glad I could help.

      That's pretty schweet, hope you make it the full 730. That's something I'm trying out w/ 365 as well, but I haven't figured out what kind of theme I wanna do it in. Maybe I'll just take a picture of random stuff... Who knows. Either way, good luck.

      And it's funny you said 'thanks for following along' twice cuz for a second I didn't understand what you meant. I totally had a 'wtf, what a creeper' moment. Then light bulb and all is right w/ the world. But no problem, I think it's great that you're a writer and trying to make it out there on your own. That shit ain't easy... Not that I need to tell you that. That journal was very moving and if you don't mind I'd like to share it w/ a few friends on FB.

    • Colleen Jedi

      8 years ago

      Hey thanks for the add! smiley0.gif

    • SpitFireJay

      8 years ago

      i almost forgot... Epcot Flower festival in full swing (and the opportunity for pints around the world), freshly grown oranges, strawberries and blueberries (and wine from all three as well). and if those don't float your boat, then it must have holes in it.

    • bi_pagan

      8 years ago

      Awww shucks! lol

    • Phoenixrage FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      I do have to defend my veteran attendance crown. I plan to, but I still need to find a way to get there.

      At a minimal I'll be there for Saturday and Sunday. Friday is skeptical. I'm doing a German immersion program over the summer and only have 1/2 Thursdays and Sundays off. I have to talk to the coordinator about if we can arrange for me to have Friday off (he all ready said it was ok to take Saturday off) so I can go for three days. As it stands at the moment, I plan to leave Friday at night so that there's no traffic between here and Toronto to arrive by pre-dawn on Saturday, then leave Sunday after the bbq so I can be back in time for Monday morning classes. If I can get Friday off as well, then I would leave Thursday to arrive predawn Friday but still leave Sunday after the bbq.

    • RIRvB

      8 years ago

      Why is it that I have never walked through an airport and seen someone holding a "Free Hugs" sign?!?!? I would totally take advantage of the opportunity.

    • SpitFireJay

      8 years ago

      Hahaha... Florida has a lot of things. smiley0.gif

      And the weather has never been better.

    • SpitFireJay

      8 years ago

      makes sense. and makes for better profit margins. smiley8.gif

    • Tetrameth

      8 years ago

      Burnie's the culprit.

      As you probably know by now.

    • SpitFireJay

      8 years ago

      Why couldn't Adventures be a fusion of both the Maybe Its Me and of your adventures?

    • SpitFireJay

      8 years ago

      if we're being completely honest - the "Maybe It's Me's" are the highlight of my week. I'd buy it. But I'm totally interested in Adventures of a Beer Girl - especially if it has stories like the one here.

    • SpitFireJay

      8 years ago

      lol i was honestly thinking Burnie was the other. i'm seriously looking forward to the new book... how goes it?

    • Tetrameth

      8 years ago

      I'll take them if you don't want them. 8-P

      I only have 80. *whistles inconspicuously*


      But yeah, all I can do is speculate where they've come from. My best guess is you were mentioned or linked somewhere (on here most likely) and for whatever reason, it somehow urged people too follow you.

      At least now you have over a thousand people seeing what you're eating for dinner. smiley4.gif

    • rev22013

      8 years ago

      the mashed carrots with brown sugar sounded really good. i'm also going to see if i can convince a friend to try some tempeh with me lol

      the only problem i have with reading your blog is i get a craving for ice cream every time :D

    • rev22013

      8 years ago

      i was introduced to your blog a couple days ago. my favorite segments are definitely the "fact is better" ones.
      i have to say some of the food pictured looks amazing. so much so that i'm wanting to try out a few of the vegetarian items and i am "meat and potatoes" kinda guy. so, thanks for the inspiration!

      and i am totes saying "cuke" from now on lol

    • RIRvB

      8 years ago

      Okay, so I got your book this morning. It was a pleasant surprise when I came in to work to find it on my desk. I have already read the beginning and made it through Chocolate-Chocolate Chip. Honestly, it has been awesome so far. I relate to a lot of what you have said so far. Already I am glad I made the purchase. You rock! See now as I vote for you daily I can do it with confidence knowing you are the best author in Portland.

    • solarten

      8 years ago

      Dogtooth? . . . . dolphintooth!

    • RIRvB

      8 years ago

      In reply to Steffasaurus:

      I will vote EVERY day!

    • RIRvB

      8 years ago

      Thank you very much! Have a great night! smiley0.gif

    • RIRvB

      8 years ago

      Ohhh I definitely want the recipe!

    • Brittewater FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      I started with 166, I'm now down to 117, but unfortunately I have to stop for the night. Mostly because I'm very sick and really shouldn't be up, but also because my internet keep crapping out on me and I'm frustrated.

      I will continue tomorrow.

      I did make an effort to put thought behind about 90% of my comments so that, if you did read them all then you wouldn't be reading stupid stuff like "yum" or "oh that looks so good".

      :-) Good night

    • Brittewater FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      I finally have time to take care of these alerts. I hope you are ready.


      God you are SO going to hate me after this.

    • Craig_Alford FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Puzzle in a Thunderstorm

      8 years ago

      Tell you what if you PM me your address I'll send you one of the bands I wear and I promise not to put it up online, send you a severed head or any pictures of me naked. smiley8.gif Really.

    • Boomer FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RTX London Head Guardian

      8 years ago

      you missed one hell of a night out drinking the other day smiley8.gif

    • Brittewater FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      Just so you know, you have 128 alerts and I fully plan on commenting on every single one :-)

    • SnipeYoChese

      8 years ago

      this page is only for true Ice Cream Fans .right steff

    • edojapan76

      8 years ago

      Merry Christmas Steffy

    • SailorTweek FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RTX Head Guardian

      8 years ago

      I just bought a copy of The Ice Cream Theory to give to my Mom for Christmas. I snuck in a few chapters before I wrapped it...I'M IN LOVE. smiley13.gif I love your style, lady!

    • Ace_Jones

      8 years ago

      i took an extended break! how's life been this past three years?

    • Jengaship FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Travancore on DD

      8 years ago

      Hey you there. We did a read of MissZarah's Ice Cream Theory/RvB Fanfic Mashup. I'll have a file up once the show file goes up.

    • quartermann

      8 years ago

      Dude. We need to catch up sooooooooon.

      Hope you're having a great Thanksgiving... as awkward as it might be. :-)

    • MissZahrah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      Wishing you and your family a very happy Thanksgiving. smiley12.gif

    • MissZahrah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      That must be where I've heard/read that before. I thougth it sounded familiar. smiley0.gif

    • MissZahrah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      Relevant Weird Fact is relevant

      Monday, July 19: In case you've ever wondered what the name 'Häagen-Dazs' means, the answer is... nothing. It was just a pair of vaguely Scandinavian-sounding nonsense words (although they don't actually conform to any Scandinavian spelling norms) invented by the ice cream's Polish-American creator Reuben Mattus to give it an exotic Danish feel. Apparently, he simply sat at home saying nonsense words until he found a combination he liked.

      smiley0.gif

    • Remotes

      8 years ago

      I tink you should get back into doing short films.

      The last one was amazing.

    • otter_be Butts Forum Moderator

      8 years ago

      I THINK YOU'RE SMEXY

    • Nat

      8 years ago

      Happy Birthday!

    • amber

      8 years ago

      <3

    • FushigiHime FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Enter Witty Comment Here

      8 years ago

      Happy Birthday! I hope you have a great day! smiley0.gifsmiley0.gif

    • MadCatKaine

      8 years ago

      Happy birthday, the razor sent me, love the book by the way.

    • SpitFireJay

      8 years ago

      I am actually looking for a car so I can get rid of my current car and the payments associated with it.

      What did you get?

    • SpitFireJay

      8 years ago

      um... where did your sponsorness go?

    • DylanBrown

      8 years ago

      Hmm, so let me say something, I started watching MissZahrah, and I saw the journal post about your book.
      I thought, Hey! I've got money now, so let's check this out.
      Let's just say you blew me away.
      Seriously.
      So Just keep up the good work, and you've got a GREAT writing career ahead of you.

    • MissZahrah FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      smiley12.gif

      Sounds fabulous! If I ever make it out that way, I would love to take you up on that!

      You'd always be welcome in my guest room! (I love having guests, but get far too few. *sigh* That's what I get for living in the middle of nowhere).

      I'm about two hours from Seattle... so if you ever get back this way and want to see some country-side... smiley0.gif

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