I just read through all my old journal entries. That was a humbling experience. Christ, was I a dumb little shithead.
I joined this website at the tail end of middle school. I was 13 years old. I thought I was the smartest damn kid in the world and I wasn't shy about saying so. Everything I posted now reads like a Reddit comment I hate.
I can't believe I had watchers who tolerated interacting with me. Maybe they were dumb little shitheads too.
So many of my journals in high school were just me bragging that I had friends who were girls. So many more were me complaining that none of them wanted to date me even though I was such a Nice Guy. God, I wish I could go back and tell myself how stupid and wrong everything I thought was. I can't believe other users read all that drivel. I especially can't believe there were girls on this site that followed me and even flirted with me.
This website chronicled so much of my life. It's a shame I didn't keep this journal through college. I would have liked to look back on the things that happened from my own perspective, given where I am now. I grew up a lot. I can go back and watch myself grow from a shitty little nerd who thought he was the best to a hormone-addled teenager that couldn't understand women or relationships, but I've lost the part where I became an adult. But maybe even if I had that to look back on, I'd see it again in ten more years and be embarrassed at how stupid I could be at 25.
But right now, I'm 27. I'm shopping for a house. I'm going to get married. I volunteer at an animal shelter and barely play video games. It's hard to believe how far I've come since I left this site. Some things don't change though. I still like Pokemon. I still have a crush on every girl I've ever met. I still work off a desktop computer I built myself. But all my attitudes and priorities have changed.
Maybe they'll change again. As Leonard Church once said, ten years ago, you were a goddamned idiot. The fact is, you're just as much of an idiot now. It's just going to take ten more years to realize it.
So far that's held true. We'll see if it keeps going.