It's been a while I know and for that im sorry. Truly.
I thought i would come back, tell you all whats been going on, say my goodbyes and be done with everything.
Firstly, im fine. Really, honestly and truly fine.
I havent been, for far too long I have been a bit of a wreck but im fine now.
I had this huge goodbye journal planned where i was going to write all the song lyrics in little quote bubbles that related to what had happened over the last year or so to drive my point home.
But theres no point :-)
None what so ever.
Because the song lyrics that mean something to me and relate to my situation, wont relate to you and yours.
This last year or more has been about loss. Loss of all sorts, of love, of family members, of freinds, of morals and happines.
Mainly, loss of mind.
I know, I know, that sounds overly dramatic but i think for a while I did lose my mind. I didnt realise it until the last few weeks but I woke up the other morning and looked forward to my day for the first time in ... well, im not sure. But i tell you what, it felt fucking good :-)
And this morning when i woke up, despite it being 8.22am and i have to leave the house at 8.30 to get to work in time, i still felt good. Each morning that I wake up and feel good is another plus.
It all started a few weeks back, months actually. Two friends made a pact, more than a pact actually, a list of commandments. The commandments took weeks to come up with over christmas. They werent new years resolutions, far from it. Once the commandments were made, they had to be stuck to, no matter what, no fucking around or backing down.
One of the commandments was more adventures.
Once such adventure was a day trip to france for another friends birthday. The day itself was uneventful, a car full of friends drove to the channel tunnel and made the 35 min trip to france on the train. We spent five hours in france, two of which were spent in a nice resturant.
Anyway, on the trip back, i was dozing in the passanger seat, my eye lids closed and for the first time in over a year i was calm and happy. It wasnt for long, five mins or so but it was enough. Enough to see what a fool i had been for the last year. All it took was five mins of pure calm and happines to realise it.
And there it is.
I couldnt believe it, i spent the rest of the trip home planning how to make things up to my friends and family.
I lost something very important to me over a year ago and have spent the last year or so pining and moping after it. A lot of bad things happened along the way too. My nan died, my uncle died, i've let friends down and i think worst of all, gave up ideals that make me, me.
Im not doing a very good job of explaining all of this, i know. Its difficult as it's only just started making sense to me :-)
My friends have been my rock throughout this, whenever i have a bad day, they are there. Whenever i get on my high horse and my bitterness towards life came flooding out in a stupid and pointless rant, stood atop my soapbox, they would calm me down and bring me back to reality.
Even when i became this self loathing, pitiful, self absorbed idiot they stood by me every step of the way.
I took them all out over the last few weeks and thanked them all face to face. They have been so supportive, im very lucky to know them all.
It hasnt all been bad, there have been some amazing moments. I went to see "Elbow" in London a few months back which was one of the greatest events i have ever been to. I went and saw another band "gomez" a few weeks back which was great. I had the best Birthday in years (my friends kidnapped me for a day and took me far far away for a day of snowboarding. Work is going great, im saving them a shit load of money and they have agreed to me getting an assistant, they seem to really value me and have given me keys to the building and all sorts. Very happy there.
Oh and they are paying me time and a half on any overtime i do (which last month was 52 hours) Hello final car payment in September !! :-D
There is so much i could sit here and tell you all about my life over the last year, you would all laugh and maybe even be a little bit sad as you read it. But you wont, because i need to go over it all again, my poor friends have had to bear that brunt and i wouldnt want to dumo it all on you.
And so to the goodbye.....
I have to go, too much of everything reminds me of the bad times. No joke, i have a fire planned for tomorrow morning to get rid of all the bad stuff from last year. Dont panic, its just a small one in my garden. Fire is a great thing to git rid of memories, watching things go up in smoke is kind of a symbolic end to one part of your life and a start of something new.
So here comes the new part :-)
I wanted to say thankyou to everyone for your messages whilst i was gone.
To Jon for the daft text messages at all hours
To Cory for the chats
To room R and all the people in Toronto for some of the best days ive had in my life
To Charlie for sending e-mails to stay in touch
To TCR .... Magic alley is no longer broken!!! ... get down her so we can sit and stare!!!!
To Sally, I miss you, come back to London so you can come and say hello again
To Moonweasel for always saying hello
To Joe for chatting on MSN and letting me rant from time to time
To everyone i met when i was first on here, maria, lefty, muddslide et all.
Will log on once next week (if anyone wants my MSN name, msg me and i will send it before i delete the account)
I hope you are all well.
Back to real life for this pieboy.
10 years agoThePieBoy
11 years agoThePieBoy
I've got it.
Some idiot hit my car and took the wing mirror off at lunchtime today. Luckily its not much damage but I still have to make a claim and take it to the body shop at 9am tomorrow morning.
The Driver who hit me had his mother in the car with him. She jumped out and started blaming me and shouting. Quickly put her in her place and took pictures of everything (thank you camera phone)
Sigh, two weeks old and already the damn thing has been hit.
Just had a phone call from one of the parents with more bad news. Fingers crossed that gets better soon.
Is it Monday yet?
11 years agoThePieBoy
I've been sat here for a while trying to sum the last few months up.
I was looking for a word that summed everything up and whilst trying to think I sighed and swore... and it came to me.
Fuck is the word I would use to describe the last few months. Not the way people say fuck all the time, no. Thats lost its meaning. I use the word fuck about 50 times a day (it's not something im proud of, trust me) but I mean the way you say fuck when something goes bad and you kind of sigh the word out. Its more drawn out and heavy ... "Fuuuuuck" ... So yeah, typing it doesnt come close to what I mean but hopefully you under stand.
Work has been keeping more than busy. I have been trying to get my department up to some kind of working standard. When I joined them a year ago they were in a mess, there was no formal purchasing structure and they were losing a lot of money because of it. I have been trying my hardest to bring them into the 21st century and its working. But its dragging me down. I was there until 1am last month, I worked all day yesterday (sunday) and even after a 3 hour train journey and getting home late, I still went to work and gave it my all for two hours just to clear things up. I realised that I need an assistant today, there is just too much work to take on on my own. Time to think of a way to prove to my boss that the expenditure is worth it.
Personal life isnt getting much easier either. My whole group of close friends have all been going through some (unrelated) problems and we have all been trying to make sure we spend our free time having fun and going out. We are managing it and slowly we are helping each other through everything. I actually had an e-mail from one of my best friends saying how glad he is to have us all in his life and although hes never mentioned it to any of us, he doesnt know what he would do without us at the moment. That shocked me a bit, hes never been one for too many words and then all of a sudden I got an e-mail from him saying that. Turns out all of the rest of the group got a similar one.
The fun and good times are great and without them at the moment I think I would be locked away in a mental hospital but they arent free and that leads to over spending
Its not all bad, there are things that make me smile and thankfully they have been coming more frequently over the last two months.
My sister had a baby, a little girl. Being an uncle is great, I keep making sure that I go and spend time with her, she keeps falling asleep led on my stomache and its really peaceful to watch her breathing. Its weird but having her resting and watching her sleep seems to make everything seem a little less harsh in life.
I got a new car. Mine wasnt going to make it through its next MOT (yearly car test for those non english types among you) without spending nearly Ã‚Â£1000 on it. An offer came up on a new Honda Civic type S that couldnt be ignored so I went for it. Pics will follow soon when I get 5mins (which may not be for a while) its amazing. Very fast, very responsive and VERY reliable.
I've made some new friends, despite all the crap... The more we go out, the more we seem to meet people and they have become good friends already. One of them dishes out some of the best advice I have come across in a long while and does not hold back on her opinions and views. She calls things like she sees them and 99.9% of the time helps you to cut through the crap and point out just how silly you are being.
Work have been realising all my hard work and have been giving me more holiday to make up for the extra effort I put in. I've earned three extra days in the last month alone so hopefully that will give me more time off soon to relax.
For the first time in months, the good outweighs the bad. It took some time and today, whilst sat at my desk after the long train journey, I had a mini epiphany which I now have to put into practice.
Sorry to those of you who I havent been speak to recently.... I always log on when I get in from work and read your journals, I just dont usually have time to add a comment or two. Like now, I have only been in a hour, I have eaten and once I have typed this, im off up the gym again (trying to get up there three times a week).
Im trying to be around more rather than shutting down around everyone whilst I try and keep up with everything. I know this whole journal sounds like one giant moan but really its not, things are looking up and hopefully they are only set to get better.
My other sister is due to give birth within the next few weeks as well so that will be good too!
Right, I could go on but I wont. I think I have bored you all enough.
Thank you for reading (if you still are) I have lost 1/3rd of my watchers in the last 6 months so if you are still around.... cheers, I owe you a pint or two.
Time to get up the gym.....
Hope everyone is well
11 years agoThePieBoy
Dear current car,
Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha.
Today, I ordered your replacement.
it's 3 door and sports tuned with a lowered ride height, more gadgets than you can shake a stick at, twin exhausts, a big red start button oh and the most important thing... a refrigerated glove box (?)
The garage tells me that in 6 weeks it will arrive all shiny and new from the factory.
So, in your face.
Oh sure, I can't afford it really but still, in your face!
11 years agoThePieBoy
I don't like you.
It's not your fault, I will admit this, it was your predecessor. That metallic shit bag was quite possibly the biggest pile of crap ever to leave the car factory from whence it came.
From that first rattle on the second day I picked it up until the 3 months it spent back in the dealership up on blocks being "Fixed" .. It was a big fuck off joke.
So when the garage offered to replace it with you, I was of course, overjoyed. A brand new shiny car to replace the metallic equivalent of a chocolate tea pot. I felt genuine happiness when you arrived, yes we had our problems, like the faulty brake switch and a few knocks and scrapes but in the main, you have been there for me.
You get me to and from work, town and the local area. You were right there with Steff and I when we went on adventures at the beginning of the year.
Oh sure, your sun roof rattles and I have had to replace your CD player a few times but in the main, we have been buddies.
That was, until Friday.
I noticed you leaking in the car park at work, it seemed innocent enough and with it being just water escaping from the air conditioning unit, I wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t too worried. Even when you started stalling randomly every time I depressed your clutch I knew it wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t too bad.
I look after you, donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t I? .. I know I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t wash you as often as I should but I keep your levels topped up and I spend the dreaded Ã‚Â£50 every six days to satisfy your petrol lust.
But still, its not enough is it? You proved that to me today, with your green fluid spilling all over the road and my friends drive.
You know me, you know what IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m about to do and how much money itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s going to cost me. So why one earth do you choose this week to die?
This week, of all weeks you could break.
I need every penny I can get this week. Literally.
I canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t spend anything I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t need to and yet here you are again, with you metallic hand outstretched, asking for more money for repairs. I canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t do it any more. I just cant, this has to stop. I need to move on and get over you. I need someone I can rely on and who wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t be a drain on my funds.
IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m sorry old friend but you have to go. What ever I do with you, its going to cost me but no matter. Its time for us to part ways.
You filthy pile of fucked up metal, wires and plastic. You have abused my trust one too many times.
This is the end for you.
11 years agoThePieBoy
It really does rain a lot here in England.
The weather was amazing whilst I was over in America and of course its raining like mad when I get off the plane back in London.
Had an awesome week with Steff, had all sorts of adventures, saw a baseball game and ended up on the field in front of the crowd... more details later.
Saw some of the most amazing and breathtaking scenery I have ever laid my eyes on. EVER.
Had a lot of fun and am very sad that I had to leave
Heres to the next trip
Hope everyone is well
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