Tropz

Female
from Alberta, Canada

  • Activity

    • .........and exhale.

      12 years ago

      Tropz

      So another day has come to this. I feel okay... I still feel miserable, and as if I'm going to die... but, you know what... I'mmoresettled. Beause of friends like David... or...Kayla<3<3 I feel better.

      I know that the morning will be different, and all over again I'll feel my insiides shatter... but, right now.. I'm okay.. I can breath.. and I haven't eaten anything... but Kayla did figure a way that I could consume food... I had a boosterjuice.. the only food like substance I had today.. except a sip from David's oranger juice and water... but seriously, a boosterjuice.. i think that's pretty good. Means I'm not going to die, yet... heh.
      Anyways... remember that halloween party... at Brittany's house... the one that was on the night that those two natives mugged me? Well, Kayla told me today that her and her mom found the two men.. (because I described their clothing..) and they appologized(like that really makes adifference) but wouldn't give the money back. It really doesn't matter... about the money thing... but when the subject came up, i learned more about that party.. and more about a very rude jackass who was at it who found it fun to make a game about me... and teasing me. Wow, pretty low of you... pretty darn low of you. Why would I have made up a story of two natives mugging me... seriously? Do you think I'm pathetic and need to lie to make people like me? You really are a jackass.. which is why I'm happy you never accepted any of my attempts to be friends with you, because honestly.. I don't need a person as low as you as my friend... and the rude things.. the biast opinion you have about me... you spread it out, and tell people
      these negative things so when they see me, anything that even closely resembles anything mean you say about me.. they spot something tiny and automatically think what you say is right.

      It's like telling people that some girl's father is abusive... and that girl went to school the next day and had a large bruise on her face... the people, because of some jackass like you, would automattically assume that it was her father who gave her the bruise, when if you would ask her yourself you would learn that she plays soccer and that she got hit in the face with a very good kick.

      Seriously! But still, I can't be angry.. it's like this disorder I'm facing right now.. hmm,it's odd.. but yeah. I love Kayla... she made me feel so much better.. I'm almost afraid of going to bed just because i know I'll dream and then wake up and fall apart again...

      I'm doing exactly what I should be doing right now.. and I'm trying my hardest to make this a manageable time for him. (:


      Well... Shawna, Alex, Kayla, JoshA, David, Andrew, Kristal, Ryan, Tia, Ryley, Diamond, Wyatt... thanks for listening to me.. and even though a few of you have been pulled into the jackass's remarks.. and led astray before.. I still love you for attempting to seek the truth, and to see something other than the monster that he portrays me as...

      It's sad to think that I actually care about him, Jackass.

      one long, hard, and painful day at a time.

      THINGS... you never forget.
      .... <3 Forever and Always Babes... like Mentos... fresh.

    • Oh my God.

      12 years ago

      Tropz

      Am I going to go through this every day?
      Throughout the day my hopes rise and fall, and usually at night I feel better, and feel good about going to sleep and feel hopeful for the next day... but then I dream, and I wake up in the morning with... so much pain running through me. It feels as if my heart breaks over again every morning. I have never felt so terrible and weak in my entire life. But I have to do this, I have to do this... If I wait... it can be like Mentos... fresh, and renewing... a new beginning..

      Oh God, I don't have very much faith in myself right now... especially it being my spare.
      I just... hate this so bloody much, and I feel this constant aching. I can barely eat, and if I actually do eat anything in a day I either have to A) force it down, or B) force it to stay in... like right now. I just want to puke up the only meal that I've had in the last couple of days... last night's meal... the meal that I had when I went out to dinner with my two unvalentines... David and Andrew.

      I wake up in the morning, before my alarm... usually around 3, and I just lay there.. shaking... uncontrollable shiver-like shakes... and I cry.... it's as if all the confidence and hope that I build up the day before just goes down the drain. Why is this happening? It feels so unbearable and unfair. I've lost love before, and that was fucking hard... but seriously, I've lost my best friend... and now I barely feel like I have anybody left in my life.

      Josh Rogers gave up on me far too long ago, and Brennan can't even look at me right anymore. I barely get to spend the time with Diamond and Ryley like I want to... and Tia is depressed herself and I can't imagine that helping. I feel pathetic that I am talking to my teacher, Mr. Clayton, as if he were my friend... my councellor. God... I just need someone to hold me, wrap their arms around me and keep me together... because I'm sure that I am falling apart, and I'm going to shatter. I want to give up so badly, but something... something from the past year is telling me not to... and I can't... I can't do this. I don't care what she thinks of me, she can look at me.. and snicker at my pain, and tell everyone that my presentations are inappropriate... and just be plain rude during Hello, Dolly! rehersals... I don't care about her.

      I just feel like there is nothing left in this world to tell me that it is a wonderful place, a wonderful life...


      I am so pathetic... and I don't want to say that I quit... but I know it will happen.. I'm not strong enough to go through this.. not every day. I don't know how much more farther, how much more thin my emotions can be stretched...
      I need a good friend, that can be here for me... all the time.
      That is just not going to happen. I'm hopeless.

    • Wow...

      12 years ago

      Tropz

      Fuck, today has been a very surprising day for my emotions. First block, my spare, was shit at first.. but after talking to Mr. Clayton I felt way better... and talking to Joshua always makes things better.

      Starting fresh, like Mentos. xDD Lawl.

      So all in all the only 'pissed' moment I had today was the fact that some BITCH who everyone is getting sick of lately, decided that she would state that my presentation in drama was inappropriate. We'll see if that's true when Miss marks them and I get like, 100%.

      Fucking bitch, everyone is annoyed with how she treats all the girls who were ever involved with.. well, that's saying too much.. now isn't it. ((lawl to Alex and Shawna and David, and Rob, and Josh A who know who/what I'm talking about.))



      Yuuup. So, with Charlie(actually no, I brought him home with Chip)
      Sooo, with David, Wickens, and Jaded I'm going out for dinner tonight... (Josh couldn't come because he's babysitting. Poor guy.... he's probably miserable.... smiley12.gif Just remember "FRESH" like mentos, and you'll be happy. w00t. I know I'm feeling way better now.. and holdin on to the hope too.. because if I don't... SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS. Control freak.))


      I wonder if anyone understands an ounce of this journal? What ev.
      Ahaha, looove you David... you've been the bestest friend to me through this. <3<3 and Alex and Shawna deserve a mention too.. same with Kayla... and even, now, my Andrew. (:

      Oh and Diamond... and Josh... and Ryley..... you all are amazing. Of course my sister... (: (:

      ----

      So happy V-Day guys, not quite as fufilling as last years, but you know what... it's been a hope-lifting day... despite my random down moments.

      Love you guys (you know who you are, and you know who you aren't.)
      <<33 Happy, as Wickens said to me, Singles Awareness Day. smiley11.gif

    • . . . . . .

      12 years ago

      Tropz

      I love David, Alex, Shawna, Diamond, Josh Agar....

      Uh.. and Kayla.


    • Fuck you.

      12 years ago

      Tropz

      I want to die.


      Bye.

    • Bachellorette Parties...

      12 years ago

      Tropz

      that are sex parties..

      ROCK.


      I think that I have already, said way too much. xDD


      Lawl, I would say that I cannot wait to see Josh... but I think you'd all get the right . . . . . . . . . . WRONG idea. XDD

    • Wow.

      12 years ago

      Tropz

      World awareness comercials always get to me.. always have that way of touching me..

      "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood it's a beautiful day for a neighbor, would you be mine?"



      ..... odd, memories came with the song too.

    • (:

      12 years ago

      Tropz

      Ahahaha, yay.

    • <33

      12 years ago

      Tropz

      No updates.
      No updates.
      Lots happening, but.. no updates. XDD

      No time.
      Really happy.

      Lovelovelove.

      1 year +++

      Love love love


      HAPPY.

      Mahnumanuma nuahhhh. smiley12.gifsmiley7.gifsmiley0.gifsmiley11.gifsmiley12.gif

    • Woah, nuclear.

      12 years ago

      Tropz

      The second semester so far has been good.
      I just recently got back into town.. yeah, I was gone to E-town. How wicked? Lawl. Bert and I spent an entire day shopping, and then we got a fun-pass for Galaxy Land and rode all of the rides (with the exceptions of the ones we were too tall for, and the two that were under maitenence.. including the biggest rolercoster)

      We did ride everything else.. including the space jump.. you know.. the thing that shoots you up and then brings you down--- flipping wicked.
      (BUMPER CARS ARE TEH AWESOME)

      --- Annnyways. So with a spare during first block I've been avoiding the starting stresses. Awesome, hey? Especially since some of my friends have zee spare too. xDD

      Yup, so I haven' t been able to get on a computer at all... until now, so that's why I'm updating. Guess what's on Saturday???? (:
      Just another day... just another.. amazing.. day.

      ANNNND Just over a month and I'm going to be in Mexico.. at my sisters wedding and partying... ((And probably trying to sneak away to feed all the starving horses/dogs/people/etc)) ANNND in like.. 2 months.. or 60 + days I'll be going on a cruise with all my friends.. w00t... then we're all going to be like.. WE'RE PERFORMING IN DISNEY WORLD... like, yah!

      This is all so exciting. Anyways.... I'm feeling great.

      Yupp... so, later days.. all.. (or the very few that actually read AND comment on my journal.. not just one.... or the other... like most of you. xP lawl.)


      smiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley0.gifsmiley0.gifsmiley0.gif

  • About Me

  • Comments (215)

    • GermWar

      13 years ago

      PoliceBrutality.jpg

    • Maanda

      13 years ago

      I LOVE YOU , YOUR ALWAYS RIGHT YOUR SO AMAZING I WISH I COULD BE MORE LIKE YOU !

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

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      Yay! I made something half-decent in Photoshop!

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      Keep in mind, I don't know what I did to get Burnie's award.

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      Booya!
      I got the same awards as you, now!
      We are so tied.
      : P

    • Tropz

      13 years ago

      Zinged.

      Alright, so I do know that it's Canada's way.
      But I was taught "zee"
      And the only thing I ever said "zed" for was the Zellers "Club-Z" I would say "Club Zed Card"
      .-.; I'll always say ZEE Brennan, even if I know otherwise.. besides the US song is better.. sorry to admit it...
      Don't have to add stupid other words into it.

    • kahnefan001

      13 years ago

      Its...Been awhile...

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      You get your MOD point, but it's still "zed."
      : P

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      Just...wow.
      Love Brennan


      Really, could I say any more?
      : D

    • Azuri

      13 years ago

      ^ T3h pwnz0ring Queen of RvB

    • DrWill

      13 years ago

      Your poetry is very beautiful

    • Aven_667

      13 years ago

      would you like a banner made by me for only 5 mod points? message me back

    • mynamewasusd

      13 years ago

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    • Azuri

      13 years ago

      Hey, just letting you know I'm
      BACK!

    • M1GuG3L

      13 years ago

      hey....i hvent seen you on in a while......or is it just me...?

    • silverwing51

      13 years ago

      Happy Wintereenmas!

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADDAM WATER BUTT!

    • ReRe

      13 years ago

      Happy Birthday darling-a Jess even though it was yesterday lol :D

    • YAhMan

      13 years ago

      HAPPY FREAKIN BORTHDAY JESSIKA *WOOT* YAYA, So, happy birthday, *hugs* youll get a real one when i get down there next week, woot, alright*L8er* Happy brithday

    • rodimus117

      13 years ago

      YAY I LOVE ALBERTA , im from gay old toronto

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      ALERT!

    • cutmeugly

      13 years ago

      ok...

    • YAhMan

      13 years ago

      YOU WIN the ultimate Showdown Champion Award for UBERNESS
      untitled.jpg

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      OK, so now I have Joel's award.
      : P

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      *gasp*
      When did you get another award?

      Congrats!

    • TWA

      13 years ago

      Hey there! ^-^

      What's up?

    • GermWar

      13 years ago

      hector.gif

    • coolzbk

      13 years ago

      he's seen it.....i think.....but its around the same time i got his award.....

    • realdeal_55

      13 years ago

      Hipaward.jpg
      CONGRATS!

    • GermWar

      13 years ago

      again thanx for the support and i owe ya one more +1

      im givin all my supporters +3 (if i have any or once i get em)

      again THANX

    • blueproject

      13 years ago

      whoa, totally not seen/heard from you in a while.

    • silverwing51

      13 years ago

      You're really loving this new colored text, arent you?

    • DarkJedi375

      13 years ago

      Well thank you! Every pretty Canadian deserves a star.

    • DarkJedi375

      13 years ago

      Hey! Here's a sponsor star.
      subscriberStarSmall.gif
      Merry Christmas!

    • Crestedpaing

      13 years ago

      yeah actin is tops

    • ennervance

      13 years ago

      *poke*

      Good you're still around.

    • donodonut

      13 years ago

      hello fellow canadian

    • batosi

      13 years ago

      hey whats up

    • StupidIdiots

      13 years ago

      Hello!

    • Leetard

      13 years ago

      canadians deserve a random mod point everyonce and a while. +1 Zing for you!

    • kahnefan001

      13 years ago

      You were one of the first freinds i made on here.......although we hardly ever talk anymore i still dont forget about you :)

      level 4

      award4.jpg
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      award2.jpg
      award1.jpg

    • MUSTARDMAN24

      13 years ago

      3weeks ago was the last comment, tis old!!! Well here's a new one.

    • MUSTARDMAN24

      13 years ago

      chapelle-5fingerslap-reized.gif

    • xvoodoox

      14 years ago

      that "star wars" thing was funny , check this out>>>http://www.ebaumsworld.com/matrix.html <<<<if this doesnt work then go2 google tipe in" fart within the matrix "and click the first add* if you have a good sence of humor, you'll get a kick out of this one! ;-)

    • Painkiller13

      14 years ago

      in response to donut010:
      shut the f--k up.

    • donut010

      14 years ago

      canadian bastards

    • Milkman

      14 years ago

      I like fish.

    • My_Horse

      14 years ago

      theofficialbajofblackmageproductionslong
      Black Mage productions BURNS you, and everyone else!

      Um, I read you about section, you are perfect for the machinima (Yeah I'm kissing up, we need voice actors...by need I mean need).

    • 5atan

      14 years ago

      lol, now u comment.

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