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    • random story!

      9 years ago


      If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD! Overview: A man's story about taking his son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:


      Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad Can you help?"

      I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

      "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife. "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage,?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

      "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

      "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

      "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?) By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

      "OH, Gross!", they shrieked.

      "Well THATS just Great!; what are we going to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. don't you?) We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

      "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged. "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

      "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?) "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

      The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically.

      "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked. "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy." "What!?" "You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um.... er.... masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr..Cameron." We were silent, absorbing this. So Ernie's just...just...Excited?", my wife offered.

      "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

      "What's so funny?" I demanded. Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more. "That's enough," I warned.

      We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay. "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter. 2 - Hamsters - 10 bucks... 1 - Cage - 20 bucks Trip to the Vet ...30 bucks... Pictures of your hubby pulling on the hamster's wacker........Priceless!

    • HAPPY BDAY!!!

      9 years ago




    • Long time??

      9 years ago


      I know i know i havent written anything in a while.... well heres an update....

      First off I am in a great relationship with an amazing man!!! Hes so perfect..... im so lucky to have him.... hopefully things will be different with this relationship....

      the girls are going to be a year old on the 6th of January!! i cant believe it yet.....

      i rang in the new year last night....... drinkin coranas with lime and eatin yummy pizza!!!

      ive made many goals for myself to become a better person this year...

      i would love to know if anyone else made any goals..... and if so what kinda goals are they???

      Well got to go....

      Love as always

    • ....

      9 years ago


      James left me....i feel alone in this world now!!! im going to bed....

      i will update more later... maybe....

      </3 Princess

    • =D

      9 years ago


      You're a jerk!(16x)

      Jerk Jerk Jerk!(5x)

      So cocky with it got my iced out clubs like rocky hit it
      Got your girl on my swagg she lovin them jerkin songs
      Like the new ipod just touch it and turn her on
      And when the bass start beatin and the waist I'm beatin
      Done I got on my way I'm leavin she like where you goin? I aint got my shoes and purse
      I said it's none of your concern and she yelled (your a jerk!)
      So I walked out the door called Ben J. told him it's a function he said I'm on my way
      We pulled up to the party I take off my shirt and got geeked up everybody jerkin
      We was jerkin to the right jerkin to the left
      Then she popped out of nowhere she was still half dressed
      She like fa real jerk you left me for this stuff
      the whole party heard her but all I could hear was..

      Wahhh, Wahhh, Wah Wah Wah..(your a jerk)
      Why you trippin I aint even do nothin(your a jerk)
      Im a jerk, you aint neva lie
      But aye do me a favor call me jerk one more time(your a jerk!)
      I know

      Your a jerk! (I know) [x6]
      Jerk jerk jerk (jerkin) [4x]

      Everything quiet and the bass real hard
      And I stay geeked up never been a retard got a new boy swagg
      And this here for yall so we gotta keep it separate like the jim crowe laws
      I'm a beast I'm a gang and I guess I'm a jerk and I go thru big rounds Cause ya boy here a flirt
      Man you call me a bottle with your lil jerk lines
      Then you say you brought it up but the jerk is mine
      You squeezin I'm squeezin but yo style is wack
      Why you comin to the front you can push that back
      got ya girl on the side She talkin sum lil stuff while she textin on the phone
      Ben J. hit it rough, So I did it was good and I quickly got dressed she was like where you goin
      There's another girl next she screamed out loud Ben J.(your jerk!)
      And I had nothing to say but sorry that it hurts

      Wahhh, Wahhh, Wah Wah Wah..(your a jerk)
      Why you trippin I aint even do nutin'(your a jerk)
      Im a jerk, you aint neva lie
      But aye do me a favor call me jerk one more time(your a jerk!)
      I know

      Your a jerk!(I know) [x7]

      Jerk jerk jerk(jerkin) [x15]

    • Hi Everyone

      9 years ago


      ok i just got done watchin the weddin! lol if u missed it... it was gorgeous!

      im on vacation this week! so ill be around all week!

      <3 Renee

    • MARRIED LIVE!!!!

      9 years ago




      <3 Renee

    • HELL YEA!

      9 years ago



      thats all for now!

      oooo and i miss everyone!!!

      <3 Renee

    • I have signed my DeathNote lol

      9 years ago


      When you click this link i will probably be killed for it!!!

      but it wasnt my idea to put this up!!! it was Boa's Idea!!!

      oh yea i spent the day in the hosptial again yesterday! turns out the muscles around my heart are becomn weak! to much stress and over working

      Love Renee

    • My Emergancy Room Trip...

      10 years ago


      Ahhhh.... so this mornin at 5 am or so i woke up and couldnt stop shaking.... it was bad i couldnt get warm i just kept shaking... finally i was able to fall asleep and stop shaking.... well at 7 or 7:30 am i woke back up bc the alarm was going off... and i woke up and was burning hot... Andy stayed here last night to keep me company... bc i was bored and lonely... bc lucita is gone for the weekend... well... we got up and i was shaking and sweating and running a fever... i was light headed... i couldnt breath real well and my heart felt like it was gonna pound out my chest... and i kept puking..

      well after Andy left i laid down and was like well maybe if i get some more sleep i will feel better.... so i laid down... i couldnt fall back to sleep... so i got up and put some shorts and a tshirt on... and went to the ER... well when i got there i passed out in the waiting area.. when i woke up i was in a bed... with an IV in my arm... pumpin fluid into my body along with some Nausea medicine...

      well i laid there from 10 am till 4 pm... and in the period of time.. i had blood drawn... an IV put in my arm with the nausea medicine... and then the nurse came in and put a cathider in so that they could get a urine sample... well after that happened... and after i kept tryin to sleep but my phone kept goin of and people kept walking into the room to check up on me... lol ....

      the nurse came in bout 2:30 and said they were gonna give me some antibiotics... and she put the lil cuff thing on my arm to watch my heart rate... i kept moving and it kept messing my heartrate up and the machine kept beeping like crazy... lol and well at bout 3:30 she came in and said that after the antibiotics finish pumping into my arm i could be discharged...

      well after they were done... she took the IV outta my arm and told me to get dressed and she would be back with my perscriptions...

      well she came back and handed me my papers and my discharge instructions... and then told me what meds i was gettin... and i was like what are the antibiotics for.. and she was like you have a UTI(urinary track infection) that is going up into your kidneys... and i was like...... fuck...

      after that i went to work to get my prescriptions filled.. and to talk to Ken (our store manager) to see if he wantd my discharge papers after my scrips were filled... Andy was gettin off the clock so he walked me home to make sure i made it home ok....

      and now here i sit... listenin to music and relaxing...



  • Comments (3)

    • C16H14N2O

      9 years ago

      Happy Birthday to the girls! smiley13.gif

    • DarknessSpor

      11 years ago


      with all my love, dreams and spirit

      ~~James "The Show Stopper" Downing~~

    • UnstableGirl

      12 years ago

      All comments are deleted after I read them.
      So don't get pissy if your comment gets deleted.
      Don't send a comment saying "I popped your comment cherry" or some stupid shit like that.

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