Fair warning: This is going to be a long story. Funny, at least for me, but long.
A few days ago I was at a mall in a university town looking for a new pair of shoes and I decided to venture to the food court for some grub. There is a fantastic Chinese buffet in the food court, so I ordered my General Tsao's chicken, egg fried rice, and a couple wantons paid for my food, then stepped out of the line to patiently await the yummy noms. As I was waiting, I overheard a group of preteen/teen boys talking loudly amongst each other at their table, most of the comments had to do with the attractiveness of passing girls/women. I chuckled to myself as I heard some of them talking about trying to get the number of one of the sorority girls at a table on the other side of the food court (not one of these kids could be older than 14). That conversation went on and on as I waited for my food, each of the guys kept prodding one of the others to go try to get a phone number from one of the college girls... Think about the peer pressure you experienced in middle school and high school and you basically get what this kid was experiencing.
A few minutes pass and then my order comes up. I turn to try to find a seat after getting my food and Dr Pepper, but there are no tables available on the side I'm on. I start walking to the other side of the food court and I notice a table open just a few tables over from the college girls the boys had been referring to. I looked around for another open table, but there are none to be found, so I reluctantly take the table. Why reluctantly? I'm awkward, anti-social, and I really don't like being around the "peppy, cheerleader" types that these girls were. The fact that I was flying solo on my trip to the mall made things so much worse.
Back to the story... I get settled in and start to enjoy my meal when I notice one of the teens start to move towards the girls' table. He walked slowly and quietly, as if he were trying to sneak up on them. He lost his courage for a bit and turned to leave only to be prodded on by his friends on the other side of the room. By this time, the girls had taken notice of this kid and watched him as he walked right up to the table and said, "Hi, my name is Toby and I was wondering if one of you would give me your number." The girls giggled and scoffed at the idea, but I had a little bit of admiration for this kid, after all he's only 13 asking 20 year olds for their cell numbers.
"What are you, like 10?" One of the bleach blondes asked.
"I'm 13." He said, the confidence dropping from his voice.
"Run along little boy, your mommy should be picking you up soon." sneered a particularly bitchy coed. But this worked out to the advantage of young Toby. He suddenly smiled and offered them a proposition.
"I'll run along in a minute, but I'll make you a deal: If I can come up with a pickup line you have never heard before, you have to give me your number" he pointed to a rather attractive member of the group of girls and smiled. She smirked and agreed.
[For this I will be color coding the interactions. Red is Toby. Blue is Sorority girl. Green is me with my reactions/thoughts.]
"I've lost my number, can I have yours"
"Help! Something's wrong with my eyes! I can't take them off you!"
"There's a party in my pants and you're invited."
"Do I need a library card? Because I'm checking you out."
"Just give up, I've heard them all."
*Snickering inside* "That's terrible"
"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged."
"That one is older than you!"
"Yup, tried that once when I was his age, didn't work then either."
"I'm giving you two more chances, then you're walking away."
"Remember me? Oh that's right, I've only met you in my dreams."
"Cute, but I've heard it. Last chance kid."
"Ummm.... Ummm... Girl you're so hot, when you eat bread, you poop toast."
I damn near choked on my food with that one. I'm trying my best to make sure no one can tell I've been listening in, but I'm sure they could tell as I laughed between coughs. I know the joke is a bit crass and very juvenile, but I've never heard it before and it just happened to tickle my funny bone. Apparently the girl hadn't heard it either, because she was slightly disgusted and still yet a bit impressed with the joke, given that she laughed for a solid minute before regaining her composure. She gave him a number and sent him on his merry way, then continued to laugh a bit more.
I'd like to say there is a moral to this story that is deep and makes the length of the story worth while. I'd also like to say that the kid actually was given a legitimate number and that he is the next Barney Stinson, but I can't say anything like those things. Really, the only thing I got out of this was good food and a good laugh... Also a sore throat but that's to be expected when trying to cough a piece of chicken out of your lungs. All in all a decent day at the mall, even though I hate them. :)