My best friend since college will become a father yet one more time. he and his wife are like family to me and their two daughters call me uncle Andrew. their soon to third rugrat will be a third nephew to me.
Personally I'm thrilled.
Also here's that new years video I promised:
P.S. You can see me standing next to the tree about 10 seconds into the video I'm wearing the tan hooded sweatshirt.
I have no idea why I laughed at this.
10 years agoairpirate
10 years agoairpirate
Now I'm sure that there are those of you who would disagree with me but the mere fact that these people are asking for help in a economic crisis like this is disgusting.
Porn Industry Moguls Seek $5M Bailout
By Eric Young
Christian Post Reporter
Wed, Jan. 14 2009 04:12 PM EST
To most Americans, the recent request for a $5 million federal bail-out by leaders of the porn industry is something to laugh about.
But for Larry Flynt, the publisher of Hustler magazine, and Joe Francis, the producer of "Girls Gone Wild" videos, itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a serious request.
"With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind," stated Flynt in an announcement regarding he and FrancisÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s joint request to Congress. "It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly."
Since Congress authorized $700 billion to assist the financial industry in October, the Bush administration has already committed the first $350 billion, using it to inject capital into banks with few strings attached and to bail out ailing financial companies considered too big to fail without further damage to the economy.
On Tuesday, President-elect Barack Obama appealed to Democrats in Congress to allow the use of the final $350 billion in bailout funds, vowing to veto any move to block the money.
"Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation's most important businesses, we feel we deserve the same consideration,Ã¢â‚¬Â stated Francis last week. Ã¢â‚¬Å“In difficult economic times, Americans turn to entertainment for relief. More and more, the kind of entertainment they turn to is adult entertainment."
According to the adult industry leaders, roughly half of all internet users visit adult sites, with the number of unique visitors to adult websites having grown to more than 75 million per month.
"The popularity of adult entertainment in America has grown steadily for the past half century," Francis reported. "Its emergence into the mainstream of popular culture suggests that the U.S. government should actively support the adult industry's survival and growth, just as it feels the need to support any other industry cherished by the American people."
Many concerned Americans, however, were quick to argue against Francis and FlyntÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s claims, describing the porn industry as a cancer within society and as an industry with devastating effects on individuals, marriages, families and workplaces.
"Pornographers continue to disregard the heartbreak and devastation they wreak on a daily basis," said Steve Siler, director of Music for the Soul (MFS), a Christian ministry that recently released a multimedia compilation entitled "Somebody's Daughter: A Journey to Freedom from Pornography," which addresses the issue of pornography addiction.
And now, he says, Ã¢â‚¬Å“they take advantage of the economic misfortune of millions of Americans in order to generate free publicity.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬Å“I would call this act thoughtless, if it wasn't so calculated,Ã¢â‚¬Â Siler said. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Some have called it a joke. But to laugh and joke about this epidemic is hurtful and offensive."
According to reports, Ã¢â‚¬Å“Girls Gone WildÃ¢â‚¬Â CEO Francis planned to send letters asking for assistance to his local representative, California congressman Henry Waxman; Massachusetts' Barney Frank, the head of the House of Representatives' Financial Services Committee); and the U.S. Treasury Department.
Though he and Flynt are quick to admit that the $13 billion industry is Ã¢â‚¬Å“in no fear of collapse,Ã¢â‚¬Â they say Ã¢â‚¬Å“why take chances?Ã¢â‚¬Â
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex," Flynt argued.
10 years agoairpirate
It's four days into the new years and I'm just now posting something. for those who remember last year I posted video of my family blowing up our Christmas tree well we have new footage this year but I'm waiting for the video to be uploaded.
I'll post it here when it has been.
What's I miss?
Anyone know when the next season starts?
Here is the official unit conversion chart for engineers...
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight one evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
19. 1,000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
if you're a mod don't click
10 years agoairpirate
Merry Christmas everyone IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m sure youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve noticed that I havenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t been on in a while well I had a bad experience a month or so back that led me to try a few days without redvsblue and honestly I feel better. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not my friends itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s mostly those people. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll be here on and off but nowhere near as much.
That being said Merry Christmas
10 years agoairpirate
So very boerd. I was looking for a decent Rp site or a site where I could play games online.
These quotes were taken from actual Federal (US) employee performance evaluations...
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity"
"I would not allow this employee to breed"
"This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be"
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap"
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet"
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle"
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy"
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them"
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot"
"This employee should go far, and the sooner the better"
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together"
"A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus"
"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless"
"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier"
"I would like to go hunting with him sometime"
"He's been working with glue too much"
"He would argue with a signpost"
"He has knack for making strangers immediately"
"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room"
"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell"
"If you see 2 people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one"
"A photographic memory but with the cap over the lens"
"A prime candidate for natural deselection"
"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it"
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming"
"Has 2 brains, one is lost, the other is out looking for it"
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week"
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change"
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean"
"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000 other sperm"
"One neuron short of a synapse"
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled"
"Takes him 12 hours to watch 60 Minutes"
"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"
Soooooo very bored...............
10 years agoairpirate
I'll be dumping friends at random most of you who see this will be fine but let me know, if you want, if you don't want me to drop you.
It's done I dropped over 204 friends if you were one of them and want back on feel free to send me a new one you won't be turned down.
I'm looking for a few decent threads to hop on any suggestions?
Shirts must have too much room, look what people have written on them...
Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound as they go flying by.
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
I Haven't Lost My Mind. It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You become Santa Claus. 4) You start to look like Santa Claus.
Some days you are the pigeon. Some days you are the statue.
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
The money is always greener in the other guy's wallet.
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
Too many freaks. Not enough circuses.
She Who MUST be obeyed
Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work is done here.
I thought I wanted a career. It turns out I just wanted a pay check.
When money talks, no one criticizes its accent.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
My reality check bounced.
I love my cat. My cat does not care.
If At First You Don't Succeed...Blame Someone Else And Seek Counselling.
My bank account needs month-to-month resuscitation.
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe in chocolate.
Only in America, could a letter offering a million dollar prize be considered junk mail.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals, on the other hand, built the Titanic.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Don't worry about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it's all about?
Think nobody knows you're alive? Try missing a payment.
Does it scare you that you are looking for wisdom from a T-shirt?
And your cry baby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning. Nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
No one pays attention until you make a mistake.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.
Stamp Out Crime. Abolish the IRS.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
What am I? Fly paper for freaks?
I'm not rude. You're just insignificant.
If I save time, when do I get it back?
A.S.A.P. means Always Say A Prayer.
Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.
I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
If the left side of the brain controls the right hand, then only left-handed people are in their right mind.
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Money Isn't Everything...But It Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Born free. Taxed to death.
All Men Are Animals. Some Just Make Better Pets.
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
Enjoy Life! Eat Out More Often.
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
The 11th commandment: Thou Shalt NOT Whine!
Work Harder. People on Welfare Depend on You.
Princess, having sufficient experience with Princes, seeks frog.
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
10 years agoairpirate
Maybe You Should Have Rolled Down The Window First
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, N. J., in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 a.m., the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed.
Maybe That Isn't My Jacket
Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.
This Iz A Stikkup!
San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
That last one left me speechless.
10 years agoairpirate
"I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told the counselor.
"Has she started to neglect you?"
"Not at all," the dejected man replied. "She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she's a great cook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair. She lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to sex or says she has a headache."
"So what's the problem?"
"Maybe I'm just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, "but at night, when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, 'Die! You son of a bitch, die!'"
10 years agoairpirate
While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. "Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny. "Nope." replied Jimmy. "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?". Again Jimmy says "Nope." "You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.
Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of
lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.
Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."
The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone, with a huge pile of human bones next to him, and the rescuers are shocked. He says, "You can't judge me for this. I had to survive." The leader of the rescue team says, "But geez, man... your plane only went down yesterday."
A little dwarf lady goes into her doctor's office complaining of an irritated crotch. After an examination, the doctor sighs, "I don't seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at any time?" "Yeah, it's really bad whenever it rains," she replies. "Well, then," says the Doc, "Next time it rains, get in here at once, and we'll take another look at it."
Two weeks later, it's raining really hard, and the little lady shows up at the doctor's office. "Doctor, it's really bad today. Please, you have to help me!!" "Well, let's have a look," he says, as he lifts her up onto the table. "Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse, bring me a surgical kit. Don't worry ma'am, this won't hurt a bit."
The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation. The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. "There you go, ma'am, try that." She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims, "That's great, Doc, what did you do?"
"I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots."
My mom's an English teacher so this speaks volumes to me.
P.S.: My own personal group is still in need of members.
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