A week from tomorrow, I'll be working at my current job for the last time. And the next day I'll be moving to Conway into a nice apartment. And two weeks from now I'll be starting FILM SCHOOL.
Just wanted to share my excitement. :D
allieSchwims 14 Scrobbles
3 years agoallieSchwims
I've been reading a few good books by some really funny and hardworking people. This was brought on by the fact that my internet is crap and I usually have no choice but to read. I love reading once I get started but it's often hard for me to pick up a book when there are so many great things to watch. This week I've read Grace & Style by Grace Helbig, You Deserve A Drink by Mamrie Hart, and Yes Please by Amy Poehler. All very funny, hardworking, and successful women.
I don't even have that much in common with these women, other than the fact that I like making people laugh. I'd say I'm probably most similar to Grace just because I don't think either of us have ever been very adventurous in the world of drugs lol. Anyway, my point. I've learned 3 things about myself by reading these books (and just getting wiser in general):
For my whole life until about a year and half ago, I thought that I would have to be a hobby person. I was so worried about being poor that I knew I would have to just settle for a practical job and get all my passion flowing in a hobby on my off days. Luckily, I snapped out of that mindset and I'm now starting film school in August. Woo! (Please hurry up, I'm dying). Even though I did finally bite the bullet and say I CANNOT AND WILL NOT HAVE A JOB I DISLIKE GOSH DARNIT, I'm still very much afraid of being poor. Of being a "starving artist." You see, I really like food and I really don't like worrying about how I'm going to pay bills, so the whole starving artist thing just didn't seem like it was up my alley. But the only career path that I want, that I refuse to give up on, that I've been dreaming of since I was a freaking toddler, kinda requires me to take some risks and maybe be little poor for a while.
That is how I'm afraid of commitment. I want all the great rewards without any of the struggle. But reading these books has made me realize that it if you're doing what you love, the struggle doesn't sting so bad. Amy Poehler talks about the poorest time in her life with such fondness and nostalgia it made me want to cry. She was young and free and independent and doing what she loved. She talked about living in such a crappy apartment in NYC that they had to put bowls over the stove burners so rats wouldn't crawl in through them. She was broke AF and she didn't really seem to mind. As far as she was concerned, she was living the dream.
I'm a procrastinator. I've accepted it and come to terms with it. Other than when I'm actually at work on a schedule with a bank account that needs refilling every few weeks, I will put off literally anything. For a long time I just thought I procrastinated with things I didn't wanna do. Calling doctors, writing essays for school, getting my oil changed. But I realize now that I even procrastinate with things I really really want to do. I would even say I procrastinate worse with those things. The other things still have to be done eventually, so eventually they get done. But the things I want to do: make videos, take improv classes, be in plays, write sketches, those are the things I never do. Oh boy do I suck! :D
Luckily, learning things about yourself means that you can start to fix yourself. Yay self improvement!
This leads me to my last point. I am creative as hell. I've never thought of myself as a creative. I don't paint or draw or write frequently (if ever), but I have so many ideas. I always thought it was kind of a cocky thing to say. Especially telling people you're funny. I've gotten told many times that I'm really funny but when people ask me about myself, I resort to saying "I like to make people laugh" because telling people I'm funny would make me feel weird. But hey, I'm pretty funny.
My imagination is what has gotten me through life honestly. I live inside my head and it's a beautiful place lemme tell you. Every time I listen to a song I write and direct and star in the music video. Every time I watch a movie I write the sequel or rewrite the original if it wasn't up to my standards haha. On bad days and happy days and all the days in between, I dream up some of the best, Oscar worthy movie scenes (you'll see *wink*). I think up jokes that make me laugh until I cry, and if you've never had the pleasure of texting me late at night once the delirium has kicked in, you don't know what real laughter feels like (@Julia). I'm a creative person. I create things all day. The only thing I'm doing wrong is I'm not getting these things out and into the world. That ends now. Actually it ended yesterday when I wrote half a movie in like 30 minutes. Finally. It feels so good to make room in my head for more idea.
So, to summarize:
And to you, whoever actually stops to read this novel, you're creative and the world deserves to see what you've got too. <3
3 years agoallieSchwims
Okay, first of all, this is about to be super cheesy so I apologize in advance. :)
Last year was my first year being a guardian and attending at RTX. I came alone and stayed by myself in an AirBnb because I was nervous. I had an amazing time and met some amazing people, and realized that I would never have to stay alone in Austin, TX again.
This year was about 1000 times better than last year, which I didn't even know was possible. I caught up with old friends, met new ones, and introduced myself to people I recognized from the community (who always surprised me when they recognized me too).
On the last day of RTX this year, when I talked to the head guardians, Chris and Mary, I was sure to tell them how amazing it was to come to a place for only the second time in my life and immediately know so many people and have so many friends. I also might have cried hysterically in front of Chris, so... sorry about that. :)
I worked in the RT store for the second time, and I'm extremely proud to be a part of the team that made that store run so flawlessly. Last year in the store, I met the person who would end up becoming my best friend, @julia. After one of the best weeks of my life, it was really hard dropping her off at the airport today.
(Here comes the cheese). It's a really weird feeling when someone leaves and you immediately feel like something is missing. And that's what I felt this morning as soon as I left the airport. And I'll also feel that when I leave Austin on Friday, because it seems to have a piece of my heart too. (Gross).
WOW, okay now that my Nicholas Sparks moment is out of the way, I do want to end this on a happy note. It's an incredible feeling knowing that you always have something to look forward to. No matter what happens in my day-to-day life, I can always depend on the fact that my time spent in Austin every summer will be amazing. RTX is such a special event, created by an amazing company, and run by a huge team of 500+ people who all consider themselves family. I'm incredibly thankful for my experiences at RTX and the people I get to know because of it.
I love you all. <3
3 years agoallieSchwims
First of all, *PTERODACTYL SCREECH*.
Now that that's out of the way, I only have three more sleeps until I'm in Austin with @Julia! And six more sleeps until RTX officially begins! It hasn't even been a full year since I was there last but I miss it so much. I can't to see everyone, old friends and new.
I'll be a store guardian once again this year, so whether I'm at the registers or out walking the store floor, if you see me say hi! I'm gonna try to put my name somewhere on my guardian shirt if that's allowed this year. I get that names are difficult (I suck at remembering even the simplest ones), so if you recognize me but don't remember my name, don't worry! Just say "hey I recognize you from the site!" and it'll make my day. I also give free hugs so how can you resist? I'll be the one with that kinda looks like Velma from Scooby Doo but with redish-pinkish hair. :D
I have a pretty tight schedule before and during RTX because of guardianing and all that, but I'll be in Austin until the 8th, so I'd love to meet up with some people!
Anyway, back to packing way too many things and screaming internally. Hope to see everyone there! <3
3 years agoallieSchwims
I thought I'd make an update journal because my last one was kinda depressing haha. It still isn't easy living out here in the sticks, but I'll be moving to Conway around the 13th of August! Woo!
As for school, I dropped the class that I was struggling with. I'll have to retake it after I transfer, but I think I'll do much better taking it in a regular classroom setting rather than online. And I only have a few more weeks until the rest of my classes are over and I can take it easy for the rest of the summer.
Expenses are still... expensive currently. I'm putting two new tires on my car this week, but after that I should be able to start really saving up for RTX. Hopefully I'll have more than $2 to my name while I'm there heh.
As for the loneliness, I've started to not really care anymore, which is the way I like it lol. I'm fine being by myself about 99% of the time. I guess when that 1% rears its head I don't really know what to do, but it's all good now.
Now for the actual exciting stuff! I'll be working in the RT Store at RTX again this year! I can't wait to be back! I miss everything about RTX and Austin. I'll be there the 28th through the 8th if anyone wants to meet up. Last year I was new to Austin and RTX and I feel like I didn't use every opportunity to meet people and explore and all that good stuff.
3 years agoallieSchwims
Everything kind of sucks right now. Or it's amazing. There seems to be no middle ground anymore. I'm go from being really excited about the future to being really depressed about my current situation.
I did so well in school last quarter. I got all A's and stayed on top of everything, but so far this quarter, I've made an F on two tests in the same class after studying for hours, and another class is killing me just because the sheer amount of work. I never thought I'd say this but the only class I'm doing well in right now is physics. Wow. My parents are still struggling with money and getting my dad on disability. I'm trying my best to save money for RTX, but I've also had multiple expensive necessities come up. My parents' vehicle is in dire need of a part that's about $400, which I have but I'm scared they wouldn't have time to pay me back before RTX which may or may not cut things way too close.
In addition to all this, I'm lonely. Don't get me wrong, I have some amazing friends. But unfortunately, it's not friendship that I'm worried about. I've been single all my life, and apart from a few times in junior high when I just thought having a boyfriend was the cool thing to do, I've been perfectly fine with it. But lately, I don't know. I just feel like I'm missing out on everything. There are certain emotions I've never felt before and that makes me sad. I'm 22 ffs. No matter how tough I act or how cool I think I am because I can go years being single, I'm human and believe it or not, I kinda want to feel loved. Gross. :(
I'm also going through kind of a health issue type thing. It's pretty private but it's just emotional and weird to go through. It's just not something I ever thought I'd have to worry about. Also along the lines of health, I've been absolutely sucking at diet and exercise. Like I have all my life basically. But today I think I was so emotional that I just started exercising. I was feeling so angry about everything. So I went outside and listened to some hardcore music and exercised for a while and cried a little too. I think crying must be like exercising for your soul. You can't take everything in without putting anything out.
Things aren't all bad, though. At least not the things I'm looking forward to. Of course, RTX is coming fast and I'm so excited. I feel like as soon as I step out of my car in Austin I might kiss the ground or something weird like that. I also went on Monday and made my schedule for my first semester in film school. I'll be double-majoring in film and psychology because I already have so many psyc credits and I still really like it. UCA is like a dream. The campus is gorgeous and laid back and out of all three universities I've attended, it has the kindest and most patient staff I've ever experienced. I know I'm going to have an amazing time there. It's just hard having everything to look forward to and nothing to really be happy with presently. Other than the basics like a roof above my head and clean water, of course.
Anyway, I just needed to get all that off my chest. Thanks for reading if you did. c:
3 years agoallieSchwims
My day was much busier yesterday than I expected so I didn't get the chance to make a post. Happy belated birthday, Rooster Teeth. I am incredibly thankful for the opportunities and friendships I've made just by becoming a part of this community. My life would be drastically different if I had never started watching these silly videos. So to Rooster Teeth and the family that grew from it, thank you.
On to sort of an update. I'm still set to start film school in August. Woo! I'm getting my housing assignment sometime this month (pls Jesus give me my own room), and I'm slowly but surely getting financial aid stuff worked out. Other than that I've just been doing school work and impatiently waiting for RTX. Ya know, the usual.
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