from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

  • Activity

    • Turn Your Head and Coffin

      14 years ago


      So whenever my friends and I get together, we enjoy watching bad movies. Thom brought over one the other night entitled, Die Hard Dracula, which is I believe somehow a Canadian movie. Regardless, it's the typical B movie.

      This one? Well, this guy is out on the lake one day and his girlfriend dies. Not really sure what happened to her, she just died. He and his buddy dive into the water to find her (why not take the much faster boat???) but to no avail. Then he wishes, seeing a falling star one night for "a girl who drowned to be brought to life." Whoa, nothing like being vague, huh? She was so special to him, he can't even be bothered mentioning her name. His mother tells him there is nothing left for him in California, so he goes to Europe.

      Wouldn't you know it? He somehow ends up (not entirely sure how, he gets in a car accident when some guy, for no reason at all, runs him off the road) in what is supposed to be a pub in a small village. There he meets a girl who (wouldn't you know it?), was brought to back to life by a comet hitting her casket. Wow, nutty!

      Then somehow a friend of theirs is killed by Dracula. Although that is all Drac really does that is bad in this one, as the rest of the time he plays the piano and argues with his wife. Why bother him? Well trouble is afoot, the townfolk say, and they hire vampire killer Van Helsing. Hugh Jackman can feel safe that if there is a sequel to his flick, this guy won't steal top billing. He is awful. Helsing and our other main guy (I don't think I ever found out his character's name) decide to go after him. Although there is two of them, they only ever bring one weapon. First, ONE gun with ONE silver bullet (isn't that for werewolves???). They miss or something, Dracula is bored and closes the door on them, thus thwarting their plan. Yes, this is how sad Van Helsing is. They also try fencing and slingshotting fire at Drac, but with similar results. In the end, Drac gets pissed and makes buddy's new wife a vampire too. Our two heroes try to stop Dracula and his (lack) of evil plans, but end up getting bit and in the end everyone is a vampire, with a happily ever after ending. WTF?

      Things to look for:
      -Dracula that looks like singer Meatloaf
      -Flying coffin and the "amazing" special effects
      -The lengthy period where NOTHING happens as our hero travels aimlessly through Europe (culminating in a great scene where he goes drinking and a certain vision)
      -The poor audio that makes everything nearly incoherent
      -Vlad the Implaer...impaling people through their ass?
      -Poor acting by the bucketload, complete with wandering accents of an unkown origin
      -The supposed battle of wits scene between Helsing and Drac

      Overall B Movie Grade: 7 out of 10. I've seen more entertaining, cheezier films, but this is pretty solid. There's enough here to make fun of, although it does drag on at times.

    • Write On

      14 years ago


      I'm finally done finals. And that's final.

      Nothing like writing an exam on the last possible day in the last possible time slot!!! Stupid exam schedule, has it out for me. Everyone else got to go home, but not me. Nope, Scott has to sit here studying until 2 PM on December friggin' 20th. At least I know I don't have to make any more thesis statements, write any more essays or anything like that. The bottom line is that I am done writing exams...for this semester anyway.

      Now I have to get rid of my stupid Christmas tree before I leave, which is almost dead. Needles are going to fall everywhere. The worst part is I'm going to have to dispose of it under the guise of night, via the balcony. The problem with this is that if I am caught I can be kicked out technically, since you are not allowed to throw things off your balcony. I'm also not even sure if you are allowed to even have a tree. So that would be a double whammy. It would be like getting caught smoking in your unit (which is not allowed), only you were smoking pot (drug usage is, supposed to be, forbidden).

      But, hey, at least I'll be back in good old Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan tonight. Is that a good thing though? Hm...that has yet to be seen. The roads better not suck cause I'm not looking forward to driving eight hours as is. Now that I'm done school I just want to get home as fast as possible.

      Anyway, I got to go finish my laundry and packing.

    • Halo 2 Article

      14 years ago


      I found this article in my university's newspaper, The Gateway. It appeared in a "joke" edition of the paper. I don't know who wrote it exactly, but the article is called "We hump blasphemy, video games and your mom."

      Over the last month or so there has been an influx of hype surrounding the release of Halo 2. Some of the reports have made the product out to be more than just a videogame, more than just an event, but a transcedental experience. After playing the game it's clear that the gaming journalists are cheats and liars. Halo 2 isn't just amazing; it's clearly the work of a higher power. Halo 2 is simply the most awesome thing ever made. In fact, it's so very awe-inspiring that it could not have been made by the hand of man. It is clear, therefore, that Halo 2 was made by God himself.

      In fact, this writer might venture to say that it is actually God himself-brought to earth, rendered in diskette form. 'Cause, like, the Master Chief of the heavens realizes that his divine and omnipotent might will not be spread through such archaic forms of communications as, say, the Bible or Jesus. "Let there be Halo 2," God spoketh, and it was good. Better than the Bible and Jesus combined, in fact, and with beautifully rendered graphics.

      So really, there's no use denying His-the Master Chief's-righteousness. Fall on bended knee to His lesson of divine wrath. Royally ass-kick those old school Christ-isms like "turn the other cheek" and "the meek shall inherit." The only thing the meek are inheriting now is the butt-end of a plasma rifle as it bounces off their teeth. Booya, amen!

      And testify my space-weapon toting brothers. Yea, there will be heathens among ye who will think that Halo 2 does not speaketh the Word of God. And further yea, they shalt be smoteth like the lowly Covenant grunts that they are.

      Mobilize now, brothers, and spread the holy Gospel of the Chief. Join with the ranks of the converted-the geeks and the frat boys-to bring the misguided elderly and XBox-less into the shining fold. And if their tiny brains cannot be moved by the Reason of the Lord thy Chief, they will certainly be moved to His ways by a blast from His divine boomstick.

      And do not falter to temptation, the siren call of any other than the almighty Chief. "Females," as they are called, may claim to shun the Chief's mysterious ways, openly hostile to His ways and the hours we brothers must dedicate to His divine teachings. Approach these jezebels as one approaches an asp in the brush. Many of your brothers have been turned from the Lord Chief's primrose path by their most temptating temptingness.

      So in conclusion, Halo 2 is probably worth a rental.

    • The Tribe Has Spoken.

      14 years ago


      I just watched Desperate Housewives for the first time tonight. I was a little out of the loop, having not watched it before and all. But wow I don't get why that show is such a hit.

      Or maybe I do. Maybe it is because it isn't reality television, it actually has a script? What a refreshing concept, a script for a TV show!


      I hate reality television, I really do. It is so boring. Big Brother? The Restaurant? Oh good! Shows that depict the monotony of real life! Can "10 Million Dollar Watching Paint Dry" be far behind?

      Plus, I find it disturbing. At least when I watch a show like Desperate Housewives and the characters are all acting nutty/sluty/crazy I know that these people are only actors playing that part. They aren't really that insane, they really aren't having an affair with their teenage lawnboys or acting so petty towards one another. Well, at least I don't think they are.

      But when you watch reality television you know that these are real people. These people are really that shallow, that prejudiced and that deceitful. As well, reality television relies hevily on stereotypes and character archetypes (ie: the flamboyantly gay guy, the single mom, the old person, the loudmouthed bitchy girl, the homophobe, the spiritual person, etc). Granted, this is also true of many sitcoms (Will and Grace), but it is more problematic with reality television I find because this is reality, not something scripted in order to be farcical or satirical.

      It is also quite often the lowest common denominator of television. Watch people seduce each other in order to succeed, watch people backstab their friends, watch for pointless T&A, petty arguing and son on and so on. Take a show like last year's The Swan, which openly told people they were ugly and needed to change their appearance. Not only was this show actually made, but people signed up to be on it and people watched it. Which is appropriate because that is actually what reality television itself does: it shows the ugliness of humanity. Not the "ugliness" of how someone looks, but ugly in the sense that people will actually want to watch someone butchering themselves so they can look more physically appealing, in order to "fit in" within our society. What makes this even more distrubing is that I believe I read that reality television became more and more popular after 9/11 because analysts termed it as, "comfort television." This is comforting?

      So while Desperate Housewives may not be that great, at least it is the lesser of two evils.

    • Season's Fleeting.

      14 years ago


      So I bought a Christmas tree tonight. It seems somewhat stupid, since I'm going home for Christmas on the 21 and I have to take it down beforehand...but whatever. My parents weren't too pleased to hear that I had spent money on it. Now they seem to think that I am going to burn down the whole building, assuming I don't know it is unsafe to leave your lights on 24/7. Are they not aware I am 22? Wouldn't they figure out I have caught on to that one by now? I guess not. I was hoping for a "Charlie Brown tree" but instead I got a pretty nice one actually. Too nice. And almost too big.

      Getting the tree was painful, as there is supposed to be a guy hanging outside by the trees, to help you pick one out and then give you a sticker to take it inside (I was buying from Superstore) to pay, but there wasn't. Actually, it turns out he was just standing inside the door and despite the fact that he must have seen me look around at the trees and whatnot, he never bothered to assist me. What is he getting paid for? Did he seriously think I was just browsing? A Christmas tree isn't like an impulse buy, you go somewhere, you find your tree and you buy it. Case closed.

      Anyway, he was so lazy he wouldn't even give me the ticket, he just told me to go inside and tell the cashier "balasm fir" and that would be adequate. I felt like I was in some sort of secret society. "Excuse me....(whispering) balsam fir!" I'm an idiot though. At first I thought to myself "how does that work? Couldn't I just pretend I'm buying a tree but then really not?" And then I figured, well yeah I could do that, but why would I spend thirty dollars on an item I'm only pretending to buy? You see, when you are, at heart, a law-abiding citizen, you don't even have a clue how to actually rip someone off. I'm a dork. Everything smells like Christmas tree now. That's kind of annoying actually.

      As fun as the Christmas seasons is and all, it is always ruined for me by the fact that this is also finals time, which means a lot of studying and worrying about my marks. Tomorrow is the last day of classes, which is nice, but it also means the coming onslaught of the aforementioned finals. My final schedule is not as bad as previous years, so that's a bonus. I also ran into a friend of mine from back home, Will, and I think he and I might finally be able to get together sometime in the next week or so. That's a bonus, since he and I haven't seen each other all semester long, despite the fact we insisted we would hang out more often this year.

      Looks like I better get my Christmas shopping done. I have no idea what I am going to get anyone. I know what people want...random items from the U of A bookstore! Eh...probably not.

    • I am Man, Hear Me Roar.

      14 years ago


      Okay, so something I noticed while watching TV the other day:

      There was a Chunky soup commercial on. Now, it's blatant that Chunky is advertising to men. This particular commercial has a football referee laying out each and every signal he can possibly give out during a game for whatever stupid reason. The slogan is "Chunky: Fully Constructed." I've seen a similiar commercial in this campaign where some dude goes around and tells you exactly how something to do with construction. Hell I don't remember. Point is he's a carpenter or whatevever.

      So here's the deal: this is being marketed to men. Nevertheless, soup is something everyone (or most people anyway) eats. You think a woman is going to go through the grocery store and say, "I like clam chowder and Chunky is on sale...but it's a guy's soup"? No, of course not! Girl's buying herself some soup dammit.

      But guys? How many guys out there would buy something like Secret deodorant if it was stupid cheap or was the only deodorant left in every store in the city? Like, none. "Sure, it says it's strong enough for a man, but IT'S MADE FOR A WOMAN! I can't jeopardize my masculinity for one minute, for fear of being mistaken as gay!" Deodorant is something we need but if Secret was, for some reason, the only deodorant available to a guy, he wouldn't buy it because it is marketed towards women. Women, on the other hand, have no problem buying something marketed to a man.

      If you think about it, it's stupid. And unfair. Why can women buy whatever they want and we can't? Someone has to buck the trend dammit.

      Fuck it, I'm buying Vagisil and Tampax....just because I can.

    • The Great One?

      14 years ago


      So I rented Gretzky NHL 2005 last night. Although I'm a bit of an "EA Fanboy," being a huge hockey fan, I like to play all of the hockey games that come out for PS2. And, for what it's worth, I really don't care for the ESPN games at all. I really don't understand why people actually like them. The gameplay, graphics, controls and features just are not as good as EA. For my liking anyway. Oh well. </rant>

      Back to Gretzky...I had high hopes. Granted, 989's old Faceoff series was pathetic and I hated them with a passion. But this year it was a new series, (from what I've read anyway) a new developer, and the back of the box in Blockbuster sure made it sound exciting. Oh, I was fascinated to hear of the Gretzky challenge mode, the Rival mode and the AHL licence. Gretzky challenge mode allows you to beat all of Gretzky's records. Well that would take forever, but it's a neat idea that allows for some great replay value. Nice job. I've often felt that EA (or...ugh..ESPN) needs to incorporate the actual NHL record book, so that players can know when they've beaten a NHL scoring record, which would then provide bonuses whether they be unlockables or whatever. Rival mode just basically keeps track of stats between you and a rival, but is a nice idea.

      But what gets me is the AHL thing....yes, the Edmonton Roadrunners and other AHL teams and players are here. Yes, in franchise mode I can assign players to the AHL or call them up. Can I play an exhibition game with those AHL franchises? Nope. Can I use AHL logos in Create a Team mode? Nope. What did they do with the licence? They basically JUST put the name of a farm team at the top of the minor league roster. Wow, big deal. You paid far too much for that, I'm sure.


      And don't even get me started on how useless create a team is. It would all be fine except for the logo selection. They give you something like 55 created logos...none of which are good. They all seem grainy and because you can't zoom in on the logo (they just show up on the centre of a jersey a player model is wearing and are very tiny) it is impossible to tell what some of them are. And some of the ideas are just plain stupid. An Apple Core? Oh yes, I love the Albany Apple Cores. WTF!? And also, unless I missed only get one colour of jersey. My team colours were white, red and black. But I only got one jersey, which was sorta half black, half white. The first team I played in my season? Buffalo. You know, the team with THE EXACT colour scheme as mine. Couldn't tell who was who at all. You also don't get to choose what division are conference you are in. You just make a team and you get a schedule. Stupid, stupid.

      Gameplay-wise, this game also sucks. Controls are fairly unresponsive I found, goal-scoring is too high, goalies are pathetic and passing is awful. There is supposed to be some sort of icon pass or something, but I found the controls for that awkward and ultimately didn't do anything for me either. And shooting is also stupid. One tap of the circle button to do a snapshot, two for a wrist shot and hold it for a slap shot. It just doesn't work that well in practice.

      Ultimately, the game does have some good ideas on paper, but fails to put them to use. I wanted to play with my Roadrunners dammit. Or at least be able to create them. Stupid game. Unless every store in the whole entire world sells out of ESPN or EA and both company's factories explode and can no longer make new not buy this game.

      I'd give it a 5 out of 10.

    • Fan-tastic

      14 years ago


      So I was at IMDB and I saw a link for what was called The 50 Coldest People in Hollywood or something. So I clicked on it and read it all! These people seem to pretend to be film buffs, but are clearly whiny, annoying pretentious jackasses who hate all mankind because their own acting/directing careers couldn't get off the ground.

      They literally rip into EVERYONE. From Michael Moore to Judi Dench, Queen Latifah to Hillary Duff, Alec Baldwin to Jim Carrey, Halle Berry to Al Pacino and even Hollywood horror movies, the MPAA and Blockbuster Video. Who or what DO these people like?

      I hate people who claim to be a fan of something and then just rip into it. Wrestling fans are kinda like that sometimes, but most wrestling fans can usually note what they think is good, and usually when wrestling fans revolt, we are right. Let's face it-we are the most patient, complacent and, more importantly, understanding fans of any sport or medium. If we weren't, would we continue watching after Katie Vick? Or most of the 90's? We are always willing to forgive and forget (except maybe when it comes to Montreal '97, but we really should move on).

      Music fans seem to be the worst. I was reading a thread on the music board today and the question was "what band(s) do you hate?" People could list off entire genres and anywhere between 10-50 bands or artists. Why? How anyone can say they are a music buff but then say that "everything on the radio today is crap" boggles my mind. Do I like everything out there? No, of course not. But when I hear people say things like, "music needs to be saved" it makes me wonder what they're talking about. If you ask me, music is better than it ever has been. The Internet has made music 1000 times more accessible than it ever has been. And there seems to be a great underground and indie music scene out there for those who like it.

      So this article makes me think these people are stupid. The word "cold" seems incorrect to me too. Yes, Michael Moore made Farenheit 9/11 and although it seemed to be so successful it ultimately didn't make people hate Bush enough to vote Kerry in no. But call me crazy, I think the guy has turned heads with his work and he has become very mainstream with his last two films. So I'm pretty confident that if he were to release another film tomorrow, it would still sell out theatres just based off his past success. Pacino? Trust me, not everything he touches turns to gold, no, but who can do that? And he is still a great actor who still makes good movies. Cold? Hardly.

      I may be a huge Bond fan and there is definitely OO7 novels and flicks I don't care for, but I don't dismiss them the way some "fans" refuse to acknowledge any post-Flemming Bond novel.

      Bottom line? To me, if you like something, actually like it.

    • Online and Offsides.

      14 years ago


      So my friend and I had an idea for GTA online...just let people set up their own gangs. Do a sort of create a player function where you can design how your character looks and all that, and even assign attribute points. Then, as you dominate rival gangs you earn more attribute points, making you better. When you reach a certain level, you must join players of a similar level. The object would be to control as much territory as possible. The game would assign gangs a certain area (and if you don't have any friends in your buddy list, would automatically assign you gang members), which would depend on how many gangs are playing (a lot of gangs means smaller territories). Members can even leave your gang and join other gangs. The whole point would be to eventually take over an entire city, whether it be San Fierro, Los Santos or Las Venturas. Obviously this would also require a special function that turns off all cheat codes so players can't destroy others. An interesting idea I think.

      So tomorrow I get to go to a hockey game...the Edmonton Roadrunners vs. The Admirals. The Admirals are one of the top teams in the league and are the defending Calder Cup champions. They also have some talented players like Scottie Upshall (one of my favourite players), Jordin Tootoo and Dam Hamhuis. Should be a fun time. Best of all, Pat probably won't come along with us, so the annoyance level should be relatively low. I hope it's a better game than the one I saw at the start of the season...that game sucked. I'm looking forward to it.

      Anyway, I'm going for coffee. Maybe with Jess and Erin, maybe just Erin. Don't know. That will be annoying if Jess comes, because I wasn't invited to the movie they went to earlier. So it's like I'm not good enough for the movie, but good enough for coffee. Stupid.

    • The Spin Cycle.

      14 years ago


      Another essay has been churned out. This was one was difficult because it was only 1000 words. You try and formulate a decent argument (especially when discussing TWO novels) in just 1000 words. It just cannot be done captain.

      Watched the Grey Cup last night. The Argos won. Meh, whatever. I didn't really care much about the game since the Riders or the Eskimos were not in it (surprise, surprise). It was a decent game, but would have been better had it been closer. I heard Buono told the Lions that "they didn't play like champions." An interesting way of looking at it I guess. Hm...seems to me he's forgetting that intangible factor known as "the other team." Wait, there's two teams playing? Crazy! Yes, it's hard to believe, but sometimes the other team is just better than you. No, it's not that BC played bad per se, but the Argos played great. It isn't that they didn't play like champions, they just were the weaker of the two teams. It happens. What an asshole coach.

      I swear, everyone in my building does laundry on Monday night. Screw that, there's someone from the building next to mine doing laundry in my building. Why? Is our machine nicer or something? Stupid people. My room is right next to the damn laundry room and I was STILL beaten to the punch for a machine. I swear, I'm gonna have to go on surveilance all night long if I want that damn machine.

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  • Comments (7)

    • Fishguy

      9 years ago

      From the team that brought you "Red vs Blue Calgary" comes a new and exciting project...

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    • Magnethios

      13 years ago

      Hey, Check this out... Click here:

    • Microbe

      13 years ago


      I was just wondering if I could get your support on Google Idol. I'm the only Canadian contestant in this contest. You can vote once daily if you want. It would help a lot. The competition ends on June 2nd. No registration is required.

      Thanks! smiley0.gif

      P.S. Vote Edaz! smiley8.gif These kids are great too!

    • TheGreekMind

      13 years ago


    • Jonus

      13 years ago

      You are really cool... it's a shame that you haven't been on in 7 months.

    • geffin98

      14 years ago

      Well thanks. And don't worry about the underpaid ninja penguins...I hear they are thinking of forming a union.

    • noneedforred

      14 years ago

      Oh cool, you don't have any personal comments! Thats cause you spend waaay too much time on my WWE wrestling thread probly... Any way, enough of my analysis, I'll do what i came here to do.

      I claim this first personal comment slot in the name of underapretiated, and underpaid ninja peinguins everywhere!

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