I've been having this thing over the last few months where I'll spend a bunch of time being sad and lonely and stressed and miserable, and then I'll perk up and start to find some positives and motivation and feel better. Right now I've just turned to the positive phase, which is good. On the surface, that might sound like a concerning predicament and kind of similar-sounding to manic depression, but don't worry, it's just because of some stuff that happened a few months ago is still affecting me. It's not because I have a mental illness.
I'm really enjoying my second year of university so far. The modules are much more suited to my interests right now so I feel like not only am I understanding the course content better, but I'm actually willingly going away and putting extra work in purely because I'm enjoying it that much. The only thing is, I'm starting to realise I'm really not that great at programming/computing, and I'm not sure I enjoy it that much either. Last year we only worked in Fortran, but now we're using Python too and I'm just not that good at it, which kind of throws my career plans down the pan a little bit. How can I be a physics engine programmer if I hate programming and I'm shit at it? The beauty of a four year degree means I have too more years to think about it, but I am going a little bit existential-crisis mode-y.
I am working hard at stuff and making an effort to reach goals though, which is the feeling of productivity I absolutely crave. I've decided I'm going to go back to trampolining, which is a sport I trained for and competed in during my teens and eventually quit to focus on school (gayyyeeeee), but I'm ready to go back. I've been trying so hard to eat healthily and get fitter, so hopefully it won't be too hard to get back into it. I've decided also I want to go back to gymnastics, which I did when I was around nine or ten but never went far with it. I love it though, so I'm gonna join, why not.
I'm trying to keep up with Youtube stuff but it's hard right now. I've got daily videos to go up on my second channel, but with regards to main channel videos I'm trying to think about where the boundaries of my content is gonna be. I watch a lot of critical social commentary on Youtube (think Hitchens, Dawkins, Fry, and people like thunderf00t and shoe0nhead) and I don't know if I want to venture down that path or not.. I think I have way too much to say and if I end up doing it it will take over my channel. I don't know man too much to think about.
Today I had a doctor's appointment about an issue I've been having since February. I saw a doctor about it in May, who was great, and sent me for the necessary tests, but before he sent me for a referral I was sent to a different doctor who just didn't listen to a word I said and I ended up leaving the surgery crying. I had to change the surgery at which I was registered when I got my meningitis injection in September, so I decided to finally re-pursue the issue. My doctor today was lovely and is sending me for more tests and she's going to refer me to a specialist which is fantastic news. She's banned me from driving though, not that anyone in London drives anywhere.
Lastly, Comicon is this weekend. It's the first Comicon in.. Three years? That I've not got a ticket for, but I will be going anyway. The con is great, but the best part is the drinking and the messing about and social stuff outside of con hours. That's what I'm really going for. I'm quite looking forward to it!