grail

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from Canada

  • Activity

    • todays

      4 years ago

      grail



      A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

      Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

      Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

      While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

      Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

      Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"


      Harry: "9."


      Principal: " What is 6 x 6?"


      Harry: "36."


      And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

      The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

      Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

      The principal and Harry both agreed.

      Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

      Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

      Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

      Harry replied: "Pockets."

      Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps in to?"

      Harry: "Pants."

      Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

      Harry: "Coconut."

      The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

      Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

      The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

      Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

      Harry: "Shake hands."

      The principal was trembling.

      Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

      Harry: "Firetruck."

      The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

    • todays

      4 years ago

      grail

      The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

      No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that!"

      "I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

      With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

      Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

      Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

      The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

      Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

      Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind, two, you didn't read your homework and three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

    • todays

      4 years ago

      grail

      This happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl.

      An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny,
      While making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

      For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

      A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled.

      A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

      Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said,
      "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

      The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and
      Then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

      The passenger was unimpressed.

      He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

      Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.

      "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

      "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.

      If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically,
      The man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said,
      "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."

      Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

    • todays

      4 years ago

      grail

      The Newfoundland Department of Employment claimed a boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to St. John's to investigate him.

      GOVT AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."

      Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my hired hand; he's been with me for three years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Lamb's rum and a dozen Labatt Lite every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."

      GOVT AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."

      Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"

    • todays (maybe I should go with monthlys)

      5 years ago

      grail

      A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender! The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey." The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says," 168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

      The guy leaves, . . . but he is curious . . . So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey." Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, the Saints and LSU Tigers.

      The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Whiskey," and the robot brings him his whiskey. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

      The robot leans in real close and says, "SO, .. you golf?

    • todays

      5 years ago

      grail

      An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
      The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!"
      Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly,
      "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
      Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
      "Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!"
      Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.
      The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
      The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
      Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says .......
      "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
      Moral of this story...
      Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

    • Dredd

      5 years ago

      grail

      Love the Karl Urban version, please sign the petition for a second one. Dredd Sequel Petition

  • Comments (2296)

    • OboeCrazy FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Freelancer

      8 years ago

      I should have mentioned it's Best Buy. It's no Seattle Symphony but it's a job!

    • JayCee FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      del rey killed star wars for me... those bastards...

    • Karnak FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      That's me alright. Just one big ever changing bar setting fool. smiley8.gif

    • Dopp ROLL TIDE

      8 years ago

      Not yet. She hasn't seen anyone with a cast just yet.

      ...that's going to be fun.

    • SuperGenius FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      i havent talked to you in a long time how have you been?

    • Ratmaster

      8 years ago

      Thank You So Much! smiley0.gif

    • Ratmaster

      8 years ago

      Hey smiley1.gif

      I was wondering... If I could add you as a friend smiley1.gif

      Also wondering if you could nag Luke to bring Ball 2 That book 1 and a doodle book. I wanna buy as a bundle smiley0.gif Kabetz tried to ask him on msn last night but he no respond smiley2.gif

    • Ratmaster

      8 years ago

      Awwwwwwe smiley2.gifsmiley6.gif

    • Ratmaster

      8 years ago

      Yeah smiley2.gif
      Odd tho. I know other ppl had cameras, but they don't seem to be posting the pics =/

    • Ratmaster

      8 years ago

      Wow really? cool! thanks x]

      Now chances of him remembering. . . (why do I think like this =-=)

    • Ratmaster

      8 years ago

      Thanks smiley0.gif

    • Ratmaster

      8 years ago

      I don't blame you if you forget tho. . . I usually do smiley4.gif

    • Ratmaster

      8 years ago

      lol thank you smiley1.gif that would be very nice

    • Ratmaster

      8 years ago

      I would like to ask luke. . . but I am all smiley4.gifsmiley4.gifsmiley4.gifsmiley4.gifsmiley4.gifsmiley4.gifsmiley4.gif about it. . .

    • Dopp ROLL TIDE

      8 years ago

      Please do. He was all like, oh you can keep up with me on facebook. Yeah right. It's near impossible to do that.

      Glad to hear all is well with ya though.

    • Dopp ROLL TIDE

      8 years ago

      Dude, how have things been going for ya? I never talk to you on here anymore. Actually, it's been a while since I've really talked to anyone on here outside of journals.

    • Karnak FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      Nope, I so don't. If I did, I don't believe the world wouldn't know about it. You know, screaming from the mountain tops and all that.

    • Karnak FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      Bah, nobody could be that dumb...could they? smiley3.gif

    • ErokDragun FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Just here

      8 years ago

      nope.....my crew will be wearing green or orange t-shirts.

    • Dopp ROLL TIDE

      8 years ago

      Happy Father's Day, buddy.

    • Hale

      8 years ago

      Fair enough.

    • Hale

      8 years ago

      Aww... c'mon, you gotsta costume it up! Not often is it we can dress up and not feel like complete idiots.

    • Dogeagle76

      8 years ago

      Hey, thanks for the comment. I am hoping that a job will open up here soon after I am finished with my current contract.

    • Kabetz

      8 years ago

      oh, Laird didn't give me that name. I told him that was my nickname when I was a kid, when he was accusing me of being a clutz. So, I've had that one for YEARS. :P

    • Kabetz

      8 years ago

      ...which name did Laird give me? :S

      I didn't get out today, no, but I intend to go tomorrow. pinky swear. *nod*

    • Peagis01

      8 years ago

      Hey Randy how's it going?

    • lillie450

      8 years ago

      What that I am a lawyer. Totally

    • Kabetz

      8 years ago

      good. I aim to be terrifying. *nod*

    • lukemckay FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Webcomic Maker

      8 years ago

      you know, I would have never thought to back up windows 7 on an external drive. Thanks dude.

    • OboeCrazy FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Freelancer

      8 years ago

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

      May your birthday be filled with Friends, Family, Fun, and plenty of COSMIC BOWLING! smiley8.gif

    • Karnak FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      Sonuva....figures. I'll try again then! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

      gay-porn-pic-COLT-Carlo-Masi-cake-pic.jp

    • Karnak FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      CarloinCake.jpg

    • Laird

      8 years ago

      Happy birthday gramps.

    • JayCee FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      ask someone under the age of 25 who is not a sci-fi geek if they ever heard of those movies...

    • JayCee FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      8 years ago

      now, I thought of that... and here is the difference... New Hope has crap graphics, awesome for the time, crap now... and let's face it, if GL hadn't kept things going with new movies with shiney new graphics... the new generation would have ignored it...

      but, it wasn't a big hype, it was expected to make it's money back, but that's about it... and it's storyline as least stole from classic japanese literature and not a grade-school play...

    • lukemckay FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Webcomic Maker

      8 years ago

      is there gold in Tennessee?

    • OboeCrazy FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Freelancer

      9 years ago

      I hear he's been partying and working a lot lately. Give him a kiss hello for me when he wakes up? smiley8.gif

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Did you return them?

    • lukemckay FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Webcomic Maker

      9 years ago

      hey muh man, so you on Christmas break now?

    • Kabetz

      9 years ago

      I enjoyed that you and amy actually saw me working on them. it proves that I did it. All Josh and Lina every saw me really doing was making Chief's string of Christmas lights....they always came home JUST after I'd finished helmet shaping.

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I will seriously hurt both you and Eminem down there....

    • Karnak FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      I'll remember for next time...I'll make sure to double up on the tinfoil even.

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      She sliced me up in various places on my chest and shoulder trying to escape when I gave her a bath earlier, and gave me indication that she really needs her nails talons clipped. And she's mad I took her hammock away to clean.....

      PS, its not Crackbull, you bozon brained bafoon...

      Post edited 12/02/09 10:23PM

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Don't make me force her to bite you... and I'll punch you out while we're at it...

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      How about you bite me

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I'm sure you've seen this... but I wanted to share cause it had me laughing for a good 10 mins...

    • Brakus

      9 years ago

      hahah, i can believe it!

    • JayCee FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      Yeah, kinda different. I put a thread up about it.. I looked and couldn't find that there was one already, if it was there, it was buried.

    • JayCee FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      Yes, I have seen the new V, but I'm holding out my opinion for a few eps because I'm not overly impressed but it is the pilot...

    • lukemckay FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Webcomic Maker

      9 years ago

      hey, guess who just broke a new chair given to him by a friend in the exact same way he broke the previous one?

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