My friend, I don't know what caused you to do this but you can rest in peace assured that when I get there I am going to kick your ass. Till we meet again my friend.
5 years agograil
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter,
and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses
there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches
the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all
the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks,
"What are the three tests?" "You gotta pay first,"
says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender
$10 which he stuffs into the jar. "Okay," says the bartender,
"here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds
or less, and you can't make a face while doing it.
Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back, with a bad tooth.
You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.
Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex.
You have to take care of that problem."
I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it!
You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then
do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has several drinks and finally says,
"Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.
Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face - and
he drinks it in 58 seconds! Next, he staggers out the back door where
he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar
hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight - then,
nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers
back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding
from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says,
"Now...where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"
5 years agograil
Employee dropped her purse into a coin-operated newspaper box and couldn't retrieve it without change (which was in the purse).
Employee accidentally left the apartment with his roommate's girlfriend's shoes on and had to go back to change.
Employee's angry wife had frozen his truck keys in a glass of water in the freezer.
Employee got a late start because she was putting a raincoat on her cement duck in her front yard (because rain was expected later that day).
Employee's car wouldn't start because the Breathalyzer showed he was intoxicated.
Employee attempted to cut his own hair before work and the clippers stopped working, so he had to wait until the barbershop opened to fix his hair.
A bear attacked an employee's car (had photographic evidence).
Employee drove to her previous employer by mistake.
Employee claimed to have delivered a stranger's baby on the side of the highway.
No questions have been answered yet