grail

Not Specified
from Canada

  • Activity

    • Thing teenagers say...

      6 years ago

      grail

      Walking passed my oldest sons room, I hear the following half conversation over xbox. "Man texting and flying a plane don't work well together..." "Yeah just flew an A-10 right into the ground." Needless to say I am concerned as my son will be 16 and driving age next month.

    • Todays

      6 years ago

      grail

      The Newfoundland Department of Employment, claimed a boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to Burin to investigate him.

      GOVT AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

      Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my hired hand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

      Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Lamb's rum and a dozen Labatt Lite every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".

      GOVT AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

      Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"?

    • Todays

      6 years ago

      grail


      An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
      He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
      One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond since he hadn't been there for a while and look it over.
      He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
      As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
      As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
      He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
      One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
      The old man frowned. 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond, naked.'
      Holding the bucket up, he said,
      'I'M HERE TO FEED THE ALLIGATOR.'
      Some older men can still think fast.

    • Todays (I know its been a long time)

      6 years ago

      grail

      At dawn the telephone rings,
      "Hello, Señor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
      "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
      "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob, that your parrot, he is
      dead".
      "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
      "Si, Señor, that's the one."
      "Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die
      from?"
      "From eating the rotten meat, Señor Bob."
      "Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
      "Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
      "Dead horse? What dead horse?"
      "The thoroughbred, Señor Bob."
      "My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
      "Yes, Señor Bob, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
      "Are you insane? What water cart?"
      "The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."
      "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
      "The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on
      fire."
      "What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a
      candle?!"
      "Yes, Señor Bob."
      "But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"
      "For the funeral, Señor Bob."
      "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"
      "Your wife's, Señor Bob. She showed up very late one night and I thought she
      was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf
      club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."
      SILENCE...........
      LONG SILENCE.........
      VERY LONG SILENCE…………
      "Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit."

    • Craigslist

      6 years ago

      grail

      I just found this ad on craigslist and found it amusing. I will post it below this.

      Autographed copy of the Bible - $1,000,000,000 OBO - $1000000
      Date: 2012-06-18, 2:58AM PDT
      Reply to: rrd4w-3084688554@sale.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

      I have a near-mint copy of the Bible, signed by the Big J.C. himself. According to Amazon, this is one of the better selling books of all time. I'm guessing the Prince of Peace would be happy to hear that.

      This book was entrusted to me by the Knights of Templar, they borrowed it from Our Savior sometime between 28 and 32 AD and forgot to give it back. It was one of those things where they said they'd return it in a week, but then they didn't get around to reading it right away. And you know how you always feel bad returning a book you haven't read, especially when the lender asks you what you thought of it. So in trying to avoid an awkward moment with the Alpha and Omega, they hung onto it until they had more time. Well that time turned into about 2000 years, and it got mixed in with some other books and made it into a yard sale box.

      At first, the King of Kings' signature wasn't worth much, but after Our Redeemer died on the cross for your sins, apparently the value skyrocketed and then rose more gradually over the next 2000 years as more people learned of the Good Shepherd's story.

      Why am I selling it? I could say that I'm interested in sharing the Word of God with someone else - become a "Fisher of Men" so to speak. But the truth is I just bought an Xbox 360 and don't have room on the bookshelf for both. I'll either use the money to fight world hunger, or buy that Rock Band game I've been hankering for.

    • Go devils!!!

      6 years ago

      grail

      @NHLDevils ok guys you got this. 4 wins and the big cup is yours!!

    • RvB CanWest

      6 years ago

      grail

      RvB CanWest is this coming weekend, do you have your TICKETS YET?

    • stuff and todays

      6 years ago

      grail

      Was watching Iron Man Armored Adventures and my favorite character showed up, I must say this is now my favorite helmet.
      magnetog.jpg

      Also flea markets rule. I found this at one and paid 5 bucks for it, never seen anything like it.
      cylon.jpg

      Todays Joke.
      Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very
      attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

      With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly
      departed...

      The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

  • Comments (2296)

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      L4D tonite, plzkthx?

    • Brakus

      9 years ago

      Only because I know you won't stir the coffee with your penis. smiley8.gif

      Thanks man!

    • lillie450

      9 years ago

      yes the shirt was mandatory...so weird cause i never smoke

    • Brakus

      9 years ago

      Very glad to hear that. I'm well, been busy writing that potential article, sent it out yesterday so we shall see...

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      NO NEW WORDS!!!

      So, L4D again tonite?

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Oh please, you know I'm very amusing in many ways

    • lukemckay FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Webcomic Maker

      9 years ago

      get your ass in here

    • Brakus

      9 years ago

      How goes it?

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      jackass

    • PtownHippie

      9 years ago

      Don't you think it be a great idea for Ashlee to do another one of those scary game nights? I even suggested she play either of the Fear games. She didn't think you'd like that idea.

    • Kschenke

      9 years ago

      You know, I just saw that episode of Homer setting the cereal on fire a few days ago. smiley1.gif

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Psh, I'm sure I can get into your house easy enough... I mean, its not protected against dingus infestations, so I should be alright...

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I'll just get in through the windows or door...

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Don't make me bozon your house... I'll do it...

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      bwew

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      You know I'm not into girls, jackass...

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I'm srsly going to hurt you smiley4.gif

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Yes, Bwewdy, how about you bwew it out your bwew hole...

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I will choke you...

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      btw, why the hell are you and hippie talking? that shouldn't be allowed

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      you're permanently a mod until I feel the need to un-mod you

    • PtownHippie

      9 years ago

      Yes you have found me. As proof: Luke didn't call the stairs later like he said he would.

    • lukemckay FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Webcomic Maker

      9 years ago

      dude, that Ironman and Wolverine trailers were awful. They butchered Marvel characters and made them Ninja Scroll.

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Oh, we'll "fight"... but you can't watch

    • Brakus

      9 years ago

      Glad to hear that. Things are well, the usual, time's flying, I got into this MFA program in San Fran, though I believe I'm deferring it for a year, applying to a low residency in Vermont too. Just trying to get things going. It's a constant back and forth.

    • Brakus

      9 years ago

      Yeah, I am too.

      How are you doing my friend, is the family well?

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Bwewser

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      stop modding my stuff and go to bed!

    • Brakus

      9 years ago

      hey dude, how's it going?

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      LOL What the hell happened? Did dipshit-dingus come through and neg me? Oh wow, I'm soooo hurt. smiley0.gif

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      whatever

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      .... oh.... ok... I'm sorry to have bothered you

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I'll do what I please, you're not my daddy, you old, soggy, bwewing, smelly, craddle-snatching geezer

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      you will do no such thing....

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I am not, he is not, and he's not bringing you anything!

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      you're a mean old man... xP

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I do not bang my head.....

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I'm sure you are craddle robber... BWEW!!!

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      How is that wrong?

      And I'm surprised, no bozon comments?

    • lukemckay FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Webcomic Maker

      9 years ago

      what the hell are you doing up so late?

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Valley bitch

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I want to hurt you... Come to KY so that I can get another bat and pummel you with it...

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      I thought of you....


      And how the hell did I get lamed for my last comment on here?

    • Hale

      9 years ago

      Hmm... is that right? I'll keep that in mind... I've not given my answer if I'll step down or not. It may be my position, and I sorta enjoy the challenge.... but man, I hate it so much.

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      well..... at least it wasn't vinnie or aiden....

    • Kabetz

      9 years ago

      so you did! *does happy dance* thanks smiley0.gif

    • Count3D FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Site Admin

      9 years ago

      Thick as thieves is a great movie we watched tonight very good...


      I was thinking of seeing that! Looked cool.

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      Oh come on, you know I'm just kidding... Geeze, I have babysat your kids before and they survived....

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      The can fend for themselves, they know how to open a fridge/cabinet and work a microwave. You just need to worry about the massive mess that'll surely happen.... but if you don't want to worry about mess, just throw down water and crackers, they'll be fine...

    • ABYSS_GK

      9 years ago

      oh bullshit, I've seen you zonk out on the couch or in your bed while they terrorize the house....

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