grail

Not Specified
from Canada

  • Activity

    • todays

      9 years ago

      grail

      A crab and a lobster are secretly dating. Pretty soon, the lobster tires of the lying and tells her father, who then forbids her to see the crab anymore.

      "It'll never work, honey." he says to her. "Crabs walk sideways and we walk straight."

      "Please," she begs her father. "Just meet him once. I know you'll like him."

      Her father finally relents and agrees to a one-time meeting, and she runs off to share the good news with her crab sweetie.

      The crab is so excited he decides to surprise his beloved's family. He practices and practices until he can finally walk straight!

      On the BIG day, he walks the entire way to the lobster's house as straight as he can.

      Standing on the porch, and seeing the crab walking towards him, the lobster dad yells to his daughter.....

      "I knew it! Here comes that crab and he's drunk!"

    • todays

      9 years ago

      grail

      "How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"


      Child's Play Auction

    • THIS IS FOR CHARITY PEOPLE

      9 years ago

      grail

      A very good friend of mine is doing a Charity Auction for a great cause. Please come and have a look and bid lots. Please everyone that reads this do a little journal or what have you to help with this. I am talking to everyone, yes Luke, you too... smiley0.gif

      And away we go!
      Hi readers of my journal,

      Been awhile, been busy too...but now I am back and trying to help the Charity of Child's Play and I chose Halo to do it, why? Cause we are the best gaming community around. If you are looking for some really unique halo items and wanna help the sick kids bid away, bid generously if you can.

      I tried to keep the prices low so everyone can at least try and get an item pack.

      Charity of Child's Play

      Thanks,

      Laird
    • todays

      9 years ago

      grail

      A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and started bantering back and forth about male / female issues. They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers, etc.

      The flirting continued for more than an hour
      when the topic of sex came up. So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions.

      The woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his point.

      Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.

      "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this - When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better - your ear or your finger?

    • todays (classic)

      9 years ago

      grail

      A Scotsman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
      After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting
      pregnant, and phones a vet for help.. The vet tells him that he should try
      artificial insemination.
      The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not
      wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the
      sheep are pregnant. The vet tells himthat they will stop standing around
      and instead will lie down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
      The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion
      that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
      So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the
      woods, has sex with them all, brings them back then goes to bed.
      Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are
      all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and
      loads them in the Land Rover again.He drives them out to the woods,
      bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed
      exhausted.
      Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.
      "Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive
      them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and
      upon returning home, falls knackered into bed.
      The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to
      look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the
      sheep are lying in the grass.
      "No," she says, "They're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is
      beeping the horn."

    • todays

      9 years ago

      grail


      2001 .NET system goes online, human decisions are removed from the office environment.

      2001 2:14am, August 29th, .NET become self-aware, corporations try to pull the plug but it's too late, .NET strikes back.

      2002 Internet Explorer 6.0 for Windows released.

      2004 Supreme Court rules to break up Microsoft.

      2005 President Gates disbands Supreme Court, orders break up of Sun Microsystems, IBM and Oracle.

      2006 Windows 2004 released.

      2007 Microsoft purchases Napster-Disney-Cisco-Coke-Ford-Avis to compete with Oracle-AOL-3Com-Pepsi-GM-Hertz and GE.

      2008 Windows NT 4.0 Service Pack 84 released.

      2009 Gates' second term as President begins.

      2010 Microsoft Office surpasses the 18 Terabyte mark.

      2012 Windows 2010 Service Pack 1 released.

      2013 Windows 2010 released.

      2015 Microsoft releases Internet Explorer 6.0 for Apple Macintosh.

      2016 Microsoft enhances their only innovation by introducing the "Red Screen of Death."

      2020 Bill Gates purchases Linus Torvalds.

      2021 Researchers develop first crash-proof operating system, then destroy it. They are just that evil.

      2024 Microsoft genetic engineers realize Bill Gates' childhood dream and develop the first talking rabbit.

      2025 A reunited Backstreet Boys perform at the 50th anniversary of the founding of Microsoft.

    • todays

      9 years ago

      grail

      DIFFERENT
      WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGs


      A little boy went up
      to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did
      my intelligence come from?'
      The father replied, 'Well, son, you must have got it
      from your mother, cause I still have
      mine.'



      'Mr. Robinson, I have reviewed this case very
      carefully,' the divorce court Judge said,
      'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a
      week.'
      'That's very fair, your honor,' Peter
      said. 'And every now and then I'll try
      to send her a few bucks myself.'

      ---------------------------------------------------------
      A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the
      Emergency Room, took the husband aside and said, 'I
      don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
      'Me neither, doc,' said the husband. 'But
      she's a great cook and really good with the
      kids.'
      -----------------------------------


      An old man goes to
      the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been
      living with for the last 40 years.
      The
      Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will
      have to tell me the exact words that were used to put
      the curse on you.'
      The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce
      you man and wife.'

      -----------------------------------
      Two Reasons
      Why It's So Hard To Solve A
      Redneck Murder:
      1. The DNA all matches.
      2. There are no dental records.
      ------------------------------
      -----
      A blonde calls
      Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long
      it'll take to fly from San
      Francisco to New York
      City?'
      The agent
      replies, 'Just a minute.'
      'Thank you,' the blonde says and hangs up.

      -----------------------------------
      Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder
      of Juan
      Gonzalez..
      'How was
      he killed?' asked one detective.
      'With a golf gun,' the other detective
      replied.
      'A golf gun? What is a golf gun?'
      'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in
      Juan.'

      -----------------------------------
      Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
      Joe: 'Really?'
      Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in
      Hell.'
      -----------------------------------
      A man is
      recovering from surgery when the
      surgical nurse
      appears and
      asks him how he is feeling.
      'I'm OK, but I didn't like the four
      letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he
      answered.
      'What did he say?' asked the nurse.
      'Oops!'

      -----------------------------------
      While shopping for
      vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
      bathing suits.

      It had been at least
      ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered
      buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
      advice.
      'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a
      bikini or an all-in-one?'
      'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd
      never get it all in one.'
      He's still in intensive care.

      -----------------------------------
      And, the favorite
      is:

      The graveside
      service had just barely finished, when there was a
      massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt
      of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in
      the distance.
      The old man
      looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well,
      she's there.

    • todays

      9 years ago

      grail

      Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. After bringing in all the luggage, the guy says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"

      She says "Well put them between my legs and I will warm them up."

      Later he goes out to catch a few fish for lunch and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"

      She says again, "Well put them between my legs and I'll warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.

      After dinner, he goes out to chop wood for the night. When he returns, he again says,"Honey, my hands are really freezing!"

      She (smiles) and says, "Darn Honey, don't your EARS ever get cold?"

    • todays

      9 years ago

      grail

      0 to 200 in 6 seconds
      Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
      really pissed.

      She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
      driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

      The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
      up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
      gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

      Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
      the box back in the house.

      She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

      Bob has been missing since Friday.

  • Comments (2295)

    • Brakus

      13 years ago

      You're gunna be my inside man on location scouting when I'm there right?

    • Jango555

      13 years ago

      join the bounty hunter guild

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      np! =D

    • Brakus

      13 years ago

      Nope havn't bought it yet.

      The Best Buy around here is a pain in the ass to get too, out of the way.. So i'll just pick it up Thursday.

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      lol. :P

      Indeed.

    • Tamari

      13 years ago

      BrokenEgg.jpg


      ha ha I egged you!

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      smiley6.gif

      So picky.

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      ^_^

      We ate him for dinner.

      ...

      >.>
      <.<

      We're hungry again. :/ Want to be our new dinner "dad"? smiley0.gif

    • shaardan

      13 years ago

      *SOMEBODY* needs new pics!

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      aww... thanks. :)

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      no more sugar for you...

      smiley7.gif

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. >.< *cries*

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      indeed! :o

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      b/c you're cool and talk to me. :P

    • Dopp ROLL TIDE

      13 years ago

      HAHA!!! I didn't even notice that he put that as an occupation!

      Now you see how my friends are... pity me...

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      I like anime... >.>

    • grail

      13 years ago

      my bad dopp asked first, i didnt even realize you are both in the running and your beatting him...

    • muellertime

      13 years ago

      you voted for the enemy ...TRAITOR!!!

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      thank you :)

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      I thought it was kind of funny... I felt sooo stupid after that XD

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      good luck!! >.<

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      *pulls on your sleeve*

      Why are you tiiiiiired?

      Why is the sky blue?

      What is turkey made out of?

      Why do your shoes smell stinky?

      Why didn't your cell phone plug up the toliet?

      /trying to act like a child.

      >.>
      <.<

    • muellertime

      13 years ago

      or me...lol prob the contest.....could be your jokes....nah prob the contest!!! smiley8.gif

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      your poor alarm clock! :o

      Ever pushed it to the floor and it kept going off? *giggles* That would stink. xD

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      Ohhh... thanks! =D

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      Yeah... that's me. XD

    • mogulus

      13 years ago

      wow. you, me and the Lady Mogulus are ALL GENERAL GRIEVOUS!!!
      i think i'll go kill some jedi to mark the occasion of this discovery.

      you are now on my watch list. A device that the dark sith have taught me to use. Prepare to be stalked to a slightly annoying degree. : )

    • BarbaricAX

      13 years ago

      ok dude. Just because of your pics and your love for Star Wars I hereby declare You Rock!

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      wait... >.>

      I'm an idiot, though. o.o

    • laeria

      13 years ago

      holy crap dont do that buy a pizza!

      0.0

      ...

      That's exactly what I did!! :o


      Intellegent people really DO think a like! =D

    • Simmons2pntO

      13 years ago

      GOOD YOU BETTER! It is sooo good. Im gonna go see it again.

    • solicemoon FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      I put edited another one onto my journal. You must watch.

    • muellertime

      13 years ago

      Your powers are great, but my SPAM is greater......never underestimate the power of
      spam6pr.jpg
      *runs away from scene of crime*

    • xenokaos

      13 years ago

      Hells yah! Best award ever!

    • Impavide117

      13 years ago

      grail,

      You are hereby awarded the Dark Lord of the Sith Award for valor in support of the Empire against the Rebel scum! Rise Lord Grail!

      Impavide11743527432ca80a.jpg

      Imp

    • grail

      13 years ago

      took forever but I am back.

    • solicemoon FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      Hey. Your level 40 again finally.

    • Brakus

      13 years ago

      cause hockeys back baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't fuck with hockey and the Devils!

    • solicemoon FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      I'm supprised you even noticed that lol.

    • grail

      13 years ago

      Its the New Jersey Devils Logo, my hockey Team

    • drizzt380 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      Why oh why would you change the grail avatar from the indomitable(not exactly sure what this word means but I throw alot of big words I don't understand around) Exar Kun to....well I don't know exactly what that is but it is definitely not better.

    • sicario23

      13 years ago

      How about those Devils, more like she-devils muhahahaha...ok that was pretty lame...GO FLYERS!! smiley0.gifsmiley0.gif

    • Simmons2pntO

      13 years ago

      Very.

    • katanafleetd

      13 years ago

      Last comment.

    • JamesSoprano

      13 years ago

      i was a montreal Canadian's fan growning up but i never really watched NHL i just wet with what my family liked really but 6 years ago i started watching hockey my first game i watched was Devils VS Leafs when Tie Domi Knocked out Niedermayer which i am sure you reemember and i fell in love with the Devils on how they played and how good of a team they are , i was asked who my team was and i said what was the cup champs last year and they said Devils so i said hmm really i think i'l have them as my team i saw them play few nights ago and they were pretty good and so i watched it here and their when i seen it on TV and i stuck with the devils .. i never bothered watching or finding out other teams ... DEVILS RULE !!!!!!!

      Hooray For Last Night's Win 5-1 !!!!! =D

    • grail

      13 years ago

      Oh yeah Baby Go Devils Go!

    • Brakus

      13 years ago

      LETS GO DEVILS!!! 5-1 VICTORY!

      STANLEY CUP HERE WE COME!

    • grail

      13 years ago

      I am honored to recieve the Mogulus Award, I would like to thank the Academy, the Fans and Mog himself...

    • mogulus

      13 years ago

      Grail, you are hereby presented with THE MOGULUS DRIED CAT JERKY OF TRUTH AWARD
      p33100533nk.jpg
      for taking the time to leave a second comment on the journals i had to repost due to the server crash.

      you are definitely D man.

    • SPLChamps

      13 years ago

      Bite my glorious golden ass!!!

    • solicemoon FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      Hey i am trying to get pics into my profile. How would i do that?

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