So, recently I've been...in a bit of a funk.
I'm looking for a job where nothing is coming, I've run over my thoughts on topics from relationships to reality, force of will to philosophy, music to magic. Mania and depressive thoughts circling like they do. "It's a Circle, I mean Cycle..." All of this runs from one end to the other, in an endless circling of what's gone by, what is, and what is to come.
I've been trying to focus on things, like teaching myself new skills, learning about new ways of exerting my will on the world, and creating something new. In all, I've figured some things out, and I'm working on getting somethings together. Creating a world, pulling different parts together. everything can be a bit confusing at times.
So really, I've been slightly repeating myself. I'm looking to find a job and that just feels like an endless cycle. No breaking down a new path. I'm feeling constantly stressed by the fact that I can't seem to break in to the industry. Some things with family are giving added stress and anxiety, because we can't seem to come to an understanding about the world, but I guess that's part of the challenge.
Sometimes I'm not even sure what to do at this point.
But then I read something, see something, or really just jive with something. Like a post from a friend here, reminding me that things can be bad, but as long as we move forward, we'll be okay. Light comes from things we least expect. We must keep moving forward, and if we break apart while we're going, that's okay. Just as long as we see it for what it is, and move on, continuing down our path, always growing and learning.
I liken myself and a piece of my personality with Icarus quite alot. So the idea of falling apart is one I understand, though not in the most positive of ways. RVB and @kittypann have actually helped to bring the understanding of it being a good thing. To fall apart, so that maybe your pieces can be useful to others, or can help them to understand themselves a little better. Those fragments can be of great use. The wings might not be able to fly anymore, but the feathers can be used for other things, and the story can be used to teach.
So, I'm moving forward. Whether I must stay in my small cycle of looking for a job, I'll move forward, creating, learning, and doing. Simply because I must. The light will come and will fade, but I will continue on my way.