lightdark is tell ing me to tell evry boddy to watch him and tell him i sent you
12 years agohunter1234
# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
# Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
# There is no chin behind Chuck NorrisÃƒÂ¢Ã¢'šÂ¬Ã¢'žÂ¢ beard. There is only another fist.
# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isnÃƒÂ¢Ã¢'šÂ¬Ã¢'žÂ¢t lifting himself up, heÃƒÂ¢Ã¢'šÂ¬Ã¢'žÂ¢s pushing the Earth down.
# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
# Chuck NorrisÃƒÂ¢Ã¢'šÂ¬Ã¢'žÂ¢ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
# There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
# Chuck Norris doesnÃƒÂ¢Ã¢'šÂ¬Ã¢'žÂ¢t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
# Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
Chuck NorrisÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.
TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion
Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard
Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does
Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.
There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.
Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas".
The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!
Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.
When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next.
Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb
Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.
MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
post your chuck norris jokes heare
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