This journal may be me kind of rambling and a little all over the place, but it's how I can best deal with these things. This is not a political post. It has nothing to do with the election results or how people are handling them. Even though everyone is talking and thinking about that right now, I can't. Because my family is in the process of losing someone.
Over a week ago my Uncle suffered a massive heart attack. They lost him twice in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, but were able to get him there. Since that moment, he's been in a coma and has shown no improvements. Monday, a week later, he had another heart attack. We have been waiting for answers. Unfortunately they were not the ones we wanted.
Yesterday my Aunt, along with my 2 cousins, met with a team of doctors and specialist. They were informed that the coma is irreversible. It seems that while his body is alive, he himself was never actually brought back. I don't know any of the technical terms, but basically he is an empty shell that is fading fast.
My Aunt has a difficult decision to make. She has to let him go. There are a few options on how to go about it, and I'm not really that knowledgeable in what they are or how they work. I just know that I will have a hard funeral to attend in the very near future.
Everyone is taking it hard, I know, but I really worry for my cousins. They are 23 and 20, so not kids anymore, yet still too young to have to go through this. Having been through the loss of my own father and being even younger at the time, I want to be there for them. Unfortunately I can't really do that much other than be available if or when they need to talk.
I don't broadcast my emotions very well, and I tend to internalize my feelings more often than not. I feel the sadness and the loss, but it doesn't really show through most of the time. I've also got a bad habit of focusing on other things such as TV, books, and the internet as a means of distracting me from the hard things I frankly don't want to deal with. I'm only writing this here because I had to express it in my own way, away from my grieving family members.
In many ways, I'm going to miss my Uncle Jeff. He married my mother's older sister before I was even thought of. He's always been there with his unique sense of humor and random bits of knowledge. You could always count on him to give my mother a gag Christmas gift from "Santa" or his trade mark way of saying goodbye with a "I'm glad you could see me." He always knew something about things I was interested, no matter how small. Only while writing this did I remember that he was the one who let me borrow the Star Wars movies on VHS so I could see the rest of the trilogy after falling in love with A New Hope. Those that know me, know how big of an impact that series had on my life.
I'm unsure how the next few days will go. All I can say is that they'll be difficult, and I hope it goes as easy on my loved ones as it can. I'll do my best to be there for them in any way I'm able. Sorry for the downer, I just had to vent it somewhere. Next journal, we'll try for happier things.