If I could have a moment of your time & tell a bit of a story, I'd appreciate it. My 1st ever RTX & 1st ever con was fun. Met a few of my favorites. But at the same time I didn't get a chance to chat with or meet anyone from the discord servers or Facebook group that I'm in. Or chat with anyone in general. The social anxiety is real. It also doesn't help that I'm bad with faces & names so you'd have to remind me who you are.
I wanted to chat with people but I also didn't want to feel awkward or weird about it or give off any bad vibes. Just going up to random people & trying to introduce myself & talk to them middle of a conversation or something. I also don't know Austin all that well so I didn't go out much after hours except the rave. I hung around at the Marriott in the lobbies with everyone but again, didn't really chat with anyone. I just kept to myself most of the time. I stayed at the Marriott & was at the Labinnak & Mangoloo Cosplay RWBY PJ party at the Marriott lobby by Starbucks if anyone saw me there. Big guy with a DBZ backpack, glasses, beard, and cap. That was me but again I didn't know anyone there so I didn't know how to just strike up a conversation or get something started. I wandered the show floor alone all weekend. Didnt go to any pannels even thought I wanted to. I didnt really go up to anyone & strike up a conversation because of social anxiety & didn't want to make it awkward or give off bad vibes or somethin negative.
So despite having the time of my life, it was a "even in a crowd I feel alone" type of situation for me mixed with a bit of jealousy & depression. Like, I got a bit jealous seeing people together. Whether it was a couple holding hands & spending time with each other or group of friends all hanging out together having the time of their lives. I didn't know what to do so I just wandered the floor all day all alone just taking it all in & trying to have my own fun.
So to anyone reading this journal entry, whether it be RT staff, RTX attendee, guardian, site member, etc. I did have the time of my life. 1st ever RTX & 1st ever con for that matter. But there's also a down side to it. Everything I just explained. Sitting here at home on my laptop it leaves me wondering what could've been. And how things could've gone better. Hopefully next time I'll have a group of friends to hang around at RTX & go places with. I guess I can try to be more active here & on Twitter & anywhere else I have the opportunity to make friends.
I guess I'm done venting & explaining my story. I just needed someone or some people to listen as I ramble on & hopefully reach out to me. I hope next time at RTX is even better & filled with friends. Thanks to anyone who read this journal entry. Gonna go listen to my sad boys club playlist now. Bye.