jalcatraz

Female
from Miami, FL

  • Activity

    • just for me.

      13 years ago

      jalcatraz

      Telling the truth to my mom lately has felt alright.
      I know I still can't and won't ever tell her many things though.

      I feel just as I did at the begining of sophmore year.
      Just I don't have STEVEN to be with me through it.
      Yesterday with TRAVIS reminded me alot of the conversations I used to have with him.
      I guess they were closer than I had thought.
      As much as I know how fucked he is. I would like STEVEN to come back.
      But I would like it more if BROOKE got the picture of just who he is in general.
      No one will ever really know- That's to be said about alot of people.
      But she doesn't want to let herself know.
      It's love alright. No doubt. I've never doubted his love for her.
      It's just that relationship that will end up with more pain than love.
      More heartache than happiness.
      And it'll drain her.
      More than it drained me.
      Because he's her first love.
      And that's always the test.

      Later.

    • feeling like...

      13 years ago

      jalcatraz

      ...who knows what right now.
      and who even knows why?
      I know why.
      i do. people don't believe I know whats going on with myself but i do.

      I want to go to see danie.
      I want to go over danie's house and give nancy a big,long, hug.
      And fuck.

      I wish I could have gone to that show today.
      Because I really wanted to go. And see Richard. And Gladys. And the rest of their band play.

    • yesterday was nice.

      13 years ago

      jalcatraz

      one of those days where i didnt kill any braincells.
      my report card was lousy. utter crap. but hell, at least i don't have anymore D's

      kelby's at mcarthur,on house arrest for a month or so, charged with 2 felonies, but he's not complaining. i wouldn't be either. mcarthur is like jail, you go in with some criminal knowledge, come back out with a full degree. and you get an a for doing nothing.

      i want to get away from all the people i know for a while.
      get away so i can find out who i really am.
      i'm different people around certain people. that's how it's always been.
      i'd just like an environment where people don't say "oh yeah you're that girl that..." when they meet me.
      it's going to be so hard when ralph gets back.
      ralph. there's 6 novels for you right there.
      i think what i really want for my birthday.
      is to go to venice.
      without my mom and stepdad, and without my friends.
      to just be by myself for a few days.

      people are forcing so much onto me.
      and then afterwards they say "but there's no pressure"
      they only say that so they don't seem like assholes.
      but it doesn't get passed me.

    • Destructive relationships..

      13 years ago

      jalcatraz

      ..don't really understand why so many people are in them.
      Okay, maybe not destructive persay. Just, bad relationships. Both of them. With bitch girlfriends.
      C'est la vie.
      I'm not exactly lonely. I wouldn't go out of my way for someone.
      But I wouldn't mind it so much if someone came into my life.
      Not even a relationship. I'd like some new people.
      I love my friends to death, but I haven't met a new person in a while. Maybe I have and I just don't really remember.

      I feel so relieved today. I don't know why.
      A better day. I don't have them alot, but I do appreciate them.
      I understand those destructive relationships. Those bad relationships. I understand how you stay in them. But when you're not the person in it- and you're just observing these people go through all of this hell for no reason- it's frustrating that they just don't get out if it's so much of a pain in the ass.

      Anthony Burgess is a great writer. I had read A Clockwork Orange, and the Wanting Seed, and didn't have great hopes about this new one, Tremor of Intent, it's amazing. <3

      I need to get me some Graham Greene.

    • so far...

      13 years ago

      jalcatraz

      FRIDAY- i was supposed to bring a girl from school to smoke with marcel and kelby but kelby got arrested, the girl didn't feel like it and i ended up avoiding marcel all night to celebrate grace's birthday with her, adri, melissa, hannah, kristen, christine?, pauline?, nena, and i think thats it. we went to TGIF. we stopped at sunset first, and i saw alina, she looked happy-ish. except when i told her kelby got arrested, then she freaked because she had already given him $20 for something. had a nice time, went home early-ish, watched a movie with my parents. fell asleep at 12

      today. woke up at 2pm. cleaned my room. went over danies. went to dolayas with nick and his cousin. smoked. mark was there too. nick dropped me and danie off at home. cody came. then, mark nick and nicks cousin came? then cory . then sean? smoked. smoked. sean kinda just passed out. nick and them left somewhere in between. sara alex and Chess gio came. there was an attempt to write PENIS on seans head. we just got the P. we watched hannibal, what about bob?, and a load of other movies. at about 2 large pizzas and a bag of chips or so. smoked more. and we decided to go to Metro Zoo and then the Asian Culture festival tomorrow. It should be good if everything works out..imean, if we all wake up in the morning.

      Fucking pablo man.

      UPDATE
      sunday. woke up. got my camera and some film. had a break in the driveway. robin drove me and danie to the fruit and spice park. he's so awesome. eat a shitload of thai food. walk a bunch. cody comes.walk some more. get blessed by the buddhist monk. leave in cody's car. go to this girl alex's house. have some buddha. play a bunch of card games and just chilll. back to danie's. i get my stuff, and she drops me off.

      so im thinking summer. me. danie. erin. maybe hannah. 10 days. 10 days of buddha. and the a rotation of rolls,bars,stamps,shrooms,and alky. its gonna be great.

    • i have to meet this bob..

      13 years ago

      jalcatraz

      ...i love marcel he's amazing, and we need to interview bob.

      kelby's the second friend of mine to get arrested this week.
      oh well. i really wanted to chill with him tomorrow.
      yeah, i havent talked to pablo in like a day.
      im dying here.

    • its killing me..

      13 years ago

      jalcatraz

      ..and i cant concentrate on anything. it's horrible.


      i can't wait until friday.
      ralph's coming back. maybe saturday, or two weeks after that.
      this is going to be the most awkward thing i've had to deal with.
      i'm not even sure if it's alright if i talk to him.
      god. i need to talk to him. and ask his advice about wether or not i should talk to him.

    • i really dont feel good..

      13 years ago

      jalcatraz

      ..about this whole situation.
      but i cannot wait until school's over, and my birthday.
      i dont believe in celebrating them.
      or getting worked up over a sweet 16.
      but this 16 will be sweet.
      10 days.the beach. danie. marcel. hannah. some herb. maybe even rod and the whole gang would rent a room for the heck of it.
      sure, mom and john will be there, but i couldn't give less of a damn.

      i think im gonna tell my dad about all of the things i do.
      i wonder what he'll say. i wonder what he'll do.
      big momma's house 2 is better than the first. go see it. i cried from laughing so hard.

    • complications are bound to happen...

      13 years ago

      jalcatraz

      ...when your best friend falls for you, when he happens to have a girlfriend, when he happens to be your server...
      ...and you like him, and you hate her, and when you find a better server...

      I'm not gonna think about it that much though.
      Last night was amazing.
      yesterday
      -Out of school. Go to meet Pablo at dadeland south. Phone dies. Search for a working pay phone, Pablo can't pick me up. Go to New World feeling like shit.
      -Find Marcel, meet Zach. Make alot of calls.Hannah gets out of rehersal, metro,bus to Marcel's.
      -Zachs tuba is a bitch to go on the bus with. But we have fun anyways. I feel sorry for everyone else who was on the bus listening and watching us converse, but it was absolutely hilarious.
      -Off the bus, POURING RAIN. Marcel and Zach run. Hannah and I walk. Beyond soaking wet by the time we get to his house.
      -Marcel provides us with some clothes, I end up looking like a fat boy in bright red and orange clothing? Anyways..Danie picked up the money,brought the hookah,went and got the stuff,came back. She's a goddess and I love her to death.
      -Andres and his friend Thomas come by and chill.
      -The rest of what I remember was Spliffs, hookah,brokenglass,a huge bag full of candy, donuts, Andres playing his chello, no coal,burning my finger a million times, Marcel's various accents, loud music, hannah's out and in marcels room. Everyone else leaves. Marcel and I wind up "under stars" in his dads bed. We went to sleep early. LIke 1ish. But it was amazing.
      - Woke up at like 8, talked,slept, 1970s Japenese samurai movie with the blind guy. Get picked up, dentist for 15 minutes.

      My mother found a box of cocolate covered cookie things yesterday that she had bought to give me christmas. They're delicious.
      Yesterday will happen again.
      And it will be even better(is that possible!?)
      Because it will be for 10 days stright. On the beach.

      Laterdays.

    • the lies just keep rolling..

      13 years ago

      jalcatraz

      ...but i know they'll always tell me the truth, and i'll always tell them it too.

      wednesday
      went to sunset with hannah. looked for a good spot. couldn't find somethings. found them later on when we didn't need them. got hit on by our waiter in johnny rockets. my phone had died. i had no change. hannah had no phone. i got home at 8pm with my laptop gone and everyone-family and friends- wondering where the hell i was.
      thursday
      after school waited at dadeland south for pablo. he came we went to this kids house. secondhand stuff. funny kids but i wouldnt really want to hang out with them again. pablo has to go, he drops me off at danies. i help her with some geometry hw, and we talk about colleges and the possibility of us becoming roomates, i bleached her hair. we make food. gio comes over. we chill outside a bit. i can't believe i've known him so long. but this was the first time we've talked in years. he's really tall. but that's about it, other than that he's a horny idiot. danie drops me off. [" i was at new world this whole time"]
      kyle was at my house so we talked alot about college and life and dating and friendships.im waiting for another conversation with him like that, we don't have them as often as we should.
      friday
      after school go to new world and listen to the most amazing conversation between marcel,chyna,[lyn?],and mel about all of the good,bad, and potentially bad actors[musical theatre and straight theatre] in new world while waiting for hannah to get out of rehersal. pretty great stuff. leave with marcel to sunset. meet up with kelby. hannah and mel show up. but they go and have a day with eachother. kelby and marcel set things up. kelby is a god. a god. a real life god. haha. he cut his hair and looks adorable with it. and with his jacket he looked like he was from the early 90s. he teaches me a new thing and gives me a taste of heaven. we meet up with this kid he knows. really sketchy character, i was more worried those 3 minutes than i ever have been in my life. after than meet up with this kid tom, pretty adorable, pretty innocent, pretty funny kid. hannah and mel find us, come with us into the neighborhood. ... my brother called asking me to go buy his ex.gf tampons because she's at work, i agree after all he's done alot for me...so i go to cvs with mel and buy a box, mel leaves, i go to forever 21 and jessi proclaims she loves me and my mother? anyways. im alone. have to find kelby and everyone. my phone is about to die. i run into clarence. we walk a few blocks together until we have to go different ways. cool kid. i end up miraculously finding them, we wander around looking for a spot. go behind this dumpster. they didn't listen to me. that's why marcel sat in shit, and why kelby stepped in some. disgusting. we go nearby, and since no one's noticed, we just chill. marcel goes to clean up. and comes back with something from starbucks. it was amazing. amazing. i loved it. hannah had to go. kelby had to go with tom shortly after with this kid he ran into. marcel and i go to the park, lay down next to eachother and have a wonderful time just staring at the stars until my mom calls. she's being nice tonight and gives marcel a ride home. we listen to the garden state soundtrack, which was perfect for the mood. goodbye marcel. i passed out when i got home i was so tired from lugging around that biology book on one shoulder all night.

      i get the feeling they're gonna break up. and he's gonna need my support and for me to be there. but he's so attached already i'm worried how attatched he might get then. its the most suddle things that get me wondering about what he really thinks, but maybe im just crazy. i feel so bad when i can't hang out. because i know how much trouble he has to go through just to see me for 5 minutes. i hate friendships that are like having an affair.

      i can't believe the schoolboard is making this grading period end march 3 instead of the 17th. that's purely insane. maybe i will go out of state. that's always what i've wanted. but now i'm wondering maybe it wouldn't be so bad to just stay in florida for 2 years at least? a year even, and just transfer out.

      next year.
      AP english, AP american history, AP protfolio, web design, entertainment technology, photography, AP human geography, and an intership.
      I won't take human geography if I don't take algebra2 over the summer.

      I hope senior year mr.kao decides to offer AP Psychology, i really wanted to take it next year. And the internship with probably be with Bernice Steinbaum, if something else doesn't catch my eye.

  • About Me

  • Comments (8)

    • minty

      13 years ago

      pablo who?

    • Player_Calo

      13 years ago

      Response to journal comment: Maybe I'm just a little bit of both smiley0.gif . lol.

    • minty

      13 years ago

      i was thinking ralph and that other chick...

    • UT_TEXAS_17 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      Well, I'm bored so I found somethin from Eurotrip....because I saw you liked it...

      Eurotrip.jpg

    • Cant_kill_me

      14 years ago

      TAG YOU ARE IT!


      The Game of Tag
      If I tagged you... HA! You now have to follow the rules of the game:

      -You cannot tag someone who tagged you
      -You should tag at least 5 other people (those with 4 or less will be punished by flogging or any other way I can think of)
      -Random tagging is accepted
      -All tagging should be done in the personal comments section on the homepage of the tag-ee
      -Do not eat a live chicken
      -This game is only fun if people participate
      -The goal is for everyone on the site to get tagged EVENTUALLY
      -If you decide to participate, post the rules in your journal or link them to this journal
      -I have a space monkey in my pics section
      -There is no violence until I change the game to capture the flag
      -When capture the flag breaks out, the teams will cluck like chickens until I am satisfied (....???)

    • caboose_2005

      14 years ago

      hey...your pretty, but no worries, thats not why i'm talking to you...wait why am i talking to you...o i'm not...lol..i'm writting to you silly, ok sorry, i'm weird you must know that first of all, so how are you.....goodthats koooll....mmmhmm...wow, you seem interesting...wanna be friends no?ooo ok. i see.

    • bluemoon88

      14 years ago

      hey hey hey.....lol

    • Haybert

      14 years ago

      Taylor?! You're on RvB?! WOOHOO!

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