Hello all! I am sO glad to be here and to finally say I have finished my first semester of college. It was a doozy and a bit tougher than I initially expected. I'll just write a little about the bigger things now and save more for later.
I think the biggest transition for me was having to completely take care of myself while at the same time tackling college education. It was terrifying to make my own doctor appointment, catch the bus to get there, and deal with insurance by myself. It's also terrifying to let me be in charge of my own schedule (bad idea).
My classes were not particularly difficult; however, I had to learn to approach them differently. You all most likely know that I struggle with anxiety just in general so that kind of prevented me from enjoying my classes and taking advantage of certain opportunities. I worked up the courage to tell one professor (my English Lit prof. of course) about my anxiety to alter how I did her assignments and eventually we became friends of some sort! I didn't feel that comfortable at all with my other professors, which taught me a bit about myself; I need to know that the person teaching me actually cares that I am learning. I did not get that vibe from all my professors, especially my CS teacher. This was particularly stressful because that's my major. I never felt comfortable enough to go to him for help and his tests were kind of torture. I mean, CS tests without the computer are just awful in general but I hated his very distant approach, which made me more anxious for tests, which definitely contributed to my grade. I got a B in the class and I rEALLY hope this doesn't affect my chances of getting into UT. I also really hope this all makes sense. School is a really weird topic for me and I hope I find a way to earn my education in a less stressful way.
Also! I am finding that school is no longer fulfilling. I don't know if this is because I am not attending the university I would like to or if it's just depression doing its thing or whatever. I just really do not care about it, which makes it feel like now I do not care about anything? I put sO much into how I did in school that now I don't really have anything else like that. SO I have decided I wanna try different things that I can do that with. I want to write more (and MAYBE share) and draw more and learn some game design. Most importantly, I want to make more videos; I definitely had the most fun creating those and seeing the reaction from viewers so I think I should take them (a little tiny bit) more seriously and more often if I can. I am also considering streaming during the school year since it might be easier for me to not have to edit something, etc. I'll keep you guys updated and write a little more about it as I go.
Thank you for reading. I really can't believe that some people care enough to do so. I am always here if you guys need to talk or need advice or anything of that sort. <3