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    • 3 years ago

    • The State of Video Games: Or Why the Internet is Ruining an Industry

      3 years ago


      I remember the first time I ever played a game. It was on the Sega Genesis, it was bright, colorful and fast. That game was Sonic the Hedgehog two, a game that I can still plug in and play today, tomorrow and that future generations can revisit with comfort. To me it feels like yesterday; the game created a feeling of enjoyment I had never felt with anything else. This is what I needed in my life. Not in a, if I can’t get it I’ll go crazy kind of way, but in a, hey this is strangely relaxing kind of way. And to top it all off I was in control. My action meant something; it was an experience that I can never forget. But games like this are become rare and almost impossible to find. And the reason for this is because of, wait for it, online gaming. In the early days of the gaming industry, companies cared about creating a product that people wanted and could revisit with ease. They were concerned with creating an experience that would help to make the industry grow. Sure, there were some pretty bad companies out there that only wanted to make a quick buck, but every industry has that problem. But I’m digressing. Video Games were always destined to be connected with the internet. Nintendo tried it with the Famicom and failed. They then tried it with the Nintendo 64 and failed. But someone finally made it work and ever since then it changed the face of the industry. One could argue that the company that made this work was Sega, but if it were not for Microsoft, it wouldn’t have worked at all. So they deserver all the credit from making it work. What I’m trying to say is, games used to be a product. Once you bought that product, it was yours, you could do whatever you wanted with it, you had control over that copy of a game, and only you had say over that copy. Now games are a service, the consumer’s satisfaction is the least important thing to most people in the industry today. Now it’s about trying to turn games into a media where the consumer is thought of as more of a bank and less like a person. To most companies today, you, the average person, and me, we’re seen as walking dollar signs.


      Let’s deal with an elephant here. We need a separation between multiplayer and online gaming. I like playing games online just as much as the next guy, but there is a difference. To me, multiplayer is when two or more people are playing the same game on the same console in the same room. Online gaming is when someone plays a game on a server somewhere. It doesn’t mean that there are even multiple people playing the same game on that server. It just means that someone is playing on a server. In some cases, it does involve more than one person playing the same game, but it’s not the same. The human side of multiplayer is completely lost. We need more games with off line multiplayer just because of how intermit it is. Sure, more people playing against one another can, in some cases, be an experience in and off itself, but it isn’t the same. I can’t really joke with people or choose who I play with anymore. It’s mostly random, and honestly it’s not as fun. Most games feel like a grind fest on the internet side of things. You have to constantly play the game to unlock more weapons, skins, backgrounds and so on and so forth. It doesn’t ask you to complete a challenge, or do something enjoyable. It asks you to play for hundreds and hundreds of hours just to unlock a stupid skin you’re probably never going to use. Which wouldn’t be too much of a problem if most of the games that do this were enjoyable and not so repetitive. But that isn’t really the biggest problem that the internet has brought over the years. I’m just asking for games that have a multiplayer mode be made with the intent of that mode being played offline as well.


      A big problem with the Internet is DRM. It doesn’t work. It only gets in the way of the consumer enjoying the product they brought. Hackers and internet pirates already have a way around it. I think Gabe Newell said it best when he said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “if you want to stop copies of your games being pirated make a service worth paying for.” If anything DRM’s have only made game pirating that more common. Why should people buy a game that forces them to be connected to the internet all the time? Especially when the servers are going to shut down for some unexplained reason. And since there is a hacked version of the game that allows people to play the game without the constant requirement of an internet connection, what would you expect them to do? I can already see this question being typed by someone’s keyboard, “But they must be doing it because it’s free for them to simply steal the game, right?” Wrong. Most of these pirates aren’t even doing it because they don’t want to pay for these games, they just don’t want to pay for a product that might not work. If you want to limit the amount of games being stolen, then stop trying to completely screw over the consumers; they will only turn on you. Just a few years ago, one of the Assassins Creed games was pirated like crazy. The reason for this was because Ubisoft implemented a terrible DRM system that locked people who bought the game out. Thus loosing potential sails do to a stupid idea. Just do as Gabe and the rest of Valve do, create an exceptional product.

      Now onto DLC; look, there is some good DLC out there that does add to an experience. The Citadel DLC for Mass Effect 3 is the best example of this. But there is so much more crap DLC out there. The weapon DLC’s for Mass Effect 3 is the best example for this as well. What I’m trying to say is that, for every good DLC out there, there are at least ten bad ones. This practice simply needs to stop. We, the consumers, need to just not be willing to pay for it or buy these worthless skin colors for guns we already have in the game. Also, stop cutting obvious content from a game just so you can charge extra for it. The Prothean DLC for Mass Effect 3 should never had been sold at an extra ten dollars. That is simply stealing in my book. I don’t care what justification you have for that practice. It’s simply a dirty business tactic that is only a middle finger to your fan base. Basically, I want my money back from that DLC EA, you greedy unworthy bastards. Stop with these practices developers. Tell the suits that all they are doing is loosing money on it; because most people aren’t willing to spend extra money on something that was supposed to be there in the first place. And Capcom, you also owe people money for Asura’s Wrath’s DLC. Cutting the final level from that game is one of the many reason I stopped wasting my time with your company.


      And since we’re on the subject of Capcom, why did you release an unfinished game? People are willing to wait for you to finish something. Trust me, no one ever got angry at a game for being released a little late, so long as it was finished and played well. Street Fighter V should not be on selves right now. It should be worked on and finished and then released. Now people are going to have to download extra content on their system or computer, just to get the full product. A product they already paid full price for. This is a terrible business practice, and everyone should just wait till the game is finished. Anyone who already bought this game is allowing a floodgate to open here. The fact that it’s sold so well frightens me. It’s going to show to companies that this practice is okay. And who’s to say they won’t charge you more? This is Capcom we’re talking about; they love screwing over their consumer base. Don’t allow this to happen, because it’s only going to make things worse. Some companies might even not finish the game. They’ve already got your money, why should they finish what they started? In fact, this is already a problem, lets look at Steam. (God damn it Gabe. I was praising you not too long ago.) Companies left and right have abused the early access program. I have read so many stories about how consumers would pay for a full game, to only have it end at the beta stage because the companies don’t see any reason to continue. Luckily Steam, has found away to fix this problem. But you know EA and a few other companies are foaming at the mouth to implement this idea for every game from now on. And the only way to combat it is to not buy the product until it’s finished. Companies, again, don’t continue with this practice. Who cares if you can put the finished product out there on a latter date? If you want me to pay full price, offer a full product. Until then, I’m not even going to look in that games general direction. And everyone reading this needs to have that attitude. It’s what’s going to keep this industry healthy and alive.

      And finally, the worst thing the internet has done for gaming is, turning video games from a product into a service. This is what I meant by, these games are few and far between. When something like games are a product, they never goes away. You will always be able to use that product anyway you seem fit. Somehow, someway, that product will always be around. And that is a good thing. Developers put a lot of work and care into their job and there is always something to gain from that work. They can be a lesson on how to do things right, and how to avoid making bad decisions. If something is a service, than one day it will go away. You’ll only be able to enjoy that service for a limited amount of time. One way or another, that service is going to end. In the case of games like Titan Fall, or World of Warcraft, or any other online only game, is that you’re not going to be able to play them one day. We aren’t just loosing the enjoyment those games gave us; we’re loosing everything these games have to offer. The music, the art, and the story, everything in those games are going to disappear. It’s really an insult to both consumers and developers. With the consumers, the companies are saying that they don’t care about the fact that we spent money on this product and that we really want to play them. And the developers basically have to watch all their work get destroyed. Meaning that one day everything they accomplished wont matter. Their work will go away and it will die. It’s really the only industry that I can think of that is actively trying to destroy itself. It’s also the only industry that is trying to screw over it’s own consumers, with the consumers being perfectly happy about it. And that’s why we need to stop being okay with these practices. Because the industry as it stands, is actively trying to kill itself. And really, no one wants that. If we don’t start changing the way we buy and consume these products I can see another video game crash within the next decade.


      Let me make one thing clear, I don’t think that it’s wrong for a company, or an entire industry for that matter, to try and make a profit. After all, the people making these games need to be able to care for themselves and their families. So yeah, I’m all for people making a profit; but not at the coast of screwing over consumers. When I buy a game at full price I want it to be a full experience. I don’t want to have to spend an extra fifteen dollars on some DLC that has content that was obviously cut out just because some suit somewhere decided they wanted a new jet. That’s not the right way to do things. But it’s only a symptom of a much bigger problem; that problem being that consumers allow this to happen. Look, I like when DLC is done right, but not like this. The introduction of the internet into video games has allowed this problem to occur and flourish. And that’s a sad thing. Look, not everything about the Internet is bad. It helped to strengthen the industry in many ways. It created a gateway for fans to interact and create communities around the things they love. It helped to promote games in the industry, and even helped to point out real problems in games. Not that stupid trope series, but real problems. Problems like how certain companies treated their employees unfairly and unjustly. (I’m looking at you Team Bondi.) But there are a lot more bad things these days then good. And we really need to stand up and point it out, otherwise the bad things are only going to get worse.


    • Joeshadowman's 10 More Things For E3 2015

      4 years ago


      Hello ladies and gentle g1’s. It’s Joeshadowman here, and I’m going to talk about the most anticipated event of every year. That’s right E3 is just around the corner and you know what that means. It means I tortured people to get exclusive information again. What else do you call forcing people to listen to Nickleback for thirty-six straight hours? I was going to make a pun, but that would mean I would have to listen to Nickleback. Anyway, here are the ten things that will happen at this year’s E3.


                        10. Mel Gibson’s “Passion of the Christ” is getting a video game

      That’s right. For every torture porn addict, you can now torture Christ for your religious purposes. You can now whip a man until you rip the skin off his ribs and then force a crown of thorns on his head. All before you kill him slowly through crucifixion. This game promises to make Mortal Kombat look like a G rated Disney film. All I’m saying is when you watch a man being beaten to death; it’s an eye opening experience. Thank God for Mel Gibson’s crazy fetish, or this game would never have happened. Or you could make people listen to Nickleback; I’ve seen the effects of that.


                                     9. EA announces Dead Space: Rainbow Edition

      You know what people hate about survival horror games? The dark horror gory parts. So from this day forward, the game that restarted the genera is changing everything. Instead of a lonely atmosphere, you are now in the company of ponies. The guns have been replaced with magical fairy powder. And finally, you shoot rainbows out of your fingertips. How else do you explain Dead Space 3?


                                                 8. Sony forgets to announce any games this year

      Sony is going to talk about the specs of the PlayStation 4 and why you want it. They will remind you of the almost none existent library of PlayStation 4 titles, but they wont announce any new games coming to the system. It’s not that they don’t have any games to announce, it’s that they just forgot about them. For those of you wondering what those games are, it’s another Killzone, a new Jak and Dexter, and a rushed sequel for The Last of Us. Come to think about it, them not announcing new games will probably keep everyone talking about them till next E3. So, good move on your part Sony.


                   7. Michael Bay announces that he is directing the Halo movie, staring Shia LaBeouf

      Have you ever wondered what would happen if Michael Bay directed a video game movie? Well wonder no more. Not only is he directing the movie, Shia LaBeouf is playing Cortana. You thought he was going to play Mater Chief? Michael Bay is going to play him, kind of. The whole movie is going to be in first person. Michael Bay said he wanted to make the movie feel like the game, and to do that he would have to make a sacrifice. Meaning that no one is truly playing the role. Sure, Jon St. Jon is going to voice Master Chief, but that’s all there is to it. While I can already see the negative reaction from the fan base, I can tell you that no one is suited to directing this movie more than Michael Bay. Just think about it, the story isn’t really that deep and there are explosions everywhere. This is right up Michael Bay’s ally. Plus, who doesn’t want to see Shia Labeouf in a thong?


                                                              6. Thesaurus the video game

      You say a few words to your kinnect and it will give you other words that mean the same thing. That’s about it.


           5. Street Fighter 5: Arcade Edition is announced to release one month after the original game

      You know the one thing everybody expects from a Capcom title? The eventual re-release of a Capcom title with extra stuff, making your original purchases a waste of your time and money. Well, Capcom decided to just let it all out and announce the eventual re-release of Street Fighter 5: Arcade Edition. Not only is it going to be a fighting game, but it’s also going to have a racing car mini-game. Along with a chessboard mini-game, which I don’t understand at all. And finally a mode where you can watch all the jiggly bits of a character jiggle for you amusement. It’s good to know that Capcom isn’t decimating and finally allowing you to watch dicks fly around the screen as well.


                                            4. Wii U/3DS is getting it’s own Amiibo figure

      I know what some of you are thinking. “Yeah, the Wii U already has Amiibo capabilities.” And you’re right, but no, what I mean is that Nintendo is going to create an Amiibo that works like a wireless memory card. Not only will it unlock certain features for your games, it will also save data of any game you play for both systems. It also allows you to play the games without needing a physical copy of the game. All you need is an Internet connection. Man, this idea is going to make everyone happy. Two problems, each Amiibo can only hold four gigs of memory, and you need to pay a monthly fee to use that feature of the Amiibo. Also, you have to pay that fee for every Amiibo you use. Aren’t these Amiibos great?


                                                 3. Uwe Boll is making a video game

      Uwe decided that since you don’t want to give him money to make a movie, maybe you will give him money to make a game. And just like a certain Internet sensation, not only will you get the privilege of giving him money to make the game, you will then also have to turn around and pay full price for a ticket to watch a trailer for the game. Then you will have to turn around and spend full price on the game. And you know what, why shouldn’t he? After all, it’s an important video game that needs to be made. Uwe Boll, you’re the greatest thing to happen to video games since a pissed of gamer geek. Isn’t crowd funding just great?


                                                          2. Lego Silent Hills is a go

      Konami really pulled the blanket over our eyes with this one. First they make you think that they are only doing mobile games, only to turn around and surprise us all with this. Not only is the game going to be available for all platforms, it’s also going to live up to the true nature that is Silent Hill. It will have tank controls; constant changing camera angles, and a story that is really better then it has any right to be. The best thing about it is that it’s going to have Konami levels of cheep deaths. (Seriously, fuck the Contra series.) However, since it’s a Lego game, the deaths wont really matter. Also, you can kill Pyramidhead easy. That being said, it will feature every Silent Hill ever made, including the PT thing that was made. Man Konami, you really know how to pull a PR stunt. That or it’s Lego Resident Evil. I really couldn’t tell. The Nickleback really got to the guy.


                                                 1. In Fallout 4 You Play as the Dog

      You know that dog you see in the trailer? Well, he’s the actual player character. Turns out the nuke made him immortal and able to see color. Or her, no one is decimating. Except maybe the dog, because its main mission in life is to kill any and all non-American people. Man, that dog is fucked up. And unlike other Fallout games, you don’t get the choice of choosing. You’re just sent to do whatever your redneck master tells you to do, or you wont get any food for that night. Mainly because people are your main source of food. So enjoy that while you can, because everyone knows that New Vegas was better than Fallout 3. So here’s hoping Obsidian will save the series again.

      That’s everything you need to know about this years E3. And just like every other blog I’ve written about E3, it’s going to be true. Since when have I ever been wrong? Not that I’m giving you an opportunity to point out all the times I was wrong about E3; because I totally have never been wrong about E3 in my life. NEVER. Ivy’s a man in the current Soul Caliber and I am enjoying my Dreamcast two. So, until next time, this is Joeshadowman saying, “I’m always in the shadows.” Also, does anyone want these Nickleback CDs? I really can’t stand even looking at them anymore.


    • Brock Lesnar is working for ScrewAttack.com

      4 years ago


      Hello my fellow G1’s. I am here to announce the most important thing to ever happen to ScrewAttack. Paul Heyman’s client, BROCK LESNAR, is now working for the greatest website in gaming history. Now, you might be wondering what Brock’s role in ScrewAttack will be. It’s to make sure no one goes on brake, what else would he be doing?

      Now, how do I know? Simple. Someone from ScrewAttack broke a server somewhere and I got a copy of the contract. It simply says this.

      “…Brock Lesnar will ensure that no one will be taking any brakes by suplexing those who do...” -ScrewAttacks contract to Brock Lesnar.

      With this news I wonder if Craig is trying to start his own wrestling company again. So G1’s, what do you think? Do you think Brock will keep people from taking brakes, or will he just keep everyone from going to work all together?

    • G1 Outtakes: So Now it's Time for More

      5 years ago


      There are moments in ones online conversations where you wouldn’t be able to understand everything that’s going on. This is one of those moments. Today you will learn what it’s like being in an interview without being in an interview.

      Joeshadowman: Well, do you prefer cat's, dogs, or shrimp?

      Master Wayne: Really Joe... I'm allergic to 2/3 of those things.

      Joeshadowman: Yeah, but at least you can eat the shrimp.

      Master Wayne: I guess that’s why I’m the g1 interviewer.

      Joeshadowman: Yep.

      Master Wayne: new g1 interview... ya know... for insperation: * Cough * Shameless plug. * Cough * http://www.screwattack.com/shows/g1-interviews/g1-interviews-loverlyliz

      Woodyman: Why? (That's my new question)

      Joeshadowman: Yeah, who needs insperation?

      Woodyman: Who?

      Joeshadowman: Is that the English way of spelling inspiration?

      Woodyman: I don’t know I speak Ahmurrican.

      Joeshadowman: YAH AHMURRICAN.

      Sonicfan0075: merica

      Joeshadowman: FUGDE YEAH.

      Sonicfan0075: ^^

      Master Wayne: Yeah, I kinda fudged up there... when i'm not interviewing you lot... I'm doing this... * Cough * More shameless pluging * Cough * 

      Master Wayne: More inspiration... Is that right?

      Joeshadowman: WHAT IS INSPIRATION?


      Sonicfan0075: What is a man? (Castlevania reference)

      Master Wayne: I've only played the first one


      Sonicfan0075: "backs away"

      Joeshadowman: Yeah, I thought you would do that.

      Sonicfan0075: Well considering you would’ve punched my face in me backing away seemed like a good plan

      Joeshadowman: I wouldn't punch you in the face... I'd kick you in the balls.

      Sonicfan0075: That’s even worse

      Joeshadowman: What can I say? I like nocking people down in one shot.

      Master Wayne: *knocking


      Sonicfan0075: spelling"

      Joeshadowman: AWWWWWWWW

      Shiznita:  [Quoting Master Wayne] “Shiznita's seamen cat gag is going in.” [End quote.] This entire sentence is just wrong.

      Master Wayne: But oh so right.

      Sonicfan0075: I have a good question what is your favorite genre of game Master Wayne

      Joeshadowman: Hey, don't you pretend like you didn't ask that already.

      Sonicfan0075: lol. That’s why I said I think that question was written down

      Joeshadowman: It's too late Sonicfan... You broke a my heart.

      Sonicfan0075: "sigh falls off cliff"

      Joeshadowman: It's a good thing that cliff is only 2 inches off the ground.

      Sonicfan0075: oh son of a..

      Master Wayne: on a side note... who's up for a g1 secret Santa this year?

      Sonicfan0075: as in we'll be getting a gift or do we have to give a gift to somebody

      Joeshadowman: Both and I don't really have any money...

      Sonicfan0075: I’m up for it, but I have no money

      Master Wayne: everyone who is interested will get a gift from a name out of the hat. You will not know, neither will they.

      Master Wayne: ok, thats 2 down.

      Joeshadowman: I'm with Sam on this.

      Sonicfan0075: I’m down to get a gift though

      Master Wayne: everyone is, but that’s not what the secret Santa is all about.

      Joeshadowman: If someone wants to buy me a Wii U and a copy of Smash, who am I to get in there way?

      Sonicfan0075: If someone wants to get me a PS4 or Metal Gear Rising who am I to get in their way?

      Master Wayne: although... questions!!! g1 interviews 1 year anniversery... let me have it.

      Woodyman: What is your name, address, bank account # and social security number?

      Joeshadowman: Master Wayne... I know this is going to sound weird, but I need your G1 name.

      Smoke108: Master Wayne

      Joeshadowman: I thought it was that, but I didn't want to pretend like I knew. Good, because I have another question, Master Wayne. Why did you vote for Elmo during the G1 Writing contest?

      Master Wayne: I didn’t... vote... ever


      Master Wayne: wiener?

      Master Wayne: when and where... post links.

      joeshadowman: I don't know dude, it was years ago.

      Master Wayne: ok... moving on.

      Joeshadowman: No, we can't move on. My leg hurts.

      Master Wayne: i'm hungry

      Joeshadowman: I'm making a roast. Do you want any of that?

      Master Wayne: toasted cheese sandwich will do me just fine... and beer!!!

      Joeshadowman: But... but... but... Roast beef.

      Master Wayne: but... but... but... grilled cheese, with pickle!!!

      Joeshadowman: Is the cheese at least cheddar?

      Master Wayne: Mild cheddar

      Joeshadowman: What has this world come to?

      Master Wayne: best cheese in the world fella.

      Sonicfan0075: I beg to differ. Mozzerella cheese. Best cheese

      Joeshadowman: Feta cheese is my favorite, but I like sharp cheddar for Grilled cheese.

      Master Wayne: Can you grill it?

      Joeshadowman: You can grill anything if you know how to0.

      Master Wayne: CAN YOU GRILL IT SUCKA!!!!!!!!!

      Joeshadowman: I CAN GRILL ANYTHING.

      Looking back at this conversation, there were things I wish I could take back. Then this happened.


    • Mass Effect 2: For Better AND for Worse (Part 3)

      5 years ago


      So now that we know the story to the game it shouldn’t be hard to understand the gameplay, right? Are you ready for it? Here we go. It plays like any third person shooter. The end. Okay, goodbye. End of analyses roll credits. I’m going to get me some cake.

      What? That’s what everyone keeps saying. Oh, you want more? Okay. Yes, the core gameplay is just like any other third person shooter with a cover mechanic. Which is a big step up from the first game. Yes, I can hear you all say it now. “But Joe, you evil ego centered maniac, the first game felt more like an RPG.” To which I respond. Yes I do have an ego and am proud of it. Also, no, the first didn’t feel like an RPG. It tried its best, but there really wasn’t much there in the ways of an RPG. Your choices ultimately didn’t matter in that game. And when I play an RPG I don’t just get told that my character is stronger. I don’t just get a generic level up system that every game seems to have now a days. I actually feel my characters get stronger, which wasn’t the case of Mass Effect. In RPGs attacks do more damage, or cause different effects; your characters equipment also ads to your defensive or offensive capabilities. In Mass Effect, only the first game has equipment that actually does something to your characters stats. But that’s really all the first game had. In Mass Effect 2, you can literally use the same weapons/armor from the beginning of the game and still win no problem. It doesn’t matter what you have equipped, because the status of your character never changes. You can literally play though the game without upgrading any of your equipment. This doesn’t make the game bad, but it does at least remove any ill-conceived notion that the series is a part of the RPG genre. It also means that the developers don’t know what an RPG actually is. Again, the series is, and forever shall be, a part of the action-adventure genre. That’s okay, because the Zelda series is an action-adventure series and mostly everyone loves that series. I say mostly everyone because somebody out there will always find a way to complain about anything.

      Now that’s not really all there is to the game though. The hacking mini-games are a step up from Simon says. These hacking games come to us in two forums. The find the three pieces of text within enough time mini-game, which is easier then you would think. Or find the two points that connect to one another. This is even easier as you can move the curser over all the points and see which image matches up with which. You can buy upgrades that extend the time needed to hack devices, but you don’t really need them. You have probably a full minute before time runs out and as long as you pay attention you really don’t have anything to worry about. That being said, most of the time hacking is kind of pointless, as you’ll usually find credits or something just as useless. Credits are mostly useless because the economy brakes almost instantly. Yeah, at first those credits are important, but you’ll make more money doing missions then you’ll ever spend. Unless you’re going around searching every planet so you can get the elements you need to upgrade your ship, you’ll never come close to losing your money. And, like I said in my last blog, you’ll want to upgrade the ship if you want to get the good ending. Which is totally worth it. But you’ll never run out of money. But I like the hacking enough that I still do it anyway. So, there’s at least that.

      That being said, the biggest, and probably the best thing about this game, is that they got ride of the Mako. Yes, I know that we loose some exploration, which is sad. But we at least still have some exploring in the game. You can at least explore every room of every level and sometimes you’ll find something. But planetary exploration is kind of gone. You can explore some areas of planets through side missions, but only a few of them have a vehicle section. That being said, there are more planets to explore in this game, or at least it felt like it. Also, when you go around to other planets you can send down probes to look for elements. These elements are used to upgrade weapon, shields and fuel storage for your ship. Yes, we loose driving the Mako around a plant and exploring giant locations mostly felled with bumps and little else. But on the bright side we don’t have to drive the Mako around a plant and explore giant location flying around the screen because of the slightest uneven inch. So when you think about it, it’s a good thing. And like I said, you do get a vehicle. It’s called the Hammerhead, capable of not flying around the screen when you run over an ant. (Seriously people, the Mako would flip over if it hit an ant.) This makes no sense because the Hammerhead is a hovercraft. Do the developers of Biowear know how physics works? The Mako, a wheeled vehicle, should have friction and stick to the ground and be easy to control. Instead, it bounces around flying all over the screen. The Hammerhead, which is a hover device that uses a fan for movement, meaning it shouldn’t have as much friction, is easier to control and stays firm to the ground. Nope, I don’t see anything wrong with this. I will say that you do have to a specific DLC in order to use the Hammerhead, but it’s still better then the Mako.

      Hub worlds in this game also look better for the most part. There’s more then just the Normandy and the Citadel. You also have Illium and Omega. Both are just as corrupt, but for different reasons. Omega is more of a place where all the scum of the galaxy go to hide away or conduct business. As such the world has more of a reddish tint to it, and its field with nightclubs and neon lights. There isn’t an official ruler of Omega, so much as there is just a big time crime lord in control of everything. What little law and order there is of this place goes through that crime lord, Aria, an asari who doesn’t care what people do as long as they don’t get in her way. Illium, on the other hand, is corrupt in a different matter. It’s more capitalistic. As long as you can make money off of it you can make a business out of it. Murder isn’t legal there, but slavery is. The government doesn’t outright call it slavery, but the game does. It is also a somewhat dark looking world, only its more blue then red. There are more businesses there and everyone is willing to do anything for the right price. This brings into the universe a sub argument of socialism vs. capitalism. The games not really blunt with this, as it’s not even a center focus of the game in anyway, and I wouldn’t even be surprised to discover that the developers didn’t do it concisely. But they do make the universe of Mass Effect feel more realistic. Even if only slightly.

      As for the Citadel, I think it was better in the first game. Sure the part of the Citadel you explore in the second game is different, but it’s not as colorful or as organic as it was in the first game. It’s darker and grayer and the little color you see in the place is usually covered up by the fact that it doesn’t look interesting. On top of that, there wasn’t as much to explore in the Citadel of the second game as there was in the first. It felt more like a cage and less opened. If you sat me down in front of a picture of both Citadels I would never think it was the same place. There was nothing about it that felt similar in anyway. However, there was something I noticed about this game. It was much darker compared to the first game. I’m not talking figuratively either. The environments just looked darker for the most part. The Normandy looked about the same, but almost every mission felt like it was taking place where there wasn’t a sun. It’s not bad or anything, it’s just that the only time there was bright color in the game you were usually too busy doing something to notice it. And on the rare occasions when you could take in some bright colorful scenery they were too short for you to enjoy. That being said, the visuals do look better. Textures pop out more and the animations are more fluent. Yes, the games a bit darker, but the settings fit with what’s going on with the game. That being that the player doesn’t know what’s really going on while feeling like something is being covered up.

      Let’s not also forget about the DLC this game has. Yes, PS3 users got most of the DLC for free. I don’t think it was fair to everyone else and I do think it’s something worth complaining about any more. Look here, I’m glade that I as a PS3 user got most of the DLC for free. That’s not the problem here; the problem is that us PS3 user shouldn’t have been the only ones who got it for free. EA should have giving the DLC away to 360 users and PC user, even if only for a limited time. The reason for this is because you never want to alienate players for any reason; let alone two thirds of your possible fan base. The only advantage the PS3 version should have had over the others was that the DLC was already on the disc, ready to play, no download needed. That being said, it happened so long ago that it isn’t worth talking about any more. But I’m going to talk about three of the DLC packs. The first DLC being the Overlord DLC. I’m only mentioning this because it’s the one where you get to explore a planet using the Hammerhead. It’s nothing really special. It’s only worth noting because you can explore a more open planet again. The story is okay at best. To put it simply Cerberus was trying to find away to control the Geth and being Cerberus it all went to shit. So, naturally, Shepard has to save the day. It doesn’t really serve a purpose other then just to show how incompetent Cerberus really is. Which didn’t need to be enforced in anyway. But, from a gameplay perspective, it was enjoyable. You not only got to use a vehicle again, but you also got to explore a planet in the style of the first game. The DLC itself is long enough to be enjoyable and it doesn’t feel like a chore. So as far as DLC goes, it pretty good. There isn’t much to say about it, but if you like Mass Effect 2, you’ll enjoy playing through the Overlord DLC.

      The other DLC I want to talk about is the Shadow Broker DLC. I know I loosely touched on this in my last blog, but I didn’t really talk about it. To make a long story Short, Liara wants to get back at the Shadow Broker for doing something to a friend of hers. At the end of she kills the Broker and takes his place. From a gameplay perspective, I find it to be okay at best. For the first third of the DLC Shepard and an asari specter are going around trying to find Liara after someone tried to assassinate her. This leads them to an office building where Shepard has to fight off waves and waves of Broker agents. And when Shepard does find Liara he discovers that the specter was the one who tried to assassinate Liara. So for another third of the DLC Shepard is going around chasing the specter so they can find out why she was attacking Liara. After which you find out it was because the Broker hired her to. This is when you get a really stupid line where the specter is all like, “But you work for Cerberus, so you’re worse” when Shepard confronts her about her actions. Which only makes me annoyed because of the fact that there isn’t a choice to not work with Cerberus. And the last third is about assaulting the Brokers base. For the most part, there isn’t really much to talk about when it comes to gameplay. Yes you get to fly a car around a planet from the Star Wars universe, but the gameplay is mostly the same as the regular game. The only reason this is important is because it explains why Liara is the Shadow Broker. You do get to learn about the crewmembers through- ugh- submenus. So I guess if you don’t mind reading about things for hours on a screen where most of the letters are hard to see, then you will enjoy this little bit of extra content. That and you do get to have Liara in your party again, if only for a little while. And is you had a relationship with Liara in the first game you get a nice scene with them talking about after everything is done. So there’s at least that.

      As for the third and final DLC, Arrival, well there is something important about that. If anything, it’s pretty much the only thing Mass Effect 3 will bring up when they mention the events from the second game. Well that and the fact that Shepard worked for Cerberus. Basically what happens is that the Reapers are trying to get into the galaxy by using a mass relay that is in the outer most part of the galaxy. So Shepard is sent to blow it up. To do this he has to crash an asteroid into it. There are only two problems standing in his way. First is that he has to fight an indoctrinated army. Let me explain a little. The asteroid has rocket-propelled thrusters on it that is controlled by a facility on the asteroid. The Reapers caught wind of what everyone was up to and indoctrinated everyone in the facility to stop this from happening. But that’s not the only problem. Another problem is that if Shepard sends the asteroid into this relay the aftermath would end up killing a whole colony of Batarains. Shepard can try to warn them, but he ultimately fails. No matter what happens the asteroid will crash into the relay killing everyone. The whole point of this DLC is that it’s a bridge between Mass Effect 2 and 3. It explains why Shepard is court marshaled at the start of the next game and the story is short but sweet. The gameplay is exactly like the main game, only Shepard has to work alone and because of this it’s actually a challenge that I welcome. All in all, the DLCs are good extensions to the game. They have some issues here and there because of the fact that their stories are rushed and the gameplay in them don’t really ad much. Yeah, in the arrival DLC you do have a time limit, but you have so much time that it’s pretty much a non-factor. They are enjoyable and give us to pretty sites to look at. On top of that, they ad to the lure of Mass Effect and fans of the series will enjoy them.

      I know I have to elaborate more about the core gameplay. I know I said it was just a generic third person shooter. Well, for the most part it is. You do have powers just like in the last game, but they are better in this game. Instead of having powers that didn’t do anything, they actually do something. And yes, you can upgrade their effects, but they don’t feel like they get stronger. Their effects might last slightly longer, or do slightly more damage, but you don’t really feel it. But yes, the majority of the fighting is just you sitting or standing behind a wall. You only pop out from time to time to shoot enemies or hit them with a power and then pop back behind the wall. While doing that, you are sending your team around to flank the enemy. It’s not always the best solution, but it works for most of the battles. The battles can be mildly different depending on your class. Different classes can only use certain guns in exchange for certain powers. For example, if you play as a Solider, you can use any weapon you want except for SMGs. In exchange you can’t use any good powers. The only powers you can use are buffs for you bullets, but they aren’t that useful. If you play as an engineer you can only use SMG’s and pistols, but you can’t use any riffles. In exchange you can use element attacks and call this drone to aid you in battle. If you play as a Vanguard you can only use SMG’s and pistols, and you get attacks that only work when the game feels like it. Vanguards suck. I really do like the way this is done. It’s the closest the series has ever gotten to being an RPG. Even if it’s only a minor thing like what weapons and powers you use, it’s still something that mildly resembles the RPG genre.

      The fights themselves can either be hit or miss, depending on how you handle it. Although there are times when you think you’ll have to handle the fights differently. Take for example, the mission to recruit Tail. In this mission Sheared and gang need to stay in the shade or get burned by the rays of a very close sun. You would think it forces you to think things through before running out and getting yourself killed. Nope, you just take cover the whole time, so it’s not really that thought provoking. Some fights are easily handled by running around shooting everything. But there are some fights that make you mix things up between taking cover and flanking the enemy or just out thinking them. Garrus’ recruitment mission is a good example of this. You take cover, close doors, hack a robot so it will fight for you, kill a person repairing a gunship so it wont be ready for battle, fight off waves of enemies and keep Garrus alive. During this time you are constantly moving around to insure you are successful. It’s a good mission as it mixes every option well enough that nothing feels like a chore. It also happens early enough in the game that it teaches you all the basics of fighting without wasting your time with constant tutorials. Boss battles are usually boring. If you get DLC you will come across some different bosses, but for the most part you’re fighting gunships. Come to think about it, I think there are only three boss battles in the game. Two of them are gunships and the final boss, which is a human reaper. All you really want to do is take cover and shoot the ships with rockets. Let them fly over to another location while you take cover over there and shoot them with rockets again. Keep repeating this until they die. In the final battle the human reaper is at least backed up by some Collector forces, and its so close that you can hit it in its weak points with guns no problem. But you’ll just want to take cover for the majority of the fight. They’re not bad battles, but they aren’t really that good either. The boss battles are mostly meh. But, when the fights are good they’re really good, they can be so easy at times that you don’t remember them though. I swear every fight in Miranda’s loyalty mission is exactly the same and because of that the mission is mostly forgettable. Well that and that mission isn’t memorably written. That and it’s Miranda, so you might not want to do that mission in the first place.

      As for the enemy AI, depending on what group you’re fighting, their actions will be different. When fighting security druids there are four things you need to know. There are these little robot dogs that will try to rush up to you and attack you with sonic bursts. The normal robots just walk up to your potion slowly, shooting at you just as slowly and are probably the easiest things in the game to kill. The heavy mechs are walking tanks and they take a lot of damage. They also shoot rockets at you so take cover when that happens. They also walk up to you slowly and have shields, so you are going to want to jump from cover to cover when possible. The final thing you need to know about the druids is that they explode when they die. So keep your distance from them when you kill them. If you are fighting mercenaries, or any humanoid all you need to know is that Krogans are still deadly as hell and charge you any chance they get. But they lack any abilities that you need to worry about. Sometimes the mercenaries will have shields and sometimes they wont, it depends on the class the mercenaries are. Which means that some mercenaries have some abilities while others use only guns. That being said, they’re not really much of a threat. As long as you exploit their dimwittedness they will be like putty in your hands. Some times they’ll team up with security druids, but the combination isn’t much to worry about. Geths are easier in this game then in the last. They’re smarter then druids and quicker, but they still do the same things as from the last game. Sure, they don’t jump around walls anymore, but primes can cloak themselves and will attempt to flank you that way. However, their cloaks are useless as it works just like it does with any videogame. Just look for a disordered part of your screen and shoot it. I will say that Geth can take more damage then mercenaries but not much more.

      As for the collectors, these guys are actually kind of scary. Let me explain. There are several classes the collectors have and that makes them a big threat. The foot soldiers aren’t much to worry about. They are slightly more dangerous then the machineries, but when they work alone they are easily taking cared of. When you are dealing with a possessed soldier they are smarter and stronger and they have an attack that will drain your shields out right. The Collectors also have they’re own husks, they are pretty much the same from the first game. Though there is a new sub-class of husks called abominations; they explode if they get close enough to you. Then there are the Scions; these guys have an attack that can hit you through cover. The attack moves in a straight line so all you have to do is move away from cover, but doing so leaves you open to other attacks. Scions are probably the most annoying things in this game. They are heavy on defense and health and they do more damage then most anything else. It’s extremely annoying when you have to face more then one of them as one will throw the attack that forces you to move out of cover and the other one will shoot you as soon as you pop out. But the most dangerous one of them all are the Praetorians. These things float around shooting these lasers from their eyes and when you drain them of their shields you only have a limited time to do damage to them before they slam on the ground and use a range attack that instantly drains you of your shields; unless you have no shields at which point it will kill you out right. Of course once that attack is done, they get their shields back. As far as fighting goes, you really need to be ready, because the Collectors don’t play around.

      But, yeah the combat works and doesn’t feel like as much of a chore as it did in the first game. Sure, the series lost a bit of its identity by doing that. But the game was more playable because of it. It felt generic at times, but it was also made more widely available to gamers. Was it the best thing for the series? I can’t really say. Some things were lost in the transition, but we got a better combat system out of it. Would I have liked for the developers to iron out some of the problems with the combat in the first game? In a way the developers did. They noticed that the combat in the first game was lacking something. What that something was, I don’t know, but they knew that they could fix that problem by changing the combat system. Because of this the gameplay was better. On top of that you had more options for your team. You could actually give commands to your teammates on an individual basses without going into a submenu. You could have them attack from opposite sides, making it easier for them to flank the enemy. Or you could have them take cover in different eras of the battlefield. No longer did they have to bunch up and become easy targets. And while you didn’t have as many powers as you did in the first game, you had more options just because you could individually command other characters. Does it make the gameplay better? If you like options in a game, it does.

      On top of that, there was a wider cast of character you could bring into battle with you. Yes, you could only have two party members with you for every mission just like in the first game, but they were all so different from one another that you could choice a team that best suits your play style. So, while the game might have lost a more detailed stat sheet, it did give us more options for how we handled every battle. Yes, we lose the generic level system that seemed more complex and replaced it with a generic level system that was less complex, but we didn’t really lose much in the ways of leveling up. You just had to manage your abilities a lot less. I can understand why people didn’t like that. But did we really need all those abilities from the first game anyway? They were so inefficient that I forgot they existed half the time. Which is why I never used them. At least the abilities in the second game are useful and do something, and we have to mange them less. So, unless you are into micromanaging everything, I really don’t see what was lost from the first game. Weapons were also more effective in the second game. We might not have infinite ammo anymore, but at the end of the day at least we don’t have to worry about cool down times for our weak weapons. And believe me, I would take ammo that does noticeable damage over infinite bullets that constantly need to cool down after doing next to no damage. Though that wouldn’t be a problem if the powers in the first game were actually useful. But, yeah, the second game just has better combat. In that it has more options, stronger weapons and better abilities.

      So all in all, Mass Effect 2 is a better game. Yes, the story isn’t as good as the first one, but everything else about it is. The characters are more flushed out, the gameplay is deeper and your choices matter. What do I mean by this? Well, when you play the game, you have the choice to upgrade your ship. You also have the choice to do loyalty missions and who you recruit to be apart of your team. If you want everyone to live you have to upgrade the ship or some character will die. You also have to do everyone’s loyalty missions and make sure they are ready for combat or they die. If you don’t doe everyone’s loyalty mission before the collectors attack the ship and if you don’t do anything to ensure that you are ready for the final mission everyone, including Shepard, dies. The choices you make are important and have an outcome on the game itself. Because of these reasons, I give Mass Effect 2 a 9/10. Like I said, the story is better in the first game, but not by much. The characters, gameplay and graphics are miles ahead of the first and your choices matter in game. Now lets see how the third game screwed that all up.

    • G1 Outtakes: Seasons end

      5 years ago


      Well everyone, this is the last outtakes for this year. After today, I don’t know what I’ll be doing. Probably play some Chrono Trigger or something. In fact, I’m a little down. So I’m going to let Abrams X start this one off.

      Abrams X: Pie or Cake?

      Shiznita: Cake! Of course

      Abrams X: Abrams Bans Shiz.

      Shiznita: You can't ban me in here! 

      Master Wayne: hey guy's... this is gonna be the next g1 interview... so make youe questions count.

      Abrams X: Pie or Cake?

      Abrams X: That is a legit and highly important question, tyvm sir!

      Master Wayne: I know... It has been logged.

      Master Wayne: you'll know my answer on the next g1 interviews.

      Shiznita: MY QUESTION IS...

      Abrams X: Boxers or Briefs? Lol

      Master Wayne: logged... anymore?

      Shiznita: What would it take for you to spend a month in Florida? =3

      Master Wayne: logged... and where abouts in Florida?

      Shiznita: Just the crazy parts. So...all of it.

      Shiznita: I'm guessing that people don't make fun of Florida anymore in SA? o.o

      Abrams X: I havent watched SideScrollers since before the re-launch so I don’t know.

      Shiznita: Livestreams...it's weird...myeh

      BigBossofMoss: They make fun of Florida still. They also did during Kirby's Death Battle intro.

      Shiznita: Ahhhhhhhh

      Woodyman: YAY SGUZ SHUZ! SHIZ!

      BigBossofMoss: Robot prostitution? Is that a thing? Btw, new pokemon gives you a creepy OP Pikachu to cheat at Pokemon Contests. Now in five variety outfits.

      Master Wayne: M***... are you here?

      Woodyman: yes

      Joeshadowman: Ah, M*** the b***.

      Master Wayne: Talking to M*** here woody... already answered your questions... unless you want to ask more?

      Joeshadowman: You see I know that sounds mean, but it's kind of funny?

      Woodyman: I have a question. Why did you put a question mark at the end of a statement?

      Master Wayne: are you the grammar police now?

      Joeshadowman: Because I'm an asshole.

      Woodyman: Yes. BAI!

      *** Woodyman has left ***

      Master Wayne: don't worry, I’ve already recorded and answered the questions... The next g1 interview is 80% done... just need to download some more g1 interviews. Some exciting news. Dark Morris is goanna ask me some questions... LIVE over Skype.

      Joeshadowman: How is anyone going to record what's being said?

      Master Wayne: it'll be audio only. And will be the last 5 minutes of the 1 year anniversery episode.

      Master Wayne: Do you know who you are talking to Joe? I’ll record everything.

      Joeshadowman: I'm talking to a guy for didn't vote for me ever, not once.

      Master Wayne: No. Vote?

      Joeshadowman: Yes Wayne you never voted for me.

      Master Wayne: voted for you for what?

      Joeshadowman: It doesn't matter, the point is, you never voted for me.

      Master Wayne: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!


      Master Wayne: didn't mean to shout that... sorry


      BigBossofMoss: So is robot prostitution a thing?

      Joeshadowman: Robot prostitution is a thing. Go to Japan.

      Master Wayne: I’ve heard of those life like sex dolls.

      Shiznita: (Quoting BigBossofMoss.) “Robot prostitution?” (End quote.) Yes. Ask Fox

      BigBossofMoss: Don't get your "point" too close to the sex doll, it'll pop.

      Master Wayne: confused. Heart shooter!

      BigBossofMoss: ...Why does that sound like a male porn stage name?

      Joeshadowman: You give love a bad name, Master Wayne.

      Master Wayne: cause it is... MINE!!!!

      Joeshadowman: Actually, Master Wayne is a good porn name.

      Master Wayne: Damn straight... makes me wonder why I changed it.

      Joeshadowman: Cause everyone thought you were a gay porn star.

      Master Wayne: I'm all about the pussy over here...

      Master Wayne: fuck beans

      joeshadowman: Um... I can't fuck a vegetable.

      Master Wayne: No... But you can fuck... a bean.

      Joeshadowman: Um... No, I'm too big for that.

      Master Wayne: That’s not your wife bean said last night... \o/

      Joeshadowman: I don't have a wife.

      Master Wayne: Ok, here's how the video is gonna go down.

      Joeshadowman: It's going down? Haven't even put it up and already it's going down.

      *Long explination of how the video was going to play out.*

      Joeshadowman: This is the longest time it's ever taking anyone to write something over Skype.

      Master Wayne: Problem? Sounds awesome right?

      Joeshadowman: No problem. I was going to post the out takes in blog format.

      Master Wayne: I was working on the video today and AVGN was mentioned a lot... which will be it' s own thing.

      Master Wayne: yep... behind the scenes

      joeshadowman: Good, good.

      Master Wayne: All the crazy crap people were talking about though this entire endeavor.

      Joeshadowman: Good, we are in agreement then.

      Master Wayne: Then the world will be ours

      Joeshadowman: Yes... "Ours" as you say.

      Master Wayne: Don't worry... this poison is for the other guys... ;)

      Joeshadowman: Don't worry about the red dot on your forehead. It isn't an assassins bullet or anything.

      Master Wayne: (whew)

      Joeshadowman: Yes Master Wayne, yes.

      And with that, G1 Outtakes is coming to a close this year. Hopefully next year I’ll be able to do this again. And before you go, Master Wayne would like to answer a few more questions.

    • Your Mother Predicts E3 2014

      5 years ago


      Wow, time flies by so fast. It only feels like yesterday that I wrote a list for last years E3. That’s right, it’s that time of the year again. You know you’re exited. Everyone is looking towards this one. E3 is to gaming what Christmas is to everyone else. Now every year I usually come up with findings that I obtained through real legal torture. (Yes, disco and modern rap is torture to listen to.) But this year I didn’t get this information at all. I got all the mothers around the world to obtain this information. I have thousands of hard facts to throw your way. But I’m only going to report the ten most important ones. That’s right, this is your mothers top ten E3 predictions.

      10: A real Pokemon game is finally coming to the WiiU

      Regardless of how you feel about Nintendo, you have to admit that Pokemon is one of, if not their greatest, IP’s. Keeping it on the handheld is only hurting their console. What they need to do is put Pokemon on the WiiU. Which is what Nintendo is finally doing. Yes, you can point out those Pokemon games on the Gamecube, but they weren’t advertised properly. This time Nintendo is going to make it a center focus of Nintendo Direct this year. What does this have to do with E3? Well, it will be such a huge buzz that it will overshadow everything else that happens at E3. Rather people will be happy or not is a different story. So why so low on my list? Because the announcement doesn’t take place at E3. So it’s kind of a cheat that it’s even on this list. Also, I can’t really say that I know how people will react to it. That and it’s based more on the anime and not the games.

      9: Assassins Creed 5’s main character is a Cat 

      Okay, how does this work? First of all, it’s going to be a reboot of the series. This time Cats will be the only things that can save the world from the life giving sun, because this time the ancient device wasn’t found and hidden by a man, but by a mouse. Which was eating by a cat, who latter hid the device after it gave the cat superhuman intelligence. This gave rise to the cats taking over the world and enslaving man. However, you play as a descendent of a leader of cats who have been secretly trying to save the humans. Look, all you need to know is that you’re going around assassinating evil cats as a good kitty. After all, who doesn’t want to be a good kitty? If you behave yourself you’ll get some tuna. And in the case that this actually does happen I want to say something. I for one welcome our cat overlords. And I’m not just saying that because I’m a coward.

      8: Microsoft is selling the Xbox to Apple

      Let me be clear here. Microsoft isn’t selling the Xbox One, only the original Xbox. Why? Because fuck Apple, that’s why. It all makes sense. The really reason for why Microsoft named their latest console the Xbox One was so that way they could screw over Apple and make billions off of them for something that is completely useless to try and market. Not only does Microsoft make this announcement, they make sure Apple gets completely humiliated. How this worked is beyond me. I’m just guessing that it might have something to do with the fact that Apple is a company that is just too easy to trick. I guess Steve Jobs was the only one that was worth anything in that company.

      7: Capcom finally gives up and leaves the industry

      Look, I know how this sounds, but Capcom dug a hole for themselves this past generation. They got a look at their financial properties and realized that they didn’t have what it takes to develop future titles. So instead they are liquidating all their assets and closing down. It’s always sad to see a company go, especially one as old as Capcom, but at the end of the day if you can’t spell your name properly you know something’s wrong. And if that isn’t true then my name isn’t Joesph. Something isn’t right about that last sentence. Anyway, I’m hoping that wherever Capcom’s IP’s go, they will not be forgotten.

      6: Sony drops the PS4

      Yeah, seems that this handheld isn’t doing well. People can’t carry it around in their pockets; it’s just way too big. Not only that but you need a TV to play it and that means carrying around another thing you can’t fit in your pocket. Plus it doesn’t have it’s own power source, so you have to plug it into something. It also doesn’t have a carrying case, making it more of a chore to carry around. At least that’s the only reason I see for why they are dropping their most recent handheld. It’s going good in sales and people seem to love it. Wait, their not dropping the PS4. They’re dropping the Vita.

      Edit 6: Sony drops the PSVita

      There we go. That makes sense.

      5: Square Soft finally makes a proper sequel to Chrono Trigger

      This really speaks for itself. All I can tell is that the original creators of Chrono Trigger are getting together to give the fans what they really wanted. Now this game will play more like the original title. Meaning that we wont get fights that feel like they belong in Final Fantasy. On top of that, the game will take place in an alternative time line. Meaning that the events in Chrono Cross never happened. Also, Chrono isn’t dead and Schala’s hair is still blue. (Seriously, how was her hair color screwed up in the sequel?) Now fans of Cross, don’t get worried or angry. Serge and his friends will also make an appearance. It’s not like the official ending to Chrono Cross reckoned the events of the game or anything. Oh wait.

      4: Mortal Kombat will be more child friendly

      That’s right (I feel we’ve been here before) instead of actual combat you have to color in images as fast as you can without going too far out of the lines. This will bring to video games the one thing its been missing for years. The real competitive competitions we’ve needed for years. Competitive book coloring. The faster you are the better you are. Kids will be able to do more, they will create images of their own and put them up for the world to see. Knowing the internet, it’ll mostly be dicks, but it will be something that will bring out your imagination. That or it’s just a coloring book that has nothing to do with Mortal Kombat at all. I can’t remember the man your mom tutored listened to too much disco and modern rap to comprehend what he was saying.

      3: Mass Effect 4 will reckon Mass Effect completely

      Well, you’ve done it. You finally got Biowear to admit that they did something wrong. So, to make up for the most disappointing ending to anything ever, they decided to reboot the whole franchise. This time, you’re not trying to save the world from the Reapers; you’re trying to save the Reapers from the world. You play as a loyal Reaper who intercepted a message that humans were trying to turn all artificial life into organic life. However, no one believes the Reaper, even with all the evidence to the contrary. It’s going to play out the same way. Look, all you need to know is that the series is getting rebooted. So enjoy that.

      2: Tetris will be a First Person Shooter
      That’s right, we are finally getting a Tetris game that everyone can play. Unlike that Tetris game that everyone already plays. How does this work? Well, you are working for a secret origination called Tetris. Their goal is to destroy everything that isn’t even. Only, after a few missions, they find that the player character is the most uneven thing about them. Now, running for his life, L-Block has to fight off the evil organization and return things back to a natural state. The game is going to star Jim Carry as the quick-witted protagonist, whose only crime is being different. With Rob Schneider as the quirky sidekick who is both pathetic and annoying. Finally we have Adam Sandler as the antagonist. If you ask me, this game is going to suck. But CoD fans will buy it up because it will be the next CoD game released next year. Meaning that the full title is Call of Duty: Tetris Warfare. Coming 2015. (Activition, you can give me my money now. I ran your ad for you.)

      1: Star Wars episode 7 will have a tie in game that is both terrible and pointless

      In the next Star Wars movie “The Ancient Fear” (such a stupid title) twenty years will have passed. That’s pretty much all we know about it. The game on the other hand will be about those twenty years. And what will that game be? Sim: Star Wars addition. That’s right, EA is making a Star Wars game where in you play as Sim characters trying to adapt to life after the rebel victory over the empire. You will have different classes, but there’ll be no combat so the class system looks to be pointless. At least you can sort of fly a ship around is space and explore planets. So there’s that at least. Will this be cannon with the movie? Well, kind of. After a year, Disney will hold a competition to see who can make a character generic enough to be included in Star War episode 8 with a brief cameo adding nothing to the story. (If episode 7 doesn’t fail miserably that is.) So, there you go. You can ad something to the Star Wars universe. Hey, I said it would be terrible and pointless, I never said it wouldn’t sell.

                  Another year another prediction blog. As always, I back up my claims by pointing out just how accurate I’ve been these past two years. So you know just how accurate this blog is going to be come E3 2014. No need to point out just how accurate I am, because you already know. I’m claiming to be one hundred present here. Just don’t count the times I was wrong. So, as always, enjoy E3 this year. There’s no way I could be wrong this time. And until next time this is Joeshadowman saying, “I’m always in the Shadows.” OH MY GOD; I SPELLED MY NAME WRONG, WHERE?


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    • Shiznita

      3 years ago

      Welcome to the other side! Get yourself a face man!

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